#datingguide

If you’re a woman who’s never tried dating the same sex before, the wlw (women-loving-women) dating scene can be really intimidating. I know when I first deconstructed my old, conservative religious beliefs and opened up my dating apps to women, it was pretty nerve-wracking! I was excited and curious, but I really had no idea what I was doing. It took me a while to find my feet, so be patient with yourself. There’s no need to rush!

Dating men can often seem much more straightforward, especially at the start, because the gender roles are more clearly laid out - so it’s easier to know what’s expected. Men are still largely expected to ask women out and take the initiative, so as women we don’t have to stick our neck out and risk rejection as much. Not to mention men are generally far less selective than women, at least in the initial stages of matching online and going on dates. Finding casual sex with a man is typically much easier and quicker than finding casual sex with a woman, as well.

That said, there are many advantages to dating women. Women are far less likely to slut shame or devalue another woman for having sex early on, and engaging in casual or ethically non-monogamous/polyamorous relationships. Casual sex with women is typically safer as well - there’s less risk of assault, catching STIs, and no risk of pregnancy. Taking initiative with a man might be seen as desperate or too masculine, while taking initiative with a woman is more likely to be seen as confident and assertive.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need some guidance, here are some tips to get you started!

1. Don't be afraid to take the initiative. Many women won't make the first move, so you'll probably have to ask them out and initiate physically. I generally find the rule of three is a good rule of thumb - ask someone out on a date three times, then step back to see if the other person reciprocates.

This can be helpful when asking questions on apps during the texting stage too. Try asking questions three times in a row, then pause to see if the other person asks you anything. While people have different conversational styles - and some people don't like asking lots of questions - it can give you an idea of whether the person is curious and interested in you.

2. Women tend to be more subtle and cautious when flirting too, so it may be harder to detect. If you meet a woman in public, it’s likely she will just assume you’re straight, unless you meet at a LGBT-themed event or dress in a way to make it really obvious you are into women (e.g. wearing pride themed accessories). 

If in doubt, be direct, as most people have a hard time detecting flirting accurately anyway. Not to mention, many people just flirt for fun and for an ego boost, so it’s best to communicate clearly and openly if you are genuinely interested.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions like, what are you looking for on here? Also don’t be afraid to ask if the person is single or married, and whether they are seeking a monogamous or ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship. There’s a fairly high number of unicorn hunters in the wlw dating pool - couples seeking women for MFF threesomes or triads - so it’s important to screen them out if it’s not your thing.

Also, stay alert for people catfishing. If you’re unsure, insist on a voice or video chat before meeting in person. Make sure you meet in a safe, public place, and let someone know where and when you are going. 

4. You won't get as many likes and matches from women as men, so don't take it personally. It doesn’t mean you’re unattractive or undesirable! There's way more men on apps than women, and men are far less picky as a rule (at least when it comes to having sex - men may be more choosy when it comes to commitment and marriage). Not to mention, statistically LGBT women are a small minority compared to cishet men. 

5. I recommend the dating apps HER and LEX to start off with, if you're looking for LGBT-specific apps. However, plenty of lesbian, bi and queer women also use the mainstream apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and OkCupid. As well as that, there’s a few subreddits specifically aimed at LGBT women, including r/lesbianr4r and r/l4l and r/meetLGBT.

6. Try attending local LGBT-themed events and meetups. You could start with Meetup.com, but I find a large number of local events are primarily advertised via Facebook. I would recommend joining local LGBT Facebook groups to find out more about social activities in your area. Volunteering can be a great way to get to know new people as well, so check out any local volunteer opportunities.

Further Resources:

It can be helpful to familiarise yourself with common slang in the LGBT community. The HER app website has a great glossary here: The Official Lesbian Slang Glossary from HER

I'd recommend this website for some great resources - if you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you can find some free video classes and workshops: Conscious Girlfriend Academy

Autostraddle has some great articles to get you started too: How to Be a Girl Who Dates Girls: Your Lesbian Dating 101 Syllabus 

Check out this page for safe sex tips with women: Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Sexpert  

We all want a blissful relationship built on a solid foundation filled with respect, honesty, communication, intimacy, and trust. Who doesn’t? Of course, we want that special someone that’s the Ying to our Yang that shares our core values but in this day in age, it’s a struggle. Finding a mate is easy, keeping a mate is the difficult part. With all my past dating experience I have come to realize that the way to keeping that flame burning is by communicating! AH! Only took two decades. 

I made the big mistakes of not listening, overthinking, and overacting which ultimately ended most of my relationships. It was the Mariana Show and unfortunately, the show came to a screeching halt since the critic gave it a two thumbs down. With that being said I reevaluated my relationship techniques and found that there are ways to make your relationship work if you work it. #nopunintended

I feel that miscommunication is the catalyst which leads to confusion, confrontation, and eventually the demise of that happily ever after that you thought you had. I learned from my past faults and put together a list of tips that are helping me in my current relationship which I feel are necessary for avoiding a Titanic. By simply following the below suggestions you can prevent unnecessary issues in your relationship just as I have. This is my foolproof advice that I highly recommend you implement if you want to have a long-lasting relationship.  

1) Listen to your lover. NO! I AM BEING SERIOUS! Pay attention and hear what they are saying. This is one of the main problems that we face today as humans. We don’t listen and that is where all the troubles begin. You’re setting yourself up for failure from the get-go if you don’t listen to what the person says. 

2) Put yourself in their shoes, take a moment to see things from their perspective before you assess any situation. You will always see things from your personal view first but take a look at how they might interpret it. Weigh out the differences from both points and see if it’s even worth the fight. Sometimes, it’s not, so if you can avoid it - AVOID IT!

3) Be honest and truthful about how you feel every step of the way. Lying will never get you anywhere except for a breakup. This is fact and as soon as the lies begin, no matter how big or small, the trust will be broken and there is no going back from that. No trust, no relationship. PERIOD!

4) Don’t sweat the small stuff and overreact right away over matters that are not serious. Complaining about minuscule things will just draw your partner away. Easy going is the way to go. No one likes a negative Nancy so relax, take a breathe, and quit being a baby.

5) Think before you speak. Take a moment and process your thoughts before you respond. People are so eager to say the first thing on their mind and this is what gets them in trouble. You don’t have to respond right away, in fact, the other person will appreciate that you took a second and waited to respond. This will show that you are taking the time to understand and reflect rather than react. You need to compose yourself. None wants to hear unwarranted verbal diarrhea just because you think you have the talking stick. 

6) Make a solid effort to be understanding. Trust me, I know it’s hard but you have to be reasonable. Humans are intricate and mysterious creatures that are never alike when it comes to emotions. What you think that person is comfortable with may not be the case. Everyone has triggers and personal issues that they haul from relationship to relationship so be considerate. If they experienced some life battles please take that into account on how they act and be perceptive to their needs. Also, set some boundaries.

7) Never assume! You may think you know everything, but you don’t, relax know-it-all. Ask questions, a plethora of them. Get to know the person you are with and don’t be afraid to get inquisitive with those questions. The more you know the better to help you truly understand your partner and this will aid you in the long run. Likes, and dislikes, pet peeves, irritations, and so on - that way you don’t keep doing things to piss them off. 

8) Be thoughtful, be kind, be considerate. Be aware of their emotions, and be supportive at all time. Chivalry is not dead and being a nice human to others is a major positive in life. No one likes a “me, me, me” person, I would know. Ask how their day went, make plans, buy gifts, show your partner that you love them and appreciate them in your life. 

9) Do not ignore a problem that may arise that you feel you can’t deal with. Pulling a Houdini by not responding or blocking is not the way to fix any issue. EVER! They say time heals all wounds but talking about your issues and then coming to terms with them in a proper manner is the healthy way to resolve it. You may not want to face it or talk about it but you gotta man up and take the bull by the horns and ride it out. Tread lightly with caution and refer back to tip number one.

10) Try to be intuitive with their emotions and respond accordingly. You can tell if someone is having a bad day or if something is just off with them by their behavior. If your partners' mood is finicky you should show concern but also give them a little space. People tend to misjudge how a person acts at times and come to the conclusion that there’s more writing on the wall when there isn’t anything to it at all. Overthinking about a situation and prying for more info that may not exist will only further irritate your mate and that’s a no-no.

Navigating the world of dating can be thrilling, confusing, and even a little nerve-wracking! 😅 In "Dating," explore the ups and downs of modern relationships, from first dates to finding lasting connections. This insightful book offers practical advice, real-life stories, and tips for building meaningful bonds. Whether you're new to dating or looking to improve your approach, "Dating" is your guide to understanding the complexities of love and relationships in today's world. ❤️💘📖

Exploring galaxies in each other's eyes, we orbit in the dance of love, where time halts and souls unite.