#domhildr

"Domhildr?"

"Mh?"

"Can you answer the phone please?"

We are at home. My place. I'm dressed in a fashion most of my colleagues would describe as pervert. I am incredibly scared of being seen right now.

Except from her.

She helped me put the makeup on.

We chose the skirt together.

The shirt is just enough ambiguous.

The tights are opaque. I cannot see the hair.

She's making me sing and hum.

And cook with her.

What is she transforming me into?

Dear God, I fear I have strayed from your path and I don't think I want to go back.

Because it feels great being like this.

Strong. Yet beautiful.

Smiling. Yet honest.

It's a whole new lot of sensations.

It feels okay.

But right now I am trying to fry some potatoes without sullying myself, and I am not doing a great job. All the while Domgildr is resting comfortably on my couch.

It's not the first time she's been at my place.

So when I hear the phone ring I think it's some kind of person who wants to sell me something.

"On it!" she says.

I like when she come here as she is.

I like being elegant while she is a bit of a hobo.

Opposite aesthstics, she would say.

I just thinks she's neat however she is. And she's even cuter when she smiles. And she smiles a lot more while being a hobo.

All fixated on contemplating her, the distinct sound of the oil jumping out of the pan. Meaning I need to focus a bit more on the tak at hand.

She takes the phone.

"Hello! Domhildr and Co, how may I help you?"

Her smile is brigther than the sun.

Nothing on the other side. I look at her for a second. She seems to wait for an answer. And then.

"Hello...? Can I talk to Sigismund please?"

Mother.

Domhildr looks at me in shock. I try to articulate silently "it's my mother", to no avail.

Why did she call?

What is happening?

In despair I let my cooking resume and take the phone from Domhildr's hand. She lets it go with ease, unlike the look she gives me.

"Hello, Mother ?"

"Sigismund, dear ! What just happened? Who was this girl? Dom... Domhildr ?"

"Sorry, Mother. It's... I've got her over. We are cooking. Together."

I am not lying. I am not lying. I am a good boy.

Boy.

"You bring girls home? Since when?"

"It's the first time."

I'm lying.

I'm lying to Mother.

But all is good. Domhildr take my hand.. Her fingers goes around mine. It feels good. Right.

"I see. Well, I wanted to call because your grandmother is visiting us next week. Surely you didn't forget."

I did forgot.

"We expect you in two days. With your fiancé. Have a great cooking session!"

....

Yeah.

It will be great. Despite you, Mother.

Domhildr looks at me with worry in her eyes.

But I'm okay. I smile.

"Guess they won't be too happy about that, mh?"

She looks at me.

Her hand still firmly in mine.

It's a tiny bubble lf happiness.

This is the sequel of a story made with @hel-phoenyx and @soupedepates

She's asleep.

I made sure of that. Stayed with her all evening. Didn't even get back to my own appartment, didn't even change, I'm back to work.

It's 3 AM. Still, the lights are up. I know for a fact the commissar won't be here, that's a good thing.

I'm in so much trouble.

I stole her some cigarettes. I light one. Put it into my mouth. It smells good. It smells great. Fuck, it's been about three years since i've taken one.

Bad habits never die.

Let's sum it up. Fenrir, this man I knew was up to no good, used me to hurt Domhildr and her friend. As a token of petty vengeance, she has decided to out him to the entire function.

Fenrir will know. Sooner or later. What is pretty good is that nobody will ever talk shit in his face, or else they would have to fight Amandine, and this girl is stronger than half the police united.

What is bad is that he'll know anyway.

He'll blame me.

It will get to the commissar.

Maybe they'll even ask for an investigation. On Domhildr. Maybe they'll blame her instead of me.

Let's try to think calmly, as i get out of the car, and let out a sigh.

The badge work.

I get in.

Get to my desk.

There are a few notes. One of the commissar. "Tell your girl she's banned from this building unless she wants trouble". Didn't have to tell me boss.

I'll miss her her pastries.

No time to cry. I brush off the tears. Calm. Composed. Remember the training. Remember who you are.

There must be a way.

4 AM.

5 AM.

6 AM.

They start to come in droves. Still not slept. Got some messages. How can I change everything ? How can I save at the same time the girl I like and the man who hurt her ?

My eyelids are getting heavy.

Whenever I blink, another hour has passed.

8 AM. Amandine comes to my desk.

"Have you been here all night ?"

She does not joke. Amandine never jokes. She's as stern as a woman can be.

"I want to stop...destroying...everything..."

"Hold there, Sigismund, I am not your psychologist, nor your psychiatrist. Have you seen him lately ?"

Oh. Yeah. I was supposed to have a psychiatrist. Never got one. Lied to my colleagues, so that they did not worry.

I'm tired of lying.

"No."

I do sound like a child caught red handed. It's ridiculous.

"I'll talk to Fenrir. So that he knows he can come to me if he needs something."

"That's my problem, Amandine"

"Not since your friend decided otherwise, Sigismund."

Her eyes.

Cold as ice.

Just. Like. Father.

Calm down. Calm down.

Another cigarette.

"You smoke ?" she asks.

"It's been three years."

"You should stop."

"I know."

But the smoke is too good, it feels too great. It's a poison, but a poison i'll take.

"I don't want you to talk to Fenrir, i'll do it." i say with as much determination as I can.

"Why ?"

"Because it's my fault. I'll make amends. I'll...do anything he wants, take his files, his anger, I don't know why he doesn't like me, I don't care. I'll do what he wants."

"Are you talking about a colleague or a criminal ?"

There it is.

Burried in the panic, I finally feel it.

The anger.

I'm angry.

At Fenrir for provoking me.

At Domhildr for taking the bait.

At Amandine for staring at me with those cold ice eyes.

But what can I do ? Anger doesn't change the world. Justice does. And justice is punishment for the guilty. I am guilty. Of everything.

I don't want Domhildr to suffer.

I take my phone. Send a message.

Don't come back to the commissariat. Ever. Walpurgis is angry. I'll try to arrange things. Please, for once, be the only oen who believes in me.

I look at Amandine.

She has disppeared.

In her place, the grim smile of another man.

A man named Fenrir.

This text is a sequel to : https://www.tumblr.com/soupedepates/769304596920352768/tyr-belongs-to-hel-phoenyx-leonova-belongs-to?source=share

***

It's always the same, really.

The same words. The same cold building. The same New year's Eve, with those cold faces.

My father asked me if I was alright. I answered yes.

No, I am not alright, father.

My mother asked if I had someone in my heart. I answered no.

Yes, I have two, and I don't know what to do.

They didn't ask about the rapt. They didn't ask if I wanted to cry.

I'm a growup. It shouldn't bother me.

I would rather return to work. But I can't. Not when the Mayor and the Priest looks at me like this.

I hate their gold. I hate their power. I hate how, so many years later, there is still no way I'm someone in their eyes.

Mother tries to smile.

She really tries.

But the link has been cut a long time ago.

---

A few hours later, I'm at my desk, sleepy as hell.

We stayed awake a few hours too early.

Their friends were just like them. Their daugther too. My memory is hazy. I think they want us to marry. I don't really care.

My plants are fairer than her.

So I come back to work. Sip a bit of coffee. Ask my colleagues if they had a good holiday. I was away for a week, a lot of them are not back yet.

One of them has a savage smile when I ask. I didn't catch his name, those few months ago, when the commissar presented him to us.

Not really that important.

"Sigismund ? Your girl is here."

Amandine has such a smug smile, when she wants to. It's not "my girl", but I understand why they think she is.

She's coming a lot to the function, for someone so afraid of cops.

So I stand up. Come and greet her. She has cookies, they're the most beautiful in the world. She has a smile and is wobbly, I'm worried for her.

"Hi Domhildr, I wasn't expecting you today. Did you have a good New Year's Eve?"

She smiles.

Such a beautiful smile.

How can someone expect me to marry a bland woman when I see this smile so often, now ?

She tells me of her adventures. I listen. She give me the cookies. I propose to share.

But I cannot shake the feeling I'm being observed.

When she leaves, I let out a smile. Amandine laughs at me, I tell her to be quiet. Someone is still looking at me.

But the impression leaves quickly. And I stop thinking about it. For the rest of the day, I can only think of Domhildr.

The way her smile light up her entire face. The way she seemed...well. She seemed at peace.

Something must have happened.

I'm happy for her.

Maybe she has finally met someone good.

Maybe it's her roommate ?

Someone who isn't me.

Because I'm duty-bound. And I don't deserve that.

I don't deserve those cookies.

I don't deserve anything.

...

...

Why am I crying ?

Someone is looking at me.

Little did I know, Fenrir was a name I should've remembered. As he was the man looking at me, this entire time.

Sometimes, I truly hate my job.

It's been a while since the incidents with Fenrir and Domhildr. Now she's my girlfriend, and everything is going very well. I let her other boyfriend, Tyr, go to Qamar's marriage, it didn't bothered her too much.

But now that this marriage has ended, it's a hard return to the real world.

Commissar Walpurgis asked us to come to his desk. A new investigation, for our duo. Something that "might interest you both".

"You know the hospital we got you in after the demonstration in front of the town hall? Well, it's partially owned by one of the doctors here. Mister Malchys."

Fenrir seemed to be angry. Don't like that you're being relieved of our patrols? I thought you hated them?

To be honest, I still don't know if we are friends or nemesi. In a way, it's a brand new type of relationship and i woul be very happy to explore it if it wans't for the remarks, the anger, and, I blame myself for this, the resentment between us both.

"See, there has been rumours about this Malchys. He's a very good, if not the best, oncologist there is in the country. But his methods are quite unconventionnal."

I knew I remembered that name from somewhere. Domhildr told me about him. That his brother is being healed by this man.

"He's quite popular amongst the patients. But when we started doing research for the sect's case, we dived into a lot of strange arrangements between this Malchys and other people in the hospital. It seems this man is using illegally acquiered funds to research causes of cancer."

Domhildr calls him a modern saint.

I remember seing Fenrir sigh and grit his teeth, learning that. But he didn't say anything. Not in front of Walpurgis. This man still terrifies us both.

"Now it shouldn't be our top priority, but 'ow that the sect' s trial is now in motion, we need to make sure we've got every part of the story. This one in particular. If this Malchys is truly a money laundering fiend, I want him behind the bars, him and his accomplices. Being a genius doesn't make him above the law. "

It's true. In fact, after this, he asked us if we wanted to be part of the investigation, with the coroner, mister Shuuvu. Apparently we already have quite a lot of leads, even a few witnesses.

It's a test of character for the both of us, I'm quite sure of it.

Am I enough to withstand it?

"Sigi it's.... It's my brother."

Her voice is broken. I can sense her tears through the raspy tone of a phone call. We're friday evening, Domhildr called to tell me why she cannot come like we agreed to.

"His cancer... I don't know the word, but it got worse. In the l-lungs and the B-bones."

I can picture her perfectly. Holding the phone close to her heart, her breathing so, so awful to hear, all congested.

"They say they cannot do anything... Every one of them, useless fuckers... Except Malchys. He says he might have an i-idea on how to s-save him...please, please, Sigi... If you go to the hospital can you... Ask him how we can help or something?"

....

"I'll ask him. Stay safe, Domhildr. I love you."

I have difficulties thinking.

Her skin is so very soft.

Her lips feel like heavens.

What is going on?

I should stop. We should stop. But I can't... I can't talk.

But it feels good.

"Please. Domhildr. Please. Give me a minute."

Thank god she stopped.

My brain is full of desires I'm not sure I should let out. Not now. Not like this. Not with my brain still ruffled from the brick, all the things that happened, the... This... Body of mine.

Not like that. It's not who I am.

If I shall give myself to her I want it to BE myself.

She gives me a look.

God. She seems so... Sad.

"You... Don't want me?"

"Domhildr. I do want you. Please stop assuming everybody hates you or else it will be a sad excuse of a recurring joke."

She cracks a small smile.

"Why then?"

"Because... I do not feel... Good enough."

"What... Do you mean?" she asks, squinting her eyes.

I let out a sigh. Hug her tighter. She doesn't seem to mind, in fact, she seems to like it.

"I'm tired of seeing you hurt..." i finally say.

"Says the guy who got a brick in the head."

"Touché."

She gets out of my arms, look at me with a mix of love and... A little speck of anger.

"Already told you I don't like to be pitied upon." she lets out with a bit of this anger.

"I know. I know. It's... More of a me thing."

I feel my face reddenning.

"I have never done... This. I'm scared, Domhildr. It feels like it only ever hurt you, to do this. And I don't want to hurt you. And I... Don't want you... To hurt me. Because i do not know... What I can and want to do."

"So you're going to leave me frustrated?" she says, only half-jokingly.

I'm a bad person. I'm a bad...

"Take is as my bad girl side~"

I don't know how I came up with such a joke. But she starts to laugh. So much. Is she mocking me? Am I laughable? I guess so.

Just got mixed up in the pronouns and she laughs at me so hard and-

"Sigismund, you're not a bad girl. You're, on the contrary, quite the good girl."

The way her voice rings to my hears is a symphony. It's tingling my spine.

"So you accept to... Stop there?"

"Oh, of course!"

What is this devilish smile on her face? What is it with the way her fingers goes to her lips?

"But, dare I say, Sigismund, you surprised me. Quite a lot. I think I can find a way to... Awaken the bad girl in you."

Is this teasing?

Because it works.

It works really well.

Who won ?

I sure didn't.

She was shooting with more accuracy and strength than I ever did.

She was glorious. Bathing in the sun, fighting a war she couldn't win, while i relied on my magic to help me.

I did a shot from five targets away. I did it without an inch of doubt, because i knew she could never pull it off.

And she did.

Gods, i have sinned.

I fell in love with a woman, worse, a fairy.

I've never seen someone so beautiful. So provocative. She tried to understand me in a direct way i was not used to. She was different, she was interesting, and I spied on her while she and her teammates were training.

Those muscles.

Those hairs.

The way she would bite her lip while looking intensely at Uncle Chiron.

When I asked sister what was love, she laughed at me.

When I asked Father, he reeled in anger, demanded to know who it was about. I tried to refuse. I tried to lie. But i couldn't lie anymore.

Such are the Fey pacts.

The truth is, I have the feeling i have loved her from before. Maybe, in another life ? It's a difficult feeling to explain.

I only know that I will never love someone as much as her.

She does not love me.

But that is normal, isn't it ? I'm just a stranger. A beast, in her eyes, just like strangers were beasts in mine only a few weeks ago.

She climbed to my window, like in a bad romance story.

She kissed me, and I kissed her.

She told me we would'nt meet again, and I agreed.

She asked me now was the moment where we should do anything I please.

I know what she meant by that.

But I kissed her forehead goodbye.

I knew if I had done more, i would be broken beyond repair.

I have won the archery contest.

She has won my heart. Forever and ever.

Who won ?

I'm not used to...

This.

Dating.

Seeing each other regularly, even though work has resumed.

Spending the night in each other's arms.

Smiling when they do the stupidest thing ever.

Letting her cry when she has one of thos panick attacks.

It's strange.

Not bad. Strange.

She asked if we could go out. Said my beauty was not reserved to her. I felt nervous. Can I really get out dressed like this ?

Slut, shameful, what are you supposed to be ? All those words I hear at the function every day, what will I do when they target me ? I am not supposed to be like this.

It's not how the Lord made you, Mother would say.

It's not how a Warsowar should behave, Father would say.

We lost our lives for you. It's the only thing grandma says anymore.

But I accepted.

Because she was smiling and said nobody would recognize me.

Make-up. All the clothes possible to hide my lack of chest. A long, flowy dress to go with warmer temperatures. A lot of layers, to keep warm. Anything to hide the slightest amount of skin.

It took a lot of courage to go through the door.

What if a colleague saw me ?

I guess Amandine wouldn't be a problem, but the others ?

Domhildr told me everything would be alright.

Just a little walk.

I felt worse than naked. The shame, hard to bear. But we carried on.

Now, we're at a café. Domhildr is all giddy. I feel nauseous. Did i overdo it ? She looks like she doesn't see me.

She sees what she wants me to be.

But I'm not brave enough.

A few hours later, night is about to fall upon us.

A strange mixture of sounds and lights.

That's when I recognize him.

Father. In the middle of the street, waiting for the bus while talking with an old grandma. I hear her praise his work. He has a slight smile.

He's so close.

"Domhildr."

"Mh ?"

"We need to go."

"Why ? Is everything all right ?"

A few meters and he'll see me. And he'll hate me. And...

"Excuse me, young ladies ?"

He's here. With a tiny smile. Sarovar Warsowar, most influencial citizen in this city, it's mayor, my father.

We look quite similar, when I'm not like this.

He's not that tall. One hundred and sixty-five centimeters at most. But he is strong. Slender. His smile is one of his biggest assets, because it compliments his face, the way his fifty years old make him look like thirty. His long hair make him unusual to see, a shade of hazelnut, just like mine.

The worst are his eyes. Two blue piecing eyes that look like they are staring right in your soul.

I cannot escape.

"Yes ?" asks Domhildr.

I don't know if she understands who is in front of us.

I have never wanted to run more than that.

He's going to-

"I have lost my glasses around here. Would you wind lending me a hand in finding them ?"

His glasses.

He does not have his glasses.

An Sarovar Warsowar is almost blind.

"Of course !" Domhildr says.

One hour later, Domhildr gives back his glasses to my father, bolstering a pretty large smile.

We wave goodbye.

I have not spoken a word.

I'm paler than usual.

I need...

I need to drink a bit, i think.

"Domhildr ? Can we drink a bit at your place ?"

"Well, of course !" she says with the biggest smile.

"Thank you."

I like how my father is more frigthening to me than a kidnapping.

A lot of things happened. So let's start again. One last time.

Hanko is feeling better. They have started the judiciary procedures. I am not in charge of the file, Amandine is, and I trust her to take this into a court as soon as possible. What will result, I don't really know.

I confessed to Domhildr. It was easier than expected. But I did it. Now she carries me everywhere, while I dream of a little space for myself. It's not always bad, though. Yesterday, we went shopping, and I bought something.

Fenrir helped me. He was surprisingly....Unwell ? I don't know how to phrase it. But on patrol, he seemed like he resented me for good reasons, at least.

Well, there are only good reasons to resent me, except that I am my Father's son.

Am I my Father's son ?

Today, I received a visit, at my desk. Not Domhildr, surprising. No, it was a woman. She was named Iekaterina, and she was smiling at me. She had a plaint to fill.

She didn't stay for long. But there was something strange with her. I swear, I had already seen this woman before.

After that, me and the colleagues went to lunch. Someone sighed that they missed the cakes done by my girlfriend. Amandine sighed louder. I didn't try to deny it.

They were good. But now they're gone. That's an order.

Is Domhildr my girlfriend ?

Maybe ? Surely ?

After all this drama, I think I need a little more time for myself.

A lot of things changed. I'm still too fragile, psychologically speaking. The commissar was agreeing with me, he gave me a few days of leave. "So that you center your thoughts together".

Is it a good or bad thing ? I don't really know.

Oh, I'm going to a marriage. Domhildr's sister. A muslim marriage. How can I tell this to Mother without panicking her ?

There was a time they weren't like this.

But to each generation their burden, i guess.

What else ?

I'm going on patrols every thursday with Fenrir now.

February is nearly finished.

The tea is delicious.

Iekaterina le Patriote.

I think she was involved in the sect's case. A witness ?

I look at the file she filled. She didn't really need my help with this one, so why coming at my desk ?

Another mystery I won't search for too long.

For now, Fenrir is coming towards me. Saying we're going on our patrol, and after that, I can "enjoy your privileged leave".

I mean, he's not wrong. But I'm asking myself if he has had a near death experience in the last three months, and a multiple days-long with that.

Eh.

At least he's a tad bit more honest now.

Maybe we can be cordial. Without being friends.

I just want everything to be calm. For a little more longer.