#disordered sleep

I can write, I really can! I am a decent writer. But then I can't actually write because life and health are in the way. By the time I have a moment, it's so late and I'm so tired...there is no room for more thoughts and more words and more hard work. Staying up late (hi! It's almost 13:00 here!) is also not an option considering I wake up several times a night or stay awake scratching my poor skin. I'm so tired and broken but all I want to do is write without feeling like my brain will fall out of my ear 😭

Not me at 10:45 at night, yawning like crazy, knowing I'll hit a second wind in 20 minutes. 🥱🤣🤣🤣

Granted I'd been up for 30 hours and very stressed/overstimulated, but.. a bit ago I was just sitting, going through some things, and I looked up at dereck and the entire room started spinning intensely for about 5 seconds before stopping. Now I feel incredibly weak and unstable. Yes I'm sleep deprived but that's not unusual for me, what the fuck just happened. I'm also far far far more stressed right now than I have been in a long time and was basically just shaking all day for some reason. Are they related? Are they not? I don't know! But I hate this! Fuck. I'm going to bed, this better just be sleep deprivation.

almost completely failed to eat my meal last night because i made the mistake of eating a bit and then pausing late at night (the classic mistake, because eating a bit causes me to feel satiety and lose motivation and it being late at night means im going to keep myself up for too long until i pass out). but im practicing acceptance and hey, i tried a new food, i ate some of it at least, it’s not like i can’t afford this, and i can make more food whenever i want.