#do fluff

he sighs. “will you just look at me? you don’t need to say anything.”

you turn to him, eyes fixed on his, but they’re devoid of warmth. you look…tired. and he hates seeing you that way. but he persists, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“i love you.”

silence.

“i didn’t mean for any of that to happen. at all.”

“but it did,” you say monotonously.

“and i’m truly sorry that it did. i didn’t expect her of all people to be there. i didn’t know chanyeol hyung would invite her, either.”

“doesn't he know how weird your ex is?”

kyungsoo winces. “a little, yeah. but i haven’t heard from her in months. you know that. and hyung's just..friendly.”

“just like she is, right?”

kyungsoo runs a hand through his hair, a frustrated exhale escaping his lips. “i don’t know what to say,” he says eventually. “it’s not like i called her to the party. i haven’t wanted to be around her in ages anyway. and i’m here with you, not her. i even pushed her away the second she tried making a move on me. i’m sorry you saw that, and i’m sorry it even happened in the first place. but i don’t know what else to say.”

your gaze drops to your hands resting on your lap. “can we just go home?” you ask quietly.

kyungsoo hates hearing how silent your voice is, like you’re trying not to take up space, but then—

“my home. i think i want to spend the night alone. please, soo,” you add, before he has a chance to interject.

his heart feels like it’s been stabbed. of course it’s not your fault for feeling that way, but he can't ignore how it hurts.

“yeah,” he says, turning on the ignition, hand trembling a little. hopefully you haven’t seen that. “i’ll—yeah. i’ll make sure you get home safe, at least.”

the drive home—to your home—is painfully quiet. there’s no sound of songs from the radio, or your shared playlist, or even random things from your day you always fill kyungsoo in on. it’s just silence, the occasional sound of horns from other vehicles, or the sound of gravel crunching underneath the car’s tyres.

kyungsoo doesn’t like it one bit. it’s unnatural. totally against the way your relationship works. he’s used to listening quietly while he hears you talk. he loves your voice. he loves knowing about things that make you happy. and he loves that you don’t mind him not talking as much. but when you’re silent, too, it feels like there’s something really wrong with the world.

it's not long before you reach your apartment. kyungsoo parks the car and pulls the handbrake. for a minute, neither of you says anything. then you unbuckle your seatbelt and grab your bag.

“’night, kyungsoo,” you say, not looking at him, and that’s what finally breaks him.

he reaches out to grab your hand, fingers finding yours.

he’ll take the silence. he’ll take you being upset for whatever happened tonight even though it’s not exactly his fault. but having to hear his full name?

kyungsoo may not be a softie to everyone who knows him, but he’ll be damned if he goes to bed without hearing you call him by his nickname.

“i love you. tell me you know that.”

you sigh. “...i do.”

“only you, sweetheart. there’s been no one else for me since you, and i know there won’t be anyone else again. believe me, please?”

he can almost see the cogs running in your brain, thinking over his words, and then you slump in your seat, posture no longer poised.

“you said it was going to be a fun night out tonight.”

“i know. and i’m so s—”

“i’m not mad at you, soo,” you say, finally looking at him. “just…upset. but don’t apologize to me. it’s not your fault.”

your words feel like ambrosia to a starving man. “sweetheart…”

“i just wanted to hear that from you. that you love me.”

“what can i do to make you believe me? do you want me to shout it to everyone? i can try doing that for you.”

there’s a smile on your face. finally. kyungsoo’s grip on your hand relaxes, but you hold his tighter.

“who are you, and what did you do to my usually reserved boyfriend?”

“just a man in love with you,” kyungsoo says, reaching out to cup your face in his hand.

you close your eyes and lean into his touch. “always know what to say, don’t you?”

“it’s just the truth.”

you nod. “i love you too, soo. sorry i acted like that. i didn't want to ruin your mood.”

“you didn't,” he insists, appalled at the very thought. “i'm always happy when i'm with you.”

there's silence again, but it's comfortable this time. eventually, you move away to open the door and get out.

part of him wants to follow you home, occupy his side of your bed, fall asleep to the sound of your breathing.

the other part of him, the gentlemanly part, resists. you wanted to be alone, after all.

but then you're leaning in through the open window, a confused look on your face.

“you're not coming with me?”

kyungsoo sits up. “i thought you said—”

“yeah, well, that was before my boyfriend declared his love to me like the cheesiest man in the world. hurry up now, i want to see that movie you were talking about yesterday.”

It was a Wednesday afternoon when you matched with the Taurus. He’s cute. He looks smart. You tilt your head curiously, already imagining what your first date will be like. 

A pen taps against the top of your phone, snapping you out of it. 

“Study.” Kyungsoo says, not even looking at you. His eyes stay glued to his textbook, highlighting notes. 

“What do you think of him?” You ignore his nagging and shove your phone in his face. 

Kyungsoo sucks in his cheek before he sighs and takes your phone. He scrolls through this new guy’s profile.  

He likes to hike, you don’t. He’s a finance major; you’re an education major. He likes wine, you think wine is for the rich and snobby. 

The more he reads, the deeper his frown gets. He scrolls a bit more, “Oh, he’s a Taurus. You like those.” 

“Exactlyyyyyy~” You sing, taking back your phone with a wide smile. 

“But you have nothing in common.” Kyungsoo says, concern in his voice.  

You ignore him. 

“I already asked for his birthday. He has a Leo in Mars and Cancer in Venus. Do you know what that means??” You test him, holding your pencil as a mic to his face.  

"That you’ve gone insane?” He blinks at you. 

“Noooo,” You draw out the word, lightly tapping his nose with your pencil. He frowns, making you smile at how cute he looks. Any girl would be lucky to have Kyungsoo, you think to yourself. “It means that we’re compatible in bed and in relationships.” 

Kyungsoo stares at you in disbelief. He tries to go back to his studies. You don’t let him. 

“Kyungsoo~” You whine, wanting his attention back on you. “This could be the one.” 

His eyes look up at you then back to his textbook. “Kyungsooooo~” You wave your pencil in his face. 

"I’m giving you 10 minutes to get it out of your system and then you’re giving me a good half hour study session.” Kyungsoo says, very annoyed and stressed. There is a test next week and he’s only gotten through the first chapter. You have the same test, yet you did not seem to be a bit concerned.  

“Okay deal,” You agree, smiling at him. “He has a Capricorn in Mercury so you know he’ll be a good communicator.” 

“I’m a Capricorn.” Kyungsoo says matter-of-factly, giving you his full attention. You nod excitingly. 

“That’s what I’m saying. I get along very well with Capricorns.” You say like it’s something Kyungsoo should already know. Your friend nods, like you’re suddenly making sense to him. You don’t. But you’re a breath of fresh air so he pretends for you.  

"When are you seeing him?” He asks, entertaining the conversation.  

“Tomorrow! So that way, we can debrief on Friday.” You say happily. The debriefs are your favourite parts of dating. “You’re available Friday, right?” 

Kyungsoo nods, “Yeah. I can be free.” He takes his phone out to add you to his calendar. 

“Such a Capricorn.” You say before you pencil him in your own agenda. 

“Okay, Virgo.” 

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Friday does not come fast enough. You’ve been anxious to tell Kyungsoo all about your date on Thursday. It did not go well. You wait for Kyungsoo to finally get home from his classes, choosing to sit in the hallway instead of the lounge downstairs. 

You stand up to ring his doorbell again. “Kyungsoo, can you come a little faster please?” You whine into the camera, hoping he was watching the footage. 

“I’m there in 2 minutes.” He says through the camera. You smile, “Thank youuuu!” 

You clean up the organized mess you made in the hallway. There were textbooks and various highlighters and pens laid on the floor. Kyungsoo’s neighbour came out and had to hop around your chaos. “Sorry Auntie!! I’m just waiting for Kyungsoo.” You apologize, smiling at the nice lady who lives across from Kyungsoo. 

“Next time, just knock. You shouldn’t have to wait on the floor.” The nice lady, whose name you forget, smiles sweetly before leaving.  

Kyungsoo arrives just as she leaves. He bows to her and she doesn’t even acknowledge him. “Why does she hate me? But loves you?” Kyungsoo whispers, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

“My aura is just that good.” You say, putting the last of your things in your bag in order of when you might need them and keeping the ones you do need out. Kyungsoo picks up a highlighter you dropped and stuffs it in your flannel’s pocket. “Thank you.”  

“You’re welcome.” He smiles, before unlocking the door to his apartment. He lets you in first, following behind. “I’m just going to change really quickly.” 

You nod, finding a spot on his dining table to leave your stuff. The fridge calls you, begging for it to be opened. You follow that small voice in your head.  

“Yessss!” You exclaim, grabbing your favourite soda can from his fridge. Your eyes shift to the stove, finding a pot filled with dumpling soup. Hungry, you turn on the heat and grab 2 bowls. 

“Oh good, you’re heating up the food.”  

You turn to Kyungsoo who is currently putting on a white shirt and wearing baggy flannel pyjama pants. Your eyes flick to his stomach. Your breath gets caught in your throat when you see a hint of his skin, and are those abs? You shake your head. That’s Kyungsoo. 

He notices the way you pause. “What?” He asks, pulling his shirt all the way down. 

“Nothing.” You say, turning back to the soup. “How many dumplings do you want?” 

“Mmm, 5.” Kyungsoo is beside you, grabbing the chopsticks and spoons. So close, you can smell his laundry detergent. You ladle the soup and dumplings into the bowls. Kyungsoo grabs them before you could and places them on the table. You turn off the heat before following him in the dining area. 

“Okay so, basically,” You start before you even get to your seat. Kyungsoo smiles at your eagerness to share. “He’s an unhealed Cancer Venus.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” He takes one sip of the soup.  

“It means that he’s a fuckboy.” You say like it’s obvious to everyone but Kyungsoo. A lot of what you say should make sense to Kyungsoo in your head. You shove a dumpling in your mouth. “He said every cliché in the book, Kyungsoo. He was all like you’re not like those other girls. And, and, oh, i’ve seen you around campus but I was too shy which is bullshit because why would he be in my building. Oh my god, and then he kept going on and on about whatever the fuck - what’s a bond?”  

“Stop talking with your mouth full.” He says, handing you a napkin. His expression shows disgust and concern that you’ll choke on your food with how passionately you’re speaking. “He’s exactly who I told you he would be. 

You roll your eyes before taking the napkin and wiping your mouth quickly. “I just can’t believe how boring he was. He was supposed to be grounded and exciting.” You sigh; the stars have failed you once again.  

“Grounded and exciting are antonyms.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “I told you you guys didn’t have anything in common. He’s in finance.” 

"And I’m in education; you don’t see me educating on a first date.” You complain before shoving another dumpling into your mouth, this time, making sure to chew properly. You swallow and wipe your mouth with Kyungsoo’s napkin. You catch a small smile appear on his face, making you smile too. 

“Fair.” Kyungsoo blows on his spoon and takes a clean sip, quietly. It’s a bit psychotic that he doesn’t slurp his soup. It makes you wonder if Kyungsoo has ever choked on his food. “Eat, it’s gonna get cold.” Kyungsoo says, noticing your stare.  

You nod, eating as fast as you could so you could rant some more. Kyungsoo’s mouth is hanging open at how quickly you golfed down the scalding soup. “You’re insane.” He says, dumbfounded. 

“Anyways, I’m done with Tauruses. I’m moving on to better things.” You struggle to open the can of soda, your nails too long to do so. 

“Like?” Kyungsoo asks, curiously because you have proven yourself to be a wild card. He opens the can for you. 

“Like a Scorpio!” You declare with all your might, grabbing the soda and slamming it down on the table. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen when the soda fizzes out of the can and instinctively grabs the napkins to clean the liquid mess on the table.  

“A Scorpio? What’s that?” He asks as he cleans up the fizzy drink. 

“Yes, I hear they’re emotionally intense and would be perfect romantically.” You explain the reasoning behind your outburst, now finding a napkin to set your can on. He gets up to throw the wet napkins away, taking your empty bowl too. 

“You’re already emotionally intense.” He says before disappearing into the kitchen. He comes back with a dessert in hand. A chocolate slice of cake shines in his hand. You gasp dramatically. 

“You take such good care of me.” You almost cry, grabbing the fork from Kyungsoo. He laughs at you before setting the cake in front of you.  

“See, emotionally intense.” Kyungsoo says again. You roll your eyes, digging into Kyungsoo’s cake instead. 

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Life is written in the stars for you. It has to be. If it wasn’t, you would not be trying to pick up your books after bumping into a stranger. If it wasn’t, you would not be locking eyes with this ridiculously handsome stranger who is helping you pick up said books. If it wasn’t, you would not be flirting with this stranger with the most insanely attractive smile. 

“Hi,” He smiles, handing you back your books. “I’m sorry, I should watch where I’m going. I’m Hyungjun.” He extends a hand out to you. You reach out, trying to balance yourself with the books in your arms. You both giggle at the awkward introductions.  

“Wow,” He pauses, tilting his head a bit. “You’re really pretty.” 

You blush, “Oh, thank you.” He looks at you like you are the most amusing person in this hallway.  

“Could I get your number?”  

Your heart melts. You’ve really manifested this man into your life. You grab his phone and enter your number in his contacts.  

“Perfect, I’ll call you to set a date.” He smiles and waves before leaving you alone with emotions you cannot handle. You really wish Kyungsoo was almost done with his study group. 

You sigh, turning around to meet the very familiar chest of your friend. The excited gasp escapes your lips as you look up to find Kyungsoo. “What was that?” He asks, looking behind you. 

“I think I just met the man of my dreams.” The smitten look you get when you meet someone is back on your face. Kyungsoo has a deep feeling in his chest. It’s heavy like bricks are stacked on it. It’s a bit hard to breathe. He dismisses it. He must be nervous for the group project, the meeting he had was not very productive.  

“Man of your dreams? Really?” He says, adjusting your backpack strap on your shoulder. It slipped when you turned around.  

“Yes! We bumped into each other like it was a movie and then, he helped pick up my books. His name is Hyungjun. I gave him my number. Oh shoot, I forgot to ask for his birthday.” You ramble on and Kyungsoo laughs at how cute you look. Wait, cute? He shakes his head. 

“What I’m hearing is that he lacks spatial awareness.” He says as you both start walking side by side, heading to your favourite coffee shop.  

“No, that was destiny intervening. It heard that I wanted a Scorpio romance and it gave it to me. Wouldn’t it be insane if he turned out to be a Scorpio?” You’re smiling at him, eyes scrunching in excitement.  

“Bonkers.” He says sarcastically. He grabs your books and puts them under his arms. He doesn’t understand why you bring a backpack if you’re just going to hold these books. You always tell him that Virgos are organized, but Kyungsoo finds that you have the weirdest ways to organize yourself. You told him that you like to have the books you need to use right away outside of your bag, so you didn’t have to look for them. Kyungsoo has repeatedly told you that you should just bring the ones you need for that day. You refused, telling him “you never know what you’re going to need that day”. And Kyungsoo always ends up carrying your books because you shouldn’t have to carry your entire semester alone. 

“Very bonkers!” You say, accepting his mockery. Kyungsoo laughs at you, grabbing the door to the coffee shop for you. You happily walk in and greet the baristas. “Thank you.” You smile up at Kyungsoo when he hands you your books back. You don’t hear Kyungsoo’s heart race.  

You do hear him exhale loudly. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, concerned. 

“I think this group project is stressing me out a bit. The team I got is a bit disorganized.” He says, releasing another sigh before leaning back in his chair, shuffling his hand in his hair in frustration. 

“Can’t be worse than that Aquarius girl. Remember?” You grin, reminiscing about the first and only project you shared with Kyungsoo. It was a general course you both needed to do for credit. That was the first time you ever met someone so competent and so organized. Lights sparked when Kyungsoo appeared in your life. It’s a shame he was a business major. You would’ve shared every course with him if you could. 

“Of course. How could I forget our origin story?” He smiles widely, the deep feeling in his chest finally leaves his body. “She was so...” 

“Flighty?” You finish his thought. “She didn’t even finish her part on time. She just left.” You laugh, still in disbelief of the situation. “I wanted to cry.” 

“You did cry.” He laughs, his smile reaching his eyes. The memory of you bawling your eyes out in the study room at midnight will always make him chuckle. You looked so helpless. It was so cute. He couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Whatever! I’m just saying it can’t be worse than that. You handled everything so smoothly.” You confess your appreciation to him. Kyungsoo’s gaze softens. You feel like crying, thinking about the immense love you have for Kyungsoo and your friendship. Maybe you are emotionally intense. “Honestly, I don’t know how I got through life before you.” 

“You got by just fine.” He assures you, reaching over to tap your hand lightly.  

“No, seriously, I was spiraling and you took over so easily. You’ll get through this group project. I have faith in you.” You pause. “Thank you for being my friend, Kyungsoo.” 

Kyungsoo winces, unsure why.  

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Emotionally intense. 

The words ring in your mind as you curl up in your bed, crying your heart out. Turns out, Hyungjun is a Scorpio. He did live up to be as emotional and romantic as you fantasized. Unfortunately for you, it ended as strongly as it started.  

You don’t have the courage to call anyone for help, choosing to isolate yourself to heal the pain away. Your heart wants Kyungsoo to sense something is wrong and take care of you. But Kyungsoo is dealing with a lot of stress with his final group project; you can’t bear the thought of bothering him. 

Hyungjun and you had been dating for almost a month. It was a real life whirlwind romance. He brought you to the most romantic spots. You experienced so many movie clichés within the time you were dating. It felt almost too good to be true.  

And it was. 

Hyungjun had made the mistake of leaving his phone on the table. You should have minded your business; you weren’t even official yet. His phone pinged and your curiosity got the best of you. You had peeked and found a notification from a dating app. Your stomach dropped at the sight. You fought the entire night until you decided that it was too exhausting and stormed off alone. 

Your phone is filled with messages from him. Numerous apologies that are all starting to blob into one big blur. You throw it far from you on your bed, frustrated and angry at him. 

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Kyungsoo glances at his phone. 10:52 pm. He thinks it’s a bit late for you to not be home yet, especially for a Thursday night. You should be texting him to confirm tomorrow. He frowns; he doesn’t feel good. 

Before Kyungsoo could even think, he was already walking out of his door and into the cold air.  

His mind is racing to a million things. No matter how the date went, you were always quick to update him. He’ll just check on you quickly.  

No one could have warned him of the heaviness he would be feeling in his chest when you opened the door, eyes red, nose sniffling and blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Kyungsoo is quick to come inside and hug you as tightly as he could. You find yourself melting in his embrace, crying even harder because thank God Kyungsoo always knows. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asks, rubbing your back comfortingly. You struggle to say the words, hiccupping every second word that he just shushes you and brings you back to your bed. You curl back up and rest your head on his lap; his legs extended to get comfortable on your bed. He has his hands in your hair, stroking it lightly. And he looks at you. Maybe for the first time. Because for the first time, he thinks to himself: how could someone hurt such a beautiful person like you? 

His heart is hurting at the sight of you like this. His lively, cheery, and always optimistic friend. You didn’t deserve this. It made him so, so, so upset. He spent the rest of the night stroking your hair until you both fell asleep. 

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The light shines through your cheap curtains and serves as an alarm clock. Your nose finds a fresh aroma, almost like laundry detergent. You inhale the clean sun-dried smell one more time before your eyes shoot open.  

Sometime in the night, somehow, in some way, you had moved to lay your head on his chest. His hand is still tangled in your hair while yours rested on his stomach. You feel your heart race at the domestic scene.  

Panicked, you shake Kyungsoo out of his sleep. 

His brows furrow, but his hands have moved from your hair to stretch above his head. Your eyes instinctively peek at the skin revealed from his stretches. You inhale sharply, “Thank you for staying with me.” You’re sat up now, far far away from his chest.  

A smile reaches his face, “Always.” He sits up with you and looks at you softly like you’ll break easily. “Next time, you call me right away. I don’t care what you think I’m doing. You call me.” He reaches for you absentmindedly and softly brushes a thumb on your cheek. You were leaning into his touch a bit too comfortably, not realizing what line you two had just crossed, until Kyungsoo’s thumb halts.  

Kyungsoo is the one to notice it first. How different everything was changing. How he wasn’t just being protective anymore. How he might be – He can’t say it. 

His hand drops slowly to his side. You feel a bit disappointed at the loss of his warmth.  

He clears his throat and moves out of your bed. “You should drink some water.” You watch as he navigates around your place like he lives here, easily finding the glass and the water in the fridge. Something feels weird inside your chest. It’s beating a little too fast at the sight of Kyungsoo preparing a glass of water for you. 

“Thank you.” You say, finding it hard to look at him. Your eyes avert to your phone instead, wincing at the multiple messages from Hyungjun. “You’re going to be late for your 9am.” 

“It’s fine. I’ll ask for notes. What do you want to do today?” The bed dips as he sits down next to you. You’re playing with the glass in your hold, deep in thought. Kyungsoo notices. He always does. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I just...” You finally look at him. His eyes are already on you. You take a sip of the water to avoid them again. You don’t see Kyungsoo that way, but your body seems to think differently. “Maybe... Can you stay and watch movies with me?” 

“Of course.” He smiles, grabbing the remote from your nightstand and instantly putting on one of your favourite romantic comedies.  

You stare at him. And really see him this time. 

The pounding in your chest grows louder and louder. Afraid Kyungsoo will hear, you grab a pillow and hold it close to you, hoping it muffles it. Kyungsoo mistakes it as you being cold and pulls the blanket over you. It worsens the loud pounding. 

You spend a little too much time looking at Kyungsoo instead of the movie that day, in pure disbelief of what you were currently feeling. 

You like Kyungsoo.  

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The semester was finally over. Kyungsoo survived his group project. You survived your love life. And all you want to do is celebrate with your best friend. 

“Some friends are inviting me to their place. Do you wanna go?” Kyungsoo asks, looking down at the text on his phone. At this point, you are down for anything to kickstart the summer.  

Kyungsoo and you hadn’t spent actual quality time alone together since that day. Since you started feeling things you should not be feeling for a friend. It was all frustrating to you. You weren’t able to be in a room alone with him. Not when you were in constant agony, wanting to touch him like you did when you were resting on his chest. You were yearning for Kyungsoo and it was becoming physically painful. 

You had always managed to find another person to add as a buffer. It was easier to distract yourself from staring at him too long when you had other people there to stop you. 

“Yeah, I’m down.” You say, not really looking up at him in his passenger seat, pretending to scroll on your phone. Being in the car with him was probably the first time you’ve truly been alone. You can see him nod in the corner of your eye before shifting the car into drive and off to his friend's house. 

The radio plays quietly. 

“Remember Jongin? He’s going to be there.” Kyungsoo says, very casually. 

You look up at him, confused.  

“He’s, uh…” He thinks for a second, finding the word. “A Capricorn. I think you two would get along.” 

You furrow your brows even further. Kyungsoo is avoiding your stare, focusing on the road. But you can tell that he’s nervous. Like he knows this isn’t what he wants to say. 

"I don’t want to date anyone right now.” You say bluntly. You’re not sure why Kyungsoo would suddenly want you to date again after the disaster that happened to you last month. 

"Ah, sorry...” He apologizes, letting the radio take over the silence once again.  

The car goes to a halt at the red light. 

“Are you mad at me?” He asks, turning his head slightly to check on you. 

That question is enough to make your heart sink in guilt. You finally look up from your phone and find his eyes. They’re already set on you.  

"No,” You say simply. “Are you mad at me?” It comes out softly, afraid of the answer. 

“Of course not.” He replies quickly. “But things feel different. Like you can’t even look at me properly.” 

The light turns green and he continues. “I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” You quickly defend him, looking at him for the longest time since that day to prove a point to yourself. His brows furrow at your response. He knows something is wrong. He just can’t quite place it yet.  

“Then why does it feel like you’ve been avoiding me? You haven’t been waiting for me after class anymore and it’s like you don’t want to be alone with me. You’re always inviting people to our study dates.” His observation is impeccable, as usual. You can’t hide anything from Kyungsoo. He knows everything about you. He notices the small things. He notices you. And that makes you fall even harder for him.  

“I’ve been busy studying for finals. And you had that big group project too.” You attempt to defend yourself to him. But he doesn’t buy it. He finally pulls over to the side and shifts the car into park. 

“You’ve never been too busy before.” His body turns to you. His face shows concern. Normally, he would reach out to you, but you look so much like a wounded puppy that he’s so afraid you’ll flinch and run away. “What’s going on with you?” 

You shake your head. “I can’t tell you. You’ll get mad at me.” 

Kyungsoo’s head tilts, trying to find your eyes and beg them to look at him. “I can never be mad at you. I just miss my best friend.” 

“Just tell me.” He says with a straight face and voice strict now.  

“Can’t we just go to this thing and pretend I’m not being weird?” You make him snort. He misses your humour. It felt like you were restraining yourself these past few weeks. 

“Fine.” He says, unable to say no to you when he got to see you be you, even for just a second. A smile finally reaches your face when you see him laugh. His heart settles. “We’ll pin it.” 

“Deal.” You smile, extending a hand for him to shake. He raises an eyebrow before he grins and shakes it affirmatively. 

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There are people scattered everywhere in Kyungsoo’s friend’s house. You thought it would be a small get together to celebrate the end of the semester. Kyungsoo and you were so wrong.  

The music was blasting through some very powerful speakers. You can feel the bass on your skin. It felt like you were at a club. You’ve never been to a club before. You don’t even know if you can dance. You observe the crowd in awe. Everyone seems to know what to do and where to go. You watch carefully as Kyungsoo greets his friends, making sure to stay close to him. He seems so outgoing and cheery. He’s very different with you, a lot quieter with you. He acts like you do with him. You suck in a cheek, jealous that his friends get to have this Kyungsoo.  

“Is this your girlfriend?” A friend asks, breaking you from your overthinking bubble. Your eyes dart to Kyungsoo who is smiling but shakes his head in response. Your heart breaks a bit when he introduces you as his friend. 

“This is Jongin.” Kyungsoo introduces his friend: the Capricorn he’s been talking about. Before you could say anything, Kyungsoo disappears from your side, muttering something about getting drinks which you knew was a lie. There is no reason for Kyungsoo to be pushing you this hard to date again. And yet, he was. 

“So,” Jongin grins at you, looking you up and down. “Have any plans for the summer?” 

You blink, your eyes unintentionally drifting to Kyungsoo near the drinks table. “Not really.” You say, your mind focused elsewhere. A girl has now found her way to Kyungsoo’s side, helping him pour drinks into his cup. You frown. 

“Earth to you.” Jongin snaps you out of it again, waving a hand in your face.  

“Sorry.” You apologize quickly, darting your eyes back to Kyungsoo’s friend. He is cute. Kyungsoo really knows your type. “I don’t really have any plans for the summer. Just gonna play it by ear.”  

Jongin nods, still grinning at you when you get distracted again. “You’re looking at him a lot for someone who isn’t his girlfriend.” Jongin finally catches your attention. You can feel the heat rush to your cheeks in embarrassment.  

“He’s my best friend.” You say simply, but Jongin looks unconvinced. He hums as he takes a sip from his cup. Your eyes flicker to Kyungsoo who is bending down to hear that girl speak to him. Apparently pouring drinks requires conversation. 

“You’re frowning.” Jongin is smiling at you teasingly. “Quick, he’s on his way.” He laughs; you don’t. You do remove the frown and watch Kyungsoo come back to your side.  

“Do you have any plans for the summer, Jongin?” You ask, pretending like you’ve been engaged in this conversation this whole time. Jongin finds this amusing, unable to hide the grin on his face. Kyungsoo hands you a cup as he darts his eyes between the two of you.  

“Not really.” Jongin mocks your previous answer. If you weren’t so in love with Kyungsoo, this would have won you over. You miss the old you who was blind to her own feelings. She would have loved to flirt with Jongin.  

“I think I’m going to get some air.” Kyungsoo suddenly says. Your attention turns to him immediately then back to Jongin who nudges you to follow him with a simple nod. Your legs move faster than your mind, already trailing behind Kyungsoo.  

He slows down and, like a choreographed dance, you end up by his side. 

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You slide the backdoor close before following Kyungsoo to the porch swing. He follows your form, his expression unreadable. You sit beside him. 

“You didn’t have to follow me.” He says, breaking the silence. It’s quiet outside. If you didn’t know anything, you would never suspect a party was going on in the house.  

“I wanted air too.” You shrug, lying to him and yourself. You remove your shoes and bring your legs on the swing to sit criss-crossed. He watches you settle comfortably at his side, a small smile creeping up on his face.  

“You didn’t like Jongin? He seemed to be interested.” He asks, focused on you, waiting to see your reaction.  

You shake your head. “Not really.” You laugh to yourself. Kyungsoo doesn’t quite get it, but he chuckles with you.  

It slowly gets quiet again. You breathe in and exhale. 

“You can’t leave me alone like that.”  

Kyungsoo laughs a bit before realizing that you’re serious. “But you like meeting new people.” He’s looking at you with a very confused look on his face. You can’t blame him. You’re confused too. 

“I just... I don’t like it when you leave me.” You feel like throwing up. It’s becoming harder and harder to express how you feel without spilling everything.  

“I told you I went to get drinks for us.” He says, unable to tell if you’re mad or just upset. His brows are stuck together in confusion. You’ve never been upset to be left alone before. 

“Yeah, but then you were talking to everyone with a much different energy than you do with me. And that girl-” You pause, fidgeting nervously. You realize you’re just spewing out nonsense at this point. None of this is making any sense to you. None of it has ever bothered you before. “You just acted different tonight. I’m not used to it. It made me feel out of place.” You force a laugh. “I’m sorry. We’re pretending I’m not being weird.” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond immediately, giving himself time to think.  

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me.” Kyungsoo clocks you immediately. Your mouth tightens to a flat line, unable to respond. He’s studying your expression. Then takes a deep breath in.  

“I don’t think you’re upset about being left alone at this party.” He pauses, watching you rub your hands on your pants nervously. His fingers reach out to yours. You feel his touch, soft and fragile against your skin. It’s comforting. You bring your attention to him and he smiles. Your breath hitches at the soft way he’s looking at you.  

“I think that little Virgo brain of yours,” He continues, interlacing his fingers with yours. “is overthinking a million tiny things and trying to organize them into little folders in that weird filing system of yours. I don’t think any of those things actually bother you.” 

You snort, laughing at him trying to make an astrology comment.  

“I’m sorry for not noticing it sooner.” He says seriously, squeezing your hand reassuringly. You can feel your palms sweating profusely. You blink at him, still confused as to where he is going with this but holding him like this is feeding into that craving for him you’ve been trying so hard to push down. You wish you could stay like this with him forever. 

You exhale. The air is still. The sounds of the party aren't audible. The leaves on the trees are moving ever so slowly. It’s peaceful.  

Kyungsoo reaches for your cheek, lightly nudging you to look in his direction. There’s a twinkle in his eye when your own pair fall on his. 

"Kyungsoo?” You can barely make a sound, your voice stuck in your throat.  

“I love you.” His voice is quiet and low, meant only for you to hear. You feel yourself melt into his touch with the sound of those three words. Your eyes flick to his lips then back to his own pair of brown eyes. You lean in closer, slowly pressing your lips to his. His hand moves from your cheek to the back of your neck. The kiss starts off gentle, afraid to scare one another away. He pulls you in, applying more pressure to your mouth. And it hits you. You’re kissing Kyungsoo. 

The corners of your lips lift slightly to form a small smile. Kyungsoo chases after your lips, wanting more. “You’re laughing.” 

“I can’t believe I’m kissing you.” You cover your mouth to hide your growing grin. Kyungsoo laughs with you, pulling your hand back down so he could kiss you some more. You let him. This time the kiss is playful. You can’t stop chuckling between kisses, in complete disbelief of tonight’s turn of events. 

“I can’t believe you got jealous of that girl helping me pour drinks for you.” He says, laughing at you. You playfully pout at him.  

“She did not have to be talking to you with googly eyes.” You warn him. “Only I can googly eye you.” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at you. 

“You’re so weird.” He teases before he leans back into the swing and pulling you with him. His arm is around you and he pulls you in so your head is right under him, the perfect angle for him to kiss the top of your head. “My weird little Virgo.” 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁

Epilogue 

You can’t prove it. But you know the ring exists. 

Kyungsoo watches over his phone as you scan the room suspiciously, vacuum still in hand. He’s looking at you amusingly, trying to figure out what your brain is up to this time. The frown on your face is so prominent. He’s afraid you’ll stay like that forever if he doesn’t fix your problem. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, breaking the trance you were in. Instead of answering his question, the most mischievous smile appears on your face. He can’t stop smiling as you find a comfortable spot on his lap. You’re holding him affectionately while he settles a hand on your lower back. “Can I help you?” He laughs as you grin down at him.  

"Where is it?” You finally ask, lashes fluttering cartoonishly. He bursts out laughing. He knows what you’re looking for but he can’t believe you’d have the audacity to ask. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He smiles sheepishly, pretending to be oblivious. You narrow your eyes on him, highly suspicious.  

“You’ve been calling my sister an awful lot lately.” Your eyes lower, darkening as you try to get to the bottom of the mystery.  

“She’s nice.” He rubs your back fondly, his cheeks starting to hurt from how much he’s been smiling. You massage his shoulders lovingly. He loves it. He loves you. 

“Suddenly, my Pisces sister is nice? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two hang out without me.” You’re both looking at each other, amused by the other. It’s been 4 years of complete bliss. All you want to do is find that stupid ring and see if Kyungsoo bought the correct shape and band for you. It was driving you insane. 

“Yeah, we like to talk about you.” Kyungsoo moves your hair aside and lightly kisses your neck. You hum, getting distracted by the pecks.  

“Mmm, did you ask anything about a pear? Or princess?” It’s not enough for you to forget your mission. 

“Yes! We talk about your favourite movie Princess Diaries all the time, love.” 

You shove him playfully, getting off his lap and grabbing your vacuum from the floor. "You’re so annoying!”  

"What’s the point of a surprise proposal if there is no surprise?” Kyungsoo gets up to snake his arms around your waist. He kisses you on the cheek. “I promise you’ll see it soon.” 

Kyungsoo is very glad that your spontaneous need to reorganize the whole apartment hasn't decided to tackle the miscellaneous box of “important random things” sitting at the bottom of your closet.  

GUARDIAN I

**************************************

A three work question popped in my head as I put all the clues together, but I really did not want to even entertain that though. There sure must be other explanation; that could not be happening. 

Jackie could see me; that was for sure. Maybe this was all an elaborate prank? You could have a twisted sense of humour at times, but this was going too far.

 I turned around the sofa to kneel before you and looked straight into your face, which was not even ten centimeters away from mine. I could have laid my hand against your cheek. I could have leaned in and kissed you on the lips. But I didn't. 

 Instead, I screamed. As loud and screeching as I could manage, scraping my throat in the process. You didn't even flinch. 

 Jackie, on the other hand, who by then had been lying in her bed next to the TV stand, did hear me. She leaped of her seat and hissed at me, the hair on her back standing. 

Her reaction startled you enough to finally stand up and hold her, babying her as you usually did, whispering soft words next to her head to calm her down. 

 "What is it, girl? You're fine, there's just the two of us here. Let's go find a treat for you, hm?" 

 Just the two of us? 

 My rapid breathing was making me lightheaded and dizzy. Your words echoed in my head and fit in perfectly with the idea that had been taking shape in my head since I was unable to open the door earlier. 

My gaze searched the room, looking for anything that could either confirm or deny it, and it came upon a couple still closed white envelopes at the basket we used to sort the very few important letters we may receive in the mail. 

 As I already expected, I was unable to touch the papers, but what I saw was more than enough. The first envelope was addressed to you and rubricated with the seal of a funeral home. The second one was an official government letter. The one you would get with a death certificate inside. 

 Was I dead? 

 My disbelief was slowly being replaced by anxiety, confusion and fear. This wasn't possible. I clearly remembered last night's fight. Then this morning, I had woken up in our bed, as usual. You had already left for work and I had the day off. Or had I? 

 I was heavy panting while sitting there on the floor, trying to remember what I had done the whole morning exactly. Had I showered? I couldn't remember picking the pair of soft jeans and white t-shirt I was wearing. Had I eaten anything? I didn't feel hungry. But I could feel the cold, hard floor under my body. I could see and smell everything around me. I could hear you coming back from the kitchen with a bag of salmon treats in the hand free from the cat that was comfortably lying in your arm. 

 I didn't even give myself time to think anymore. I stood up quickly and purposely stood in the way I knew you would make back to the couch. I squared up, expecting our bodies to impact against each other. But the collision never arrived. Instead, you just walked straight through me. As if I wasn't standing right there. As if I didn't even have a body. 

 I could see you shudder, as if a sudden cold gust of wind had made its way through the collar or your shirt and down along your back, goosebumps forming on your skin. 

 Once again, Jackie looked straight at me, unequivocally fixing her green eyes onto me, recognizing me. 

 But you, you were completely oblivious. Somehow, we weren't on the same realm anymore. 

 I was more than probably dead. 

 How? I didn't remember being sick or even feeling unwell lately. I was actually so excited for the next month to come, we had plans to make a road trip to make the most out of my longer than usual holidays. We were gonna stay at my parent's for a couple weeks. 

 Thinking about them was the final straw that broke the precarious balance I had managed to keep and I started crying silently. 

 I stared at your face and wondered how this could ever happen to us. We had most of our life in front of us and we knew we wanted to spend it together. Seeing as Jackie bumped her head affectionately against your hand after she had been fed made me think of that beautiful patience of yours and how you cared for people you loved. You were going to be a wonderful mother. But not to my kids. 

 The dark rim around your beautiful eyes seemed absolutely normal to me right now. Everything made sense. I couldn't remember, but as for Sarah's words, I had been...dead for around a month. And they had all probably been looking after you. Making sure you got out of bed, ate and went to work or socialized in any way. 

 Tears rolled down the side of your face to the cushions on the couch, but you didn't seem to mind. Jackie was still resting on top of you, offering that silent support she always seemed so good at providing for you. Something I would never be able to provide for you anymore. 

 I don't know how long we stayed like that, unknowingly sharing our grief, but it was already dark outside when you stood up. You grabbed Jackie’s bowl once again and got into the kitchen, where you came back from carrying it filled to the brim with dry cat food, stuff she didn’t particularly seem to enjoy, and no food for you. Instead, there was a three quarters full bottle of whiskey under your arm. You didn’t like whiskey, we only had that bottle lying around to serve in the case of visits.

 After you put the bowl back down on the floor, you made your way to the rest of the house. I followed you closely, mimicking your wincing when you took a sip of the lukewarm liquid in the bottle as you made your way to our bedroom. There, you rummaged around to find your laptop and got undressed, to later get into the main bathroom.

When we got this house you insisted at least one of the bathrooms should have a big bathtub. You didn’t have that growing up but made the most out of the one we had at home. I smiled bitterly to myself remembering of times I would come back tired from work and you would be waiting for me to indulge together in the relaxing warmth of the water against tired muscles. Other times, you would be waiting already inside of the tub, naked underneath the bubbles, and that was no time for relaxation.

 You took you time preparing your bath. Added your favourite lavender salts, pulled all your hair in a bun and started playing Swing Kids on your laptop, aiming the screen towards the water. You got into the piping hot water, not really caring about the fact that it was clearly too warm, your skin flushing when it came in contact with it. Taking small sips, you had already gone through almost half of what was left of the bottle.

Swing Kids was always your favourite among all the stuff I participated in. You always told me how it was so different from any other war movie. I remember when you came to pick me up from shootings with food, and when you used to help me memorize my lines. How much you liked my haircut for the film and how you’d sometimes fall asleep on the couch, stroking my hirsute hair. I can remember your bright smile on the premiere day as you watched Ro Ki-Soo prance across the screen and your soft chuckles at the appropriate times. You even tried your hand at tap dancing, but discovered soon enough coordination and precision only came to your body when you were drawing construction models.

There was none of that left. As the movie progressed, your face became more flushed due to the effects of the alcohol, your eyes sadder and the water colder. The bottle emptier. Occasional hiccups erupted from your throat. It made me giggle, but you didn’t notice.

The movie was paused right after the big performance, but before the abrupt ending. Taking a last, longer swig out of the bottle, you rested your head against the rim of the bathtub and closed your eyes. Time went by and only your slow, superficial breathing, could be heard in the room. It was impossible for me to know whether you were awake or not; you had always been a very light sleeper, but I doubt anyone can sleep in water cold enough to cause all the hair in your body to stand up.

That bathtub had always been too big. It was already roomy for me, so for you it was closer to the size of a kids swimming pool. And you began slipping in. At first, I didn’t notice. Only when the water reached your bottom lip, I realized you had let yourself slide into the water with no resistance. I still didn’t know if you were asleep, but that didn’t matter because you were probably completely drunk. You were still sinking down into the water and soon enough, both your mouth and nose would be covered. And you were still unresponsive.

I began screaming again. I banged on the sides of the tub and on the walls of the bathroom. I tried splashing the water. I tried to pull the plug to no avail.

I was running out of ideas when the water was already touching the tip of your nose. That’s when it occurred to me that Sarah may have been on to something. That you may have done this on purpose. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Hell no.

I quickly stood up from my stop and ran through the house looking for Jackie. That little shit was peacefully sleeping on her bed, oblivious to anything going on around her. Do cats even care? I stomped forcefully on the floor next to her to wake her up and she stared at me, groggy and in disdain. She took her sweet time to stretch and wake up, only to ignore me and go hide under the sofa.

I kneeled down and pleaded with her. I tried to temp her with some of the treats of the bag that was still on top of the sofa. No noise came from the bathroom. Desperation tears were running down my cheeks as in a last attempt, I reached for her underneath the sofa. I didn’t expect to feel her fur and the warm flesh underneath when my hand reached her loin. Jackie freaked out as much as I did, but I wasted no time and grabbed her forcefully with both hands before jumping off the floor, her wrestling between my arms.

You face was almost completely covered by water by the time I came back into the bathroom. I didn’t know how long you’d been that way. I panicked. I dropped Jackie right into the tub, on top of your head. She struggled around the bathtub, wheezed and scratched every part of your body she had access to in order to get out of the freezing water.

But it worked. You opened your eyes, sat straight up in the bath, coughing and gasping for air. You managed to crawl out of the tub to hand on tightly to the toilet bowl and vomit all the alcohol from your stomach, hair stuck to your reddened face, bloodshot teary eyes, panting for any air that could make its way into your lungs. But alive.

I leaned back into the wall and slid down to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, letting go of some of the tension and watching you clean yourself up and flush the toilet before lying down on the hard, cold stone floor. I was only able to see your back from where I sat, but I noticed your shoulders shudder in a silent cry.

Jackie came back from whatever whole she’d been hiding in, still soaked from the unsolicited bath. I apologized in my mind. She came to sit right beside your head and began licking a particularly nasty looking scratch she had inflicted in her struggle. In return, you sat up straight, grabbed a small towel from a cabinet nearby and enveloped the cat into it. That way, you took care of each other.

“Why did you jump in?” You voice sounded hoarse and painful, your throat would probably suffering injuries from the water and later coughing.

You sank your nose into the animal’s wet fur and started crying there.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I slid across the bathroom floor and surrounded you with my arms, embracing you from behind and resting my head in your shoulder; the best way I could replicate the way we used to sit at the sofa when just watching TV.

Your body stiffened at first. Still naked and cold from the water, you were even more sensitive than usual to temperature changes. You shuddered when my chin hit the top of your shoulder. But you didn’t move or recoil. You just sat there, paralyzed, Jackie in your arms looking alternatively between you and me, putting all my might into making you recognize my presence.

“Soo..?” Your voice came as nothing but a whisper but relief flooded me over.

“Hey,” I responded softly, unsure if you would hear.

I still don’t know if you could hear me, but it didn’t really matter anymore. You body didn’t feel so tense anymore. Even if you didn’t feel me the same way you used to, I could sense you softening under mine, even leaning back searching for some support.

I hugged you as tightly as I could, watching as goosebumps erupted on every part of your skin that was connected to mine. But I didn’t let go.

“Why did you leave?” The pain in your plea hit me like a ton of bricks.

“I…I don’t know, baby. I am here now”, I struggled to get my words out of my choked up throat.

“I’m not ready.”

Neither am I, I thought.

Time goes by in a different way when you don’t have human needs. Or when you don’t have a body, altogether. Your sniffing was the only thing that took me out of the state I was in. Holding on to you. Focusing on feeling your body close to mine. Listening to your breathing. An almost meditative state I could’ve stayed in forever. But you were getting cold and you’d end up getting sick.

I shifted around and scurried out of the place I had been occupying to kneel right before you, to look at you in the eyes and grab your hand.

“Baby, listen. Listen to me!” I shook your hand forcefully and you looked straight through me, but you were attentive.

“You can’t do this to yourself. Tomorrow you’re calling your mom first thing in the morning and you’re going to live with her for a while. Until you get better, hm?” I made a stop waiting for some kind of response that never came, although something inside me told me you were getting the message.

“You have a lot of things to live and many people who love and care for you. You can’t do this to them, do you understand?” I caressed your face with the palm of my hand and you leaned into my touch, but your eyes still looked for me around the room.

“You are…the better half of us two. You need to go on living for us both. Remember that list of stuff we wanted to do together?” The knot on my throat barely let me speak, but I soldiered on. “You’re gonna do it all! You have time, you have money and lots of friends who are going to come along. You are not alone. You can still enjoy life. And someday, you will laugh again, baby. You will laugh the same way you always used to do. And I’m gonna be watching it all and laughing with you.”

Tears rolled down your face freely. Jackie, who had until that point been grooming herself at your lap, leapt off you and trailed off the bathroom, tail proudly raised and almost dry.

“If it weren’t for that cat, you may not be here now,” I said mostly to myself as I noticed you eyes following your pet. “She’s just a small portion of all the people in the world that love you and would be devastated if you were gone, myself included. Please don’t do it, baby. Please live, for me.”

I will always wonder how much of my message I managed to get across to you and how much you actually were able to take in, considering not only the extremely unusual circumstances, but the fact that there was the equivalent of more than half a bottle of whiskey still running through your system. You leaned back into the wall of the tub and nodded softly to yourself.

“Please don’t go,” your request came softly and chocked up, sobs starting to form at the back of your throat.

I slid down to the floor so my head was resting on your lap, in the same spot Jackie had occupied before; kissing every patch of skin I had access to in the way. I felt extremely tired and groggy and your image before my eyes got progressively hazy.

“I won’t. I will always watch over you. I love you,” were the last words to come out of my lips before I closed my eyes.

_______________________________

(Sorry Jackie for throwing you into freezing water)

Any feedback welcome!

GUARDIAN I

Masterlist

More Ksoo:

Everyday (OC/Fluff)

Kyungsoo smiles as he brushes her hair back, her features small and gracious, lips plump like his and her thick, black hair fell in a messy curtain around her eyes. He laughed a little, at how delicate she was and how her small hands splayed across his arms as her face nuzzled the hard muscle of his chest. 

You smiled, the scene causing your heart to tighten in your chest as you stood in the doorway of your daughter’s room. 

“She misses you a lot…” Your voice was soft, not wanting to disturb her as she slept. 

“I know,” His voice was thick, a low sound that soothed you, a familiar sound that you craved to hear when your heart longed for him on quiet nights, “I miss her so much…” 

A sad smile tainted your lips as you walked over to the small bed, squeezing yourself onto the other side of your daughter, the small girl cuddled up between you both. 

“I’m glad your home,” You whispered it gently, letting the for now echo in the back of your mind as you left a small kiss to the back of her head. Kyungsoo’s hand reached out through the sheets to grab your own, interlocking your fingers and squeezing gently. 

“I miss you too…” His voice is soft, eyes meeting your own in the darkness, the orbs swirling with an intensity that you missed. 

“I know…” Your own eyes surveyed the military uniform your husband still wore, his arrival home only being a few hours ago and his departure being something that you knew would come quicker than you or your daughter would like. 

You both laid there, your hands interlocked and letting the small moment wash over you as your daughters small form laid asleep between you both. She reminded you of Kyungsoo a lot, her plush lips and bright eyes mimicking your husband’s, as well as the thick black hair that was always a struggle to tame - even her personality was similar, her eagerness to cook, her intelligence and shy, but refined attitude left you astounded sometimes. She was only 4, already on track to starting school and you could have sworn the years flew by. 

You supposed it was harder for Kyungsoo, having to go away on military business for 4 months at a time, yet he always made the effort to call and talk to both you and your daughter and despite his absences, he was still a better father and husband than you could have ever asked for.

He was the first to sit up, letting go of your hand to get off of the bed, leaving a small kiss on the crown of his daughter’s head and helping you up off of the other side. You felt him pull your body against his, his arms wrapping tight around you, holding you tightly, “Its the moments like these that I miss the most.” Kyungsoo’s voice was soft in your ear, pulling back gently to leave a small kiss on your lips. 

You smiled, your hand finding his once again to interlock your fingers, “I think I might miss your cooking more,” You teased. 

Kyungsoo chuckled, his lips finding their way to your own again and leaving a gentle kiss as he muttered for you to shut up. 

“I’m kidding,” You mumbled into his lips, “I miss the moments where its all of us the most, where we can just be a family.” 

Kyungsoo nodded, “But let’s not think about that… I’d rather have a shower and get out of this uniform.” 

Junmyeon

You guys met at one of the designer parties he attends to. Despite being in the same industry, you guys haven’t really faced each other. He was probably too busy tending to his members.

In that moment, he finally had enough courage or time to actually talk to you. He really liked how you guys shared many struggles, from trainee days and even today. “I really understood your struggles back then. Adjusting to a new country and lifestyle is really hard.” He said to you as he patted your shoulders.

Junmyeon would give out flowers every promotion you had. Even if your group didn’t win, you always get a bouquet from him. Your members started assuming that he has a liking on you.

Your family started to notice his actions as well. “Are you sure that Junmyeon isn’t courting you?” Your concerned father asked. He loves his unica hija (lit. unique daughter, in context: only daughter) too much to just let her go with a mere guy. He has to know more about Junmyeon before letting his child date him.

It seemed like everyone around you are just beating around the bush because of his actions around you. But all that was worth it as he went to your parents and asked them if he can court you. “Mr. and Mrs. (Surname), I like your daughter (Name). Can I court her?” He asked them. - The parents did not even question it since Suho is such a sweetheart

Junmyeon also started exploring more about the Philippines, knowing that his beautiful girlfriend is from the country. He would firstly look up at pieces of art made by Filipino artists (with the likes of Fernando Amorsolo and Juan Luna), it would be a bonus if you’re interested in art as well. Most of your conversations would end up being about you guy’s cultures and how the painters showed the message they want to put out there.

He would also end up being really curious about the language as well. I can see him trying to learning the language just for you. “Sobrang mahal kita, ikaw ang aking mundo” He says with a cute bashful smile. It still sounded different because of his Korean accent. You found it quite endearing that he will go through all this lengths to impress you and show how much he loves you.

Minseok

For Xiumin... hmm... it’s hard because I can’t really picture Xiumin with a Filipino girl or a foreigner in general. It’s not that he doesn’t like Foreigners, but I am very unsure about it. Like Kyungsoo, he is really into girls that are more traditional.

Like everyone else, Minseok would be really interested in your culture. The delicious food, the language you spoke. He would always listen to the way your voice shifted when you speak to him and to your parents. “Ma okay lang ako... nag-iingat naman po kami ni Minseok.” You spoke to your worried mother over the phone.

Although I can see him trying to actually learn Tagalog just for you. He would learn it in secret until he was fluent enough to tell you that “(Y/N) ikaw lamang ang aking mamahalin” and write you a whole essay on why he loves you just in Tagalog.

In music shows, like Junmyeon, he will send you lots of flowers because that is exactly where you guys met at. Every time your group had a comeback that was around the same time as his, he will always look at you and got the courage to sneak in his phone number.

Minseok texts you a lot, telling you if you got his flowers or if your parents approved of him. - Of course your parents approved of him, even saying that you grew up too fast as you now have a boyfriend. 

You guys haven’t had the time to be together due to his military enlistement, but as soon as he can hold his phone again, you were the one of the first people he messaged. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you” He said.

But out of all the EXO members, he gave you the sweetest confession at a park at night. “I want to say that I enjoy your company and I am thinking about my future with you.” He said to you as his hands cupped your face.

Yixing

I remember the time he said PhiliPENIS, this man right here lol. Anyway, jokes aside I think Yixing would be really interested in your culture. It is a bonus point that both of you are foreigners and are in the same industry. Like Suho, Yixing met you in one of those luxury parties hosted by fashion labels.

You immediately caught his eyes, the look you were wearing really suited you. The colors were beautiful, just like you. When the cameras aren’t rolling, this is where he would move. He would DM you via instagram and that is where you guys will start to talk. It went from simple “how are you?”, to the more complicated topics. You were his home, the place he would go to if he’s stress.

It would definitely be a bonus if you like doing music. You would be singing many of his demos so that he can really see if he did a great job. His source of inspiration is you as he stays late at night to compose something for him.

Even if you’re an idol, your relationship would still be long distance as he is in China and you’re in Korea, promoting with your group. (With some sneaky flights to China), “I miss you Yixing...” You smiled at him as you looked at the screen, Yixing is working hard in the studio.

“I miss you too... I wish I can hug you.” He said to you, his eyes somber as he looked at the screen of his phone, seated at his studio, working on a new song. Every time you guys kissed, hugged or touched each other, it felt more electrifying as you have never met him often.

Since he had always been a dancer, I can see him trying to learn Cariñosa (I had a dream like this aaaa), he would be really curious at the many dances the Philippines offered.

(Note: I have to cut the reaction for Yixing because I might get political and I don’t wanna get in jail anytime soon lol)

Baekhyun

I feel Baekhyun would be a bit more safer with a Filipino girl (given what happened to his ex-girlfriend). I can see him being with one as he was the one who came up with the Phixo name in the first place.

He would protect you so much to the point that he will not reveal you guys are together. With what happened to Taeyeon and to think that you are a Filipino idol, which means you are certainly the pride of your country. He would rather reveal you at the right time. (When will that be at this rate)

You met him at a music show while promoting his solo stuff. He really enjoyed your group’s performance as well. You became immediately his favorite member for your talent and eye-catching looks. He knew you already since debut and thought you were really pretty, but it took to another level when he saw you personally.

His jaw dropped at your looks, you were unique unlike any other idols. With his social skills, he didn’t hesitate to talk to you backstage and that is where you guys really took off.

I can see you and him are variety idols. - Reminds me of Heechul and Momo. You guys would always come up with the stupidest jokes. Bonus points if you are a gamer as well. You guys would always fight at the latest RPG games out there. “I beat your ass!” You said to him while laughing at his loss in the game.

Baekhyun would also sing songs for you (like Kyungsoo and Chanyeol). He would sing all your favorite songs in Tagalog just for you!!!! I am fangirling in the inside as I imagine Baekhyun singing songs to make you sleep aaaa He would also try to explore your culture as he would try out your favorite food as well. 

“Wow this thing tastes delicious!” Baekhyun remarked as he poured the soup over the rice. A smile formed in your face as he eagerly ate the food. You looked at him, lovingly observing him. You were glad he really enjoyed the food you made.

In later years, when he finally think that you will be the one that he truly wants to be with forever, he will choose to settle in the Philippines as the media and paparazzi there is not as crazy as the ones in Korea.

Chanyeol

For Chanyeol, I think you guys met through MC-ing, You guys were partnered up to MC a music show. Since your cute bickering in the music show aired on TV, your fans started shipping the two of you. It ended up with you guys talking more to each other backstage. Recommending songs and telling your problems to each other were the most topics of you guys’ conversations.

He ends up giving his number as you guys message each other more and more often. He was the first one to fall for you. Falling for the first time your eyes laid on his. You fell for him in no time, enjoying his company.

Because of you, he would listen to Filipino music. Particularly, I can see Chanyeol liking old Filipino bands such as Silent Sanctuary, Eraserheads, Parokya Ni Edgar, and Orange & Lemons. He would always sing their songs to you every time you guys meet. You guys would even have Karaoke nights where you just sing songs. “I heard Filipinos are good singers.” He told you as he handed out the mic.

You laughed as you started singing. - Obviously you would be a good singer as you debuted in an idol group and is a known kontesera (a woman who participated in many singing contests). He was charmed by how captivating your voice was.

You became the topic of many songs by Chanyeol. Your eyes, your loving words, your everything. - He loved every single part of it. Hell he can even dedicate a whole album just for how much he loves you and how you are an important part of his life.

You went to the Philippines to have your vacation. As you were enjoying your family’s company, suddenly you heard a familiar voice. You stood up from your couch and looked down at the window. “(Name)! This one’s for you!” Your eyes widened as you saw that it was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol started strumming his guitar. The view looked amazing, the stars twinkled, he looked ethereal as he looked up to meet your eyes.Your parents peeked with you as their heard his voice. “Uso pa ba ang harana?” He started singing the song with his low voice. He was singing Harana by Parokya Ni Edgar. 

Kyungsoo

People would be rather shocked as Kyungsoo is the type of guy to date a traditional Korean girl. But I can also see him truly appreciating a Filipina girl. He firstly found you quite weird because he

It was you who made the first move. Your group is promoting your comeback at the same time EXO was. You hesitantly sneaked your phone number into his sandwich. You watched him open it, as you thought he was going to throw the paper away, he didn’t. He kept it in his pocket and went along.

With his sweet voice, like Chanyeol, he always sang many Tagalog songs with you. (I remember the time when they sang ‘Hawak Kamay’ in the dream concert). Your parents would’ve approved of him quite fast, being such a good, well mannered man. He is the dream son-in-law for every parent 

Kyungsoo had always been so protective of you because of you being Filipino, you had a lot of supporters since rookie days. Your kababayan would be really dismayed if there was bad news about you. He wouldn’t like you to lose your career. (Even more if you’re supporting your family)

“After boiling the tamarind, what comes next?” Kyungsoo asked you as he was chopping the spareribs in the battered cutting board. He always does this. He makes random food from your childhood. One day it was adobo, the other day it was caldereta, now it’s sinigang na baboy.

You smiled at him as you spoke a reply, “The ribs.” You clung to him as you wrapped your hands underneath his apron. Wrapping him in a tight embrace.

Jongin

In the Filipino side of the fandom, affectionately called “Phixos” by Baekhyun, Jongin has been called a Filipino. It was because of his looks (his charming eyes, his tanned skin) and his frequent visits to Cebu. Some fans even jokingly say that Jongin would settle with a Filipino girl or along those lines.

It wouldn’t be a shock for the Filipino fandom that Jongin chose a Filipino girl. It would be something that they would even celebrate, the fact that Jongin dated a kababayan. (Fellow Filipino)

You guys met in a photoshoot of a local magazine. He was impressed with your modeling skills, despite you being a rookie in it. Of course, you were intimidated with him as he is the Gucci ambassador. Right after the rather sexy photoshoot, you guys gave each other numbers. You guys started DM-ing each other via Instagram.

Jongin would be just as interested in learning Tagalog than English. In your very long conversations, he would always talk to you in Taglish (Tagalog and English) so that you are more comfortable talking to him. Rather than him talking in long paragraphs of Korean text. He finds it amazing that you speak more than two languages.

Your leader would joke about you being awake at ungodly hours listening to Jongin’s honey voice as he tries to sing when you can’t sleep. Or sometimes it would be his heavily accented English or Filipino. You wouldn’t say anything, but everyone already knows. As soon as your magazine gets through publication, everyone would start shipping you guys together. Searching the deepest depths of the internet for ship-able moments for the two of you.

“I’ve been to Cebu two times last year.” He said to you, smiling as he showed some polaroids from his Cebu trip. Your handsome boyfriend was seated on the couch. You were just chilling in your own apartment.

“You’ve been to Cebu two times in one year?! I haven’t even been to that place ever!” Your eyes were wide with shock, you almost dropped the popcorn you were munching on. How can someone travel twice to a foreign country? - You thought to yourself.

Sehun

It was love at first sight for the maknae. As soon as he saw you passing by on a music show, he cannot take his eyes off you, following all of your available SNS. His eyes were glued at you as he sneaked his number on an Inkigayo sandwich. He was also your secret fanboy, cheering and supporting you while you perform. Sehun always congratulates you on every comeback/release, messaging you on Kakaotalk on how are you doing that time or saying that he’s happy for you.

As soon as you received his number, you cannot imagine that out of all people, it was Sehun from EXO who gave you his phone number. It was like a dream come true. After emptying out your schedule, you immediately called Sehun. - From there, you guys started talking and having feelings developed.

He started being more curious about Filipino culture all because of you. He started researching it in his free time. - I can see Sehun date a foreigner, so I think the culture is not really a hurdle for him. 

Surprisingly, you were the one who made the first move. Not Sehun. You confessed to him very confidently. But since the cultural difference, he hasn’t met your parents. As soon as your schedules were empty, you guys went to the Philippines to find your parents and introduce him to them.

Sehun was standing nervously in front of your house’s gate. It was his first time visiting your family. He was shaking to the point that he cannot even move. You looked at him in the eye and asked him, “Is anything wrong?” you asked as you pat his shoulders, calming him down.

“No, nothing.” He said as he shook his head as he held the bouquet tightly in his hands. Then you saw your mother that opened the gate. - They were more than glad that they get to meet your precious Sehun.