#drunktexting

✿ Ok I’ll admit it tonight has been Whisky Night With My Father so let’s talk about Jaehee because Christ in an Indiana Cracker Barrel I love Jaehee.

Did you know I started playing this game because of Jaehee? I did. Did you know that I was having an emotional breakdown in front of one of my classes and then Jaehee called me to talk about Tae Kwon Do and I fell in love with her? Because I did. Jaehee will always be my Main Woman and for eleven days, I actually lived for her. I’ve been considering re-doing her route just so I could score all the calls because I Love Jaehee.

(too bad Fate Grand Order has been sucking up my phone time ANYWAY.)

Jaehee just wants to feel useful. Her entire life, she’s just trying to be useful and her foster parents never saw how good she was. She was always just a burden to them. She was always just this unwanted parcel that had been left on their doorstep by her real parents, and god she tried to be wanted. She did so well in school, and was rewarded by Jumin forcing her into this mold. And she became the absolute epitome of that mold because she just wanted to be noticed, she just wanted to succeed, and for  awhile? That was enough. Every long working night was a sign that she was wanted. Every time she got up early and dragged her ass into work, it was a sign that she was needed. Every time Jumin dumped a huge pile of paperwork on her, it was a sign she was necessary.

For awhile, it was enough.

For awhile, she thought she wanted it.

And then she broke.

Jaehee lives by her work because she’s been told her entire life she was a burden. Jaehee tries to hard because she doesn’t want to be a burden anymore, but she’s tired. So, so, so tired. And Jaehee loves Zen because he also comes from these small roots and he became amazing, so she lives vicariously through him, because she knows she isn’t amazing, but his dreams are her dreams. His acting makes her feel. And for awhile, that’s enough, but then she broke...

And you’re there, and you show her that she’s something more.

You, the player, show her that just by existing she’s alright. You, the player, show her that her secret dreams are worthwhile. You, the player, give her the courage to drop everything and chase her passions like a woman who doesn’t have to be practical every second of every day, and you, the player, become her partner, because she’s worth everything in the world.

In the end, all Jaehee wanted was to be wanted by you, and then she finds out that she is.

She’s never had a friend before. She’s never had someone who she can trust before. She’s so shy and tentative and happy when she can blabber about her interests and god, does it break my heart. She doesn’t want to be this sharp, cold woman with short hair and dorky glasses. She wants to love, to live, she wants to be more than the box Jumin has put her in. She wants to explore her own identity because for so long, she’s defined herself entirely by other people’s wants and desires.

And with you, she tries to figure it out.

With you, she discovers that she is amazing, that you are amazing, and that the world is amazing.

You sat beside him at the side of the lake, your knees raised to your chin and your jacket wrapped tightly around you. The cold chewed at you, nipping at your exposed flesh like a wolf in a birch wood forest, and you shivered, breathing out a puffy cloud of white as you watched the water ripple on the moonlit shore.

V stared absently, and though part of you wished to snuggle up to him in search of warmth, the other half of you felt the great divide cut between the two of you. Those inches felt like a mile, a cavernous expanse carved into the bottomless pits of the ocean, and it frightened you to even think of approaching that endless abyss.

Rika was still in his heart, you knew. Rika was his sun, Rika was the blinding heat that stripped everything away, and in the cold, dark quiet, you felt like nothing more than a faint star reflected in the midnight water.

Beside you, you heard him sigh, lowering his head so his pale-blue hair covered the monochrome of his eyes. It was a sound like a bare branch, like smooth willow-bark covered up by snow. You wanted to reach out and touch it, but you refrained, stopped by this endless, frozen divide.

It was kind of like ice-skating, you though to yourself with an empty shiver. Except, the ice was far too thin, and at any moment, the crystalline surface would shatter and you’d drown in the dark waters below.

“...Are you cold?” V asked, a quiet, ghostly wisp, and you weren’t sure how to answer. Admitting to it would be weakness, would be like shirking your duty as his comfort and protector. And yet, it’d be a lie, and you remembered the night when he’d gotten on his knees and begged you to never lie to him. 

He was so fragile, so worn, yet he wanted the truth so badly that it burned in his soul. 

In the end, your uncertain silence was all he needed, and he surprised you by smiling at you in the dark. You heard a slight shuffle next to you - a nearly imperceptible sound, rather like a shifting leaf in the breeze - but when you looked over at him, you noticed he was just about an inch or so closer to you, and his pale fingers were splayed out within your reach.

You hesitated, uncertain, but slowly, you set your hand beside his, letting your fingertips touch his in the moonlight. Slowly, without either of you looking, he wrapped his pinky around yours, and you both watched the lake, your breathing audible to each other in the cold, empty quiet.

It wasn’t much, but it was something, and that was enough for you. Something was a seed that could grow into a forest; something was an ember that could burst into a flame. Something was a candle-light in the darkness, and you closed your eyes, imagining how something could become something more.

✿ CUTE AS HELL.

I’m just imagining this adorable coffee-shop romance where Jaehee has moved on from Jumin and Vanderwood comes to Jaehee’s shop because she has the best coffee in the entirety of Seoul. They like the same things, they’ve come from similar backgrounds - i.e. emotionally abusive households - and they really relate to each other on a personal level. She probably, on her breaks, sits down with them and chats about the latest Zen performance lmao.

It’d take a long time for them to get together. Vanderwood wants to be a supportive friend, and they also think they are a Trash Partner, so they’d be ultra-supportive into getting her with other people (despite their own heart screaming at them otherwise). And she’d take that as ‘Oh, Vanderwood isn’t really interested...” and would try dating other people but it doesn’t work out because vandy is the one for her. 

They totally exchange pinterest DIY craft ideas and also cleaning tips.

One day, Jaehee is definitely having something of a breakdown because the cafe is messy and she’s tired and it’s exhausting and Vanderwood just tells her to have a sit while they take care of everything. Jaehee has never felt so pampered in her life.

Also, both of them are really competent and cool?? Like Vanderwood would admire Jaehee’s utter ferocity, and Jaehee would think Vanderwood’s secret agent stories are Dope. Like, they’re just this levelheaded pair that ends up keeping all the dumb RFA kids in line. The rest of the RFA is desperately shipping them and calls them “Mom and Dad”.

They’d be a really stable, supportive pair imho. Vanderwood’s goofier than Jaehee (I mean, listen to their scream) but that lets Jaehee feel safe about being kind of un-serious herself. She can really get into her interests around them. Also??? They both get really sassy around the rest of the RFA, and Vanderwood teaches Jaehee that she doesn’t have to take shit from people. She can make fun of them.

✿ I actually really like Zen x Vanderwood!

So first of all, I heavily headcanon that Vanderwood loves beautiful things because they are unobtainable for them, and Zen is the ultimate beautiful thing. So, there’s some “oh god you’re actual living artwork” from Vanderwood’s end, but they can’t actually be honest about that, so they just kind of quietly appreciate Zen from afar. I also headcanon them being friends with Jaehee, because both Jaehee and Vanderwood want to be wanted, both Jaehee and Vanderwood value order, and both Jaehee and Vanderwood are the “straight men” in their relationships - Jaehee balancing out Jumin, and Vanderwood balancing out Seven. So, Vanderwood wouldn’t publicly gush over Zen, but would be like “god Zen is FINE” in private with Jaehee.

Vanderwood would also admire Zen’s work ethic. He came from shit, after all. His family didn’t appreciate him, and he clawed his way up from the bottom. Vanderwood would genuinely admire Zen’s dedication to his craft, and even though Zen can be pretty shallow, Vanderwood would see the passion in everything he does. They wouldn’t really know how to express it, but Vanderwood wouldn’t be one of those people who trashes Zen and calls him a useless pretty boy... they’d appreciate that Zen spends hours upon hours honing his art, and would acknowledge how much he’s suffered for it.

Vanderwood would want to give Zen a break, but would just not know how.

In reverse, I think Zen would appreciate how Vanderwood takes care of him, but he’d be really.... confused about falling in love with a “guy”. Zen isn’t so good on LGBT and queer topics, so there’d be a lot of struggle on his end. But I think he’d try to learn for Vanderwood’s sake! There’d be a lot of times where he screws up, but Zen is sincere. He really is a guy who just hasn’t been raised in a good environment, and would educate himself once he has the materials available.

Vanderwood would help protect Zen, and Zen is so honest and... emotional that he’d be really devoted to helping Vanderwood feel beautiful. They’d have this really shy relationship where Zen is trying to figure out his own sexuality while Vanderwood is internally screaming over this gorgeous guy who they’re getting close to.