A message from one of my former clients, who experienced a rare but serious breastfeeding complication:
Hey Jennifer,
I am expecting my 2nd baby . . . and I had a question about breastfeeding. I have tried reaching out to a few people and no one seems to be able to really help me. I ebf [my first baby] until he was 12.5 months old. At around 10 months old, right around when we moved, I developed what I feel was bad breastfeeding aversion. I had it for the whole 2.5 months I continued to breastfeed. The feelings would come on as soon as he latched, I had feelings of uncontrollable anger, feelings of want to throw him(I would never do that), many other horrible feelings, and would often scratch my legs or dig my nails in to deal with the whole nursing session, leaving a bit of scarring for a while. I'm more concerned about still having this when baby #2 is born. I want to have a positive nursing relationship with this baby and I absolutely loved nursing up until these feelings started. Do you know if it is likely I will still have these feelings when the baby is born or does it all start out new? Do you know if there are ways to get through it if it develops again? Any information you can give me is appreciated. BTW, if we were still in MD, we would have hired you again P.S. If you feel someone else might find this question helpful, feel free to post it publicly, but please do not post my name. Thanks.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!Â
I'm sorry to hear that you had trouble with breastfeeding. It sounds like you had a great start. I think the feelings you were having were Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, D-MER.Â
I don't know if the D-MER will return right away with the new baby, if it will hold off for many months, or if it will stay away altogether. The good news is that there are treatments that can help. I hope you'll take the research to your doctor now and discuss a course of action so that you can be prepared. The website http://d-mer.org/ has information on a variety of possible treatments.
And of course, I hope you'll find a doula.Â
Thank you for allowing me to share your question with others. I will do so as soon as I scrub identifying information.Â
I wish you all the best. Please let me know how things go.
Jennifer