#denialarchive

My little denial whore wrote me a message today, in the middle of JuNo, talking about how miserable she is. I felt the need to remind her that being miserable is exactly what she wants. And then I thought, maybe some of you other denial sluts are having a hard time right now and could use a little motivation. So I decided to share what I wrote for her...

(5 days denied, 2 days locked)

I'm a horny idiot and listened to Cal's Curse so expect me to go around begging when I finally get out of this thing (the second time). I haven't actually tested if it worked since I'm already in chastity, but I definitely slipped off while listening so I'm assuming it worked.

Meanwhile I ended up ordering a bunch of toys over the last few days - a vibrator, nipple suckers and clamps, and three buttplugs of different sizes. Because fuck it I was super horny pawing at my cage and wanted a better way to play with other areas. The vibrator arrives tomorrow and I can't wait to tease myself with it! Still gonna be super horny just super horny with a vibe.

Sooo...after so long!

I remember having my last orgasm on 28th April and my last ruin on 29th April. But um timer is set from 9th May as Sir instructed but that's another story...

So yeah, nothing much changed during this denial, I had a ruin a day before Sir took control of my orgasms again and I edged so bad that night, it felt so settled once he was back in control.

The next few nights were spent like this-edging for hours before going to sleep! I was so swollen and achy by the end of some edging sessions that it kinda hurt to close my legs and sleep. Even I almost sobbed one night because it felt so so good and I could almost taste the creeping orgasm and I wanted it so so bad and I didn't wanna stop but I had to. The crash of the energy as soon as I took my fingers away made me gasp.

There is a constant battle in my mind, one part of me wants to cum so hard and another part of me is enjoying the sweet denial. But the urge to cum and desperation always lingers around and I feel empty and vulnerable and so helpless because I cant orgasm without permission and I am not getting any no matter how much I beg, the end decision lies in Sir's hand.

There are days when I have edged really hard the night before and I am just kind of fuzzy in the morning, the first thought as soon as I get up is to edge and make the ache and neediness just worse. I have caught myself subconsciously squeezing my thighs in class multiple times to get some sensations and many times just a sweet wave of relief is felt by my clit but trust me that doesn't help my wet situation at all.

Just signed off with @subbunnyoh, “You’re a very good girl. You’ll cum again. Just not tonight.”

She’s so frustrated right now. I just made her edge 7 times in the space of about 90 minutes and then I made her ruin one and send me a video of the ruin. I couldn’t help cumming watching her suffering on the video and then I sent her a picture of my cum just to torture her some more.

I realized pretty quickly that the base ring I got to start was wayyy too big for me - I had to use my backup key to lock it back on twice after it just slipped off by accident. (The first time I was very briefly tempted to touch, the second time I was just really upset.)

Well, no more of that. The new one I ordered got here today and this one is much more snug. Like, much more. I had a 50mm ring to start, but the 45mm rings weren't in stock and I really wanted to fix it ASAP so I skipped straight to a 40mm ring. Before it got here I was worried it wouldn't fit. After it got here I was sure it wouldn't fit! But it fit. Gonna keep a close eye on it to make sure it's not cutting off circulation but I think it's alright.

I didn't even realize until I locked myself with the new one how badly old one fit. I think skipping right to 40mm might have been the right call after all.

Anyway. I was released from my initial lockup today, but since I came without permission last night I didn't get that edging session I was going to. I just did a single edge with the vibrator before locking back up.

My sentence this time is a minimum of three days to a week, but is likely to end up being a bit longer because I selected to use one of ChastiKey's keyholder bots. The way this works is the lock starts out with one green card, a number of red cards, and maybe some others; I can pick one every 24 hours, and need to pick the green card to get unlocked (in this case the first 3 are guaranteed not to be the green card). The keyholder can add or remove cards, making it harder to pick the green card and extending the effective lockup time. I can add red cards myself as well (1, 2, 3, or 1-4). I picked the "mean" keyholder bot so I'm probably fucked, idk.

Still in need of punishments for cumming! I'm trying to get some more followers to tell me what to do, so I'll add 1 red card for each reblog this gets and 1-4 red cards for each new follower* (within reason! If it gets excessive I'll convert the rest to other punishments).

And/or tell me what to do in an ask! (Anon asks are off but I won't post your name if you say not to.) If it's reasonable for me to do then I'll do it. Buttplugs and nipple clamps and suckers arrive tomorrow, so those are options for punishments as well.

Father’s day fell on my 24th day without an orgasm.  I got daddy the BEST PRESENT EVER and he loved it.  We spent the day together and went to a nice dinner.  When we got home from dinner daddy told me to get on my hands and knees, pull down my panties and pull up my dress. He went to the bedroom and got my stuffed hippo that I snuggle and bite into when daddy beats me. He threw in on the floor in front of me. Daddy said he was going to beat me with the vampire paddle, but he couldn’t find it.  I was disappointed and then even more disappointed when he brought out the super thick cane.  I HATE IT!  It feels like a thud, it doesn’t cut in to me like the bamboo cane does and half the time it doesn’t even leave marks!  I love the marks and the pain that I feel for days after.  It's a constant reminder that I belong to daddy and that I'm uncomfortable because he wanted to beat me.  He had fun and I am in pain, and the marks are so pretty! Daddy beat me,  I didn’t start crying at first, I was irritated because I didn’t get the paddle I wanted him to use.  Sometimes I forget that Daddy does what he wants to and I don’t get a say.  I am his. I belong to Daddy, he is in charge, he makes the decisions and I trust him completely.  That’s when I broke and started crying.  Please daddy, stop, I’m sorry! He kept going for a few more minutes before saying Okay, 10 more.  He did the first 6 at a steady pace, then he slowed down for the last 4, they were the worst and it seemed to take forever, each one was worse than the one before.  I was a sobbing mess on the floor by the end.  Daddy went to sit on the couch and told me to crawl over to him.  I crawled between his legs and sobbed in to his stomach while he pet my head.  I asked if I was a good girl and he said Not always, but then you get beat and everything is right again.  

 We got into bed and I sucked Daddys dick for a few minutes before he told me to lick his balls.  I got down between his legs and lapped every inch of his balls with my tongue. I kept going lower and burying my face in his balls. I knew I couldn’t touch my pussy because I would get too excited and I am not allowed to have orgasms for at least another week, maybe not till July… Maybe not till I go back to work in August, daddy hasn’t decided yet.  Sometimes I hope he lets me, and sometimes I hope he makes me wait till New Years or something crazy.  If I touched my pussy with my face buried in daddys balls and my tongue working toward his asshole I would cum immediately.   I wanted my daddy’s cum all over my face.  I want him to degrade me in so many ways.  I was hoping he would cum all over my face and not let me wash it off till I got home, but I got over excited and thought he was going to cum, so I stopped licking to make sure I was ready, and I ruined everything!! Ugh.  

Tonight, for the first time ever, @subbunnyoh ruined an orgasm. She did it because she knew it would turn me on and because she knew it would turn her into the perfect submissive kitten for me. She was super nervous about it and it turns out, she was right to be. She hated it. But she loved how it made her feel afterward. Basically she melted into her righteous place as my submissive whore. And I’ve never been prouder of her or wanted her more deeply than I do right now.

I’d like to share a few of her thoughts about how she was feeling directly afterward. First, the physical feeling...

“I edged twice before it happened because I was being a little too careful. But for that one I went longer. I let the orgasm start but removed both the dildo from my pussy and my fingers from my clit right when it started and then my pussy only contracted twice. Usually the first two contractions are extremely strong but these were not really and then it just stopped. It felt awful basically. It's worst than an edge I think. Because an edge feels sooooo good but like you just need to finish. But this felt like it just disappeared. I feel like I would have to start all over again to cum and if i did it wouldn't be as good as that one should have been.”

And mentally...

“Just pouty I think. I don't want to sound awful, but I'm just pouty. I edged soooo many times in the last few days and my pussy is dying to cum and your description today was Mentally/sexually stimulating. I just feel frustrated I guess!? But I'm happy I did it and that I could actually DO it. I feel like I know how to work my body better than I ever did before. So there are those good elements too. Ultimately, my whole purpose is to serve you and be your sub. I want to be constantly dripping horny for you. Wanting you as bad as is humanly possible is the best feeling. There are two kind of submission. The one I gave you when we first started talking and we just basically made an agreement I’d be your sub and then the submission I give you right now. Where my whole body and mind need to serve you desperately. So basically I hate the feeling physically but it makes me a completely different level of submissive and I love that. I had no idea.”