#denialjournal

Father’s day fell on my 24th day without an orgasm.  I got daddy the BEST PRESENT EVER and he loved it.  We spent the day together and went to a nice dinner.  When we got home from dinner daddy told me to get on my hands and knees, pull down my panties and pull up my dress. He went to the bedroom and got my stuffed hippo that I snuggle and bite into when daddy beats me. He threw in on the floor in front of me. Daddy said he was going to beat me with the vampire paddle, but he couldn’t find it.  I was disappointed and then even more disappointed when he brought out the super thick cane.  I HATE IT!  It feels like a thud, it doesn’t cut in to me like the bamboo cane does and half the time it doesn’t even leave marks!  I love the marks and the pain that I feel for days after.  It's a constant reminder that I belong to daddy and that I'm uncomfortable because he wanted to beat me.  He had fun and I am in pain, and the marks are so pretty! Daddy beat me,  I didn’t start crying at first, I was irritated because I didn’t get the paddle I wanted him to use.  Sometimes I forget that Daddy does what he wants to and I don’t get a say.  I am his. I belong to Daddy, he is in charge, he makes the decisions and I trust him completely.  That’s when I broke and started crying.  Please daddy, stop, I’m sorry! He kept going for a few more minutes before saying Okay, 10 more.  He did the first 6 at a steady pace, then he slowed down for the last 4, they were the worst and it seemed to take forever, each one was worse than the one before.  I was a sobbing mess on the floor by the end.  Daddy went to sit on the couch and told me to crawl over to him.  I crawled between his legs and sobbed in to his stomach while he pet my head.  I asked if I was a good girl and he said Not always, but then you get beat and everything is right again.  

 We got into bed and I sucked Daddys dick for a few minutes before he told me to lick his balls.  I got down between his legs and lapped every inch of his balls with my tongue. I kept going lower and burying my face in his balls. I knew I couldn’t touch my pussy because I would get too excited and I am not allowed to have orgasms for at least another week, maybe not till July… Maybe not till I go back to work in August, daddy hasn’t decided yet.  Sometimes I hope he lets me, and sometimes I hope he makes me wait till New Years or something crazy.  If I touched my pussy with my face buried in daddys balls and my tongue working toward his asshole I would cum immediately.   I wanted my daddy’s cum all over my face.  I want him to degrade me in so many ways.  I was hoping he would cum all over my face and not let me wash it off till I got home, but I got over excited and thought he was going to cum, so I stopped licking to make sure I was ready, and I ruined everything!! Ugh.  

So, last night. I got all dressed up, shaved everything, did my hair, applied a nice red lip, put on heels, grabbed my little bag of toys and headed out to meet my friends at 8. I was meeting the women who dominated me last weekend but this time I was meeting her and her Dom for a session. We were having a little wine before to loosen everyone up and clear off some nerves. We drank in their kitchen, laughing and enjoying the wine, I was getting that lovely warm feeling of alcohol that pools in your sex when Miss suggested we go upstairs to the bedroom. The idea we had worked out before was me as the bottom Miss as the middle and Sir as the top.

The room was illuminated with candles and soft lights, I stood in my bare feet, butterflies in my stomach, my clit already calling out for attention and my panties growing wet. Miss closed the door and sir grabbed me leading me to her, “you will undress her, fully.” I looped my fingers under the edge of her shirt my fingers just skimming her soft skin as I lifted it over her head. I dropped into the ground, wrapping my arms around her to unhook her bra, kissing the nook in her neck as I pulled the straps over her shoulders. I pulled her pants down making my way to my knees, slipping them off and moving her foot up to my leg so I could slip the stocking off, kissing down her calf as I went. I came back up my face at her waist kissing the notch of her hip bone as I slipped my thumbs into her waistband, running them back and forth before I pulled them down laying another kiss on her naked mound.

“Alright now stand up so Miss can undress you,” Sir commanded. I rocked back on my toes coming to standing, Miss pulls my shirt off overhead then undoes my pants letting them fall to the floor where I kick them off. She spins me then to face Sir who’s been sitting on the bed pulling my panties down as she does, then she unhooks my bra cupping my breasts as my bra falls to the ground. I turn thinking for a moment this is the first time I have ever been naked in front of two people, I smile and look down slightly tempted to cover myself but resist. Sir stands up before me, lifting his shirt to expose his belt, “Now me” he commands.

Miss gives me a quick slap on the butt before leaving to grab my toys. I start to work on the buckle, pulling it off in one go, “Fold it nicely and place it on the bed please.” I do as I am told then undo his pants and pull them off, his erection spinning free, and stand to lift his shirt over his head. His hands come down on my body then, running up and down my sides, running over my ass, between my cheeks, down my front and between my lips. He smiles at the wetness there already. His touch as Miss watches excites, his hot breath on my neck, “Is this alright” he breaths, I nod pushing back to meet him. Miss lays out two butt plugs, one for her and one for me as Sir makes his way behind me pinning my arms to my back and forcing my chest out. Miss came over to us, and started to play with my breasts again, pinching, pulling and twisting my nipples. I felt Sirs erecting pressing up against my back and moved my hands down to rub it while pushing my butt into him. Then Miss released my nipples giving each breast a slap before motioning to Sir who shoved me onto the bed Miss laying down beside me. I spread my legs slightly more as Sir started to explore, drawing his fingers down into my wetness and back up. I heard the lube open and felt his finger slip into my ass, he moved in and out then I felt the plug replacing his finger, he drew it up and down my length before pushing it into me I savored the expansion and the plug sinking into me. Sir slapped each of my cheeks then and told me to wait. He moved over to play with Miss then, she is newer to anal plugs and she squirmed and moaned as it went in. I stayed still as Sir came back over to me sticking two fingers into me curing them around, coating them in my juices then he grabbed my hair turning me to look at Miss as he slipped his fingers into her mouth. I inhale sharply biting my lip at the fire that stirs in me. They both stood up then Sir sitting down on the bed beside me sliding his knee under my hip, so my ass rose up higher into the air, the anticipation of a spanking washed over me, mixed with the pleasure. I couldn’t see behind me as Sir's hand tangled into my hair and forced my face into the bed, but I knew Miss was there waiting and then the first hit came, loud and hard across my ass. As miss worked away sir moved his attention to my neck, his large hand encircling to restrict my breathing. I love breath play because it heightens the experience, the restricted blood and air pull all my focus to what’s happening to me there is no room for distraction. Miss pauses, and I feel the belt come down hard across my ass giving a little just and a cry, inhaling as the sting from that one sets in, and I hear water running in the bathroom. Then Sir moves the belt to my throat, encircling it and pulling it tight, as I feel Miss’s hand come down across my ass, wet, it’s loud and it hurts, I can feel the welt form and the heat spread out. The other hand comes down quickly afterward, I cry out and wiggle unable to hold still as the heat from this one spreads across my cheeks and the belt tightens. I thank Miss and ask for another as she rubs my cheeks commenting on how hot they were, I wiggle as he touch sends fire up me, Sir pushes a hand into my back telling me to stay still and I try to oblige. Miss has the belt then and starts to work on the back of my legs, quick sharp hits up and down, each one sending a little jolt up me, but I hold still, thanking Miss after each hit and requesting another. She stops the running her fingers over my hot ass.

“Its very hot and red isn’t it Sir?”

“Mmm, yes, it is, does it hurt?” his hand joined hers squeezing.

“Yes, it does Sir.”

“It is going to be sore tomorrow when you sit, and you are going to think of us and you are going to want to touch yourself, but you’re not going to are you?”

“No, I am not Sir.”

“Now, I have been told you have some skill at tying breasts and I would like you to demon straight those for me on Miss and then on yourself.”

I stand meeting miss at the foot of the bed grabbing my rope from the floor, I decided to tie her breasts so they are pulled apart with four neat rows of rope to point each breast out. I take my time biting each nipple then I pull back and ask permission to apply clothespins to each nipple, which she gives. I pull them off with my mouth then watch as Sir plays with her, my eyes roving hungrily as I tie my own breasts tightly together. Miss takes the pins then applying two to each breast, and giving them a tug, Sir giving them a squeeze sending tingles through me to my pussy. I inhale sharply as she pulls them off. Sir comes to my front, pinching my tender nipple hard and lifting up, I rose on my toes to met him giving a small cry of ‘ow’. He stops then grabbing my hair, pulling my head back so I looked at him.

“I don’t want to hear you say that word again, is that understood?” his eyes bore into me as he raised a hand and slapped my face.

“Yes, I am sorry sir,” I met his eyes as he gives my tender nipple one final savage pinch.

“Good, now why don’t you help me thank Miss properly for the punishment she gave you.”

Miss got onto the bed spreading her legs wide and I got up in between them, excited to taste her again and excited for a chance to please her. I knelt between her my lips meeting hers, I started to move my tongue up and down pushing it into her wetness, tasting her wetness spill into my mouth. She was sweet and tangy and very wet, I focused on her engorged clit starting to pull moans from her lips and send quivers through her. Sir was behind us watching and I felt him move between my legs he started to move the butt plug pushing it in little circles inside me. I cried out into Miss’s pussy trusting my tongue deep as pleasure shot up me I moved back craving more from him, the little circles giving me to little my ass craved more, and he gave more. As I sucked on Miss’s clit pushing and pulling with my tongue, Sir started to pull the plug out and push it back in, I was moaning and gasping into her pussy trying to focus on her pleasure as he started to push a finger into me, telling me to relax as he pushed a second finger in. Then he was gone, and my ass was left empty and craving, I wanted more but I could focus on Miss now. Sir came around to sit on Miss’s face, so she could struggle to breathe while I pleasured her, I saw Sir’s cock hard and wanton resting on her chest, so I slipped a finger then two into her pussy running them across her G-spot her body bucking under my touch and I moved up to take him in my mouth. We stay like this a triangle of pleasure Sir bouncing up and down on Miss’s face while I work his tip and her clit, or I take him deep and work my fingers deep into her wetness, my fingers slick with it. I have never pleased a man and a woman at the same time, it is like patting my head and rubbing my tummy at the same time, but my wetness is dripping down my legs as I work to please them both.

We flip after a while, so I am laying on my back, I lick my fingers clean enjoying one last taste of Miss. I spread my legs wide as Sir comes between my legs, I am so needy now, I crave touch and I want penetration. He pushes two fingers into me and it is my turn to buck and writhe. Miss joins us on the bed pins in hand, she clamps them in a circle around my nipple, the rope is gone but the skin is still tender. However, the pleasure from Sir’s fingers coursing through me dulls the pain, even as she pulls them off and presses the flesh down pain flooding out from her touch. Sir is driving me with his finger, they curl and are relentless in the pleasure they are giving me, he pulls my legs up exposing me further. My breath is coming hard and fast and my head starting to spin with the pleasure, then his hand clamps down over my mouth and nose, restricting all breath. I arch and fight to get air that he is not giving as he continues to move his fingers, my whole body is building when he pulls his hand away an I take a deep inhale. “I suggest you take your breaths when I offer them to you” he commands in a dark voice again his hand on my neck forcing me to meet his eyes. I inhale again taking his advice.

Miss wants an orgasm then, so sir and I flip to please her again, him on her face and me at her pussy. I grabbed the wand knowing she needed the vibrations to get there. I lick up and down her lips before turning the vibrator on. She was at the edge, bucking and she wanted to touch but Sir grabbed her hands telling her not to touch, holding her down, pinning her in her writhing pleasure. Miss likes to orgasm, but it is particular for her as it is for many women, you need specific stimulation and what I was giving her kept getting her to the edge but not pushing her over when she couldn’t take it anymore she cried out for a reprieve and with a devilish grin on my face I asked her if she wanted to be denied, something she is not a fan of and she said yes, so I pulled the vibrator away feeling her denial and need in my body.  Sir looked up at me, “your turn”, I smiled nervously as we moved so I could lay down again.

Miss grabbed the pins and wand while sir got on my chest his erection resting under my chin. I felt Miss start to clip my lips, it was just a dull pinch at this point I was riding a pleasure high, she pushed them to the side to sit the wand on my clit and pushed a finger into me then starts the vibrator. As she works away at me Sir offers his cock for me to take again in my mouth which I do happily. He places my hands behind my head as I start to move pleasure vibrating through me, he tells me not to move so I don’t. He alternates between his hand on my face, restricting my breathing and allowing me to take him in my mouth. When I am close I call out, asking permission and am denied, the vibrations stop and Sir slaps his hand back over my mouth causing me to buck and writhe under him with need and want. Then Miss starts to pull off the clips and rub my sore lips I cry out silently into his hand my need for breath building with my need for release. When Sir removes his hand, I suck air into my lungs satisfying one need.

We flip again then Miss on the bottom, me on top of her, and Sir behind me. I pay attention to Miss’s breast bitting and nipping, drawing her nipples to hard points. Sir is behind me drawing his cock up and down my sex, in between my cheeks, I want him in me, I want him in my ass, I push back to meet him, and slowly he enters me. I embrace the full feeling the stretching the deepness Sir is giving me, my sharp breaths are pooling down Miss’s neck until Sir reaches around to cover my mouth and nose. Then he starts to move faster in and out of me my body cries out for breath and I open my mouth, but he just pulls harder forcing me back to him when he releases, and I gasp, moaning from the pleasure. He continues, pulling out of me fully then driving back in each thrust sending shivers down my spine as I moan in Miss’s ear. He pulls out then stepping back, he switches condoms quickly then mounts us again this time pushing deep into Miss, filling her pussy with his erection. He fucks her then me in the middle denied as they both enjoy each other, the weight of both of us on Miss. There is something divine about being fucked on another person and having another person fucked under you, I felt the intimacy of touch, but I had none, it was a stolen experience of another’s pleasure.  

It was time to bring Miss to orgasm then, she had waited long enough, and she hates denial. I sat on her face this time feeling her hot breath on my pussy and she got to hold the wand, bringer herself the touch she needed. Sir started inside her, but didn’t stay for long, she wanted me to pleasure him while she came to orgasm, so he stood up his needy cock at my mouth and I took him. I alternated between working up and down the shaft, and the tip, he quaked when I bounced my lips over the edge of his tip. When I took him deep into my throat he brought his hands to my head holding himself deep within me, I struggled once and he told me not to push away. I squeezed my lips as I moved up and down him, he held my nose tight at one point, but I didn’t stop. Then something amazing happened, Miss cried out from below me. “I am cumming,” her voice muffled by my ass, then Sir cried out “Me too.” I took him deep tasting his explosion of pleasure in my mouth, as Miss writhed and bucked under me her whole body shaking in a body-wrecking orgasm. Sir stepped away from me then and I folded over to lick up Miss’s orgasm before getting off her.

Today was an amazing day filled with new experiences, I have been wanting to explore with women for a while now and a few weeks ago I met up with a lovely little blond woman who wanted to explore dominating a girl, and today we had our first session. I was nervous and excited, mostly excited and I was really happy I was exploring myself and my pleasure.

We started in the bedroom where she asked me to undress for her, she wanted to examine me, see what she was working with. I stripped down to my panties and stood as she walked around me, closing the door and giving my ass a smack before telling me to get up on the bed. I did as I was told, laying down on my back, my legs together. She joined me on the bed, reaching down she tugged at my panties, “You are not going to need these.” She tossed them from the bed then gave my knees a push, so I let them fall open full fully exposed to her and she reached down, cupping my pussy. She started to move, one finger just trailing lazily, as she told me to remove my bra. I was already wet, I could feel it in the slipping of her finger.

“We are going to start with the wand today,” she said, waving it as she brought it down spreading my lips. I immediately arched, the vibrations sending need pulsing up through me. I drove down into it, meeting, she pulled away, grabbing a hand full of clothespins. She put three on each lip then put two on each breast, around my nipple, the pain from them was limited, my body still riding the high from the vibrator. Then she started to pull them, twist them, squeeze them, she grabbed the wand again. On low she ran if over the clips on my lips, sending convolutions to spread down my body. She pushed it between the clips to my clit and all the pain was forgotten, just pleasure was left, she gave it to me to hold and came up to my breast, taking the soft sensitive skin in her mouth, her pussy pushing on the other side of the wand. As she bit and sucked and ground her hips into the wand I started to build, the pain and ache from the clips mixing with the vibrations fuelling my clit. She moved then to the first clip, taking it in her mouth an releasing my skin, her warm mouth finding the reddened skin, she removed all the clips from my nipples. She knew I was practicing denial and I was responsible for not cumming, as I got closer and closer to my edge I cried out begging for permission to stop. She sat up taking the wand, setting it to the side.

“How are those lips feeling?” she pulled on the clips, an I wiggled in pain, “do they hurt, I want them to hurt.”

“Yes Madame, they hurt, they ache.”

“And do you like it?” she asked a wicked grin on her face.

“Yes, I do,” my do turning into a cry as she pulled the clips off one side pushing her fingers into the flesh as the blood rushed to meet them drawing another cry from me. She did the other side, giving my pussy a slap before telling me to flip over. She came back and I felt her finger push into my ass lubing it up then I felt the cool glass of a plug enter my ass, the weight of the glass adding to the sensation. She started to move the plug, in and out and around inside me, I arched and bucked to meet her drawing pleasure from just my ass. I inhaled sharply as she placed the vibrator on it, trying to move the vibrator to my clit but she held it on my ass. She spanked me once, twice, three times then pulled it away, asking me to flip onto my back again.

She grabbed another handful of clothespins, laying them out on my tummy.

“Why don’t we see how many of these we can get on your pussy?” I nodded, excited and nervous as she picked up the first clip, starting right at the top, the skin between my lips and sticking clothes pin there. “I wasn’t going to put one here, I thought it would hurt you but I think I want to hurt you, does it hurt?” I nodded again, my breath coming sharply as she put another clip on than another. She continued, making a horseshoe out of pins, the bottom ones on very little skin and sending shivers up my spine. She counted them once she could fit no more, giving each a tug and a squeeze as she did.

“Eleven, eleven clips on the pussy, good job. Now, I want you to tell me when you are close to orgasm, understood?” she asked, grabbing the wand again as the ache spread like a burning fire from the clips into my pussy. Stating low again she pushed the wand into me. The pain ebbed away as my clit responded again, engorging and throbbing, it didn’t take long for me to reach my edge.

“Please Madame, I’m close” I breathed but she didn’t turn off the vibrator instead she pulled off a clip, rubbing the tender flesh, I cried out in pain and my edge slipped down. I moved focusing on the pleasure to reach my edge again and she repeated the clip removal. She was dulling my orgasm with the pain, rubbing down my pleasure with pain, until all eleven clips were gone. Then she turned the wand off, placing her hand on my pussy my sensitive lips crying out when her fingers rubbed them.

“Alright now I need to cum, and you are going to taste it,” she smacked my pussy causing my body to jump before laying down to take my place. I moved down between her legs, wrapping my arms around her thighs as I moved my tongue to her lips, she was wet, very wet already. I didn’t push my tongue into her I just allowed it to rove, moving to her clit, I started to roll it between my tongue and my lips. Feeling her body mirror the quivering of my own, I can feel her orgasm, and I can taste the sweetness of her arousal. Then I push two fingers into her, pulling on her G-spot as I sucked on her clit, she is so wet, so I push in a third finger. As she gets close she pulls me up, asking me to move to sit on her face, so I sit up and flip before returning to her clit. I gasp as her tongue enters my ass, pushing to meet the thrusts of my fingers. She came with my ass on her face and my mouth on her clit, I felt her pussy pulse and contract her body relaxing under me. I drew my tongue between her lips one last time, tasting her orgasm.

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t do anything that exciting, I was recovering from the amazing experience I had on Saturday I was still riding that high. I also had a very busy day, so I just put myself on no touch and I spent the day thinking out my experience and planning the next one.

Today I tried something else new, another thing I have wanted to try for a long time, a numb edge. I read a post way back at the start of this about a woman who had this cream that she put on her clit and then she started to edge and lost the feeling as she got to her orgasm. I was enthralled by her story and I wanted to try but she had a surgical cream that I had no hope of obtaining. Then last week I found a post about Orajel (a toothache cream) having a similar effect, and the next day I found a Maximum strength Orajel cream at the grocery store. I saved it up for today even though I really wanted to experiment before, I denied myself and waited patiently until I had the time to enjoy. Today I had that time, I did my morning edge and then went to classes, I was excited all day, making a mess in my panties, I was so excited to feel the numbness spread, numb feels like the ultimate denial.

I got home early and had the house to myself, I wanted to edge a few times before I put the cream on, so I was truly needy but the time I applied it. I was so aroused and so excited to try the cream I got to my edge very quickly and after a short break, I got there again. Then I grabbed my Orajel and put a pea-sized amount on my finger and started to rub my clit again I wanted to feel the gel, experience it. It started with a cooling sensation, then it started to burn just a little then it settled to a warming sensation. I touched myself again, rubbing a small circle and there was just a dulled feeling of pressure I rubbed harder and got a tinge, feeling that want fill me that need to find release then it was gone again. I wanted to up the sensation, so I pulled out my favorite toy, it can get me to orgasm, almost without fail and it can do it fast. I planned to just see how it felt see if I could get to the edge but to my pleasure, I discovered that I couldn’t feel the vibration, in the same way, my clit was numb. I pushed the vibrator down and bumped up the vibration but still couldn’t feel it enough to get to the edge. I knew it was there and I knew that it was arousing me but it was like trying to stare out a foggy window, I couldn’t make out the shapes. I decided to leave the vibrator on my clit and read for a while, this would normally get me to orgasm quite quickly, but I couldn’t. If you had offered me one hundred dollars to orgasm I wouldn’t have been able to. I could feel the orgasm building at points, the vibrator would hit just the right spot and my nerves would jump but then it would slip away. It was so frustrating, I kept having that build that pull but it would slip before I could grab it. I lost most of the feeling in my clit and I was incapable of orgasm, and I tried I tried hard to have one, for over half an hour until I started to get a little tingle back in my clit. I stopped for fear that I was actually closer to an orgasm than I was able to realize and I didn’t want to lose the feeling of frustration.

It was late and I was scrolling through tumbler enjoying myself and I came upon the advent calendar post. My master had just asked me the other day if there was anything new I felt like exploring and at the time I had no ideas. I have never seriously done denial but it has always been an interest of mine so I sent it over, sadly Sir was asleep so I was going to have to wait for a response. 

As I lay in bed I thought about how much fun the denial would be, how deliciously horny I would be, I thought maybe I should just have one last orgasm before I committed. My master hadn't gotten the message yet so technically I wouldn’t be breaking any rules....

I toyed with the idea, orgasm, denial, orgasm, denial, and finally decided on denial, if my master was game then I would start the month off right, and if he wasn’t interested I would orgasm tomorrow.  

So for the next 24 days, I will be following these rules: 

You are not allowed to cum without permission until Day 24 of the challenge

You are to edge at least three times every day unless told otherwise

If you go over the edge of climax accidentally you are to ruin the orgasm

Sex. I should have had sex while I was enjoying my time away from denial, sex makes denial hard, you get wrapped up in the pleasure the experience, the touch. It is so hard to focus on denial to avoid cumming, when a mouth is on your clit, pulling you to orgasm.

I saw my friend again today, the one I edged the other day, he knows I dabble in denial, but he doesn’t know I am actively partaking in denial right now, and I didn’t want to tell him. I just wanted to enjoy myself, and see if I could control myself, I have found I have great self-control along this journey, I have learned to understand my body and know when to pull back when to push on.

He likes to have very rough sex, the bruises on my ass from last time are just starting to fade and I wanted him to freshen them up. I like to start on top, it is easier and I can take him in my mouth with ease, I started with just my mouth, hands-free. Paying attention to the tip, my eyes on his as my tongue circled his tip, I kept my lips open to start, just playing with my tongue, drawing up and down his length, flicking my tongue against the tip. Then as his legs tightened building with his pleasure I took his length, deep in my throat my lips pulled tight against him now, his hands move to my head as he enters the back of my throat keeping me there, moving me up and down with the thrusting of his hips. As I come up for a breath, the saliva trailing down my chin he moves his hands to my neck and I take him again all the way down. With his hands on my throat and his dick in my mouth, I couldn’t breathe but I could feel his pleasure, his pulsing need being driven by my touch.

I came up to face him and he slipped two fingers inside me, twisting them to pull on my G spot, arching my back then pulling them out, he offered them to my open mouth. I stuck my tongue out and tasted my wetness on him. We flipped then so he was on top and he wasted no time, moving down between my open legs. He bit my thighs on his way down, causing me to buck in anticipation, his tongue drew between my lips first, hot and slow, then pushed into me. I drove down to meet him, craving his touch and his attention, needing more, wanting more. When he moved up to my clit I was already approaching my edge, he sucked pulling my engorged clit between his lips rolling it with his tongue. His pull on my drew me to the edge, each roll sending a pulse down my legs, a quake deep within me and blossoming from me. I arched and bucked against his hold, I was on my edge and he wasn’t letting up, rolling and sucking, drawing the orgasm from me. I locked my fingers into his hair Pushing on him in my need, I cried out and moaned, my breath coming heavy and then he stopped, he pulled back and I ruined. The orgasm he had ripped from my body ending before it had a chance to finish before I got my release, my satisfaction. He started back again but I pulled him up, I was overstimulated, and I couldn’t handle an organism or a ruin.

I want to talk about fantasies today, whenever I am on a denial trip I find my mind wandering all the time to sex. I am doing very limited denial until Saturday because I have plans again, and she has requested that I avoid orgasming (I wasn’t going to anyway) as well as touching until we meet. However, we have been talking and planning and it has been putting me in the mood for an orgasm, but I have been denying myself. Which means I have been spending a lot of time fantasizing about what is to come.

When I am in class or when I am walking I always have this knowledge of my need in the back of my mind. I was talking to a male follower today who asked if a woman edging built up in need like a male did. I am not a man so I can not truly compare but I don’t think women do. My need does build but I do not feel an accumulation of cum, as I imagine a man would. It is easier for a woman to become distracted from the need, I can have a busy day and my clit will stay mostly silent. Except when I get deep into denial, which I count as now because I have noticed it again. I start to fantasize way more, which I guess could be counted as my need building up. I just start to have sex on the brain, my jokes become dirtier, my conversations lead to naughtier places. It is hard to describe denial, but I love it, I love feeling the need and I love my dirty mind. I replay experiences I have had before or ones I am hoping to have, and within my denial, I can get myself to a high level of arousal just by thinking about it.

I find myself biting my lip in the library to keep quiet while grind my hips into a chair, and it happens without me thinking about it. Sex just becomes a more present need. I don’t always have a build, it ebbs and flows, some days I don’t even want to cum others I am ‘overcum’ with the need. However my brain builds at a constant rate, it knows I am denying and does its best to trick me into scratching that itch.