#decolonizinglove

Tiktok by @decolonizinglove.

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Toxic monogamy culture teaches us that whenever a jealous feeling arises, our partner needs to do whatever is takes to stop that thing that's making us jealous. For example, "stop looking at that girl," "I don't want you going out to the club with your friends," "I don't want you seeing that person," "stop watching p.orn."

Although jealousy is a natural human response, in polyamorous relationships we learn to introspect those feelings of jealousy. This helps us grow as human beings, it helps alleviate the feelings of jealousy. Sometimes it's probably linked to some deep-seated childhood insecurity or belief. The most important thing is to communicate those feelings of jealousy with your partner instead of setting it up as an ultimatum.

A great resource on jealousy is The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola.

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships [link]

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory [link]

Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships [link]

TikTok by @DecolonizingLove, captioned: There is no ethical reason to practice hierarchical polyamory other than you're insecure in your relationship and are still up hang up on compulsive monogamy and the false security it gives through controlling people. If you're going to date other people and be polyamorous then treat everyone you date with dignity and full agency in their relationship. Nobody should be degraded to a second class status within a relationship.

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Five Reasons Why Hierarchical Polyamory is Unethical.

Hierarchical polyamory is monogamy in disguise. Hierarchical polyamorous people are people that want the fun of an open relationship but not the stigma. Which is why they call themselves polyamorous. At they same time, they still want the security of an exclusive monogamous relationship.

It removes true consent from people when they don't have full agency of how their relationship unfolds. No one should have their relationship controlled by someone they're not dating because they rank higher. We're all sovereign in polyamory. Each relationship is allowed to be what it is and allowed to grow without interference to become what it can be.

It's dehumanizing to be ranked. Whatever your relationship is, spouse, anchor, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, queer-platonic, etc etc. Your relationship has a worth that doesn't deserve a second class or tertiary designation.

Ranking humans in a hierarchy is colonizer mentality. Hierarchy in most of the world are a product of European colonialism. Pr-colonial people that lived in decentralized societies didn't organize life in hierarchies. European colonizers imposed hierarchy with themselves at the top in order to exploit the land, labor, and resources of the places they colonized. All hierarchies today are a legacy of that.

It's violent to treat people as disposable.

Tiktok by @decolonizinglove, caption reads: Reply to @xo.jmitch the difference is nuanced because of the colloquial use of ‘open relationship’

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Open relationship is the umbrella term for various styles of open relationships.

Under the umbrella you have many types of relationship orientations, such as polyamory, monogam-ish, Polyfidelity, polygamy, etc. etera.

Sometimes however open relationships can just signal that a couple has an undefined open policy in regards to sexual relationships and sometimes even romantic ones too.

Maybe when they're on a vacation and they want to partake in having a sexual relationship with others, or maybe when they have a blue moon strong attraction with someone for a while.

There are so many possibilities here.

Polyamory on the other hand is a clearly defined relationship orientation. It is the practice of engaging in multiple committed romantic relationships which usually are also sexual but not necessary.

So while everyone polyamorous is in an open relationship, not everyone in an open relationship is polyamorous.

And another thing: you can be polyamorous AND other types of open relationships.

For example you can be polyamorous and a swinger, or you can be polyamorous and in a polygamous marriage.

and before you come for polygamy...

remember this isn't the page for that. We don't affirm western narratives here that somehow only critique bipoc majority open relationship structures.