#datingdiary

I started writing this post last week but found it a lot harder than I expected. It isn't like the usual funny or embarrassing stories of dates I've been on. They're a lot easier to write. This one was different. I've gone through a few different emotions writing this. Most of all feeling happy but also sad. So I'll begin by telling you how we first met. (Of course it involved a dating site....!) From what I remember, I sent him a message first. His photo will have popped up on my screen and I liked what I saw. A lot of the time, I have to admit I will message someone purely from looking at their photos, shallow I know. But I'm sure they'll do it to me too. I do read the profile but sometimes I'll message first, just cos they look nice! I remember this guy's profile photo had a photo of a girl with him in it. Which I thought was either stupid or brave. Lots of women will presume it's an ex. Or get insanely jealous that they have female friends. Of course I wasn't particularly bothered who it was, she looked perfectly normal to me. If it was an ex, at least he had standards! I remember he had amazing eyes - green eyes. He was 37, looked after himself, looked like he had a good body and seemed really lovely from what I read. He was a family man which I loved. He had 2 boys and it was obvious he was a caring dad. So far, a lot of my boxes were being ticked. Stubble, nice teeth, nice eyes, nice hair, dressed well. He was my height, which to begin with I was a bit unsure of. I do love wearing heels when I go out and don't want to look like a giant next to someone! But apart from that (and the fact he lives a good 90 minute drive away), things were looking positive. I can't remember exactly what I said in my first message. But it was good enough to get a response. We chatted for a few days before we swapped numbers. The more I found out about him, the more I liked him. We swapped photos and stories. He told me a bit about his kids and I liked everything I heard. After about a week I think we realised we both liked each other and had quite a bit in common. Oh, and he loved house music - this just got better. We talked about meeting up but he was due to go on holiday in a few days so we agreed to meet up when he returned. The week he was away felt like an eternity. We'd got to that point of being involved in each other's lives, messaging every day. I had an awful feeling that he'd meet someone else whilst he was away or he'd change his mind. That's happened to me before so it was in the back of my mind. But I can't judge him on others' actions. Stay positive - this one seems decent. Whilst he was away he messaged pretty much every day, which was so lovely. He was obviously thinking about me and wanted to keep in touch. Maybe he thought I'd change my mind or meet someone else? He sent me photos of his trip which I loved. He was a lot like me. The day came when he arrived back in the UK. I felt like an excited kid on Christmas morning. And I wasn't due to see him for a few days. We spent these few days constantly messaging and it was great. I was super happy and we hadn't even met yet. But I just knew I liked him already. He wasn't like a lot of the others - no dirty photos involved and no weird messages. And didn't seem to only want one thing. This was all positive. The day of the first date came and I felt physically sick from the moment I woke up. I struggled through the morning and only managed to eat a banana. I was conscious that I didn't want to eat nothing and end up like I did in blog number 6! I got glammed up and we met in a wine bar. I remember when I saw him, he actually looked better than his photos. He was completely gorgeous. Date 1 included various wine and cocktail bars, lots of laughing and getting to know each other. I wasn't really sure if he liked me as much as I liked him. But I gave him the opportunity not to carry on hitting the bars, but he seemed more than happy to! We went all over the city centre and it was a great first date. As the evening progressed, I didn't notice any body language that confirmed he liked me, so I didn't get overly friendly or sit too close to him. He had to get the last train home so it wasn't a late night. We walked back to the train station together. We linked arms which was nice, but I did wonder if it was just like a mate thing. We said our goodbyes and I was going to cross the road and join the taxi queue. As I was about to walk away, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him and kissed me. I couldn't believe it was happening, I was clearly clueless to reading the signs that night. We kissed for a while which we laughed about afterwards, as I have a thing about snogging in public (not a good thing!) I'm sure he did it in a busy street on purpose! I didn't freak though, I enjoyed it. It was like something out of a romantic film - like time stood still. He was a really good kisser, for the record. Date 2 was less than a week later. We'd messaged and chatted on the phone lots in this time. Once again, the days seemed to last forever in between meets for me. He was looking forward to seeing me again so it was all good. The next date was going out for tapas. He picked me up and we drove to the tapas bar. We had a lovely meal and I can honestly say it was the best first and second dates I've ever had. A hot man, food (my favourite, cheese!) and lots of laughs. He spoke about his kids lots and I adored how he talked about them. He sounded like a really great dad. That was very important to me - I wouldn't want to date a man who hardly saw his kids or didn't care for them. He was just great. We just had that connection and I felt it constantly when we were together. We fancied the pants off each other and it was hard to keep our hands off each other by the end of the date. As we left, we thought it would be nice to go for an evening walk. We kissed for about 2 minutes in the street, walked up the road holding hands and chatted constantly. I love all that stuff. Just the normal things with someone. But with the right 'someone'. I felt like a teenager again when he pulled me in to kiss me. It was cold outside but I didn't care cos I was all warm and happy on the inside. We might have been in a dark alleyway at that point, which sounds really dodgy but was actually pretty romantic! That night he dropped me off at home and we kissed for about 20 minutes in the car. We couldn't say goodbye and knew it would be a week before we saw each other again. That's what it's all about - the excited feeling and smiling like a cat that got the cream. That night I was one of those smug happy people. I went to sleep feeling amazing and super excited about everything. Dates 3, 4 and 5 involved food, drinks and more having a laugh together. Things were going really well. The only down side I noticed was the distance and I was very conscious that he was doing all the driving (through choice). I was more than happy to go to his but with his shifts and in between having the kids, it was the easiest way for him I think. In between each meet I'd miss him like crazy and be dead excited about seeing him next. He gave me the warm fuzzy happy feeling that I'd been trying to find for the last 3 years. I got to that point (in my head) where I would have done pretty much anything to be with him. I had thoughts of moving to be near him. I've always said I'd move for the right person. To me, it's worth it. I want to make a life with someone who is that important to me. And he really was. I would have moved if we'd have had that conversation. At that point, it was me discussing how I felt with the girls. He knew I liked him, but probably didn't know quite how amazing I thought he was. I would still move even now, months later. Just to give it a go and see what could happen. After a few dates we had sleepovers. It was so nice to fall asleep next to him and then wake up with him the next morning. I love having a strong arm round me and he fitted that criteria too. He had a hot body (another tick) and everything was just right. We fancied each other, we had a connection and it felt like we were on the same level. We laughed at the same stuff and it was just great. I adored the time we spent together and looked forward to seeing him again. I can't remember how many dates or weeks in we were, but I saw that the band Bastille were touring nearby. I knew we both liked them so mentioned it to him, expecting him to say no. Incredibly he said yes and we booked tickets! They were rather expensive but we discussed it and we both really wanted to go. I got us in the standing zone so we were right near the front. We were both so excited on the night of the gig. We got ready and headed into the city centre. We'd planned to have a night out afterwards and meet some of my work friends. This was going to be a great night. Bastille were amazing and I loved every second. I got covered in beer (and my own wine!) due to so much dancing, but it was the best date ever. I will never forget that night. Everything seemed to be moving in the right direction and I was really happy with things. I missed him when we were apart and enjoyed every minute we were together. This is what I had been waiting for. A few days after the gig I was out with a friend after work and had a missed call from him. When I got home I called him back, expecting it to be a 'hi, how was your day' kind of call. His tone wasn't normal and I remember him saying he needed to talk to me about something. The rest of the conversation was a bit of a blur to be honest. I remember tears rolling down my cheeks as I sat on the floor with my back against the radiator. The bottom line was he felt like the distance coupled with his work shifts were not fair on me and he thought we should end it. I was so upset. Even now, writing this makes me feel really sad and it's 5 months later. We keep in touch every now and again which I really like. I still feel sad about it all as he was like no-one else I'd ever met. Every man I've been on a date with since him gets compared to him. Five months later, no-one has come near and I still think about him when Bastille come on my playlist. He knows that last bit but I still don't think he understands what an impact he made and how I felt. For a very long time, I think this one will be the 'one that got away'. And in case you wondered, the profile photo was his sister :-)

No more second chances. If a guy doesn't meet at least my minimum expectations on the first meet or date, that's it.

The quest continues.

Boom. Ghosted. 🙄

🙄

Chrissy: "right, right. How long ago would that be???"