#daniel lloyd

Dan didn’t force conversation on the way back to Honeycomb, for which James was grateful. The radio played softly, and every so often, Dan reassuringly rubbed James’ knee.

As they drove onto the University campus, James felt an odd sensation of never having left and having been gone for years at the same time. Their dorm was quiet, what with it being the middle of a weekday, which was a blessing as far as James was concerned. The last thing he wanted right now was a whole lot of people asking him how he was doing.

Dan had asked him if James wanted him to come with him to his room, but James had shaken his head and had gone up alone. He opened the door to his room. It was freezing because the balcony door was ajar. Someone – he suspected Sarah – had apparently wanted to air the room out a bit. He closed the open door and looked around his room.

Everything looked exactly as he had left it. Although... Exactly...? He carefully shoved aside the flycase next to the bathroom door, not really knowing if he wanted to see or not as he did so. He side-eyed the carpet. It was clean. No more blood stains. James nodded. That was a relief.

He looked at his suitcase. Unpack now, or... No. There was really only one thing he wanted to do now...

“So… will you go there?” Sarah asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks. James nodded. “Yes, and it can be quick. The referral is all ready, and I have a video intake with a psychologist the day after tomorrow. If they also feel I’m a good fit, then, given the severity of my current mental state, I can start there as early as next week.” “Wow…” Sarah uttered, “That’s… fast… I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great that this is available for you and that it will help you, but it’s all… very fast…” “Yes…” James replied, “It is fast. But it’s also not. See, I’m dumping a lot of heavy shit on you guys now, and I know that, but I’ve been walking around with this for nine years. So, it’s not fast. It’s about time…” Sarah nodded and then immediately shook her head, “I could just kick myself! How did I not notice this? What kind of a twin bond is this if I didn’t see this?!” “Sarah…” James said, “Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve been very good at hiding this. Even from you. It’s not your fault. I didn’t want you to know.

“Why not, though, James?” Dan now spoke, “Why didn’t you tell us? We’re your best friends, we’re your family, some of us literally. We would have supported you, we would have stood by you. Why did you feel you couldn’t tell us?” “Because,” James said, his voice breaking, “because telling you, the people I love the absolute most in this world, would have made it real… And I was trying so hard to have it not be real, to make it go away. To deny and avoid it.” Sarah stood up and hugged her brother tightly. The others stood up as well to join in the hug. Sadie looked at them from her seat. Her eyes met Sarah’s, who smiled lightly at her and mouthed, “Thank you.” Sadie smiled back at her and nodded, though despite what James had said, she didn’t feel like the hero here. He was. He was the one doing it all. She sighed. It would still be a long road ahead, but he was doing it. And she was immensely proud of him.

“Hello dorm!” Jill sighed happily. “Isn’t it weird how much this place has become home after these past years?” she asked, turning to her friends, “Each year I’ve been happier coming back here.” Dan chuckled while closing the boot of the car, “Honestly, Jill, I’m mostly happy this is our last year coming back here.” “Hear, hear!” Seth laughed. “One more year of university and we’re out!” Sarah chuckled at her boyfriend, “As if it will end for you there, you still have to do residencies and all that jazz before you can truly call yourself Doctor Seth Murray.” Seth put down the box he was carrying and wrapped his arms around her, “All true, but I get to do that living in a place of our own with you,” he smiled. Sarah giggled, “Yes, I’m also very much looking forward to that.”

“Have any of you heard from James at all?” Dan then asked. “I haven’t seen him since the concert. Of course, I was away with my parents, but I sort of expected to see him today.” Sarah nodded, “Yes. He went back to University weeks ago. I stayed in Honeycomb Valley with my sister for a while after your concert, and then Seth and I went on holiday, but James went back here straight away. He said he wanted to make the most of the quiet of this place to write music. We’ve texted a little bit occasionally. Frankly, I’m glad he's doing that instead of the destructive spiral he seemed to be on before.” Dan sighed, “Yes, I agree. Well, we’ll see him later then, I guess.”

Summer is over, and Honeycomb's students are all heading back to University. But someone is missing in action, and there's a big surprise...

'Unexpected' is going live starting tomorrow, Thursday 21 November from 13:00 / 1 PM (CET) onwards.

Winter 08/09: If The Fates Allow

James reaches some conclusions about his true feelings and emotions and makes some firm decisions, not without consequences for others. And with Christmas fast approaching, will all be merry?

This chapter has been posted to Tumblr in parts from July to mid-September. If you want to (re-)read the entire update in one go, you can do so here, on my WordPress blog.

“Can you do your thing and talk some sense into him?” Dan angrily asked Sadie, gesturing at James. He needs to get his act ànd his nerves together, and I think you’re the only one he’ll listen to.”

“Why? What happened?” Sadie asked, looking worried.

“Oh, he’s just being an annoying twat, basically. And you know I don’t easily say that about him. I actually very much love that dude, but he’s picking fights over the most random things. Almost like he wants us all to be on edge, which I don’t think is smart because we have to be on this stage in a few hours. But when I say that to him, he just twists my words and tries to make it like I’m the one who’s picking a fight. And frankly, I’ve had enough, but he’s still all fired up there, and I really think he should calm the fuck down before he can go on stage,” Dan snarled those last words. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and cool off myself.”

Sadie sighed deeply, exited the stage and walked up to James, feeling a little annoyed herself. This show was an important one, and she didn’t even doubt James knew it, too, so why would he jeopardise it now?

Daniel’s smile was bright and sunny as he waved at James coming down the path. “Hello stranger!” he beamed and wrapped James in a warm Dan-hug as soon as he reached him. James wrapped his arms tightly around Dan too, and for a moment, buried his face in his cousin’s shoulder. He desperately needed the comfort, and it was no lie that Dan gave the best hugs. Dan was also always without judgment and awkwardness, because he didn’t comment on James’ tight embrace, but just held him close for a moment, kindly stroking his back.

James could feel the tears coming up and reluctantly let go. He blinked to get rid of the tears as he tried to smile at Daniel. Dan smiled back. “Deep breaths, James. Ready to go?”

James nodded.