#detect thoughts

MC:

😂

How is this D&D related? Why the Bardic College of Satire, of course! Whenever a creature resists the thought probe of your Detect Thoughts ability, they suffer a retributive gaffe. The passage suggests a few, but I want more ideas and random tables! As a player, knowing that the effect will be random will usually be far funnier than whatever you come up with, because it adds to the surprise! Use this as a player or use this as a DM to describe the outcome for your resident Fool. I call the college of satire bard a fool lovingly, you must understand.

List of Comical Gaffes

Roll 1d40 (1d4-1 in the tens place and 1d10 in the ones place or use a dice rolling app):

Loudly pass gas

Unleash a thunderous burp

Trip and fall

Be compelled to tell a tasteless joke

Suddenly become tongue-tied and can only speak in gibberish for a round

Insult someone by accident

Get whacked in the genitals by a nearby object for 1 damage

Slip on garbage like a fruit peel or sewage

Suddenly have butterfingers and struggle to tightly grasp anything

Some of their clothing falls off, usually their belt suddenly loosening

Blurt out some secret completely irrelevant to the story, like professing their hidden crush on someone in the room

Lose their train of thought and they cannot for the life them remember what they were about to say

Suddenly gain hiccups for 5d6 minutes, making most speech difficult

Accidentally bump into, trip over, or harm someone. Usually someone comically bigger than them

Helmet or headgear falls over eyes, blinding them for 1 round

Starts laughing uncontrollably

Instead of talking, just does a raspberry for several uncomfortably long seconds

Wets themselves

Is splashed with a nearby source of liquid such as a fountain or someone dumping their waste into the street

Picks their nose and looks at it

Knocks over something valuable nearby, breaking it

Accidentally performs a rude gesture

Attempts to tell a terrible pun. Waits several seconds in silence for someone to laugh.

Weapon falls out of holster or belt.

They emit a foul scent that they cannot pinpoint the source of (but everyone knows its coming from them)

Falls face-first into a plate of food, bowl of soup, spittoon, etc.

Some nearby object hits them in the head, going through an intricate Rube Goldberg machine of obstacles if necessary

A bird poops on their face

Something spooks them and they let out a high-pitched squeal as they jump into a nearby person's arms

They do a spit-take at whatever is currently being talked about, regardless of how unsurprising it is

They are stung by a small insect and part of their body swells up like a balloon

They begin to sneeze uncontrollably

They gain an annoying whistle in their nose whenever they breathe. The noise is just perceptible enough to be annoying but not enough to warrant question. It goes away after a long rest (but continues during sleep)

They become hoarse and can barely whisper out their words for an hour

A button flies off of their shirt as if they suddenly gained a few pounds. The button hits someone else in the back of the head

They suddenly become irrationally hot or cold

They start to blush for no reason at all, but others don't know why they are suddenly blushing

They let out a bark or meow like a cat for a round or two

They start telling a really long story badly

They forgot to wear their brown pants today