#createyour2014

When I think of the past year, a lot comes to mind and nothing at all at the same time. If I asked you, what did you create this past year, what would you say? 

When I first sought to create my 2014, I wanted to do something to remind myself that I am in control of my life. It’s sometimes a struggle, to remember. It’s easy to say, “so and so doesn’t want me to”, “so and so wouldn’t approve” or “I can’t because so and so…”. But in the end, we make the ultimate decision. We create the life we live.

"Because this year, I want to remind myself that life is what you make of it. No matter who pressures you, what limits you, where you are, you still have the choice to make the most of what you’ve been given and explore the ways to make something even greater from what you already have."

It’s not all about creating material things or being creative. It’s not all about the crafts or using your imagination. It’s not all about doing something new or sharing something unheard of. Create tranquility. Create reflection. Create memories. Create connection.

I’ve had a chance to create. To create something for myself, for others, for the better. 

2014 may be coming to an end, but we should never stop creating.

2015, leggo.

» Katrina

[12.31.14 - 7:38pm]

—

When I think of the past year, a lot comes to mind and nothing at all at the same time. If I asked you, what did you create this past year, what would you say? 

When I first sought to create my 2014, I wanted to do something to remind myself that I am in control of my life. It's sometimes a struggle, to remember. It's easy to say, "so and so doesn't want me to", "so and so wouldn't approve" or "I can't because so and so...". But in the end, we make the ultimate decision. We create the life we live.

"Because this year, I want to remind myself that life is what you make of it. No matter who pressures you, what limits you, where you are, you still have the choice to make the most of what you’ve been given and explore the ways to make something even greater from what you already have."

It's not all about creating material things or being creative. It's not all about the crafts or using your imagination. It's not all about doing something new or sharing something unheard of. Create tranquility. Create reflection. Create memories. Create connection.

I've had a chance to create. To create something for myself, for others, for the better. 

2014 may be coming to an end, but we should never stop creating.

2015, leggo.

>> Katrina

[12.31.14 - 7:38pm]

--

Dear your name here,

It's been a crazy weekend.  A lot of time for introspection, and a chance to discover who I was at the time.  We're always changing, the problem is most people don't decide who they want to become before they start changing.  It's definitely not a bad thing, people need to appreciate who they are more, because regardless of what they think, they're amazing people. 

"I want to build something with my hands."

I want to do something different.  I've accepted the fact that we can't be who we are forever.  I want to grow.  I want to be better.  Not just different.  I caught a glimpse of the person I could become, at the same time I realized how far I have to go.  Regardless, I know it's going to be an amazing journey. 

"I thought we were alive.  Thought it was like when the planets align."

It's also going to be tough.  Especially reconnecting with people who think they know who you are.  People may be upset because of the person they thought I was, no longer exists.  Maybe they had this idea of who they wanted me to be, and when they come to understand who I am, well.  They may be disappointed to say the least.  People will change, the thing is, will you still love them?   Like you did before?  I want to be proud of who I was, who I am, and who I will be.  I want to be proud of everyone I know as well.  I want to be proud of who they are and where they're going, and support them in their own journey. 

"You dreamt of some better place.  Some better love with some better name."

There may be a problem.  My unwillingness to get close to people.  I've been down that road, To invest time into people, to appreciate the closeness, only to be forgotten because of trivial things such as distance and the time you didn't have.  There's always more than that as well.  But the emptiness after loving on certain people so much, kept me away.  Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.  Maybe I really do hate people sometimes.  People are amazing creatures.  They hold the power to reach into the hearts and souls of others.  As well as the power to tear them up inside.  They can put up walls and create this insurmountable defense, and deal with the loneliness that comes after. 

"Truth is the world's gonna spin.  With or without you, again and again"

They can also love and reach out.  Their thoughts, actions, and words can resonate with hundreds, thousands, even millions of others.  They can be a creative force that can build an empire that seeks to change the world, one person at a time. 

"And I won't wait for my revenge.  I will seek to see the end."

We all have that potential.  But we get lost in society, lost in association that doesn't lead you to the life you want.  Maybe this is a challenge, for you to think about your life now, and the life you want to have. And it's a challenge for myself, to develop into someone who will choose courage and delve into the daunting task of human relationships.  To risk it all, for the closeness.  We've all been through things, felt pain, emptiness, loneliness.  But I'll take the chances I have, for the people I could love.  For the greatest resource.  For people all around me.  I'll create better relationships.  I'll build my own empire.  To create a world where love matters again. 

"As all these mornings turn into brand new days, everything still hurts, you’re so far away, I would dig a hole through the Earth and crawl to get to you..."

It'll take time, I know.  But it begins with that kindle of courage.  To connect.  One person at a time.  Starting with you.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread. 

~jEdD~

Dear your name here, 

You win.  Maybe I’ve taken a liking to you.  Maybe I’ve become infatuated.  I’m not sure what this is.  I’m not sure how it got this way, but let’s just say It’s not something I planned.  It’s so strange, I never thought I would have thought of this , in this way.  I never would have expected me to feel this way at first glance, first words, first connection.

But I caught myself.  

Things have to change.  Regardless of this current emotion, I know what I want.  At least I think.  What do you think?  Maybe I approached things the wrong way.  But now all I feel is a missed opportunity for what could have been something big.

"Hello there, the angel from my nightmare."

There are some things we can’t forget.  There was a time when things, felt right.  Ostensibly blissful.  The way they look at you.  The way it feels just to be there with them.  You don’t have to be doing much.  But looking back, maybe it’s all that you wanted?  All that you needed.  

"And in the night we’ll wish this never ends."

There she was.  Maybe I was supposed to help her with something.  It couldn’t be done.  The way she was.  The way her hair falls perfectly into place. The way she was dressed, how it accentuated her physique, her curves, her beautiful imperfections.  Her stance.  The things she said.  I was captivated.  Unproductive.  And taking in the opportunity to witness this perfection.  Any male with reasonable physiology would be in a position where it would be impossible to work.  And in the end, work we did not do. For better or worse.  

"I need somebody and always."

And here we go again.  Another time.  Different circumstances.  Something so simple, and I’m drawn in.  You effortlessly pull me in.  Probably unknowingly.  Hopefully unknowingly.  It’s so easy for you.  And now I’m back.  My attention captured, even though it’s only for a brief moment.  And then it’s gone.  

"This sick, strange darkness.  Comes creeping on so haunting every time."

I can’t do this.  But I do anyway.  For you, I will.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

Hope things are well.  As always time feels like it passes by way too quickly.  And I should definitely log more stuff down more often so I don't ruin your day with a wall of text you don't want to read, for that matter, one that I don't want to look back on either.

Jk.

I'll remember what I want to remember.  Here we go.

So I was at work.  And I drove a Filipino family to their car.  They were asking me questions like what's my age and stuff.  And then they gave me someone's number -_-' It was the man's sister.  He wanted me to text her lololol.  Life is strange sometimes.  Always new, sometimes exciting I guess, things coming up.  You never know unless you try.

"You only get a chance, it's now or never.  Once the moments gone, it's gone forever.  I, I've gotta try.  So why don't we try?

As always I'm learning new things.  I guess something I've been thinking about is what kind of life have I been living?  If I were to sum up my life in one sentence what could I say about myself?  What would others say about me?  What do I even want to be remembered by?  As?  For?  I think I may have found an answer to it.  Or at least the beginning phases of what that sentence could be.  What would your life sentence look like?

"And if you're feeling me now, then let me know from the start, we don't have to come down 'till the world falls apart.  I've waited on a second chance..."

Waiting.

I had a conversation with a close friend on waiting.  I feel like I'm waiting for something, but I couldn't tell her what I was waiting for.  Then she brought up the idea that maybe I was waiting for the wrong thing.  She's probably right.  What am I waiting for?  It's time to move.  Maybe I'm starting to connect better. 

"I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight and I answer them the way I guess you do..."

Friends.  We share the good and bad with them.  We share secrets we've locked deep in the depths of our hearts with them.  Why?  Because that's what friends do.  they share in the painful experiences as well as the joyous occasions.  But what do we really reveal?  How can we really prove that the person we are when we're with our friends is who we really are?  Not just an ideal version of yourself for the people you're with at the time?  How do we really know that we've actually connected?  No walls, no barriers.  Just who you are.  With who they are.  Just some thoughts.  Life is good though.  sometimes you have to live the life you want.  Then true connections fall into place. 

Anyway.  I guess this is it for now.  Until then. 

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

Dear your name here, 

Quite a weekend.  It was just full of everything.  I don't even know where to begin.  Well, I guess I should acknowledge the things that weren't apart of what made this weekend so amazing.  Just accept it and put it behind, you know?  The "bad stuff."  

I guess I was a bit disappointed during certain parts here and there.  I guess most of came from preview night.  There were people I wanted to see there, but it was just unfortunate that some couldn't make it.  I mean I usually don't have expectations for this kind of stuff since I've gotten used to not seeing anyone I invite.  There were just a few people that I really wish could have been there, that's all.  

But I didn't let this take away from the people that did come.  They definitely don't understand how much it means to me, especially since I don't really show it.  Just knowing they were there made me want to perform to the best of my ability.  I wanted it to be worthwhile for them to come see me.  Man, it was good.  Things are good.  Gosh, especially for the people that came for me.  It's an honor to be able to perform for you.  Thank you.

I guess that last bit of negative I need to let out, is who else I saw at preview night.  It was a wake up call.  Just coming back to reality, and realizing that I was right all along.  The things I wanted to avoid, just came back, it was right there.  Gosh it's a little irritating.  You try for something you know you shouldn't do, and my next move was just to step back a little.  Understand what's really going on.  So, things changed a bit.  It may have been a bit sudden.  But things weren't going the way I'd want them to.  This is not how I want the start of something beautiful to be.  So I dialed myself back a bit.  To recollect some thoughts and see the image of what I truly wanted.  Because what we were doing, was definitely not what I'd hoped we could be.  

Good riddance in a sense.  But there's still something.  I'm true to my word.  I'm honest with the things I say.  So what I've said, I still mean.  It's just going to be a lot harder for me to focus on the things I've wanted to do before this whole situation escalated into a reality that I didn't want to expect, but did.  We'll see where it goes.  The past is in the past.  Keep moving forward.

Sigh.  

Glad that's over with.  Because despite of the little things that bothered me, this weekend was just full of blessings.  Starting from preview and seeing that type of crowd just for us, it was amazing.  So thankful.  Our performance, man.  I'm proud of us.  Sexy piece in the rain though.  Mhm.

Oh man, I've definitely got lucky with how things have been going lately.  Just met some amazing people, and people who I will strive to be like.  I was given a care package to help me get through the weekend.  So thankful.  So thankful.   

And then day of?  Gosh, I love the feeling of competition day.  Just getting there.  Setting up practice, watching tech, seeing the other chapters.  Man.  It's just good times.  Especially being with the amazing people I met.  My team.  Gosh I was dying though, those energy drinks kept me alive.  

We took over a room!  It was pretty funny since we were supposed to share last year lol.  But this year it was just us.  Kind cool.  Everyone getting ready.  Performance ready.  All dolled up.  Coming together to finally show off what we've been working on.  Just being up there.  In the spot light.  And just leaving it all behind.  Everything in our hearts.  It's just one of those things.  One of those moments.  Congrats Rho Gen.

There are things I want to say to Rho Gen, but I don't think many people read my tumblr so I'll repost it directly to them.  I also want to post up an instagram pic of some sort, but I can't find good pictures =(, but here it goes:

What up Rho Gen!  Excuse this wall of text, but if you want, continue reading lol.  Just a little bit of my thoughts for all of you kids.  =)

Disclaimer:  I call everyone kids.  Heh heh heh.  Even if they're much older than me. 

Initially I wasn't going to do dance comp, because I was so busy and didn't think I'd have the time.  However during one of the very first meetings, I was interested in attending to see how things were going to go, you know?  Like the initial planning stages and everything.  Let me tell you, this meeting got me pumped up and pretty much convinced me to do dance comp again.  That, and also I wanted to see the difference between two years you know?  I'm a returner, it's a different team, I wanted a new experience!

A new experience, is just the start of what I got out of Rho Gen.  I remember the very first practices, meeting my family, being a parent to amazing kids =') Dang I'm proud of you guys.  I didn't know most of you, but somehow we were able to come up with the team name "Squirtle Squad!  Squirt Squirt!"  LOL.  Are you kidding me.  These kids are so down, were my thoughts lol.  I mean, I wanted hashtag sex everywhere.  But squirt squirt will do.  

Who knew what would come out of all the time spent together.  These times have been very different from last year's dance comp.  I think that's the best way to describe it.  Different.  But in the end, still frickin' amazing. I Won't forget all the little things that went on during all those late nights.  It's crazy.  Different sides of people definitely come out during those hours of the night lol.  I'd walk up to someone stare at them for a bit, and do a body roll pretty close to them, then walk away.  And it was okay.  I mean, I think it was okay.  But who really knows.  I just do those things sometimes, you know?  Those rough practices where the speakers couldn't even make it, and we all sang along.  

"My turn. And once I get there I ain't gonna stop."

I just wanted to thank you guys.  For being part of this team with me, for sticking it through.  Through all resets and critiques.  Through the tiring nights, where we really had to dig deep to go on.  My experience wouldn't have been the same without you guys.  It was amazing watching you guys grow.  It was a pleasure being on that same stage with you guys.  

It makes me super sad that I had to miss out on retreat.  It's one my favorite parts about dance comp, but I couldn't make it this year.  Luckily I was able to get to know some of you kids.  I'm still not friends with some of you guys on fb, but that's okay!  We don't need that haha.  Just hit me up, I know I have tons to learn about you guys.  I'd love to know your story, and what dance comp means to you =)

"If it's not too late for coffee, I'll be at your place in ten.  We'll hit that all night diner and then we'll see..."

I'm an old man now so I don't come out to most aphio stuff.  But dance comp gave me a chance.  A chance to see the kids part of our amazing chapter.  I'm so happy I was able to meet you guys.  And saying goodbye to my second and final dance comp is so sad to me ='( I hope, for you guys still around, that you guys continue to take advantage of this opportunity.  Make the most of every opportunity, every moment.  We made it.  We left our mark.  Now it's up to us to remember these moments, so we can share this love and passion to everyone else =) Be the returners for the new kids out there and help them have an amazing experience like you guys did for me.  Thanks guys.  I mean it. 

Thank you for enjoy this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

Another week has gone by, and there have been far too many things to notice and enjoy. 

Rather than bore you with all the minute details that catch my eye, maybe I'll try to focus on the moments that just really shined, because there a lot of stars out there, but even if you point them out, not everyone will want to see.  

I guess I had time for some introspective analysis, not because I wanted to, but because it was shown to me.  The things that leave marks on our lives will be heard regardless if we're listening or not.  Recently, beautiful harmonies found their way to reach my selective hearing, with a resolution so powerful it'll always resonate with me: appreciation.

I am no stranger to such an idea, I mean I try to remind people all the time to savor and spread =) 

I guess there's something about the things you don't notice, that are right in front of you.  But it's usually things that we don't think about.  Who would have known what kind if impact these people can make in our lives.  Whether they're childhood friends, our best friends, an inner circle, or barely an acquaintance, when people reconnect, or even just take the time to say hello again, it rekindles the fading flames in your heart.  

At least that's what happens for me.  I'm definitely introverted, but there's always more to it than that right?  Always situations where these stereotypes, terms, and demographics mean nothing more than just words people attempt to use to navigate the vast world of personality; the world of you. 

But because of this, I really do appreciate the different relationships I have.  I tend to avoid getting into conversations, just because I'm not fond of idle conversation that goes nowhere.  Instead I observe and notice the things people say to each other.  Sometimes all this really distracts from what people are saying to or about me.

I don't know, I guess it was strange to hear what someone else said about what someone thinks of me.  Something not ever directly said, but is felt through actions you know?

honestly I can't really explain, in the end I guess I did end up rambling.  Let's just say I haven't really felt filled emotionally, but certain events definitely reminded me that I can still feel.  In positive ways too.  For me I guess, it's hard to give credit to people in my life through words.  Most of the time I just end up thanking them.  But for me personally, that's not all I want to do for them.  Sometimes I just want to say it.  How important it really is to me.  How much it can affect me.  These acquaintances in my life.  But I realize, they don't stay that distant.

Other events may have occurred, especially over the weekend.  Crazy weird things, and in the end I'm not sure what think of them.  I don't know the reasoning or anything, I just did. 

However, who knows what all these things that happen lead to.  I have more questions and haunting thoughts, but that's just how it is.  i still appreciate it.  I'll enjoy the little things that happen, whether I understand them or not.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~