#creating journaling

“You always bite the inside of your lips and cheeks when you’re stressed,” Hound added. “Grizzer does the same thing, except he chews on his leg.”

Grizzer was undeniably adorable, but being compared to a massiff was less than flattering. “I don’t-”

“It’s a nervous tic,” Kix interrupted. “Most people have one. Or a few. Perfectly normal.”

“Then why point it out?” I asked, feeling inexplicably flustered. 

“Because it means you’re nervous about something,” Hound explained helpfully. 

“Or feeling more stress than usual.” Kix shrugged as he delivered that addition, apparently choosing to ignore my gaping. 

“That isn’t-” 

“You always do that,” Crosshair cut in, no remorse in his expression or tone. “Enough that most of us have noticed.” 

The quote about the ‘mortifying ordeal of being known’ went through my mind as I frowned at everyone. “Okay, sure. Let’s say that is a nervous tic of mine. Why haven’t you mentioned it before?” 

“We’re supposed to talk about every weird thing you do?” Crosshair asked loftily. 

“Well… no…” I admittedly slowly. That sounded remarkably close to hell, honestly. 

“You also bite your nails.” 

“Thank you, Hound,” I told him, giving my most sarcastic smile. 

“And there’s the fake smile,” Kix summarized. When he caught the look I was giving him, he sighed. “When you share a face with most of an army, you start to pick up on expressions and behaviors to identify people instead of features. That’s my theory, anyway. It means troopers are observant to a fault, even when we’re around nat-borns instead of other troopers.” 

Irritated as I was with the conclusion, I had to admit that Kix’s theory made sense. Not out loud, though. Instead, I asked, “Was there a point to this exploration of my quirks?” 

“Yeah,” Crosshair said, jerking his chin toward the screen of my computer. “What has you so nervous?” 

“I…” Deep breath, glance at the screen to check that I hadn’t misunderstood. “I got a job offer.”

“That’s great!” Kix cheered.

“Congratulations!” Hound told me with a broad smile.

“Why are you nervous about that?” Crosshair asked. 

At the same time, Kix’s smile turned to a frown. “Have you told the captain yet?” 

“No.”

“There it is,” Hound muttered.

I was feeling defensive all of a sudden. “Hang on, I just got the email. How would I have already told him?” 

Three fingers pointing at wrist and forearm comlinks were held up almost simultaneously and I sighed. “Okay, sure. I’ll tell him, obviously, but I want to do it in my own time.”

“What are you waiting for?” Kix asked. “Are you still trying to decide if you want to accept the job?”

“No, I’m taking it,” I dismissed immediately. “I agonized over whether I was going to apply, remember? That was when I did the soul-searching and decision-making. This is what I ultimately decided on doing, and I’m not going to turn down the thing I decided to do. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Add it to the list,” Crosshair muttered.

“If you know you’re going to take the job, why are you hesitating?” Hound asked, leaning his elbow on his helmet where it rested on the floor beside him. “You already did the part that makes most people nervous.” 

“This is… the last moment before- Well, before everything changes,” I explained haltingly. It wasn’t incredibly clear as explanations went, but it was the best I could offer. “Right now, I’m balancing on the edge between life going on as it has and it changing completely. I already decided that I don’t want things to stay the same, but I… I want to exist in this moment for a little while longer. Give myself the opportunity to look back before I close the door.” 

“Take as long as you need,” Rex said kindly. 

I swore as everyone else saluted. “How much did you hear?” 

“Everything,” Rex admitted with a shrug. “I keep telling you that you should install an alarm system.” 

“No alarm system on the planet will go off when someone steps through a door!” I argued. 

“Congratulations,” he said instead of continuing the argument.

I deflated. “Thank you. I just need a little time before I get back to them. As you know from sneaking around.”

“When I said you should take your time, I meant it,” Rex told me, gaze steady. “They’re getting an excellent worker with the brains to keep up with whatever they throw your way. They’ll wait for an answer just hoping it will be a yes.”

As emotionally fragile as I was at the moment, my eyes got a little watery at that quiet encouragement. 

“Now look what you did!” Hound said, scrambling to his feet. 

Crosshair frowned harshly at me. “Stop that right now.” 

My laugh was a little shaky, but I blinked the worst of it away. 

Kix shook his head. “I think you should just let it out.” 

“No,” I refused, echoed in unison by the other three troopers. I made a face at them. “I think that was enough of a moment after all. Things are going to change, but I’m okay with that. I think I’m ready.”

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