#dc jokes

Where I completely ignore the comics I've read in favor of imagining stories where DC actually allows its characters to be happy.

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Before Bruce tried and failed to cut Tim off of coffee as seen in my (Videos the Batkids posted that went Viral headcannon) Clark first tried it on him.

The whole thing started on the watchtower when Bruce actually broke a yellow coffee mug over Hal's head just because he took the last of the coffee. Hal was clutching his head in pain meanwhile Clark looked on at his boyfriend in horror.

"Bruce you're Addicted to coffee."

"No I'm not I can stop anytime I want I just choose not to."

Clark looked highly amused by that answer for some reason.

"You literally just used the line of every addict in denial. I bet you couldn't last a day without a cup."

And because Bruce was a sucker to prove people wrong he accepted the challenge. With the prize being that Clark would finally get rid of that God awful tacky brown suit with the elbow patches he got from the 2nd hand thrift store down town.

He made it 2 days with little problems before it all went down hill. Bruce was working a particularly rough case and ended up running off of a 10 minute nap, and it was at that moment he realized exactly what he had given up.

The events were as followed:

The Batkids all temporarily started to move to Jason's apartment just to avoid Bruce's wrath. Breaking the coffee machine because, "If I can't have any no one can," was the last straw. Tim a fellow not coffee addict who could stop anytime he wanted, almost started world war 3 because of it.

He told off a cocky executive who really was getting on his nerves by talking down to everyone. He may or may not have outed the man's secret affair with the secretary downstairs along with the fact that his thick luscious hair was a toupee.

When Luthor proposed a project for their companies at a gala, Bruce told him to fuck off and use the money to buy himself a hair transplant, loudly enough for the reporters to hear and get it on tape. It made the front page and he was trending on Twitter for 2 days straight afterwards. The gossip sites were playing it for weeks after. Not to mention the whole thing became a meme.

He was spiraling out of control and he wasn't even halfway through the bet yet.

A week into the bet was when things got extreme. It was in the middle of the quarterly League meeting where all of the senior league members met up for an update. Clark had come straight from teaming up on a scoop with Lois and must have stopped for that ridiculous cheap tasting road side coffee, because Bruce could smell it from all the way on the opposite side of the table and before he knew it he had grabbed Clark by the Cape and shoved his tongue down the man's throat for a taste of the same coffee he had been making fun of for years. Needless to say the 25 plus heros in attendance were stunned, especially because no one besides the original 7 and a few of the members related directly to Bruce and Clark like Kara, Connor etc knew Batman and Superman were dating.

Clark thought it was hilarious and if he made sure to show up smelling like coffee all the time it wasn't anyone's business, (*cough Hal cough Barry*) The fun stopped however when Bruce clad in full Batman regalia in the watch tower kitchen, was very clearly flirting with an all too interested and smug Green Arrow, for his half finished coffee and silence. Clark no longer found Bruce's desperation entertaining and almost blasted the archer with his laser eyes, before literally dragging Bruce out of the room.

Luckily the bet ended that very night when Alfred discovered Bruce literally perched on top of the refrigerator about to munch on single coffee bean which must have escaped the container at some point before it was hidden.

The picture remains on the fridge to this day and no matter how many times Bruce tries to get rid of them a fresh picture always reappears, by the next day.

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Because Superbat is now my current Otp obsession.

Finally watched the new Justice League movie Zack Snyder's version, I was scared to watch it due to my disappointment in the first one, but I must say the movie was awesome. I especially love the changes in Flash's character. They really turned him from cute quirky filler character to the main character that saved the world. Loved the speed of force scene and the Injustice scene in the end gave me chills.

Hal giving an inspirational speech before battle the next day.

Hal :.... and spooky, he may act like he's got a stick up his ass, but he's a badass fighter, strategist and one scary mf in general.

*Pointing to Clark* Hes a tank.

Wonder Woman fights as awesome as she looks.

Barry is the fastest man you'll ever see in your life with the heart of gold.

*Bointing at Booster Gold* :And Booster Fleck is a great fighter

Booster Gold: Umm my name is Booster Gold, not Booster Fleck

Hal: Oh sorry man, I was just trying to include someone outside of the inner seven.

*Booster gold looking around in confusion*: There's an inner seven?

Source:Brooklyn 99

Saw something like this on Brooklyn 99 and wanted to try something like this Justice League is like a high school. There's the whole League, then there's the well known kids like Green Arrow, Black Canary etc, then there's the popular group (the og 7) then there's the most popular of the group Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman and then there's the popular kids who runs everything Batman and Superman.

The batfamily have to pay $20 everytime they break Bruce's rule and sing Jingle bell Batman smells, it's bad enough that the criminals love to sing it whenever they come across Batman, he doesn't need his family joining in on the madness too. However his kids like to drive him nuts so he had to find a way to deter them.

The money is added to the donations they give to orphanages during the holidays and every year the jar ends up overflowing much to Bruce's annoyance.

Dick

Dick ends up paying all the money in his wallet everytime he comes to visit. The only thing that saves him from being broke is the fact that he doesn't live at the manor full time.

Jason

He just dumps his whole November and December's paycheck into the container because he constantly sings the song around Bruce even going as far as to follow him around the house and even worse the batcave just because he knows it makes Bruce want to claw his skin off. Then he also lives at the manor full time for December because after putting his whole paycheck in the jar hes too broke to pay for anything like the bills, rent or food Alfred loves to have him back at the mansion for a prolonged amount of time and so does Bruce although he'd rather lose an arm than admit it and his landlord loves it because he gets triple for the rent the next month.

Tim

Every year Tim makes it a challenge to find a loophole in the rule. This year he made a recording on a tiny device small enough so Bruce won't be able to find it. He isn't actually singing it so he can't be punished. Bruce will probably update the rules by the next year but he'll have another loophole by then.

Damian

He absolutely refuses to sing that abomination of a song. It's disrespectful to his father and it's disrespectful to him because he's the current robin. They've actually managed to trick him into singing the song once because his brothers called him a chicken, but this year he's dedicated himself to defending his and his father's honor. There will be blood shed.

Cassandra

Just signs it and because she actually isn't singing it (and Cassie is his little girl) he can never actually stay mad at her.

Duke

Prefers not to get on Bruce's bad side but whenever they do a group performance he joins in, they'll all go down together that way and the blow up won't be targeted at him alone.

Bruce

Of course he doesn't sing it he's the one who made the rule. Anytime he hears a criminal singing it he makes sure the GCPD picks them with a few more injuries than they probably needed.

Alfred

Does not participate in such folly but on occasion when Master Bruce pisses him off during the holidays he makes sure to put in a few quips here and there including the song and Master Bruce can't do a God damn thing about it because he's Alfred.

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My niece was singing this song after learning it at school and I thought of this.