#clone trooper rambles

“So you agree the picture on her shirt is of us.” Darman hadn’t even been in the room last time I checked, but he was suddenly there and sounding victorious. 

I shook my head at the argument and kept working my way through the dirty dishes in the sink. And yet, my shoulders felt suddenly tight with tension when Fives walked in and made a disgusted noise in my direction. 

“Ugh, a commando helmet?” he asked, not bothering to disguise his disdain. “Why? Got bored representing the better half of the GAR?” 

“Better?” various commandos demanded. 

“Half?” I repeated. That seemed like a severe overstatement from what I knew about the GAR. 

“No offense,” Fives told everyone, giving his most offensive look around the room. “It’s just… well, you know. Commandos are bred that way. ARC troopers are the ones who distinguished themselves in battle. We earn our specialties.” 

“You wouldn’t last a day as a commando,” Sev snapped. 

Fives shrugged. “Yeah, I’ve heard you can die of boredom.” 

Sev snarled and Boss didn’t look particularly motivated to hold him back from the now-smirking Fives. 

Fixer stepped slightly in front of his squad-mate. It seemed like the only concession anyone was willing to offer. “Commandos get more training than any ARC. It’s different from the ground up. ARCs are standard troopers who happened to think fast enough not to be killed. Commandos are trained to think differently all of the time.” 

“We’re Kamino’s most advanced group of troopers,” Atin expanded for Fives. “You’re basically a standard trooper with a skirt and a chip on your shoulder.”

“Skirt?” Fives demanded, finally sounding less than thrilled. 

“Hey, a commando shirt,” Wrecker commented, coming inside from his most recent guard shift. He looked utterly bewildered by the way everyone turned on him, snarling. I gestured frantically for him to stop talking or just leave, but Wrecker was busy staring around the room and trying to figure out what had happened. 

“You got something to add about commandos?” Scorch asked, his smile a bit too sharp for my comfort.

Interestingly, Wrecker and the rest of the Bad Batch were kind of commandos, I mused. They had certainly gotten less intense training than the earlier squads like Delta and Omega, but technically…

“Nope, nothin’ at all,” Wrecker demurred, holding his hands up as he walked out of the room. 

Smart man. 

“I’m just saying,” Fives started, “this argument is pretty even with just me representing the ARCs. That’s a pretty clear sign in my favor.” 

“The only sign is that the ARC training program takes troopers who are a few screws short of a gunship,” Atin muttered loudly. 

Stomping footsteps from the front door sounded their slow, ponderous way into the kitchen. I glanced over in time to watch Alpha-17 round the corner. He seemed to pick up on the tension in the air, staring around the room with displeasure written across his scarred face. “Whatever osik you’re all going on about, keep it to yourselves. I don’t have enough patience to pretend to care.” 

The commandos dispersed, throwing dark looks and muttered complaints in Fives’ direction. For his part, Fives stood beaming at Alpha as he settled into a chair across the counter from where I was washing dishes. 

“Fives, what are you staring at?” Alpha demanded. Without waiting for an answer, he added, “Kark off. I’m tired of looking at you.” 

“Yes, sir, Captain,” Fives agreed immediately, rushing off. 

Alpha and I sat in silence for a long moment before I lifted a brow at him. “It’s like you could smell the trouble.” 

Alpha snorted, lifting his arm to show you the comlink attached to his vambrace. “Echo told me what was going on. Figured I’d put a stop to it before they got too wrapped up in themselves.” 

“Ah.” I thought about that as I set a dish on the drying rack. “You may have been a few minutes too late for that.” 

“Did anyone throw a punch?” he asked. When I shook my head, Alpha said, “Then I was on time. If it happens again, kick ‘em out of the house. I know you can do that. May as well use it now and then.” 

“At least it was a good distraction from the dishes,” I said mournfully, looking at the stack I still had yet to clean. 

Alpha gave me an exasperated look. “You have access to years of music and podcasts on that phone. That has to be more entertaining than trooper drama.” 

“Depends on the drama,” I countered, grinning as Alpha rolled his eyes.

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Feelings don’t have to make sense, I told myself. It didn’t help. 

I had always been very aware of my own feelings and actions. There was a reason for most moods I experienced, especially as someone who was logical to a fault. But this mood had come out of nowhere and didn’t have an obvious cause. I hated those - they almost always boiled down to something existential that took a lot of effort to fix. 

After a few minutes trying to find something I wanted to do, I resigned myself to it. I was well and truly irritated. I could either stay in my room and sulk or I could pick one thing and force myself to do it. 

At last, I decided to go on a walk. If nothing else, it would get me out of the apartment and away from my roommates. They hadn’t done anything wrong, and I wanted to avoid being awful to them if I could help it.

“Going for a walk,” I explained shortly as I pulled on my shoes, grabbed my keys and left before anyone could say anything. 

When I had covered a pretty solid distance, I finally paid attention to who was around me. Rex, Boss, Alpha, and Wolffe were trailing a bit behind, but definitely walking with me. 

“I was serious,” I warned them. “I’m in a shitty mood.”

“We noticed,” Wolffe replied dryly. 

“Then why are you here?” 

“Because no one else wanted to be.” Alpha’s blunt answer, delivered in a completely flat tone, was still harsh nonetheless.

Boss cleared his throat softly. “The four of us have seen worse. If you yell, you yell. We know we can handle whatever you end up saying or doing.”

That somehow managed to make me feel worse. I started to jog, trying to clear my mind of everything but the rhythm of my muscles working as I propelled myself along.

But, of course, that was the description of running I had read in a book. In reality, jogging sucked and I was immediately out of breath. Still, I pushed through it because the burning in my lungs almost felt good in my current state of mind. 

The troopers easily kept pace with me as I ran. When I finally slowed into a walk, they slowed as well, none of them breathing nearly as hard as I was by that point. 

“I thought you said jogging was the most socially acceptable form of self-hatred?” Rex checked. 

I chuckled - partially at my own wit, but mostly at the judgmental looks of Boss and Alpha. Wolffe, who had heard me say that before, just ignored all of us. 

“I still stand by that,” I told him. “But I just needed to.”

“And now?” Boss asked. 

“Well, I’m not ready to go back home,” I mused. “I’m going to walk a little longer, try to figure out what’s wrong.”

They didn't argue, so I kept walking. I didn't bother making conversation and I left my phone in my pocket. I didn’t want any distractions. In the nebulousness of walking and not thinking, a profound dread fell over me. I had taken an extra day off, but my long weekend was ending and I had to go back to work tomorrow. 

“I need a new job,” I realized, my surprise prompting me to say it aloud. 

“What?” Rex asked when I didn’t follow the statement with anything else.

“I think that’s why I’m irritated,” I explained. “I dread going back to work. I’m bored with it and don’t want to go. That’s not the way I want to live my life.”

“I thought you loved that job,” Boss countered. 

“No, I do,” I agreed. “I don’t want to leave it, but I thrive on a challenge. It was fine when I was working and going to school at the same time, but now that I’ve graduated, I need something more. I love what I do, but it’s just… it’s not enough anymore.”

“Maybe you’re angry because you’re angry,” Alpha suggested. “Doesn’t have to be anything more than that.”

I started shaking my head even before he had finished making his point. As soon as I said it out loud, I knew this was the cause of my bad mood. If this was something my subconscious was telling me I should do, I needed to get it done.

Before I could tell them some variation of that, Wolffe spoke up. “No, she’s been this way for a while. She said something about it months ago.” He gave a sidelong glance at me. “If that’s what you need to do, what are you waiting for?”

“Just to get back home,” I answered, feeling suddenly determined.

---

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Author's Note - This marks Alpha's debut in these Rambles! Figures he'd appear when I'm feeling the most grumpy.

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“You always bite the inside of your lips and cheeks when you’re stressed,” Hound added. “Grizzer does the same thing, except he chews on his leg.”

Grizzer was undeniably adorable, but being compared to a massiff was less than flattering. “I don’t-”

“It’s a nervous tic,” Kix interrupted. “Most people have one. Or a few. Perfectly normal.”

“Then why point it out?” I asked, feeling inexplicably flustered. 

“Because it means you’re nervous about something,” Hound explained helpfully. 

“Or feeling more stress than usual.” Kix shrugged as he delivered that addition, apparently choosing to ignore my gaping. 

“That isn’t-” 

“You always do that,” Crosshair cut in, no remorse in his expression or tone. “Enough that most of us have noticed.” 

The quote about the ‘mortifying ordeal of being known’ went through my mind as I frowned at everyone. “Okay, sure. Let’s say that is a nervous tic of mine. Why haven’t you mentioned it before?” 

“We’re supposed to talk about every weird thing you do?” Crosshair asked loftily. 

“Well… no…” I admittedly slowly. That sounded remarkably close to hell, honestly. 

“You also bite your nails.” 

“Thank you, Hound,” I told him, giving my most sarcastic smile. 

“And there’s the fake smile,” Kix summarized. When he caught the look I was giving him, he sighed. “When you share a face with most of an army, you start to pick up on expressions and behaviors to identify people instead of features. That’s my theory, anyway. It means troopers are observant to a fault, even when we’re around nat-borns instead of other troopers.” 

Irritated as I was with the conclusion, I had to admit that Kix’s theory made sense. Not out loud, though. Instead, I asked, “Was there a point to this exploration of my quirks?” 

“Yeah,” Crosshair said, jerking his chin toward the screen of my computer. “What has you so nervous?” 

“I…” Deep breath, glance at the screen to check that I hadn’t misunderstood. “I got a job offer.”

“That’s great!” Kix cheered.

“Congratulations!” Hound told me with a broad smile.

“Why are you nervous about that?” Crosshair asked. 

At the same time, Kix’s smile turned to a frown. “Have you told the captain yet?” 

“No.”

“There it is,” Hound muttered.

I was feeling defensive all of a sudden. “Hang on, I just got the email. How would I have already told him?” 

Three fingers pointing at wrist and forearm comlinks were held up almost simultaneously and I sighed. “Okay, sure. I’ll tell him, obviously, but I want to do it in my own time.”

“What are you waiting for?” Kix asked. “Are you still trying to decide if you want to accept the job?”

“No, I’m taking it,” I dismissed immediately. “I agonized over whether I was going to apply, remember? That was when I did the soul-searching and decision-making. This is what I ultimately decided on doing, and I’m not going to turn down the thing I decided to do. That doesn’t make sense.”

“Add it to the list,” Crosshair muttered.

“If you know you’re going to take the job, why are you hesitating?” Hound asked, leaning his elbow on his helmet where it rested on the floor beside him. “You already did the part that makes most people nervous.” 

“This is… the last moment before- Well, before everything changes,” I explained haltingly. It wasn’t incredibly clear as explanations went, but it was the best I could offer. “Right now, I’m balancing on the edge between life going on as it has and it changing completely. I already decided that I don’t want things to stay the same, but I… I want to exist in this moment for a little while longer. Give myself the opportunity to look back before I close the door.” 

“Take as long as you need,” Rex said kindly. 

I swore as everyone else saluted. “How much did you hear?” 

“Everything,” Rex admitted with a shrug. “I keep telling you that you should install an alarm system.” 

“No alarm system on the planet will go off when someone steps through a door!” I argued. 

“Congratulations,” he said instead of continuing the argument.

I deflated. “Thank you. I just need a little time before I get back to them. As you know from sneaking around.”

“When I said you should take your time, I meant it,” Rex told me, gaze steady. “They’re getting an excellent worker with the brains to keep up with whatever they throw your way. They’ll wait for an answer just hoping it will be a yes.”

As emotionally fragile as I was at the moment, my eyes got a little watery at that quiet encouragement. 

“Now look what you did!” Hound said, scrambling to his feet. 

Crosshair frowned harshly at me. “Stop that right now.” 

My laugh was a little shaky, but I blinked the worst of it away. 

Kix shook his head. “I think you should just let it out.” 

“No,” I refused, echoed in unison by the other three troopers. I made a face at them. “I think that was enough of a moment after all. Things are going to change, but I’m okay with that. I think I’m ready.”

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And so I let the song play. It was Ella Fitzgerald’s Dream a Little Dream of Me, a song I had loved for as long as I could remember. I had a similar vocal range as Ella in that particular song, and it always gave me chills to hear her beautiful voice dance up and down the notes.

We drove in a cocoon of quiet - Louis Armstrong’s trumpet and Ella Fitzgerald’s voice filling the car as the rain drummed on the roof and windows. Rex’s attention was on the road ahead. Boss was watching the scenery fly by from the back seat and Trapper seemed to be nodding off in beside him.

“But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.”

The words had burst from me in a uncontainable stream and I was horrified… until I realized that I sounded okay. Not just okay; I had actually hit the correct notes!

I laughed delightedly as the troopers swiveled their attention to me. As Louis and Ella scatted back and forth in the background, I asked, “Did you guys hear that? I think my voice is back!”

“We heard,” Boss told me. 

Rex nodded. “That sounded great.”

Trapper waved me on. “Keep going!” 

“Sweet dreams… til sunbeams find you, keep dreaming

Leave the worries behind you

But in your dreams, whatever they be

You’ve gotta make me a promise

Promise to me

You’ll dream

Dream a little dream of me”

The song ended, fading into nothingness. My smile was so wide that my cheeks were starting to ache, but I couldn’t have been happier. 

“How do you feel?” Rex asked. 

“Light,” I answered without thinking. Then, when I realized that didn’t make a lot of sense, I added, “I feel like I could fly the rest of the way home.” 

“You look like it, too,” Boss said. “Happy for you, kid.” 

I kept smiling as Trapper leaned forward to pat me on the shoulder. I felt so good that I wasn’t even going to object to being called ‘kid’.

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It seemed that Hardcase was the only one who appreciated my… eclectic sense of things to order online. Sometimes, I got useful things, like clothes. Other times, I bought something that caught my eye, like the set of miniature paintings of objects in space. As long as I could afford it and it made me happy, I reasoned, there was no reason not to indulge in an occasional purchase.

“I wasn’t going to tell you anyway,” I said loftily. “This one definitely needs to be a surprise.” 

Someone groaned, and I couldn’t quite tell who it was. 

We got home and I rushed to my front door, mildly panicked when I didn’t see anything waiting outside. I pulled out my phone to text my roommates and saw that I had a message from Cole: Hey, something was delivered for you right before I left for work. I took it inside. It’s on the counter. 

That relief made me relax as I unlocked the door and walked inside. 

The brown paper envelope on the counter looked like a present waiting to be opened, and I couldn’t wait until after my shower to open it. I was careful as I slipped the scissors between the flap of the envelope and the main body of it, then tipped it to let the object slide out without risking a wrinkle.

Star Wars Republic: On Hostile Ground, the cover proclaimed. The people shown on the front were overshadowed by the hands holding lightsabers in the foreground, and I started to get a little nervous. I had done a ton of research to find comics featuring Alpha-17 and all of them had said this was one, but why were there a bunch of Jedi and mercenaries on the cover?

With shaking fingers, I peeled up the sticky edge of the protective cover for the comic book and let it slide out into my hands. When I opened it to a random page, I was greeted by a picture of Alpha. He wasn’t wearing his armor there, but it was clearly him. I relaxed again. 

“Oh,” Echo said, peering over my shoulder. “Oh, no.”

Rex glanced over and shook his head, a grim look on his face. “Does anyone know when he’s supposed to be here?” 

“A few hours,” Stone reported. “He’s taking the late night to early morning guard shift tonight.” 

I carefully put the comic book back in the original package and went to take a shower. 

Reading it took far less time than I had expected, but I wasn’t used to reading comic books. I would have to read it again later, when I could remember to focus as much on the illustrations as on the dialogue bubbles. 

But as I was finishing my first read-through, a massive figure settled beside me. “Is that me.” 

He hadn’t phrased it as a question, but I nodded at Alpha anyway. “Yeah, it’s you. You’re pretty badass here.” I turned to the last page and pointed to a new panel. “And look at this one! You look so… stoic.” 

“I look like I’m done taking Kenobi’s shit,” Alpha corrected. “At least that’s accurate.”

“Better this picture than some of the earlier ones,” I muttered. 

“And that means?” I didn’t answer and Alpha nudged me with his shoulder. “What are you talking about?” 

“I meant that you spent a lot of time shirtless in this issue.” I flipped back a few pages and held it up. “These are the panels I thought you’d object to.”

Alpha was quiet as he studied the pictures in question. The comic book version of him was wearing a vest and holding two giant blasters, but everything else above the waist was left visible for the viewer.

“I think they left out some of my muscles,” he commented and I could only sputter a laugh as he walked away.

---

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Author's Note - I love that comic book. My poor roommates had to listen to me talk about it and show off all the panels with Alpha... Good times!

“You’d fit right in with Skywalker and the 501st,” Cody told me, catching up to us. He had stayed behind to browse the gift shop - his typical excuse when he wanted to scope out the candy selection.

Rex groaned, but narrowed his eyes in the next moment. “Speaking of… Where is everyone?” 

“Well, Tup is there,” I explained, pointing. “Fives and Hardcase stayed back to ride the coaster again-”

“A few more times,” Cody interrupted. “They were going on ride number four when I left.”

“Sounds about right.” I couldn’t help but laugh, both at the idea of the pair of adrenaline junkies and at the horrified look on Rex’s face. “I don’t know where anyone else is. I’m going to get a soft pretzel and a bottle of water if anyone’s hungry?” 

Rex shook his head and Tup only held up a hand, but Boost, Hunter, and Stone stood eagerly. Behind them, Thorn asked, “Do they have ice cream?” 

“It’s a theme park in the summertime,” I told him. “I’m positive they’ll have ice cream.” 

“I’m in,” Thorn agreed, leading the group. I gave a last helpless look at Rex and followed the crowd to the nearest snack booth. 

When I got back, I offered Rex my unopened water bottle. “You really will feel better if you can drink some water. Just drink it slowly and let it settle between sips.” 

Rex accepted the water bottle - as usual, a ghostly afterimage of the one I still held seemed to be in his hand. As I watched, he unscrewed the top and took a sip, then another. Slowly but surely, he drained half of the bottle as I alternated between drinks of water and bites of salty pretzel. 

“How are you feeling now?” I asked, shortly before shoving the rest of the pretzel in my mouth. 

“Not… bad, actually,” Rex admitted. He seemed suspicious about his own lack of nausea, which made me smile. “How did you know that was all it took?” 

I laughed despite myself. “I worked out in this heat for years. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to recognize the difference between being hot, having heat exhaustion, and having heatstroke. You were somewhere between the first two.”

“I’m used to the climate control systems in the armor,” he admitted. 

“Jealous.” I took another drink of water and thought about it. “If I had armor that would keep me from freezing or overheating, I would never take it off.” 

Beside us, Tup took a deep swig of his own water. Even as he swallowed it, his face took on a sickly look and he clapped a hand over his mouth. Before anyone could ask him about it, he rushed off to vomit on the nearest bush. 

“Yeah, that’s the other possible outcome,” I admitted. “Water will either make you feel better or - if you drink it too fast - will make you throw up.”

Rex gave me a disbelieving look. “Remind me not to take advice from you anymore.” 

“That’s rude!” Rex didn’t seem to care about my offense, so I finished my water and stood. “I’m going to console myself on the spinning teacups.” 

Two steps toward the ride in question, I paused to watch Wrecker, Jesse, and Scorch fly past. They were spinning so quickly that all I could see was the motion blur of the car. Really, the group’s laughter was all that told me who it was. 

“On second thought,” I hedged, changing directions mid-step, “I haven’t been on the swings yet.”

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Author's Note - Guess who got to go to a theme park this summer? I love rollercoasters! Others have... mixed opinions. Thanks for reading and happy Friday!

You can sign up for my taglist here. As always, let me know if you want to be removed from the taglist!

“There was doubt?” I asked archly. 

He shrugged. “Just seems a little sudden.” 

“I realize you’ve been around for a while and you already know how things work,” I conceded. “But here’s something I’ve realized about the way I make decisions: I agonize over the choice for so long that, when I’ve made it, I’m all in.” 

“You have been talking about this for a while,” Cody pointed out. “It’s not arbitrary.” 

I nodded gratefully at him. The decision to find a new job hadn’t been one I took lightly. I had considered every option - Do I actually want a new job, or a different one in the same company? What happens if I regret it? Is this new company worth working for? How would getting this job impact my life? Would I be able to handle it? Is this something I want long term? - discussed it with my roommates and trusted family members, then finally applied. 

Even after I had applied, there were other requirements to fulfill: a barrage of personality tests, logic tests, tests to see whether I would be able to learn the intricacies of the company’s software, tests to find out whether I would fit in with the company’s culture… Somehow, I had passed them all. Well, I assumed I had, since I had finally gotten an interview. Then another.

This was to be my final interview, one with the manager and supervisor who I would be working with directly. 

“You nervous?” Alpha asked. 

I shrugged. “Not especially. I actually won an award in school for interviewing.”

“Interviewing?” Rex asked, frowning deeply. “There was a contest for that?” 

“Yeah, it was weird,” I admitted. “They pulled judges from local businesses. One of them said some pretty horrible things to me, trying to get me flustered or make me break down. It didn’t work.”

Cody crossed his arms. “How old were you?”

“I don’t really remember. Fifteen or so?” 

No one seemed happy about that. I fiddled with my computer, wiping the camera lens and adjusting the googly eyes I had stuck on either side of it. They had helped me hold ‘eye contact’ instead of staring at my screen during virtual presentations in college, and I hoped they would do the same for job interviews. 

“You can still back out,” Rex reminded me. 

I thought about it, I really did. This was something new, something unknown. Not only was it a new job, it was a new industry. It was a little scary, but what was the alternative? Going back to my current job for another week? Another month? Another year? I shuddered. 

“You can try for a different job with the same company,” Rex added, unaware of my internal monologue. “You like working for them. They’ve been good to you.” 

“I tried that, remember?” I pointed out. “I applied for seven jobs with them. Seven. And I was perfectly qualified for all of ‘em.” Cody opened his mouth and I nodded. “Except that one. Yeah, I remember. But my point stands. I didn’t even get to the first round of interviews. If I’m not what they’re looking for, that’s fine. But I have a degree and I want to use it. More importantly, I need something new. Does that… make sense?” 

I hated how hesitant I sounded. Hated how hesitant I felt. But no matter how much I had thought it all over, I was worried this was a stupid decision. Maybe Rex was seeing something I had missed.

“It does make sense,” he assured me. “If you’re really set on this… Then get to it. You’ve got this.” 

When I glanced down, I found that it was indeed time for my interview to start. I flashed a quick smile at Rex, Cody, and Alpha, then started the video call.

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Author's Note - Slightly older Ramble, but one that plays heavily into the ones I'm writing more recently.

Boss frowned at him. “How did you manage to eat one? We’re not solid.”

“Neither are they,” Tup pointed out. 

“I bet I can eat more than anyone else!” Hardcase challenged, planting himself in front of the bubble-blowers. 

“I… I think you might not find anyone else to take you up on that, ‘Case,” Fives told him. 

“Fine, then I’ll just set the record,” Hardcase compromised. 

“No you won’t!” Wrecker denied, pushing him out of the way and taking his place. 

I laughed at the strange picture they made and kept walking. It was a good day for a walk, the sun pouring down and glinting off the surface of the pond I was circling. There were enough trees to find shade if we needed it and the wind over the water was refreshing. The fact that there were troopers surrounding me was only another facet of the experience. 

“The kid asked a good question, though,” Boss said, hooking his thumb at Fives.

Fives, for his part, looked offended at that. “Kid? I’m not a kid.”

Boss shrugged. “Younger than me. But what’s the reason behind bubbles? They seem like a waste of resources.”

By this point of exposure to the troopers, I knew enough to side-step and avoid Tech’s excited interruption. Sure enough, he caught back up with us and began to gleefully answer Boss’s question: 

“I believe it is a form of training to help children develop the proper lung strength. Notice that most of those playing with the bubbles are young children. It is logical to conclude that-”

“Logical,” I agreed, “and interesting, but unlikely. Bubbles are a novelty, an amusement. People play with them because it’s fun.”

Tech blinked. “Then that is certainly a waste of resources.”

“Sometimes, a little waste isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” I suggested. “Such a small amount of soap goes into making the bubble solution and it brings a lot of joy to people. Maybe the lung strength is a good side effect, but there are more efficient ways of doing that. I think, for all of the joy they bring people, a little wasted soap is worth it for the bubbles.”

The two troopers took a moment to process that before Boss snorted. “Natties. No amount of waste is a good thing.”

“I don’t make the rules, kid.”

Boss’s shoulders tensed as I struggled not to laugh. “Don’t call me kid.”

“Younger than me,” I told him blithely. “That’s the rule, right?”

The sigh Boss gave was enough to finally push me into laughter.

---

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Author's Note - I hope everyone's having a great day! You can sign up for my taglist here or find other works on my masterlist.