#discontented

Can be so hard not to dwell on all the times he made me feel bad in any way. Its not helpful to ruminate on it, its not productive, it does no good at all. But I cant help remembering those times where I told him I felt like an outcast and his friends only tolerated me because I'm his friend and that they didnt like me, and they were mean to me when he wasnt there to see it. And his response, every time? "LMAO tru". Oh okay. You're one of them and I was too blind to see it

Also I dont how many fucking times I've had to do the same old song and dance with him about how he doesn't fucking own me, he has no control over my life, he has no right be as insanely fucking jealous as he gets, because we are not dating! We never have! He's told me a few times that he likes me romantically, and every single time I've had to tell him the feeling is not reciprocated, we are just friends. He agrees and says he'll take steps to manage his feelings and glad we had this talk etc etc etc. But then its right back to how it was, he's incredibly possessive and jealous and develops a deep resentment to anyone in my life who isn't him. At this point I'm done trying to gently explain to him that I'm a lesbian and hes a man, theres been twice where he's told me, indirectly and directly, that he would detransition if it meant I would date him. Like. What a truly evil thing to say. Why would you put me in that position. Also he has said that both times while being engaged. And his fiance is a gay man. So he would not only put me in the highly uncomfortable position of deciding his gender, he would also put the ultimatum on his fiance of, "break up with me or change your sexuality". Why didnt I stop talking to him sooner. Why did I put up with all this shit and more

I've pretty much all but stopped talking to that male friend I was having issues with because in late October we met up for dinner and he proceeded to say a bunch of cruel, uncalled for shit about me and my wife. Idk I looked at his apology again yesterday and something about it just doesn't sit right, I'm not sure what though. Like, he started it off with, "I didn't know I was being disrespectful" so obviously thats pretty shitty, but there's something else thats bothering me. Also after that he immediately started acting like things are normal again. Earlier this week he said he hopes he can come visit us around new years and tbh he's out of his fucking mind if he thinks he's welcome in my house anymore. Maybe in several months if I'm feeling generous. Maybe.