Q. How to set boundaries with neighbor? My roommate and I have been having more backyard fires as a safer way to see friends during the pandemic. Our one neighbor âKâ is in her 50s and keeps inviting herself over when we are having a fire. She usually dominates the conversation, complaining about her kids or work, and she wonât take the hint to leave when we are ready to pack it in. Weâve tolerated it up until now because she doesnât seem to have any friends of her own and the pandemic has been difficult for everyone.
However, last night she crossed a line. A friend âBâ was over for a socially distanced backyard fire, and B agreed to pee in a discreet corner of the yard by the shed because she wasnât in our house bubble. Later, K walked up to our back door and peed where a welcome mat would normally be, in full view. We were shocked and didnât say anything to her at the time, but her bathroom is literally next door. She was already making us feel uncomfortable, but this act was the final straw. How do we tell her that we donât want her inviting herself over and peeing on our doorstep anymore?
Dear Doormat,
Seems youâve been letting yourself get pissed on all over, huh?
The pandemic... fucking sucks... but it also doesnât mean you have to tolerate people who likely had no social skills before all this went down. Your neighborâs actions indicate a severe lack of hometraining, and whatâs worse, sheâs clearly not housebroken.Â
As a woman, Iâm kinda flummoxed at how it went down. I mean, my first thought was, did she pee on her pants, did she use one of those funnels that people take camping? Generally the juggling alone keeps a lot of women from peeing outside a proper bathroom. (Not that women shouldnât be able to, itâs just more of a chore.)
The most non-confrontational way would be to leave a note on her doorstep explaining that her actions were gross and would appreciate it if she kept herself and her fluids in her yard. Pissing in someone elseâs yard without asking is a declaration of war in some parts of the world Iâm sure, but sheâs acting like someoneâs weird cat.
Itâs unlikely sheâll accept the letter, so make sure you have a copy, and then when she shows up next, make sure a friend is filming while you calmly explain to her that her behavior is not okay and tell her to leave, your parties are private from now on.
This way, evidence for cops. Someone who pisses on doorsteps is probably going to turn into a Karen when you tell her to fuck off. Be prepared. Tell your friends to not respond to her, only you. Everyone just needs to not talk and just stare at her like sheâs the biggest idiot in the world for being there.
Itâs passive-disgust, make her uncomfortable by proxy.
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     Q. Ex-stepdaughterâs relationship: I share custody of my 11-year-old daughter with my ex. My problem is with my 14-year-old ex-stepdaughter. She is âdatingâ a 22-year-old man. This is clear statutory rape in our state. My ex encourages the relationship and brags about it. I donât know what to do. I donât want him spending the night; I donât want him around either of the girls. My stepdaughter doesnât want to listen to me anymore (I raised her from age 8), and my ex doesnât think I get to âmouth offâ about her mothering skills. She thinks birth control is for âsluts,â but having a grown man sleep in her teenage daughterâs bed is perfectly innocent. I am worried my stepdaughter is going to wreck her life.    Â
     Moreover, Iâm worried about my own daughter. The boyfriend brings friends over who have made sexual comments about her. She dislikes it, and I am ready to go to back to court. I work a lot and make little money. I have enough evidence (texts and emails) where I could bury my ex, but it would leave my stepdaughter alone. I love her, and she called me Dad until a year ago. How do I save both of them?  Â
Dear Ex-Step,
Are you high? Call the cops. You donât need permission to call the cops.Â
