this is all a convoluted combination of external ableism, internalized ableism, and some insurmountable quality of unknown origin within me that makes me completely unable to feel worthy of taking care of myself in any way. wasn't sure if i was going to share this comic but it feels important.
i have a hunch of what's going on but i don't know for sure yet and im not looking into getting diagnosed until moving back to the side of the state where there's a possibility of finding a decent doctor.
if any friends who use mobility aids have any insight on starting to do so, i'm all ears. don't know that i'll ever feel 'disabled enough' to even like. get a cane. but who knows. maybe i'll undergo some character development. or i'll push myself so far that i fully stop functioning. we'll see which comes first.