#dany meta

I’ve been thinking about doing two rewatches: The X-Files and Game of Thrones.

And the funny thing is, they live in completely different rooms of my brain.

Game of Thrones lives there rent free. It keeps generating plot bunnies, fix-it fics, canon-divergent disasters, political marriages, emotional reparations, Jaime Lannister problems, Sansa Stark defense essays, and the occasional “what if this one decision accidentally reshaped the continent?” situation.

But I do not know Game of Thrones by heart.

I watched most episodes from seasons 1 to 6 only once. I may have skipped half of season 5 because sometimes self-preservation is a noble calling. I remember the emotional impact, the big arcs, the performances, the wounds, the crimes, the dragons, the family rot — but if I’m going to talk about it properly, I need notes.

So the GoT rewatch is research.

It is me going back with hindsight, affection, rage, and a notebook.

Expect young Sansa defense from day one, because we are not doing 2011 Sansa hate in this house. She was a sheltered child raised to believe in songs, courtesy, queenship, and marriage. The tragedy is not that she was “stupid.” The tragedy is that the songs lied.

Expect Cersei cheekbone reports, because Lena Headey weaponised bone structure and contempt like a woman personally appointed by the gods of television.

Expect Nikolaj Watch, because my Nikolaj Coster-Waldau problem arrived later but it arrived with paperwork, cheekbones, and emotional damages.

Expect foreshadowing notes, especially around Daenerys, because “Mad Queen Dany came out of nowhere” and “Dany was always evil” are both boring takes. The seeds were there early. The problem was not the destination. The problem was that the final seasons stopped doing the emotional and political math on screen.

And expect me to point at Jaime and Jon and say: the characters survived the show, even when the writing dropped them down a ravine.

Then there is The X-Files.

That one is different.

I’m not going back because I forgot it.

I’m going back because I know it too well not to.

I’ve loved The X-Files since it first aired in Italy on 29 June 1994. That is almost thirty-two years of my life spent with Mulder, Scully, damp Vancouver forests, basement lighting, government conspiracies, motel rooms, monsters, trauma, trust, and Chris Carter saying things about Mulder and Scully’s relationship that made every shipper on earth collectively roll their eyes and open a fanfic tab.

My friends used to test me with episode openings and screencaps. I could tell them the episode, the season, the writer, and the director.

This is not nostalgia.

This is expertise with a flashlight.

I am a die-hard MSR shipper, but not the kind who needs every episode to worship at the altar. I will defend “3.” I will defend “The Field Where I Died.” I will defend Oubliette, The Calusari, Firewalker, and other less-discussed episodes with a legal brief and a shovel.

I can quote Pusher and The Post-Modern Prometheus.

I watched Paper Hearts three times in a row because apparently I looked at psychological devastation and said, “Again.”

I also despise many Darin Morgan episodes because, yes, he is clever, yes, he is funny, yes, he is structurally brilliant, and yes, he often writes Mulder like a moron. I said what I said.

The X-Files rewatch will be about Mulder damage reports, Scully skepticism appreciation, MSR as trust before romance, monster-of-the-week as emotional mirror, underrated episode defense, and a lot of side-eye for Chris Carter.

Because one thing you learned very quickly in X-Files fandom was this:

Never trust Chris Carter with Mulder and Scully.

Trust the text.

Trust the glances.

Trust the hallway silences.

Trust the hospital beds.

Trust the motel rooms.

Trust the hand at the small of her back.

Trust fanfiction, because fanfiction has been the universal coping mechanism of shippers since 1993.

So yes.

Two rewatches.

For Game of Thrones, I’m going back because the characters still generate stories, and I need to understand the bones again.

For The X-Files, I’m going back because the bones are already in my hands.

Welcome to the basement.

Previously on emotional damage.

Longer versions, extended essays, rewatch notes, and full emotional autopsies will live on Ko-fi.

Daenerys is 14

And she does stay in Slavers Bay and try to rebuild the economy. Source: A Dance With Dragons.

She spends much of the book trying to negotiate new trade deals with the Lhazarene and the Qartheen, trying to plant new olive groves and bean fields, trying to reform the guilds membership so former slaves can earn proper wages as skilled craftsmen. She tries to assimilate with Meereenese culture to ease a peaceful transition of power, she consults with their priestess, she adopts their religious rites and their uncomfortable traditional dress, she agrees under pressure to marry a Meereenese noble (she doesn't force anyone into marriage at dragonpoint like in the show). And she goes out personally to feed and care for the sick and starving refugees at her door, she tries to set up quarantine zones to slow the spread of infection.

And yeah she falls short. But the odds are stacked against her. She's 14, for starters. And before she arrived the slavers burnt all the olive groves and salted the soil so she couldn't use them, and as she calculates it will take 30 years before the land will be truly productive again. She also has the Meereenese slaving class working very hard to sabotage her by funding domestic terrorism within the city. And she has to deal with a refugee crisis, a famine, a plague, and an alliance of pro-Slavery states forming a blockade around Meereen and threatening to siege the city.

True the refugee crisis is arguably due to her leaving Astapor. She set up a new government, but she should have stayed longer to consolidate it. But she is only 14, and her main adviser/parental figure is too busy being a pro-slavery pedophile.

And the fall of Astapor isn't completely on her shoulders. She left adults in charge, people with qualifications and who knew the land and people better than she did. They had political agency and responsibility. As did Cleon. He could have chosen not to overthrow the Council and name himself King. He could have chosen to heed Daenerys when she told him "don't start a war with the Yunkai". And the Yunkai could have chosen not to slaughter Astapor and chase the refugees to Meereen. They could have simply removed Cleon and then recognised Daenerys had no part in his actions. The Yunkai could have chosen not to then declare war on Meereen.

The institution of slavery is complicated to overthrow and complicated to replace and even complicated in the ways it reasserts itself. Daenerys isn't the only actor here who determines the fate of Slavers Bay (though if she unleashes her dragons she can certainly become the most decisive actor again). The entire point of ADWD is that it's much more complicated than that - its GRRM's answer to "what was Aragorn's tax policy?". She is a 14 year old child who does her best against impossible odds, and who explicitly puts any dreams of Westeros on hold indefinitely. Time and time again she is offered the chance and means to sail for Westeros, and she turns it down each time because she knows she can't leave the people of Meereen behind to die.

And hopefully the lesson she learns by the end of ADWD is that she has to stop being conciliatory towards the slaving class. She spares the lives of hostages, she opens the fighting pits for them, she gives up her body in marriage, and still they try to poison her to install Hizdhar as King. Mercy isn't a weakness, but the people who have a vested interest in slavery aren't going to stop just because you ask them nicely (like that garbage show GOT seems to think). She's got to use her dragons.

No, critiquing her failures isn't the same as defending slavery. But claiming that she never tried, and ignoring the odds stacked against her, is false. As for blaming her for Slavers Bay falling into chaos and suffering... First off, again, she isn't the only responsible actor with agency - I maintain that the fall of Astapor was pretty much out of her hands. And second, it ignores the massive scale of human suffering that already gripped slavers bay. The daily violence inflicted on slaves - the families torn apart, the lives destroyed, the children mutilated, the thousands of dead babies killed to initiate the Unsullied, the tortures and crucifixions and whippings and executions and rapes.

Ignoring that isn't that far off from defending slavery. Claiming that the violence that overthrew slavery is worse than the violence that is slavery isn't that far off from defending slavery. Should no one ever dare strike off a slaves chains just because they can't account for the violence that could come after? Is the crucifixion of child-murdering Slavers worse than the crucifixion of innocent children?

Daenerys Targaryen Appreciation Month

Day 19 → Learning, Intelligence and Skills

Throughout the ASOIAF series, Daenerys has displayed the skills of horse riding, understanding multiple languages, negotiating, military strategy, creating alliances and dragon riding. These will be discussed under the cut:

Jor.ah being with them was no accident. J.orah was always a spy, and there may have been a hand in V.iserys' death that wasn't his own stupidity. Who got him drunk? He had no coin. Nothing to trade. Who gave him alcohol for free? Reminder jor.ah has been selling Da.nys secrets, and her location since he joined them. Which tells me they'd been searching for her since before she got pregnant. Jo.rah, who genuinely groomed and tried to isolate her from other West.erosi, had been a spy for Var.ys since before the series. D and V had only been at Illy.rio's for six months.

Va.rys and Ro.bert had been searching for D.any and Vise.rys since before Jo.rah joined them... what the fuck does that tell you? They didn't know about the marriage plans until Jo.rah joined them. They were hunting these children, and Vise.rys moving about protected them from being found consistently.

Rob.ert was so concerned about the Targ loyalists turning to join them, he called them scum and was near paranoid about it. Robe.rt made enemies of already dead infants, and he then did it to living children. He called dead Rh.aenys and A.egon "dragonspawn", and held no sympathy for them or their mother, who had been raped and murdered. Ne.d thinks poorly of it.

"I see no babes. Only dragonspawn." He also didn't give af that El.ia had been raped and murdered. Is this your king? He then never visited D.orne or made any apologies for the loss of Dor.an and Obe.ryn's sister.

He sent a fleet to assault Dragonston.e when she was born. A post partum mother, an eight year old and a newborn who would've been put to the sword or dashed against a wall for their blood. Rob.ert then blamed Stann.is for the CHILDREN getting away.

Thank you very much, stop pretending otherwise. 14 is still under age for West.eros and Vis.erys is 8 years older. Therefore, he'd been of age for six years. Meaning at minimum assassins would've been sent for Vise.rys at 16. Dae.nerys would've been 8.

Why would he wait until the army against them was secure? Robe.rt wouldn't. Rob.ert historically didn't, re send.ing Stan.nis for the siege on Dragonstone.

Viser.ys moved them place to place as a 13 year old because he had enough reason to believe swords were sent after them both. Swords that had already been responsible for the deaths of children, and held no remorse for it.

The first time I read ASOIAF, I remember that one of the things that first drew my attention to Dany as a character was the name “Stormborn.” It was such a small thing, but back then I couldn’t help but think it was meaningful that this little girl, shy, terrified, abused and at the mercy of the men around her, could also carry such a powerful sounding name, at least in my opinion.

Beneath an arch of twining stone leaves, a eunuch sang their coming. "Viserys of the House Targaryen, the Third of his Name," he called in a high, sweet voice, "King of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm. His sister, Daenerys Stormborn, Princess of Dragonstone. His honorable host, Illyrio Mopatis, Magister of the Free City of Pentos."—aGoT, Daenerys I.

Sansa and Dany’s marriage arcs actually parallel each other so much, besides people aggressively shipping them with Jon Snow.

Both are initially promised to someone beautiful, who they want to trust, but who turns out to be incredibly cruel. Sansa with Joffrey and Dany at least assuming she would marry Viserys until her actual wedding. 

Both young women experience sexual abuse at the hands of someone who should be their prince in shining armor because said Prince blames them for something they had no chance to effect. Sansa is stripped and beaten before the courts because of Robb’s wins. Dany is beaten and abused because she should have been born sooner so Rhaegar wasn't married to Elia.

Those initial betrothals are both broken and cause another marriage to occur to reach other goals of the prince. Joffrey needs an alliance with the Reach so he breaks his betrothal with Sansa, but he still needs to keep a claim to the North  so she’s married to Tyrion. Viserys gives up his hope of marrying Dany because he needs her as a bargaining chip to get his armies through Drogo.

There are some interesting differences with these marriages.

First, Drogo maritally rapes Dany while Tyrion decides to wait for her to want it.  Dany is hesitantly into it on their wedding night - guiding Drogo’s hand between her legs - but it still is marital rape because she wasn’t consenting fully. 

But, Both women end up claiming agency in their marriages through their sexual situation. Dany uses Doreah’s teaching to take control and exhibit agency in the marital bed; Sansa maintains agency by not giving in to let Tyrion have sex with her. Both begin to find their strength in these different forms of resistance against their system. Women don’t usually get sexual agency and control, so by claiming it, Dany is resisting. Sansa’s resistance to Tyrion is another form of sexual agency because she gets to choose not to have sex with him.

Both also continue to experience assault at the hands of their former betrothed. Tyrion does his best to protect Sansa but is as much a victim of this system as she is, albeit in different ways, and can only protect her from some of Joffrey’s abuses. Drogo isn’t even aware of Viserys’ continued abuses until he ends up raising his hand against him - but once Drogo is aware, he does try to protect his wife.

Finally, Sansa and Dany both react very differently to their husbands generally. Sansa puts up a cold wall of courtesy and doesn’t try to get to know him because she’s horribly miserable. Meanwhile, Dany learns Dothraki and attempts to speak and get to know Drogo. This is in part Stockholm Syndrome because she doesn’t have any chance of talking to anyone besides Jorah, a creepy old guy whose in love with her, and her abuse brother.

While married, they both also suffer horrible things happening to their family. Namely, Sansa’s entire family dies and Dany loses her brother and is almost poisoned to kill her son. Dany comes to rely on Drogo more while Sansa just uses this as further reasons to push Tyrion away.

They are both also present for the horrible, grueling death of their former betrothed, and both are part of the death along with their husbands. Sansa carries the poison in her hairnet and Tyrion presents the cup to Joffrey - both unknowingly, but still. Meanwhile, Dany is threatened by her brother and her husband killed him without her interference (forgivable considering its immediately after he tried to cut open her pregnant belly).

They both also have a crush that shows up at various points in their timeline: Loras/Willas and Daario. Dany is more sexually awakened, so she gets to follow through on this. Sansa dreams of it but Petyr eventually foils her chances.

Their next round of marriages/promises is similar as well: betrothals that never come to fruition. There’s vague talk of Sansa marrying Sweetrobin to combine their claims, and some talk of Dany marrying that one guy in Qarth to cement her claim to the iron throne through his funds and ships.

Next, they both end up engaged to a man (and Dany marries him) who can help them cement their claim/rule in the place they are and take back their birthright feudal societies. Sansa and Harry Hardyng, who can get her the support of the Vale to go and claim Winterfell, and Dany with Hizdhar zo Lorak, who helps her cement her claim and rule of Meereen, which will in turn help her turn her forces west to Westeros.

Finally, they both spend the entire series being groomed by much older men who are super creeps but also come off as their defenders. Sansa and Petyr Baelish and Dany and Jorah Mormont. Both have to rely on these men because they have no other guidance at points. Dany was able to obtain power and breakaway from Jorah once his betrayal came to light. Theoretically, Sansa will get to break free of Petyr once his betrayal comes to light.

Okay, I’ve read enough posts insulting Dany and her Stans to be sick of it. Some may say: if it doesn’t please you, then don’t go there. But that way of thinking is too easy, and cuts discussion when I want to understand where the person comes from.

Some already said that that for some, Dany is an obstacle to what their own favorite character could have (more power, a love interest). I tend to agree with it. But I think there might be another thing. It’s, i believe, a mix of countertransference when confronted to persons with traumas, identification and projection.

What is countertransference, you might ask? To be put simply (maybe vulgarly, I can’t sum up all the writings about it in one post), it is all the reactions, the images, thoughts... that you may have (consciously or not) when you’re in front of a person you’re in position to care about. It’s what makes you either benevolent, neutral or malevolent towards that person, according to what your personal experiences are. For example, if the victim’s situation is similar to what you already lived (or imagined, for some) if you’re not sufficiently aware of it, it might make you either reject the person, either identify too much with her/him. Either there’s too much distance, either there’s too little. It’s not a rational response, it’s an emotional one. And it’s something that erase all shades in judgement (the good old reasoning good guy/bad guy). For some, It’s stronger than most. Others, more aware of their own issues, can work with it and actually distance themselves with these emotional reactions. It is also something that is also very sensitive to the belonging of a group (ex: antis vs pro). If the group is threatened, you feel threatened.

Most anti Dany are pro Stark, from what I’ve seen. Or pro Sansa plus specifically for some (because some pro Sansa are also anti Arya, which they call a psychopath/sociopath . So it’s not entirely pro Stark.)

But what is the difference in the books between Sansa and Dany concerning traumas (I’m not talking about magical blood, dragons or any events that happened conveniently in seasons that do not care for the books)?

Sansa’s first POVs (in books and first seasons) are ones of a romantic, idealistic girl, with a bit of a bully side when it comes to her sister Arya, who doesn’t quite fit in what she would expect of a girl, of a sister (she even said she would have preferred Myrcella). But for a lot of girls, this context of sibling ´ rivalry’ , but otherwise secure family unity, is quite relatable and such is the story of this girl wishing for Prince Charming.

And then came troubles and traumas, and the readers and watchers just see and LIVE with her all these traumas, sometimes as if it was their own. Because they had identified themselves too much with her when she was in security, which makes it seem even more unbearable the events that befell her. (Thus the second reaction to the countertransference). So of course they want her to move on, to get back what she has lost. Because they had already seen WHAT she has lost. Thus she does not seem too entitled to them.

Dany, to the contrary, is presented already with signs of traumatic experiences. The readers and the watchers don’t see her secure, in a happy family. They don’t see what she has lost.They see her when she has learned to be passive, and to submit to her abusers. That’s something that is terrifying, something most people can’t bear to think of, and which makes them distance themselves from her. But it’s not something socially desirable to say you don’t like a character because her traumas, present from the beginning, disturb you. So you try to rationalize. To distance yourself from her, especially if her character begins to stand up(thus the first reaction.) To say there’s something terrifying IN her: she’s mad, she’s cruel, she has too much power and it’s never enough for her... By doing that, you erase every part that doesn’t go your way to concentrate on parts you can interprete as you want. It’s not you who are in the wrong, it’s her. It’s the people that are defending her.

It’s what makes the insults easier to come, because the hatred is not based on rational thinking, but on an emotional reaction. And of course, they’re happy that the show ´proved them right’. They don’t have to question themselves about it too much. But then... the show did not completely give back to Sansa what she had lost, did it? And now, other Stans are questioning them being right..

So then goes an eternal spiral of hatred and misunderstandings. Because the thing with hatred ? It’s extremely contagious.

But insults to one character and its fans are not valid arguments. It only makes the discussion poorer and poorer.