Steeeeph, i need to confess something. I have an (irrational?) fear of driving. like, i do have a licence (after 2 unsucceful tries), but i don't know, every time i get behind the wheel i get so anxious. i'm thinking the worst. like i could cause an accident or hit someone or run something over. i don't know!!! it's only me. but i don't know how to get over it. heeeelp
Oh geez, Nonny, I’m so sorry. As with anything like this there’s two ways to help “get over it”: therapy, and practice.
The problem with driving is that an anxious driver is a DANGEROUS driver, and until you are able to help maintain control of that anxiety, it’s not safe for you to drive on the road in heavy traffic. The only way I can relate to this is when I have to drive through Toronto on the 401 to get from one side to the other whenever I go visit my sister; Toronto traffic is a goddamned nightmare and people are aggressive. I white-knuckle a LOT of the 1.5 hours it takes to get through the 401 rush hour, to the point that sometimes I WILL take the toll road to bypass it because it’s less stressful.
ANYWAY, that’s not helpful LOL.
Talk over with yourself and with friends to help you understand why you get anxious behind the wheel:
“What about this makes me nervous about driving?”
“Is there something that happened in the past that causes this anxiety (accident as either a witness or victim; family member severely injured in an accident; friend told story about accident or incident)?”
That last one is an important one that you need to ask yourself. A lot of people, like my sister, simply get their license so they have legal ID – my sister HATES driving and she gets nervous so she doesn’t drive nor own a vehicle. Her husband too. It’s very good to have the license for ID purposes, it just makes legal shit so much easier to deal with. Heck my grandmother has a license and I don’t think I had EVER seen her drive at all. Once Grandpa died, she never drove, my uncle and aunts drove her around. Because before the dementia, she also was a nervous driver, so never did.
Lovely, there’s no shame at all in never ever driving. Especially if you discover that you’re never going to be comfortable driving around other people. It’s something you will need to talk over with yourself, your loved ones, and a therapist if you REALLY REALLY want to drive but know you get anxious behind the wheel.
In the meantime, perhaps practice a lot in places away from other vehicles. My dad used to take me to an empty lot on the outskirts of the city that he would help teach me winter driving – he wanted one of us to learn to drive in the winter and I was the lucky victim, LOL – and essentially put me behind the wheel and tell me things he wanted me to try: parking, signalling, just driving loops around the lot. Now his methods were a bit unorthodox (he would go “this is what happens when you hit a patch of black ice” and then jerk the wheel, and scare the shit out of me, but jesus fuck if I didn’t know how to control my vehicle now in black ice situations, man oh man) and would NOT be the way I would recommend someone help an anxious driver get comfortable behind a wheel, but the principle is the same: have someone take you somewhere a little more secluded, like a side street in your neighbourhood, and practice the basics and just get a feel for the vehicle.
See, things like this are why – while I hated it at the time – I am grateful for Ontario’s Graduated Licensing system. It’s a pain in the ass and a fucking money pit (every time you fail a stage, you have to pay again) at the time, but I think it helps people realize when they shouldn’t be driving. And once you’re done it, you’re 2 years into driving and a lot more comfortable behind the wheel. It’s not flawless, of course (I mean... Toronto Drivers are living proof of this), but as someone who didn’t start driving until I was 19 because I was a bit nervous, it helped me with the nerves.
Anyway Nonny, I can’t really help you other than offer you my love and support and words of encouragement. Your hill is a bigger one to climb, and one you have to figure out for yourself. I believe in you, REGARDLESS what you choose to do.
Be safe, Nonny. Practice is really the only way to get over that hurdle, I’m afraid. Baby steps <3 Also: don’t think of the worst happening when you’re out on the road, because you SHOULD be focussing on lane checking, distance / spot checks, and maintaining control of the car. You cannot control other drivers, you can only control yourself, and if YOU make sure you are in control of your vehicle, then you lessen your chances of being in an accident. Be confident and safe – they’re called “rules of the road” for a reason, because if you follow them, you should be safe.
