#dulcecoffee

In the process of finding Nirvana, I've an avid reader of affirmations and inspirational stories. One in particular which caught my attention the most and completely spoke to how I was feeling.

Side note: Have you ever been in dire need of a 'sign' from the higher powers and somehow, someway got exactly what you needed through divine communication?

This particular analogy came at the most perfect time, seriously! After reading this story, my nickname 'Coffee' kind of came full-circle for me and it was an 'A-HA!' moment for me. This story spoke to me about the harsh realities of life; adversity, perspective and how we handle hard times.

In my professional life, I work in HR and as an HR professional I've learned that there are always 2 sides to every story. I am also aware that our perception of life is our reality and everyone has a different story to tell. In saying that, I will share this wisdom with my employees when they're sitting in the 'hot-seat' with me. As humans, with lots of feelings, we tend to get wrapped up on drama, circumstance and adversity; we forget that many of our own truths that we are subscribed to are based on our point of view; our perspective. 

You might have read or heard the story of the egg, carrot and coffee bean

I won't share the whole story but - the gist of it is; in the face of adversity, are you the carrot, the egg of the coffee bean? 

When placed in a pot of boiling hot water (adversity) the carrot, egg and coffee bean have completely different outputs.  The carrot, although it starts with a super hard texture, softens once it's placed in the boiling hot water. The egg, has a hard shell to protect its soft interior, hardens up when it's placed in the hot water. The coffee bean on the other hand is extremely unique, when placed in the boiling hot water, changes the water. 

 Which are you? When faced with adversity, how do you respond? Are you the carrot, the egg or the coffee bean? 

Think of this: which am I?  

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

 Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a break up, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

When it rains, it pours but you can choose to hate the rain or dance in it.  

 which are you?  

I hate you.  

Because of you I've lost myself trying to find my way to cope with the daily bullshit you bring to my life. I've forgotten what it's like to be 'normal' and what it's like living life not worrying about how I will pay for this later. I've forgotten what it's like to love myself and be loved unconditionally - I refuse to let someone love me because they don't deserve to go through the stuff you put me through. I've been so drowned in self-loathing recently and everyday the hole gets deeper. I've had to talk myself from the 'edge' when I felt like everything was caving in on me. I've forgotten what it's like to feel beautiful. I've forgotten what it's like to have a group of friends who will be there no matter what. I've forgotten what it's like to have money to spare that won't be spent on dr appointments and medicine. I've forgotten what it's like to live. 

I hate how you've destroyed my life and continue to do so on a daily basis. I am so much stronger than the person you've turned me in to. The person that no longer wants to fight. The person that is mentally, emotionally and financially drained and has no desire to keep going. The person who is living with lupus but dying of everything else.  The person whose become engulfed with depression and anxiety. The person that is not me.  

I've learned that through struggle, there is strength. In every cloud there is a silver lining. There is an end to every tunnel - I just hope I get there before it's too late.