#dad!sos

"So pretty." Nico said as she put some flowers on Alexis Ximena's hair.

"Thank you, girlie." Alexis Ximena said.

They were at Madison Square Park while Calum and the band did sound check. Aaliyah and Rory were gonna go but Rory had fallen asleep and didn't want to wake her up. Marina was doing a photoshoot and she took Max with her. Fiona wasn't up for going out so she stayed back at her hotel while Ethan stayed with Aaliyah.

Alexis Ximena checked the time and saw that it was almost time to head back to MSG, where 5sos was performing. She pulled out her phone and ordered Mcdonald's for her and Nico. She got Nico a happy meal and for her the mcnuggets meal and an oreo mcflurry. Alexis Ximena locked her phone and placed it in her backpack and helped Nico in her stroller.

It was about a ten minute walk from the park to the arena. Alexis Ximena picked up their food, it was across the street from the MSG. She flashed her and Nico's passes and they went backstage where they were.

Ethan and Max were watching Bluey whilst sharing a sleeve of Oreos and eating pizza. Nico got off her stroller and joined them. Alexis Ximena helped her food out for her.

The guys came back and Calum went over to greet Nico. He sponged a bunch of kisses all over her face. Then he reached for one of her nuggets and ate it. As he swallowed he realized the mistake he made.

Nico's bottom lip trembled and she pushed her food away. She got up and ran to Alexis Ximena, crying.

"Nico," Calum said, squatting down to her.

She buried her face in Alexis Ximena's chest and cried harder.

"Why would you do that? You know how she gets." Alexis Ximena scolded Calum.

"It slipped my mind." He mumbled.

"Here Nico." Ethan offered some of his Oreos.

"No!" She pushed him away. She doesn't like Oreos.

"I know you're upset I ate your chicken, but you don't push people, Nico." Calum said sternly.

Nico turned away and cried some more. Alexis Ximena rubbed her back. Nico eventually cried herself to sleep. She slept in Alexis Ximena's arms the rest of the evening and through the whole show. She woke up when Calum picked her up so he could change in her pajamas.

"Hi papi." She said groggily.

"Hey, let's get you in some jammers okay?" He said, carrying to the bathroom.

He helped her into her strawberry pajamas. Calum brushed her messy curls into a short braid.

"I'm sorry I ate a nugget." He told her as he tied the end of her braid.

"Is okay." Nico said, making grabby hands so he could carry her.

They went backstage and Nico went back to Alexis Ximena. The other kids had fallen sleep half-way into the concert so she was the only one awake.

"Hi bes, bes." She whispered to Rory as she slept soundly in her bassinet stroller.

She watched Calum pour himself a bowl of Oreo cereal. Surprisingly Nico was a fan of the cereal but not the cookies themselves. While Calum put the milk away, she went up to the counter and began eating some.

"Oi!" He exclaimed.

"Yummy." She said with her mouth full.

"Why are you eating this, you don't even like Oreos." He put his hands on his hips.

They had driven with the kids over to Luke and Sierra’s house, mainly to drop off the kids with Sierra, but also to pick up Luke since he hadn’t wanted to drive. Aiden went running into the house, no problem. It’s never a problem, being that he’s not-so-secretly in love with Sierra. Calum carried Logan into the house and attempted to put him down on the couch, but the toddler squeezed Calum’s neck even tighter, nearly choking him. “Logan, you need to stay here with Auntie Sierra and your brother. We’ll be back for you in a couple hours.”

That was what set him off. The screaming started and the tears started rolling. All Calum could understand through Logan’s hysterical screaming was that Calum was leaving him. As hard as Calum tried to explain that he would be back, Logan could not expect it. Even with Mama saying she would stay with him, he still thought Calum was leaving him. Calum and Mama made eye contact and silently agreed to take the toddler with them.

On the drive to the studio, Luke kept Logan occupied, the car filled with Luke’s laughter and Logan’s laughter. It was when they arrived that Calum picked Logan up out of his car seat and told him to hold onto him until they were in the dressing room. Logan tucked his face into Claum’s neck and Calum reached back to hold onto his wife’s hand, ensuring that no one got lost. Once they were in the dressing room, that was when everything fell into a normal calm.

They were given their 5 minute warning until they had to be ready to go on stage. Calum crouched down to be at Logan’s height, who was sitting on a chair, and this was when he gave him the speech. “Logan, you have to stay with mama no matter what, okay? There are lots of people here and they’re all bigger than you, you could get lost, or get hurt. Do you understand me?” Logan nodded while swinging his legs back and forth. “That’s my boy.” Calum smiled before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead.

Logan walked with his hand in his mom’s behind Calum and the rest of the guys. At some point, the guys were directed in one direction, and Logan and his mom were directed in another. One went to the stage, the other went to where they could see the stage, but off to the side. They were introduced and made their way to the stage, all four of them sitting on the couch next to the host who sat behind a desk. Calum sat on the end, Luke directly to his left, then Michael to his left, then Ashton to the next left, right next to the host. 

The host asked them questions about their new album and what was coming up in the future for the band. There were of course questions of their personal lives, the ones Calum disliked the most to answer. Calum leaned his head against his hand and listened as the other three answered the questions. Everything was going as it should, until Calum suddenly heard ‘daddy’ being called from a very familiar little voice. When Calum turned, he saw Logan running towards him, tears running down his face. In one swift motion, Logan lifted his arms, and Calum scooped him up onto his lap. Calum calmed Logan for a minute before he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Sorry, he’s going through a phase where he can’t be away from me.” Calum nervously laughed but kept his main focus on Logan.

“Oh, Calum, this is so sweet!” The host cooed excitedly, “I knew you had kids, but I can never remember how old they are. Is this your oldest or your youngest?” The host asked.

“This is my youngest,” Calum kissed the side of his head and allowed Logan to nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck, “Give me a minute to handle this.” Calum says with a soft chuckle. Calum stood, still holding Logan and walked off the stage. The camera followed him as he walked Logan back over to Mama, telling him that he had to stay with her, and that he thought he had understood that.

As soon as he reached Mama, Logan started to throw a fit, not wanting to go to his mom, and wanting to stay with Calum. Calum and Mama went back and forth about trying to get Logan to calm down, but the host spoke up, “Why doesn’t the little one join us?” Calum and mama exchanged a look, but eventually relented and Calum carried Logan back to the stage. 

Calum sat back on the couch in his spot and put Logan on his lap, facing outward. Logan swung his legs, and looked over at the host who asked, “What’s your name?”

“Logan!” he answered with a big smile on his face.

“Logan, how old are you?” The host asked again.

“This many!” Logan excitedly held up three fingers. 

“Wow, you’re so big! Logan, do you love hanging out with your dad all the time?” The host leaned forward a bit to keep Logan’s attention.

Logan nodded furiously and looked back at Calum, “Daddy’s my best friend.” The entire crowd ‘aw’d.’ Calum nearly forgot he was sitting in front of a crowd. Calum smiled at Logan and ran a finger down his cheek, simultaneously moving his hair from his face.

“Do you know the name of your daddy’s band?” Logan nodded and swung his feet, effectively kicking Calum in the shins. Calum nonchalantly grabbed his legs to spot him from kicking him. “Great, I want you to look at that camera and tell it that your daddy’s band is coming up next, playing their new song.” The host pointed, and Logan’s eyes followed.

He looked back at Calum for encouragement and Claum nodded. Logan looked at the camera and said, very shyly, “My daddy’s band, 5 Seconds of Summer, is up next.” The crowd cheered and music started playing, indicating they were headed to a commercial.

Once the commercial break had started, Calum picked Logan up and carried him off stage. “Remember how I told you to stay with mama, no matter what?” Logan nodded, “You didn’t listen.“ Logan looked down, knowing he was in a little bit of trouble. Calum kissed the side of his head, “It’s okay, but you have to stay with mama while I sing my song, okay?” Logan nodded and wrapped his arms around Calum’s neck.

“I’m sorry, daddy, I just love you.” Logan said while resting his chin on Calum’s shoulder.

Calum couldn’t help but to smile, “I love you too, Logan.” With that, they headed back to the dressing room to get ready for their performance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging: @talkfastromance4

He would be so excited when you told him you wanted to start trying for a baby. He’d definitely be the type to want to have as much sex as possible to increase your chances. If it takes longer than a few months he would start wanting to track your ovulation cycle and practically lock the two of you in your bedroom on fertile days.

Once you actually get pregnant he’d get so Soft. Constantly asking if you need anything, holding your hair when you need to throw up (even at 2 AM). Going and buying you preggie pops for your nausea (even if he has to try multiple stores).

He’d get really nervous about sex, scared he might hurt you or the baby. He would eventually be convinced that sex is fine but wouldn’t be nearly as rough as he was pre-pregnancy. Gentle, loving sex only for the rest of your pregnancy.

This man attends ALL the baby appointments, and is so supportive, always holding your hand and paying very close attention to the nurse. He’d know what stage of development the baby is on that week (“they’re growing fingernails this week, babe!”)

Once cravings kick in he would definitely be all for it, going and getting you whatever you want. He may try some of the odd food combinations (“Strawberry ice cream and peanut butter, babe? Really?”)

When you feel the baby move for the first time he’d be so excited, but a little disappointed he can’t feel it yet. The first time he’s actually able to feel the baby move he would definitely tear up.

He would definitely buy one of those speakers to play music for your tummy as soon as the baby could hear outside noises. He has trouble sleeping, has for years, and after the baby develops enough to hear he’s gotten into the habit of talking softly to your belly until he falls asleep. He’d do research on how he can interact with the baby while it’s still in the womb, finding out about how the baby can see lights and shadows and using a flashlight on your belly to make the baby kick certain areas.

He’d absolutely lavish attention on you when you’re getting bigger, soothing your fears about gaining weight and being so supportive (normally leading to him showing you EXACTLY how desirable he still finds you).

Once you’re 7-8 months he’d want to go everywhere with you (partly to make sure you rest enough and don’t over exert yourself, partly to see your cute waddle). He’d be so down to give you foot and back massages (“it’s partly my fault you’re in pain, babe, it’s my kid you’re carrying around in there”).

He LIGHTS UP every time someone asks him about your pregnancy, totally has sonogram pictures and videos saved on his phone and will show them to ANYONE.

He gets really concerned approaching your due date if you’re in even a little bit of pain (“I’m 9 months pregnant, Mike, of course I’m uncomfortable. If I start feeling contractions I promise I’ll tell you.”) Freaks the FUCK out when you have Braxton Hicks contractions. (“What do you mean they’re PRACTICE contractions, she’s IN PAIN”).

Does not want to leave your side during the labor and birth, has to be forced to leave to eat and shower as necessary. He definitely looks when you’re pushing and he definitely regrets it. He is so full of support, holds your hand the entire time and gives encouragement and praise. Does actually cry when he holds his child for the first time. He’s even more in awe of you after your child is born, because you gave him this, this tiny human he loves more than he ever thought was possible.

————————————————————————

Baby shower/gender reveal

God Michael would get so into planning the party, he’s an introvert but this party is about his BABY so he’s so hyped.

You decided to combine the baby shower and the gender reveal to save time (also because Michael pouted when he was told men weren’t allowed at traditional baby showers, and you didn’t want him to feel left out.)

The boys come over early to help Michael decorate (“You’re almost 5 months pregnant, babe, I’m not letting you climb on a ladder”). They show up wearing the color they think the baby is going to be (Luke and Ashton are wearing pink, Michael and Calum are wearing blue).

As soon as guests arrive and games begin, the boys start getting competitive. Luke pouts for a good 5 minutes when he’s the first to say ‘baby’ and lose his pin.

The gloating when the gender is finally revealed is funny enough you pretend not to notice money changing hands (“I just had a FEELING, I just KNEW”) (“SUCK IT LOSER”).

After the party is over and things have been cleaned up the boys announce their gift to you. You’re staying with a friend over the weekend to relax while they redo the spare room into a nursery (Michael doesn’t want you in the house with all the paint fumes).

Things start out ok after you leave, they get the room painted with only a few breaks to toss paint at each other instead of the walls. It’s when they start trying to put the furniture together they begin to run into issues (“It has like three pieces why won’t IT WORK? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”) After many hours (and one screwdriver thrown at Luke’s head) they finally get everything assembled and placed where it needs to go. (“None of you fuckers had better have another kid anytime soon, I am NOT doing that again.”)

The look on your face once you see the finished nursery erases all remaining frustration.

————————————————————————

He would be so insanely protective of your little bub, not wanting to let anyone hold them if they haven’t washed their hands. If you have coughed or sneezed in the last two days you are NOT allowed in the house, he is not having his newborn get sick because he was careless.

He’s so sweet to you, knowing how hard the birth was, and that you’re healing. Constantly offering to hold down the fort while you nap (“because you deserve to take a nap, babe. I’ve got peanut for now, go sleep.”)

Loves feeding the baby, and just holding them while they sleep. The amount of times you’ve walked in on Michael and your baby sleeping together, the baby laying on Michaels chest, can’t be counted on one hand.

As the baby gets older and starts moving around more Mike is so proud but also so worried (“what if they hurt themselves, babe?”), constantly hovering in case the baby needs him for something.

Once the baby is old enough it can see colors and movements well enough to be mesmerized by them Michael gets a little gaming buddy. He’ll strap them to his chest and let them watch the colors and movement on the screen as he plays games (peaceful, colorful games, of course. And never for more than 30 minutes at a time. For now, anyway).

There’s a day when the baby is about 4 months old that Michael ends up streaming with them. He had been scheduled to stream with some friends on that day for weeks, but on the day of you were feeling a bit under the weather. He really didn’t want to cancel the stream, so he spoke with his gaming buddies and changed some things around instead. They were originally going to play League of Legends, but with the baby present they decided to play Slime Rancher on multiplayer instead. The baby was strapped to his chest, leaving his hands free. Chat went absolutely nuts when they saw the baby, and Michael had to explain about the change in plans, and that the stream would be a bit shorter than normal. He talks to the baby, pointing at the camera and telling them that there were 2,000 family members watching, so they had to bring their A game. The chat has a complete meltdown. The baby loves watching the different colors bounce across the screen, and giggles when the slimes collide with each other and make their little squeaking noises. Michael is very chatty during the stream, mostly talking to the baby.

The idea of going on tour and leaving you and the baby (now about 6 months old) is not something he’s prepared to do. He fights with the team and management to let you come with them (the boys all agree, of course, and they’d love to spend more time with their little niece/nephew). This tour is a bit shorter than normal, but the guys make up for it with their energy.

Little one has a pair of earmuffs just for them (decorated lovingly with different pictures and symbols by Michael) so they can come see daddy on stage sometimes.

The first time you decide to watch a show with the baby you’re standing in the wings of the stage on Michael’s side, and he won’t stop staring at you and his baby. During breaks he’ll look at the baby and make funny faces trying to get them to giggle. The fans notice, of course, and go nuts when they realize you’re both there. At some point (during a different show) he would bring the baby out on stage during his talking break and introduce them (“Now if I’m going to do this you guys need to be quiet ok? They’re little, and they’ve got little, sensitive ears. Promise?”) he’d be holding the baby on his hip looking so fucking proud because he helped make this little human! Luke would be making faces at the baby from behind Michael. The boys would somehow begin arguing about who’s the favorite uncle. (“Excuse you, I bought them that stuffed elephant they can’t sleep without.” “That means they like the elephant, not that they like you, Ash.”) Footage and pictures of that show damn near crash Twitter.

It’s been three weeks since you lost the baby. Three weeks of questions. Three weeks of self-doubt. Three weeks of going through the motions of your life. 

Doctor Wilson said there’s never a sure answer for why some pregnancies don’t take and assured you that it was nothing you did or didn’t do. You know she’s right but you still feel like you’re part of the blame. She’s the one who recommended you and Luke should see a counselor. 

“It’s a loss, a very unexpected one and it may be hard to navigate the grieving process,” Dr. Wilson had said. 

And so, here you are on a Wednesday at 3:00 with Luke sitting next to you on a brown leather couch. The walls are green, the floor made of wood and Dr. Martin removes her glasses from her face.

“y/n, do you need me to repeat the question?”

“Hm?” you ask, focusing back on her by hearing your name. Luke sighs next to you, you notice his finger is spinning the wedding band on his finger. 

“How are you feeling today?”

“Same as everyday,” you shrug. 

“Which is?” 

“I feel everything and nothing all at once.”

“Have you and Luke discussed what happened–”

“No.”

“She never wants to.”

“I don’t know how to say it to make you understand–”

“You don’t even try to talk to me!” 

“Because all you do is coddle me! I can’t–”

“All right, all right, one at a time,” Dr. Martin interrupts.

You huff and cross your arms tighter around yourself, Luke rubs at his face then pulls his fingers through his hair. 

“Luke, what do you want to discuss with y/n?”

“Anything at this point. She hasn’t been the same and I understand that to a degree but I don’t like being shut out. I hate to see her hurting like this and I can’t do anything. I don’t know what to do. And she won’t tell me because she thinks I won’t understand and I…it’s a vicious cycle.”

“How’re the kids?”

“On edge,” Luke answers as you stare at the corner of the coffee table. “They know there’s something going on, can sense y/n isn’t…herself. Lily’s the hardest, she’s mirroring y/n.”

“And did you tell Lily what happened?” 

“We did, she asked a lot of questions and I think she understands. It’s hard for her, too, I know she hates seeing y/n like this as much as I do.” 

“Has your relationship changed with Lily, y/n?” Dr. Martin directs the question to you this time.

“No, she still helps out like always.”

“Have you talked to her about your feelings? You said in our first meeting that she often feels left out–”

“I’m not disregarding my children,” you defend automatically. “I love them more than anything. I’m trying to–trying to find a way–” you shake your head then press your fingers to your forehead. 

“What you went through was a traumatic experience, your brain is surviving the way it thinks it should. It doesn’t make sense and it may never will.”

Friday 3:00 p.m

“I’ve reviewed all of our notes from our sessions and the main problem is communication,” Dr. Martin says at your next session. Luke grunts but tries to pass it off as a cough, you flick your eyes at him. “And–as backwards as this sounds–I think you two should go two weeks without talking to each other.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke shifts in his place on the couch, “come again?”

“Our main problem is communicating so to solve that is to…not communicate?” you reiterate.

“Yes, I’ve found that in most marriages when a short separation–”

“Separation?!” Luke yells.

“We’re separated enough because of his job, this is just an emotional block,” you say staring frantically between Luke and Dr. Martin.

“How exactly is this going to help?” 

“We have three children with altering schedules, how are we supposed to do that and not speak with each other?”

“Talking about the children’s schedules is fine. Two weeks without personal conversation, maybe even sleeping in different rooms might help both of you decipher your emotions and help to discuss them.”

Dr. Martin drones on and on about the successes of the other couples she’s helped that have done no communication for two weeks but your mind was rattling. It kept circling back to ‘separation.’ You don’t want a separation, that’s the complete opposite of what you want, but you also can’t talk about what you’re feeling quite yet. Would it really help? 

You and Luke walk out of the session dumbfounded after confirming with Dr. Martin you will see her in two weeks to go over how it went and if there was progress. The car ride is silent as you’re both lost in your own thoughts and when Luke parks in Ashton’s driveway (where the kids are) you sit in silence.

“What do you think?” Luke finally asks.

“I think it’s dumb. We aren’t communicating well and her solution is to stop it altogether and be separated? How is that going to work?”

“What if we tried it?” he asks quietly. Your heart plummets to your stomach.

“You can’t be serious,” you deadpan, staring at him but he keeps his eyes on his hands in his lap. “Luke…you’ve said I don’t tell you things–”

“I don’t tell you a lot of things either. Maybe in some weird twisted way, not telling each other anything will break that barrier for when we finally do talk to each other.”

“We’re with the kids together everyday, Luke. Lily is going to catch on we’re not speaking and that’s going to upset her–this is insane Luke!”

“I agree, it is insane. But let’s just give it a go, okay?” he looks up then touches your cheek with the back of his fingers. “I love you more than anything in the world, lovie. We’ve drifted a little and I want to be us again.”

“I want that, too,” you whisper holding his gaze. “What will we tell the kids?”

“We’ll talk in front of them but only to them.”

“We’re really doing this?”

“Yes.”

You sigh and take hold of his hand that’s on your cheek, linking your fingers together. You give him a squeeze. “Okay. No talking or sleeping together for two weeks.”

And you bolted out of the car.

***

It was hard watching Luke gather his pillows and night things from your room to transition  into the basement where you now had the guest room. Since you couldn’t talk, you watched him in silence and the half smile he gave you as he left carved a hole in your heart, only adding to the other holes that have formed from the blows you’re constantly taking. 

You missed waking up next to him on day one. Normally you would roll over and he’d already be awake waiting for you to face him and he’d take your face in his hand giving you a gentle kiss. You stared at yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth instead of over at Luke’s tired eyes and frothy toothpaste smile. 

Lily is over by Cory so it’s just Posy and Oliver home, you can hear him making noises from his room and the soft sound of Bluey playing downstairs in the living room. Posy loves Bluey. Oliver is standing along the railing of his crib when you enter his room, his eyes trying to focus on you without his glasses. 

“Hi my sweet boy,” you smile and place his glasses on his face. His little hands reach for you and he’s humming something that sort of sounds like ‘mama’. “Are you saying ‘mama’? Mama, mama.” 

“Mmm…aaah!” he responds but it’s more of a whisper, an echo of what he’s trying to say. 

“Almost,” you smile at him and kiss his forehead. 

After changing Oliver’s diaper you head downstairs and Luke is in the kitchen making waffles, probably a request from Posy. 

“Hi mommy!” Posy waves from her spot on the couch. She has her purple elephant and blanket from her bed wrapped around her, her hair a mess.

“Morning Posy-girl,” you smile, setting Oliver next to her. “Can you watch your brother while I get his breakfast?”

“Okay. Look at Bluey Olly,” she says hugging her brother close. He leans against her and focuses on the tv screen.

When you enter the kitchen, you and Luke pass glances but don’t say anything. You inhale as you open the fridge to retrieve Oliver’s breakfast. The two of you move around like foreign planets. 

It was hard at dinnertime to be sitting across from each other and to be using the kids as buffers for conversation. You told Crystal about the no communication thing when you were visiting her on Sunday while Luke picked Lily up from Cory’s. 

“Do you think it’s helping?” she asks, adjusting Maddox on her lap while you have Chloe on yours. 

“I don’t know. I hate sleeping without him. I’ve done it hundreds of times while he’s touring but this is different when I know he’s right in the house.” 

“And how’s Olly with his talking?” 

“The same,” you sigh, “Dr. Wilson says we should keep talking to him like we have been. It is common in preemies for their speech to be delayed. She even suggested we start learning sign language to help him tell us what he wants.”

“That’s a great idea. His hearing is okay though?”

“Yeah, he knows his name and our names. I think we will start sign language in a week and a half which is good because Luke and I will be talking again.” 

“Will you tell him all you’ve been feeling since the miscarriage?” she asks softly. 

“I’ll try to,” you shrug gazing into Chloe’s perfect little face, “it’s hard to talk about even though I think about it all the time.”

***

When the two weeks are up you woke up with that knowledge because you’ve been counting down every day, every hour, every minute until you can talk with your husband again. Just as you were getting out of bed, Lily and Posy opened your door with Oliver holding their hands between them. They were already dressed for their second day of school.

“Hi mama!” 

“Dada says he’s going to take us to school because you need a break,” Lily explains.

“He did?” you raise your eyebrows and walk towards them. You bend down to look at their outfits; Lily has on her new pink dress, Posy is wearing a purple shirt with shorts and her favorite shoes and Oliver has on a red shirt with overalls. He gives you a toothy grin.

“We wanted to say goodbye first,” Lily smiles.

“I’m so glad you did,” you smile pulling them all in for a hug. You kiss the tops of their heads, your thumb smudging dried milk from Oliver’s cheek. “You behave with your daddy and Ella, and we’ll see you on Sunday, sweetheart.”

“I will mama. Daddy said we’ll get pizza tonight!”

“I want pizza!” Posy shouts jumping slightly on her feet. 

“We’ll see,” you pinch her cheek and she smiles. “Your daddy and I will pick you up later, okay? You all have a good day at school, I love you.”

“Love you, mama!”

“Love you too! C’mon guys,” Lily leads her siblings from your room.

You listen to Luke speak with the kids from downstairs, loving their excited chatter as he hands off their lunch boxes. You can’t wait to speak with him when he comes back. When the door closes you head downstairs so you can make breakfast for you and Luke and are surprised to see a large bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter. 

A note is attached from Luke:

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Talk to you soon, lovie.

A small surge of butterflies erupts in your stomach at the thought of talking to him again and you get started on breakfast. It usually takes about forty-five minutes to drop the kids off so you head upstairs to freshen up a little. You brush your teeth, fix your hair, and spritz on the perfume Luke made for your anniversary. 

The pancakes are sitting on the warming plate as you finish the scrambled eggs and bacon on the stove when Petunia starts barking and the door opens. You turn around and your heart leaps at the sight of Luke. His curls are a little messy but his eyes are bright as they meet yours.

“Hi,” you say at the same time causing you both to chuckle. 

Luke sets his keys in the bowl and toes off his unlaced converse. He steps towards you slowly, stopping in front of you.

“I was going to make you breakfast,” he says softly then turns off the stove top. 

He’s so close you can smell his aftershave, his neck is right at your eyesight. 

“I wanted to surprise you since you took the kids to school.” 

“Well, why don’t you go sit down and I’ll make our plates,” he gives you a crooked smile. 

You sit at the table watching him prepare your plates of food. He sits down and you smile at him then giggle at the blueberries he arranged in a shape of heart on your pancake. 

“Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

You both take your first few bites in silence, exchanging soft smiles and lingering stares throughout the meal. Luke begins talking first when your plates are cleaned about the songs he’s written about you in all this time you weren’t talking and how he loved that peach colored suit you wore to work last Tuesday. 

All the while you held hands across the table, your thumb was rubbing over the tattooed initials of your name that he got on a whim a couple months ago. You talked about what was going on at work, the slight drama that always filled the offices of who had more of a workload. 

While you spoke, Luke pulled your chair closer so he could play with your hair. The  conversation then turned to the kids and the funny things Posy has said and done. You’re both happy with how well Oliver is picking up on the sign language, the girls too. 

“I missed you,” he sighs, both hands now cradling your face. 

He gives you a hesitant kiss which you reciprocate and soon you’re both running up the stairs to your bedroom. It’s been so long that you’ve been together because of what happened and not communicating for two weeks. 

Your emotions were still wonky after everything so whenever Luke touched you, your skin went haywire. His lips worked you over expertly, moving in the way you like it. Luke hisses when you bite at his neck once you’re connected, you gasp in his ear as he hits that special spot again and again. 

Waves of love and longing and loss and bliss crash over you, Luke sighs your name and then you’re trying to catch your breath as he releases inside of you. You haven’t felt this whole and complete in a while. You pet at his hair, kissing the side of his face as he stamps kisses along your neck and over your chest. 

“I asked Cory for help before we started therapy,” he confesses into your collarbone.

Your fingers still in his hair at his words as they sink in.

“You…what?”

He lifts his head to look at you, curls falling in his eyes, his lips pinker from all of the kissing you’d just done.

“I thought maybe if he talked to you you would open up about…what happened since he knows you so well.”

“Luke, you know me too. I thought we’re past the whole history with Cory thing–”

“We are–I am,” he nods, “but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it because I can only imagine what you went through but imagining isn’t even close to you actually going through it.”

“And what did he say?”

“That I should give you some space until you’re ready to talk. I just didn’t want you to feel alone. Since it happened and now with the last few weeks…without you, I don’t even know myself.”

“Luke–the reason I kept my distance is because…it’s my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

“I–” you shake your head blinking back tears as you stare at the ceiling. “I fought you so hard about not having a baby yet and I must have thought it so hard that I…it’s my fault. I was so worried and–and it–I–it’s all my–”

“No, no, no, hey, hey, look at me,” Luke rushes swiping at the tears on your cheeks. “This is not  your fault. You heard Dr. Wilson, sometimes pregnancies don’t take. There’s nothing you did or could have done any differently. It’s horrible that it happened, but you did not cause this. I know you love our children and you loved that baby, okay?”

“It hurts so much,” you cry into his shoulder and he holds you tightly against him. 

“I know, baby. But I’m here, I’ve always been here and I always will be. Through better or worse; right now, this is our worst. I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too. I’m so sorry I pushed you away.”

“Shh,” he rolls over so you’re on top of him. “Let it all out, y/n, I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

And you do. You cry your heart out, each tear resembling the anger you’ve been holding in, the sadness, the remorse, the guilt, the shame. It all flooded out of you in deep sobs and shaking limbs. Luke held you closely through it all, rubbing at your back, petting your hair and whispering soothing words. 

You’re not sure how long you’ve been crying but when no more tears are left and you’re hiccupping in Luke’s shoulder, you know you’re done. Luke sits you up slowly in his lap then reaches over for some tissues from the nightstand. He wipes your cheeks and you blow your nose. 

“Is this the first time you’ve cried about it?” he asks gently.

“Yeah,” your voice is thick. 

Luke kisses you quickly, you stare at him with dry eyes. 

“You let me know when you need to cry again, okay?”

“‘Kay,” you sniff.

“Let’s go take a shower with eucalyptus oil to help clear your nose up.”

You shift your body off his and that’s when you realize he was still inside you, a mess now was on the sheets. The two of you stare at it then meet each other’s eyes and giggle.

“Oops,” Luke says. “You get the shower started, I’ll put these in the wash.”

“Um..if I walk I’ll make more of a mess…”

“Right,” he nods. “I’ll be right back.”

Once you used the towel Luke provided and he stripped the bed you were in the shower with music softly playing over the speakers of the shower fan. The eucalyptus did help your nose and Luke even rubbed some peppermint oil on your chest to help as well. 

As he washes your body of the sudsy soap, Luke peppers kisses down your torso, making sure his lips linger longer on your belly before he hikes a leg over his shoulder and dives right in. 

“Luke!” you gasp falling against the shower wall, your toes curl instantly at the feel of his tongue lapping at you. 

“It’s been two weeks without your voice and your moans, lovie. Can you be loud for me?” his blue eyes pierce up at you, water droplets running down his long nose and cling to his lashes. 

“Yeah,” you exhale. 

Your stomach clenches after a few more moments of his mouth, your orgasm hitting you explicitly. When he adds his fingers, you rock your hips into his palm, his nose nudging your clit. He praises you throughout it all and as you reach your third, you yanked him up to kiss him. 

“Want you to fill me again, honey,” you pant, your hand stroking him until he’s hard in your palm. 

After another round under the falling water, Luke helps dry you off then brushes at your hair as you sit in front of your vanity. He sets the brush down, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and across your chest. He kisses the top of your wet hair. 

“I think I need you more than you need me,” you tell his reflection, your finger plays with his wedding band.

“What’s all this?” He asks as you move towards his bedside, offer him Robbie first, whom he gladly accepts with open arms and a small spattering of good morning kisses to his squishy cheeks.

“Birthday breakfast,” you answer softly and pass him the tray after he’s got Robbie settled on his lap.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Luke murmurs but hopes you catch the appreciation in his tone.

You shrug. “It’s from Robbie. And so is this,” you explain as you pull out a small envelope from your sweatshirt pocket and hand it over to him.

The warmth in Luke’s chest expands as he accepts the next token and slides a thumb under the seal. Robbie giggles in his lap, his small hands gripping the lip of the tray, interested gaze taking in the sight of food, pert nose wiggling at all of the smells.

Luke quickly opens the card and reads the sweet words from son to father about birthday wishes. Robbie’s name is signed under a tirade of xoxoxo. Luke smiles again, broader, warmer, touched to his very core you went out of your way.

“This is from Robbie, huh?” Luke asks and gives his son a little squeeze around the middle which brings on another giggle.

“Yes, he signed it and everything,” you say with an over dramatic nod.

“Don’t know when he learned cursive but that’s quite impressive,” Luke jests and looks down at Robbie. “Did he even make me breakfast?”

“All by himself,” you answer without missing a beat, face going flush and a sway in your stance taking over your body.

Luke nods again, makes another little comment about the genius of Robbie and how fast he’s growing up—he can already use the toaster!—then looks back at you. You stand awkwardly, hesitation sweeping over you as your eyes dart for the door and your arms cross over your stomach. You hold yourself there, waiting, for what Luke’s not exactly sure.

“Well, do you want to join us? It looks like Robbie made enough for everyone,” Luke comments and pats the free side of the bed.

“Are you inviting me into your bed, Luke?” You joke half heartedly.

“It’s not like you haven’t been in it before,” Luke responds quickly and revels in the sharp intake of breath that colors your surprise. He grins, wide and teasing and loving the air that surrounds you. “Come on. Lots of space, right here.”

“Oh no, you should just enjoy your morning with him,” you refuse with a slight shake of your head. “I don’t want to impose.”

Luke arches his eyebrow and pats the bed again, knocks his head to the side and just out his lip. “As the birthday boy, I insist.”

It takes you a moment to decide but soon enough the shake of your head turns to a nod and you slowly round the bed. You climb up and settle beside Luke, he notes the distance you keep between you, the rigidity that’s taken over your form. Your legs are stiff and your hold around your middle doesn’t drop. Even after all of the breakthroughs and coming to try and know each other there’s still a cavernous distance that lies between you.

Luke feels that emptiness in his chest from time to time. When he sees you with Robbie and feels he has to hesitate to approach. When you have to work late and ask Luke if he’ll watch Robbie, as if he’s just a babysitter and not his father. He knows you're not used to having him around, that you were on your own for so long, and those habits and instincts have yet to collapse.

“Here,” he offers and hands you a piece of toast to which you actually respond without hesitation this time. “How’d you guys know birthday breakfast is my favorite?”

“Lucky guess,” you say with a shrug and take a bite. “Robbie’s just so smart,” you continue, tone turning softer as you wrinkle your nose and smile at the baby.

Luke realizes that Robbie is your shield. The barrier that keeps you from each other. From admitting anything that might make those walls and hesitancies come down. Though the atmosphere is light and filled with treading Luke sobers and turns more serious.

“You really didn’t have to do this for me, you know,” he says again and hopes you’ll understand he’s not joking, he doesn’t want a volleying of Robbie between you.

Your demeanor shifts and suddenly you’re nearly sullen.

You let out a sigh, “I did. I don’t really know what we are to each other. Roommates. Co-parents. Friends? But I do know you’re Robbie’s father and this is what family does for each other.”

The emptiness in Luke’s chest begins to fill and flutter as he lets a grin claim his face. He looks from you to Robbie, presses a kiss to the top of his son’s head and then looks back up at you.

“Friends sounds good,” Luke says, though there’s a feeling of wanting more. He doesn’t voice that feeling, lets it on his tongue, simmer, knock around his chest and rattle his ribs.

“It does,” you agree with another little nod and nibble on the toast. “I’ll let you eat your breakfast in peace,” you say and shift off the bed without any way for him to protest. He senses that it’s enough for now, he doesn’t want to push. “Want me to take Robbie?”

“Absolutely not,” Luke says quickly and pulls Robbie up closer to him, settles him against his chest rather than his lap. “He’s the only birthday present I want.”

You laugh and assent to the plan of leaving Robbie with him. Before you break away for the door you hesitate and it piques Luke’s curiosity. You bite your lip and furrow your brows before heading towards him, leaning down and giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Happy birthday, Luke.”

In that moment, with your lips on his overheated skin, your son giggling in his ear and playing with his curls, Luke’s sure he’s never had a happier birthday.

* * *

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A movement on Luke’s chest broke his attention from the animation which played out on the screen in front of him, his eyes dropping to look downwards. His gaze fell to a small head of blonde curls, a little peeking out from beneath the blanket which covered their two bodies. He felt a pair of little knees pushing against his stomach, Kenzie’s little body wriggling slightly against him as she attempted to move herself further up, a soft grumble sounding from between her pouted lips as she attempted to climb. Subtly, Luke slipped his hands beneath her arms and helped her out, chuckling quietly under his breath as he moved her, allowing for her to settle a little closer to him than where she had been laying previously. Her curls tickled his neck as she tucked her head in, a warm cheek becoming pressed up against the crook where his neck met his shoulder, messy curls tickling Luke’s jaw and ear.

A content sigh slipped from Kenzie’s small, pouting lips, a little wisp of air tickling Luke’s skin as she relaxed once more. Luke pulled the blanket a little further up, making sure Kenzie’s torso was once again covered by the warm fabric, protecting her same frame from the slight draft which was known to creep in after sunset. He brought a hand to lay on her back, the tip of his thumb lightly brushing the back of her small neck with every gentle swipe.

Looking down the best he could without moving his head too much, Luke caught a glimpse at his youngest daughter, a small smile curling at his lips as soon as his eyes caught sight of her own. He could see the reflection of the TV in her sweet eyes, the sparkles within them catching the light of the TV, only making the blue of her iris seem brighter. She looked so calm, yet so enthralled by the colourful movie, her lashes fluttering against her cheeks with every slow blink as she watched her favourite characters chatter and run around.

His children’s expressions always fascinated Luke: how their little faces could make the simple smile seem like the most incredible thing he had ever seen. Kenzie’s expressions were slowly developing as she got older, her little face always trying to copy whatever faces Elle would pull or the faces she would watch you and Luke make at her when playing. Kenzie’s current favourite was the most recent one that Elle had taught her, her older sister being very proud of herself for having taught the little one to copy it. She loved to stick her tongue out at you and Luke, giggling and clapping her hands together when she knew she had been caught. She always found it funny when you caught her little tongue poking out from between her lips. Even you and Luke had to admit that it was quite funny considering how young she was.

Luke let his eyes drift across the room, ears pricking up at the sound of his eldest’s voice talking quietly – he assumed – to herself. He caught sight of you laying across the floor, your head resting against a cushion which you had taken from the other sofa, tilted to the left as you looked up at the TV where Elle was pointing. Blue eyes drifted downward, his focus falling to where Elle’s head lay on your stomach, one of your hands lightly running through her curls, which you had pulled free from the ponytail that they had been tied in earlier in the afternoon.

He could just make out the hint of natural pink in her supple cheeks, her grin pushing them upwards as she giggled at the incident that occurred between Rabbit and Tigger. He could hear you talking back to her, your voice low and delicate, a caring, motherly tone lacing your voice as you answered what he assumed was a question that she had asked.

The movie continued to play, bright colours flashing across the screen as the story developed further and new characters were introduced. You noticed Elle’s face light up when her favourite scenes played, and her eyes lit up upon seeing them, her little mouth mumbling along to the ‘Shoulder to Shoulder’ song the best she could, her little head swaying from side to side as she remained to lay against you.

You also noticed the sadness in Elle’s eyes when the scene where Roo and Lumpy were unable to find Lumpy’s mother played, the two boys trekking through the woods in search of her. It broke your heart to see her look so sad, her little eyes turning big and glossy as she looked up at the screen. You continued to comb your fingers through her hair to comfort her, your fingertips tucking straggling curls around her ears, your skin gently brushing against the shell of her ear as you moved your hand back into her curls.

“Mumma, what if Lumpy can’t find her?” Elle sniffled, her head turning to look at you from where she lay. Your eyes met her blue ones, seeing the shine in them from the unshed tears which threatened to bubble at the sad occurrence that played out in her favourite movie.

You wanted to remind her that she knew how the movie ended, that she knew that the little Heffalump would find his mother shortly and be reunited, but part of you felt like that was ruining the effect of the movie for her. You still wanted to assure her that it was alright though, that it would turn out alright.

“Don’t worry, baby, he’ll find her. He’s just got to look a little further, yeah? He’ll find his Mumma soon.” You whispered the words to her, looking down at her and offering a reassuring smile in the hopes of relieving the little ounce of sadness which she felt.

Luke watched from where he lay on the couch, eyes never tearing from the sight of you and Elle as you talked quietly to one another and watched as the plot of the children’s movie continued to unfold before you. It amazed him how you were with the girls, how they looked at you like you were their world, much like how you said they looked at him, but he swore it was different when their eyes fell to you. There was something different in the way which they saw you, something different which sparkled in the blue ocean of their irises. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was, but he knew it was something special, something that he, himself, could never receive. It was only reserved for you, a unique light which sparked within them when it came to you.

You had always said that your girls were definitely ‘Daddy’s girls’ but Luke swore in that moment when he looked at you and Elle, you were giving him a run for his money. He knew he would happily have one of his girls turn into a ‘Mumma’s girl’ any day of the week, loving nothing more than to see them with you and to bear witness to the love that they had for you especially.

As the movie slowly began to come to an end, the final scene starting to play out, Luke knew it was nearly time to get the girls ready for bed. It was getting late – ‘past their bedtime’ kind of late to be exact, and both of you were sure it wouldn’t take long for the girls to fall asleep once you put them to bed.

Luke took a glance down at where Kenzie laid on his chest, her head having moved so it was more curled downwards towards the centre of his chest, her shoulders hunched up as her body curled up in place. Her hands were tucked next to her face, little fingers curled into the fabric of Luke’s sweatshirt, grasping the soft grey item in her small hands as she snuggled her cheek against it. She looked cosy, the fringe of the blanket that was covering her tickled her skin, the cream-coloured tassels falling from the edging of the fabric and brushing her neck slightly.

He noticed how her eyes were closed, delicate lashes fluttering against her supple cheeks. Her lips curled into a pout as she slept, little puffs of air slipping out with every gentle breath she released. Luke wondered how long she had made it into the movie before she had drifted off, remembering how tired she was earlier in the evening when they had finished dinner, tired hands rubbing at her eyes as she let out a little yawn now and again. It appeared Kenzie had decided that she would dictate when her bedtime was this time.

The music which played alongside the credits was a tune that you and Luke swore you could sing in your sleep, it being a song you heard numerous times in the week, never mind that month, along with the many others which decorated the soundtrack of what was your girls’ favourite movie.

Gently, you encouraged Elle to get up, using your hand to help her sit upright before doing so yourself, the two of you standing to your feet before you handed her the cushion you had been resting on to go and put it back on the sofa where it belonged. Her little feet sounded delicately against the floor, skipping around the coffee table as she moved towards the sofa, leaning over with a soft grunt and she placed the cushion back in its original placement. You smiled as she gave it a gentle pat upon placing it down – a notion she had watched you do before.

“Right, missy, bath time, let’s go,” You ran your hand through her hair as she came back to stand in front of you, the two of you facing Luke who remained laying across the couch with Kenzie asleep on his chest. “Why don’t you go upstairs and pick out what toys you want in your bath and maybe, if you’re quick, Daddy will come and kiss you goodnight when you go to bed.”

“But Daddy always kisses me goodnight?” Elle furrowed her brow, a little confused. She tilted her head up to look at you as you stood behind her, the crown of her head pressing against your thigh.

Unable to help your smile, you cupped her face with your hands, her soft cheeks sitting in your palms as you leaned down and pressed a little kiss to the tip of her nose, mumbling a quiet, “Just go and pick some toys, okay? I’ll be up in a minute to start your bath.”

With another quick kiss to her nose, you sent her on her way, listening to her little feet as the sound of pitter patter bounced against the hallway floor, slowing down as she came towards the stairs, beginning to climb them one at a time. You could hear each foot make contact with each individual step, the rhythmic sound of ‘1-2’ sounding as she climbed. 

“Is she holding onto the railing?” Luke asked.

You leaned back slightly, just enough so you could catch the sight of Elle on the stairs through the open doorway. You watched as she took each step one at a time, her little hand clutching around the bars of the bannister like Luke had taught her as she climbed. Smiling, you gave him a nod, laughing softly as you watched her, noticing how she refused to take her eyes off her feet, watching every step she took to make sure she didn’t stumble. “Just like you’ve always told her to.”

“That’s my girl.” Luke said, proudly.

You each listened out for Elle as she entered the bathroom, the two of you wincing as you heard the door knocking against the wall, a small clatter sounding, Elle obviously having pushed it open a bit too eagerly. Continuing to listen out, you could hear Elle begin to rifle her way through the wicker basket which contained the collection of toys that were reserved for bath time.

“I suppose I should head up and make sure she doesn’t make it so that there’s more toys than water in her bath,” You reached a hand out as you moved closer to the couch where Luke and Kenzie lay, combing your fingers through Luke’s fluffy hair much like how you had done with Elle throughout the movie. It was a notion he loved, a soothing comfort which you had given him since the day you met, a natural placement where your hand would reside when you lay together. You smiled as you took notice of his expression shifting; how his eyes fluttered close momentarily and his smile became slightly looser around the edges. He was slowly slipping into relaxation – a common state whenever you played with his hair, even after all the time you had been together. “Are you okay to put Kenzie down while I give the princess a bath?”

“Of course,” Luke’s words were quiet as they fell, his eyes slowly opening and looking up to meet yours. “I’ll take her upstairs and get her changed before I put her down, and then I’ll come through and say goodnight to Elle.”

Luke swore he felt his heart sing at the sight of your smile, seeing the way your cheeks rose at the mention of putting your girls to bed. It was a special time for the two of you – bedtime. It was a time that had quickly become a favourite of yours as the girls had gotten that little bit older, finding the fun and love in the small interactions which came with wishing them a goodnight sleep. You both saw one another fall into their element at bedtime; voices having gone soft, touches even more so, and sweet smiles which looked up at the two of you made your hearts feel like they were close to bursting. 

Ascending to the top of the stairs meant that you were welcomed with the sound of gentle yet rapid chatter, Elle’s sweet voice coming from within the doorway of the bathroom as she continued to search through her basket of bath time toys to find her perfect selection. Luke dreaded to think how many she had already set aside, pushing them towards the white ceramic of the bathtub as she waited for you to come in and start filling the tub. He wondered if she had picked out her pink dolphin or if she had chosen her mermaid. He was sure he would find out soon enough, already anticipating the warm giggles he would, undoubtedly, hear echo through the hall. 

With a parting kiss to your hairline, Luke let you go to attend to your eldest. He watched as you left his side, his arms still settled comfortably around a sleeping Kenzie, and disappeared through the wooden doorway. As he passed the bathroom door himself, he spotted the few toys that Elle had set out on the floor, many of them littering your feet where you stood. Bath time was never dull when it came to Elle. 

Entering the nursery, Luke gently pushed the door open with his foot, catching it just before it swung too far, and carefully closed it behind him with a soft click once he was inside. His feet sunk into the soft carpet as he walked around the room, hands opening drawers without a second thought, fingers plucking a set of pyjamas from within them and gently tossing them to the changing table. 

Taking a few small strides towards the window, Luke reached down, making sure he had a good hold of Kenzie still, and flicked the switch which turned on her nightlight. He watched as the warm gold colour began to shine upwards, painting the ceiling in soft shapes which somewhat resembled that of the stars in the night sky.

Luke’s body knew Kenzie’s bedtime routine better than anyone, it seemed to move completely of its own accord as he walked around the room and prepared the nursery for the night ahead. Without thinking, Luke remembered to turn on her nightlight, to find one of the few pacifiers that seemed to inhabit Kenzie’s crib and lay it next to where her head would be.

Luke’s movements were steady as he slowly attempted to lower Kenzie down on the changing table, a hand cradling the back of her small head, while a large hand splashed across the base of her back. He lowered her legs down first, careful to make sure she was against the soft plush cushion on the table instead of the cold wood. Carefully setting her bottom half down, Luke slowly moved his hand further up her back, lowering her down further. 

The sweet noises Kenzie made went straight to his heart, as if Cupid, themself, were scoring a perfect bullseye with his arrow. Luke felt his heart clench with every noise that slept past Kenzie’s small lips, the sounds so soft and quiet that he swore he almost missed them. He knew that the separation would possibly upset, even risk waking her, but he hoped that with the warmth that danced around the room, she would remain asleep so he could get her tucked up in her crib without having her be unsettled. 

Laying her head down came quite easy, the back of Luke’s hand gently resting against the patterned cushion of the changing table, remaining there for a moment extra as he looked down at his sleeping daughter. Her cheeks were slightly rosy from having laid against Luke for the past hour or so, the warmth of his body having radiated through his clothes and onto her skin. Running a thumb along the outside of Kenzie’s face, Luke smiled at the feeling of her skin against his own, watching the way her face slightly turned towards his touch. 

Carefully and slowly, Luke began to retract his hand from beneath her head, the movement steady and delicate as he allowed for the back of her head to rest against the table, whispering a quiet “there we go, sweetheart” once his hand was free. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy — undressing the sleeping baby and attempting to dress her again. Kenzie was a heavy sleeper, and Luke was certain she could sleep through a lot of things, but this? Maybe not.

Nimble fingers began to unclip the buckles of Kenzie’s dungarees, carefully moving the straps so they lay against the table next to Kenzie’s head. Luke was careful to keep the noise and movements to a minimum, gentle hands being used to lift Kenzie’s bottom half up slightly as his thumb and index finger of one hand carefully pulled on the denim leg of her outfit, causing the fabric to slip off her leg so Luke could remove it. Once one leg was free, Luke moved onto the other, copying the same actions as done with the previous. Removing the fabric from Kenzie completely, Luke removed it from the table with one of his hands, gently lowering Kenzie down with the other, so she lay completely against the table once more. He placed the denim attire on the rocking chair not too far behind him, mentally reminding himself to toss it into the washing hamper, along with the rest of her clothes once he had put Kenzie down.

Next were her socks. Luke’s fingers grabbed a hold of the little white frill which decorated the edge of the item, the lace delicate and frail between his fingers much like Kenzie. Holding onto her leg with a gentle hold, Luke began to pull down the ribbed fabric, removing it from her foot and allowing for her little bean-sized toes to be exposed to the warm air in the bedroom. He made quick work of the other sock too, chuckling quietly to himself as she watched Kenzie move one of her legs, watching from the corner of his eye as he noticed the movement of her little toes, watching how they curled and wiggled once becoming free from the confinements of the socks she had worn that day.

He managed to carefully remove her t-shirt, slipping out an arm at a time before being able to stretch the collar just enough to slide it over her head without too much difficulty. Getting her pyjamas on wasn’t too hard when it came to it. Lifting Kenzie gently back up, holding her against his chest, Luke managed to straighten out her cloud themed pyjamas so he could lay her down on top of them. Using a gentle hold, he slipped both of her legs into the corresponding spaces, popping her little feet through the soft cuffs at the end. He laughed to himself as he attempted to get her arms into the sleeves, gently pulling the sleeves down over her wrists so her hands became free also. 

Gently lifting the split edges of her pyjamas, Luke lay them against her chest, making sure each button was lined up with the hole he would have to pop it through to secure the fabric on Kenzie’s small frame. He heard soft noises begin to slip from her lips, little whines sounding as she lifted an arm in the air, a fragile hand coming to wipe at her face. 

Luke brought his own hand up, curling his index finger as he brushed his knuckle against the apple of her cheek, pursing his lips as he began to hush her. His skin grazed her soft cheek, gently allowing for the sensation to tickle her lightly, mixing in with the quiet pushing of air that fell from his lips as they mixed to create a beautiful soothing commotion which he hoped Kenzie found settling. 

“Shhh… that’s it, sweetheart…” Luke’s voice barely whispered, looking down at her with kind eyes as her face scrunched and head turned. He knew she was probably getting cold, having been undressed and left with her pyjamas open against her chest. Luke would fix that soon enough. “Nearly done, baby, and then we’ll get you tucked up in bed, yeah?” 

Her whines slowly began to quieten, her lips pouting as she wriggled in place, slowly bringing her arm back down to rest beside her. She began to settle against his touch, a content hum sounding from within her throat that made Luke’s heart fly. The sound brought a warm smile to return to Luke’s face, one that was reserved for his girls, one that only they had the power to pull from him. 

It amazed Luke how easy it was with them, how easy he found it to be so helplessly in love with two little girls who were all the best parts of him but more so of you. He loved watching them grow, watching them discover, it had become his favourite thing to witness. Being able to watch them from the very moment they entered the world to the moments that he lived with them now was the best gift he could ever have dreamed of.

At the end of the day this was what his life was destined to be — full of love and light. 

Luke made nimble work of buttoning up Kenzie’s pyjamas, quietly counting each button as he successfully secured it through the corresponding slot. Upon securing the final button, Luke rested his thumbs against the collar of Kenzie’s soft clothing, index fingers stretching up and gently brushing against the supple skin of her cheeks. He smiled at how rosy they remained to be, chuckling quietly as he noticed her little lips, which were shaped like delicate petals, and as pretty as a magnolia in May, part slightly at the faint touch.

Behind the closed door, Luke could faintly hear the voices that belonged to the two other souls which inhabited the home, their sweet voices ringing in giggles and playful squeals that were muffled slightly by the wooden door. He could hear the faint splashing of water, followed by the soft sound of ‘Mumma, look!’. Luke wondered what Elle would be showing you, what had caused her voice to be laced with such eagerness that she demanded your attention in that moment. He wondered what her face looked like, if her smile was wide and infectious like it was known to be or if her eyes had gone wide as her hand pointed to her new discovery. 

“It sounds like Elle’s having a lot of fun in there, huh?” Luke mumbled quietly, not quite sure if he was talking to himself or the sleeping baby in front of him, aware she was unable to answer even if she were awake. “I wonder how much water will be on the floor by the time she’s all clean.” 

Bringing Kenzie back to his chest felt like a warm hug, Luke’s hands slipping beneath her body and head as he lifted her up, removing her from the changing table. He settled her gently against him, resting her so her chest lay peacefully against his, and her little feet fell against his stomach, her small toes grazing against the fabric of his jumper. 

With a hand laid comfortably on her small back, thumb and pinkie curling around either side of her, Luke began to carry her across the room to her crib. Careful feet pressed against the plush carpet, heels and toes sinking into the soft fabric of the rug which decorated the centre of the room as he crossed it. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head as he walked, the touch so light that he barely felt it himself, wisps of her blonde tickling his nose as he leaned in. 

Luke came to the edge of Kenzie’s crib, gently beginning to bring Kenzie away from his chest, hands carefully holding her as he began to lower her down, allowing for her body to connect with the soft, comfortable mattress in her crib. Luke continued to softly hush her, hearing her soft noises begin to increase once again at the loss of warmth she suffered when separated from him. 

Luke grazed a knuckle against her cheek like he did before, continuing the soft hushing as he reached down for her blanket, pulling the familiar soft fabric upwards. He tucked it over her body, making sure her chest and shoulders were covered, as well as making sure her small feet were protected from the night air. Gentle fingers made sure she was tucked in, that she would stay warm throughout the night with the trusty blanket, a gift that she had slept with since the first night she was brought home. 

“Sleep tight, sweetheart.” Luke bid her a warm goodnight. 

Bringing his eyes back to her sweet face, Luke felt his heart fly once more. Her lips remained parted, cheeks rosy, and lashes fluttered delicately against her soft skin. Luke wondered how he ever got so lucky, how he had become so blessed to have a family like he did, to have you, to have his girls, to have everything that he could have ever wanted right in front of him. 

At the end of the day, Luke had everything he needed. He had a family. 

Moving just a few steps down the hallway, Luke was welcomed to the sound of the two voices which he heard previously. He followed the voices, a smile still on his face as they increased in volume with the closer he got to the familiar bedroom door that was left ajar. He peeked through the crack, feeling the warmth in his stomach strike like a warm fire upon seeing the sight that his eyes were welcomed with. 

The two of you were tucked up in Elle’s bed, the four-year-old curled into your arms as you gently brushed her damp curls back with the tips of your fingers. She was tucked under the covers, the pink sheets brought up to her shoulders as her cheek became pressed against your chest. You tucked locks of golden hair behind her ears, fingertips brushing the small shell as you kissed the top of her head, listening to her small voice as she talked quietly. 

Her words were sweet, little hands playing with the rings on your finger. You watched as she twisted them, the smooth band twirling along your finger as you listened to the words she was tiredly stringing together. The metal of the ring caught the light which cascaded over Elle’s bedroom, her bedside lamp emitting a soft glow across the room, the golden shine catching the ring. 

Minutes seemed to pass as Elle continued to talk, her voice eventually slowing down, words being interrupted by yawns and her eyes slowly began to fall heavy. You felt the weight of her head grow too, her body moving closer to yours as she attempted to cuddle in further. 

“I think it’s about time that a certain someone went to sleep, hm?” Luke chuckled from where he stood by the door, his smile spreading as he caught the two sets of eyes turning to look at him. “It’s past your bedtime, baby girl.” 

Elle let out a childish whine, hands clenched into fists as she reached up and rubbed at her eyes, as if attempting to rid them of the tired ache which resided in them, a quiet “No it isn’t” coming out mixed with a yawn. 

She knew it was past her bedtime, that you had allowed her to stay awake just that little while longer so Luke could say goodnight like you had promised. It amused the two of you how she could barely get through her feeble attempt to argue without letting a yawn slip amid her sentence. 

Luke pushed himself off the doorframe, taking the few steps required to come to the side of Elle’s bed. Kneeling so he was balanced on the balls of his feet, he rested a hand on the edge of her mattress to keep himself steady. He watched as you readjusted Elle, kissing the top of her head as you lay her down, so her head was resting against her confetti-patterned pillow. 

“I think your yawn says otherwise, sweetheart. It’s bedtime for you,” You pressed a kiss to her forehead, brushing your nose against hers. Her blue eyes were growing heavier with every minute, her hands grasping onto the underside of her duvet and she pulled it upwards, tucking it beneath her small chin as she began to snuggle in. She seemed to be cosy, her cheek pressed up against the clean sheets that were still warm from the dryer. “Now say goodnight to Dad and you’ll see him in the morning, okay?” 

She gave a tired nod, her eyes barely open as she turned her head to look at Luke. Blue eyes met blue as she looked up, a sleepy smile on her face as he gave her a sweet smile reserved for her. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay, baby?” Luke whispered to her, leaning in to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, just next to the spot where you had left your own sweet touch. “I love you.”

“Love… Love you too, Dad.” She said through another tired yawn, earning a soft, warm laugh from Luke. 

You both stayed by her bedside for a few extra minutes, your hand gently combing through her hair as she drifted off to sleep, while Luke’s voice gently hummed the same tune that it had since the day she was born. The tune never failed to send her to sleep, even as she grew older, the smile on her face remaining as she listened to the sweet lullaby that belonged to her and let it lull her into a peaceful slumber. 

“Sweet dreams, sunshine.” Luke whispered as he hummed the final line of the song, pressing a soft kiss to Elle’s hairline, before he stood to his feet. 

With gentle steps and quiet hands, the two of you left your eldest’s bedroom, closing the door behind you to prevent any unwelcome sound disturbing her throughout the night. 

The house became quiet once the girls had been put to bed, the blissful silence which enveloped every room of the house became a sound that was almost strange to hear. It was a rare sound, one only reserved for the hours after their bedroom doors were closed and their minds were full of sweet, childish dreams. 

Letting out a breath, you tilted your head back as you blindly looked at the ceiling, your tired eyes closing as you took in the silence for a moment. A pair of warm arms could be felt slipping around your waist, a head on your shoulder and a set of lips pressing a gentle kiss to the crook of your neck. 

“I swear if I have to watch Lumpy find his Mum one more time this week…” 

Luke pressed his mouth against your skin to muffle his laugh at your words, his chest vibrating against your back. 

“You mean to tell me that you don’t enjoy watching the same movie three times in one day?” You could hear the sarcasm that laced his voice. 

“Not particularly, but I do like to watch the girls when they watch it. That’s enough to get me through Lumpy’s word game song every time.” You rested your head back against his shoulder, eyes remaining closed. “I’ll watch a hundred times a day if I get to see Elle’s little face light up when she sees Lumpy for the first time.” 

Luke let out a soft hum, pulling you close to his chest as he held you there, taking in the moment. He realised then that he hadn’t had a chance to hold you throughout the day, not having been given the chance to have a moment with you alone until the evening. 

You were warm to hold, your skin soft against his, like you always were whenever he got the chance to have you in his arms. He was always at how perfectly you fit with him, how your body slotted perfectly in his hold like the piece of the finest jigsaw. Luke knew he would hold you like that for as long as he could if he could get away with it. 

He had found a home in you and you had made a home with him.

And there was no better place to be at the end of the day.

---

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