“I know you’re angry, but—”

“Angry, alright.” Rolling his eyes, Jesper took a step back. His hands were on his revolvers, not because he wanted to use them, but because it grounded him a little bit, and that was what he needed right now. He was angry, pissed off really, but this was better than letting the worry and fear bubble to the surface. “How would you feel if I sent Matthias to get you, because Inej was shot?”

“That’s not the same!” Now, it was Kaz, who raised his voice, because Jesper had really hit a nerve with that.

“Oh, really?” Jesper stepped up to him, challenging him like that, because they both knew that it was the same, the only difference was that Jesper and Wylan weren’t hiding their feelings for each other.

“Guys!” Nina got their attention with that, which was a good thing, because Jesper didn’t know what he would have done or said next, and he really didn’t want to start a proper fight with Kaz, but when it came to Wylan, he threw caution to the wind.

“Nina has been taking care of him,” Kaz clarified as if Jesper hadn’t known that already. There was a different tone to his voice now, though, and Jesper figured that it was concern that he heard. Not a good sign. His heart thudded against his ribs when he saw the blood on her sleeves while she was drying off her left hand, that had surely been covered in it as well. Wylan’s blood.

“How—”

“He lost quite some blood,” Nina cut Kaz off, grateful that both men weren’t arguing anymore, because that had been rather distracting for her as well, since they hadn’t exactly been quiet about it. She understood Jesper, but she knew how this had gone down, so it wasn’t fair to blame Kaz for this. “He’s a little weak, but he’ll be alright. I got the bullets out and stitched him up.”

“That’s good.” Jesper nodded along to his words, lifting his left hand to rub over the back of his neck. The knot in his stomach was slowly beginning to loosen, but only until Nina spoke up again.

“There is something else, though.”

“What is it?” Jesper stood completely still, eyes fixed on Nina who still hesitated.

“Spit it out!” Kaz watched her intently and immediately opened his palm when Nina held out her hand to him to drop the contents into his hand.

“These are the bullets he was shot with.”

Kaz took a closer look at them, but there was no mistaking it. His eyes darted to Jesper again before he said: “They’re yours.”

“What?” Dumbfounded, Jesper looked at him, blinking once, twice, while trying to comprehend what he’d just heard.

“You heard me.”

“Yes, but…” He shook his head, trying to figure out how that could have happened, when he was at the other end of Ketterdam. But that was a good thing, because that meant that he hadn’t been the one who’d shot Wylan. He never would have forgiven himself for something like this.

“About a year ago, you told us that you’d misplaced your bullets, but didn’t think anything of it,” Kaz started, and Jesper remembered, faintly, but he did. “Your bullets weren’t the only thing missing and we figured out that someone must have broken in. No idea how they managed to do this without anyone noticing them, but it happened. And now, your bullets turn up like this. Some of the dime lions shot at him.”

“He shouldn’t have gotten into the crossfire there,” Jesper insisted. He hated working a different job than Wylan because that meant that he couldn’t watch out for him. Sure, Wylan had ways of protecting himself, of distracting their enemies, but that wasn’t enough sometimes.

“He shouldn’t have tried to be brave, that’s the point.” Kaz gritted his teeth, gripping the head of his cane a little tighter. Wylan had had clear instructions, but once he’d done his part, he’d seen Inej, who’d nearly been attacked by someone, so he’d had to come out of hiding and warn her. And of course that had led to him being detected and being shot at.

“Kaz, you know why he did that.” Nina shot him a grim look, because they’d both heard Inej’s side of the story when Wylan hadn’t been able to say much.

“What happened?” Jesper asked, looking between the two of them, but Kaz just turned around and left them alone. It seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it, but right now, Jesper didn’t really care. All he cared about was Wylan.

“Wylan did it to save Inej.” Nina reached out her hand to take Jesper’s in hers. “It was a little reckless, yes, but he had a good reason to do it.”

“Of course he did.” Jesper would have done the same if it meant saving one of them.

“Come on, let’s go to him. Guess you both need each other right now.” Nina knew that she was right, because Jesper wouldn’t properly calm down until he saw Wylan, could wrap him in his arms - as much as that was possible at least - and watch over him, and Wylan would only feel complete once he was with Jesper again, and he’d hopefully allow himself to get some sleep then.

Holding Jesper’s hand, Nina led him through the door and down the corridor to where she’d taken care of Wylan. Thankfully, the bloody cloths and everything else had been put away, so it was just Wylan lying on the bed, looking even paler than he usually was. Jesper’s heart sank when he saw him lying there unmoving. He was bare from the waist up, bandages wrapped around his upper body. The left leg of his trousers had been torn off, and a bandage was wrapped around it as well. Instinctively, he squeezed Nina’s hand, unable to take his eyes off Wylan, but he also didn’t dare to move anymore.

“He was shot in the leg, but that wasn’t a problem at all. It will hurt, but we both know that he’s tough enough to manage that.” Nina explained it quietly, calmly to him. “The other bullet was in his chest. He was rather lucky, because it didn’t do as much damage as it could have done. He just needs enough rest, and he’ll be back to his old self in no time.”

“Good. Those were my bullets. I’d never forgive me if—”

“Stop!” Nina squeezed his hand once more, turning around to face him. “Yes, your bullets hit him, but you didn’t shoot. You’ve got nothing to do with it, and well… we already made sure that the guy will never do this again.”

“I don’t think I want to know the details.” At least, it made him smile again, before he hugged Nina. Both of them needed this apparently.

“I wouldn’t tell you anyway.”

“Jes?” Wylan croaked, blinking his eyes open now that he’d heard their voices.

“Hey!” Jesper immediately turned towards him, letting go of Nina, blinking back the tears that were now threatening to fall, that he’d held back until now, but hearing Wylan’s voice had its effect on him.

“You need to stay down,” Nina said, stepping up to Wylan, who’d just tried to sit up a little, and put her hands on his shoulders so that he lay back down again.

“I’m here.” Jesper quickly rounded the bed so that he could sit down on it right next to Wylan and reach for his hand. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry.” Wylan squeezed his hand weakly, because he wasn’t strong enough for more.

“You don’t have anything to apologise for.” Reaching out his other hand, Jesper pushed Wylan’s curls from his face, letting his fingertips trail over his cheek afterwards.

“What you do need, though, is rest.” Nina admonished, but the look on her face quickly softened. “Make sure that he rests, and if you need anything, just call me.”

With that, she left the two of them alone. Suddenly shrouded in silence, Jesper’s heart sank again. He was glad that Wylan was here, that he’d gotten away with these injuries, that he was breathing, but he still felt kind of responsible for this.

“What’s on your mind?” Wylan whispered, not really able to speak louder right now.

“I nearly lost you,” Jesper whispered back, eyes trained on Wylan’s chest that was rising and falling with every breath he took, a sure sign that he was alive, but in his head, there was still the what if scenario. “And I feel responsible.”

“But I’m here.” Wylan pulled his hand towards his chest, placing it right over his heart, so that Jesper could feel it beating beneath it. “And you’re not at all responsible.”

“My bullets hit you.”

“But you didn’t shoot.”

“No, but—”

“No buts.” A soft sigh left Wylan’s lips, making Jesper look up into his eyes again. “You didn’t shoot me, and you didn’t give anyone the bullets to do so. I would be here with any other kind of bullet as well. I’m here, Jesper, and I will be alright.”

“I’ll make sure of that and won’t let you out of sight.” His words had soothed something inside Jesper, though it would probably take a couple of days for this to fully set in so that he really believed it. But feeling Wylan’s heartbeat, seeing the faint smile on his lips, that already helped him a lot.

“There’s probably worse things than constantly being by your side.”

“You better get used to it.”

“Come here,” Wylan held his arms open for Jesper to climb completely into bed next to him. For a moment, he hesitated, but then Jesper stretched out next to his boyfriend, careful not to hurt him in any way, but they both wanted and needed to be close right now.

“Is this okay?” he asked, slowly sliding his hand over Wylan’s stomach to pull him a little closer.

“Just… get comfortable. I need this. I need you .”

And so did Jesper, more than he’d probably admit out loud. He almost wrapped himself around Wylan, holding him as tight as possible without hurting him, his head settling against Wylan’s shoulder, before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was here, he was breathing, and Jesper could watch out for him like this. It would probably not be the last time one of them got injured, but he’d do his best to protect Wylan in any situation in the future.

After a while, he lifted his head again to watch Wylan a little bit, as if he had to make sure that he wasn’t just dreaming this.

“Stop staring,” Wylan said with a smile, opening one eye.

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologising and kiss me already.”

“ Oh .” Jesper’s lips curled up into a smile as he cocked his head to the side. “That is something I can most definitely do.”