#ifthefatesallow

“What do you mean, are you not attracted to guys?”

“No…” James said, not sure how to explain this properly. “I am. It’s just not a side.”

He grabbed her hands, “Look, it’s actually ironic, because my sexuality has been the thing I was torturing myself over the most, yet I came to the conclusion that it’s the thing that matters least. I can feel sexually attracted to sexy, cute, funny, interesting people. That comes rather easily. I can feel romantically attracted to interesting, funny, intelligent, caring, loving people. That doesn’t come easily at all and takes time and connection. But gender, Sade? Gender doesn’t matter. My mind doesn’t differentiate by gender. Nor does my heart or my body. For me, gender is just as unimportant as the colour of someone’s skin, or eyes, or whether their hair is long or short. I know that isn’t true for everyone, but one thing I have known for years and years is that I’m wired differently than most people. Queer? Or LGBT-whatever? Sure. If that floats your boat, call me that. I just know, now, that to me, none of it matters. What does matter, Sade, is that I fell in love exactly once. And I still am. And the person I’m in love with, my wonderfully weird Sadie, is you. What did you say? For longer than I realised myself? Well, ditto. Right back at you. I love you, Sadie Stevens, and we may have made an awful mess of the road up to this point, but I’m ready to close the door on all that and face the future together. You and me, no one else. If you’ll have me. What do you say?”

Tears were once again welling in Sadie’s eyes, but her lips smiled as she let go of James’ hands to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him in. When their lips met, things were finally as they should be.

Sadie wrapped her arms around James’ waist and rested her head against his shoulder as they watched Dante go. “What a wonderful guy,” she said.

“He’s gay, though, sorry”, James said teasingly.

“Well, good, otherwise you just might have had competition,” Sadie teased back, giving him a sassy smile.

“Lucky me,” James said and planted a quick kiss on her forehead.

He looked up. “Do you see where we are, Sade?”

She followed his gaze and spotted the mistletoe hanging above their heads “Oh, I see. Well, we can’t let a chance like that pass us by, can we?” She winked and kissed him softly.

“Get a room or at least get out of my way.” A grumpy guy carrying a stack of books pushed past them.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” James said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“I agree,” she said with a wink.

They put on their coats and made their way out of the coffeehouse and into the heavy snowfall outside.

I was thinking, Sade,” James said as they walked off, their arms warmly linked together, “Maybe we could go away for New Year’s?”

“Okay, here goes nothing...” Dante said, almost in a whisper. He then looked at James intently, his hold intensifying.

“That day when Sadie came to see you and you thought she acted weird...? I know you convinced yourself she couldn’t have seen our kiss, but... I think she did... In fact, I’m pretty sure of it, because... As I got up from the bench, I saw her hiding behind the boxwood bush. She scrambled to her feet and clearly seemed distraught. Of course, I didn’t know it was Sadie at the time. Maybe a new girl, I thought. But... from what you told me later, on the plane, I think it was Sadie. And that could maybe explain why she was acting weird...”

Everything inside James froze up. He slowly pulled his hands away from Dante while he blinked to make the spots dancing in front of his eyes go away. Sadie had seen the kiss... And Dante... Dante had known this... For weeks...

“I’m actually headed for Monte Vista again in two days,” Dante said, looking at James happily. “I’ve been invited to spend Christmas with Luna and her father and my other half-sisters. Luna and I have been writing a lot, and it turns out Enrico is very happy to meet me.

“Wow, that’s amazing!” James said, feeling a knot untie within him at Dante’s obvious happiness. “Are you nervous or excited?”

“A little bit of both,” Dante admitted, “But I’ll be alright.”

“And after Christmas?” James asked, “Are you still okay at Chestnut and Oak?”

“Actually, Sasha gave me the green light to leave, too. I applied for a scholarship to an art school, and it was granted, so I’ll be starting there when the new term begins. After that, I’ll see where I’ll end up.”

“I’m so happy to hear that!” James smiled, “You’ll do amazing there. And I’m sure you’ll find your feet afterwards too. You know, Honeycomb Valley is nice,” he added with a wink.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dante laughed. He looked over at where Sadie was standing, talking to the unknown girl. “I think she left because she didn’t want to interfere, right?”

“Yes,” James said, “I had that same impression.”

“I would actually very much like her to come back,” Dante said, “I’ve been looking forward to getting to know her.”

“I would like that too,” James replied wholeheartedly, feeling a warmth spread through his body as he said it.

James resolutely opened the door to Sasha’s office, without pausing to knock.

“James, how lovely to see you, what can I do for you?” Sasha said with a smile.

“I would like to discuss my departure,” James said without hesitation.

Three weeks later...

James tapped his fingers against the mug of hot chocolate in front of him. He still hadn’t taken a sip. From the chair next to him, Sadie gave him an inquisitive look. “Are you okay?”

James started to nod, then decided a shrug was better.

“I’m actually a little bit nauseous…” he admitted.

Sadie held out her hand to him. James managed a smile and clasped fingers with her. “It will be fine, I’m sure,” she said, offering him a loving smile.

“I don’t know, Sade, I didn’t leave things very well…” James said hesitantly.

“I know, you told me. But that’s why it’s good you’re doing this now. Talk. Clear the air.”

“I hope you’re right…”

“I’m sure I am. He agreed to come, and that’s a good sign.” She said, sounding resolute. “Yes, that’s…” James began, but stopped as the door of the coffeehouse opened, bringing in cold air, some snow, and a guy bundled up in a winter coat and a big scarf:

Dante...

“But I wanted to!” James uttered, louder than he had intended, because the man at the bar and the man behind it both abruptly turned and looked at him.

“I wanted to...” James repeated, much softer this time. “I was going to tell her when she would visit me. But then she did come to see me, and she acted all weird. It was clear she wanted out of there as soon as possible, and that threw me off.”

He looked up at Sarah, “And now you’re here, talking about us ‘both’ being smitten, and I don’t know what to make of that.”

Sarah shrugged, “Look, I don’t want to give you false hope. Like I said, I don’t really know Sadie all that well, but the way you are together, the way you look at each other, it just seems so obvious.”

Suddenly, an overwhelming sense of anger got hold of James, and he jumped up.

“You have known this since Monte Vista!? And you didn’t think it was something I needed to know?! After I told you how confused I was about her behaviour, you didn’t think this piece of information was something that needed to be shared?!”

“I’m sorry!!”  Dante exclaimed, tears springing from his eyes, “I should have, I know, but I... I didn’t think... I wanted... I...”

“Save it, Dante.” James growled as he turned his back on the bench and just started running, frantically wiping away at his own cheeks.