#dalloway

i think septimus loves rezia at the end of mrs dalloway. i think he didn’t know how he did, but he loved her

i think he didn’t love her when he married her, it’s in the quote “married his wife without loving her”— obviously when septimus couldn’t feel anything, he couldn’t feel any love for her

but when septimus /does/ feel and he becomes the “veil of nerves upon a rock” and feels everything too deeply i think it’s clear that the feelings he has for rezia are love too

septimus’s old love, miss isobel in the green dress, is described as a “red and gold” burning flame, and this is supposedly the most passionate love of his life. when septimus is with rezia on one of the days where they are happy together and he is feeling better, that red and gold imagery is repeated in the “little red and yellow flowers”

the flowers are like a growth of new life, septimus feels love again with rezia. septimus also fears the world getting worse and only wants to die when he is happy so that it can’t get any worse— when he’s happy that day with rezia he says “now we will kill ourselves” because that’s the happiest he can get! and it’s tragic! but it’s true!

when septimus does die he’s happy with rezia again he’s the happiest he’s been in the whole book and he knows dr holmes is going to ruin it. dr holmes is going to decide his life for him and make it worse so he kills himself when he’s happy with rezia.

i think he loved her. even when he didn’t feel and he didn’t taste and he talks of not tasting he mentions the things rezia loves! he mentions how rezia loved chocolate and ices and he marries rezia because making her happy makes him feel like he has a purpose even if in that moment he can’t feel

even when septimus can’t feel, he chooses rezia— and i think that’s love, it’s love he doesn’t feel, but it’s love nonetheless

like how peter thinks of clarissa when following the woman because he’s obsessed with clarissa he must compare everyone to her, like how peter is at his happiest when they’re together even if she’s falling for someone else.

septimus is the same about rezia, being with her makes him happy, he thinks of her, he can’t stand the way he is. he wants their marriage to be over because it’s not making /her/ happy anymore, but like the war it never really IS over, they stay by each others sides until septimus dies.