Forgiven Apprentice.

Dear your name here,

Happy new year!  the new is in, so let's welcome 2015 with open hearts and loving arms. 

The challenge for this year will require containers, and our container of choice shall be twelve mason jars, one for each day of the month.  The task will be kept simple, so join us if you can =)

Each day, we will add something new to the jar of the month, it could be anything!  An experience, a thought, a note, something to remember, something important about the day, anything!  And each month, reflect on the past month, because the theme for this year is sharing!  Enjoy what's happened, but look forward to what comes next.  And pass along the good memories.  What made each month so special?  I can't tell you just yet, ;) but stay tuned.

There's so much to appreciate, but let's pass those things on to give others a chance to appreciate these things as well.  Stay true to yourself, and make 2015 better than the last.  We'll move forward.  Together.

Thank you for enjoying the time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

It's been a crazy weekend.  A lot of time for introspection, and a chance to discover who I was at the time.  We're always changing, the problem is most people don't decide who they want to become before they start changing.  It's definitely not a bad thing, people need to appreciate who they are more, because regardless of what they think, they're amazing people. 

"I want to build something with my hands."

I want to do something different.  I've accepted the fact that we can't be who we are forever.  I want to grow.  I want to be better.  Not just different.  I caught a glimpse of the person I could become, at the same time I realized how far I have to go.  Regardless, I know it's going to be an amazing journey. 

"I thought we were alive.  Thought it was like when the planets align."

It's also going to be tough.  Especially reconnecting with people who think they know who you are.  People may be upset because of the person they thought I was, no longer exists.  Maybe they had this idea of who they wanted me to be, and when they come to understand who I am, well.  They may be disappointed to say the least.  People will change, the thing is, will you still love them?   Like you did before?  I want to be proud of who I was, who I am, and who I will be.  I want to be proud of everyone I know as well.  I want to be proud of who they are and where they're going, and support them in their own journey. 

"You dreamt of some better place.  Some better love with some better name."

There may be a problem.  My unwillingness to get close to people.  I've been down that road, To invest time into people, to appreciate the closeness, only to be forgotten because of trivial things such as distance and the time you didn't have.  There's always more than that as well.  But the emptiness after loving on certain people so much, kept me away.  Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.  Maybe I really do hate people sometimes.  People are amazing creatures.  They hold the power to reach into the hearts and souls of others.  As well as the power to tear them up inside.  They can put up walls and create this insurmountable defense, and deal with the loneliness that comes after. 

"Truth is the world's gonna spin.  With or without you, again and again"

They can also love and reach out.  Their thoughts, actions, and words can resonate with hundreds, thousands, even millions of others.  They can be a creative force that can build an empire that seeks to change the world, one person at a time. 

"And I won't wait for my revenge.  I will seek to see the end."

We all have that potential.  But we get lost in society, lost in association that doesn't lead you to the life you want.  Maybe this is a challenge, for you to think about your life now, and the life you want to have. And it's a challenge for myself, to develop into someone who will choose courage and delve into the daunting task of human relationships.  To risk it all, for the closeness.  We've all been through things, felt pain, emptiness, loneliness.  But I'll take the chances I have, for the people I could love.  For the greatest resource.  For people all around me.  I'll create better relationships.  I'll build my own empire.  To create a world where love matters again. 

"As all these mornings turn into brand new days, everything still hurts, you’re so far away, I would dig a hole through the Earth and crawl to get to you..."

It'll take time, I know.  But it begins with that kindle of courage.  To connect.  One person at a time.  Starting with you.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread. 

~jEdD~

Dear your name here, 

You win.  Maybe I’ve taken a liking to you.  Maybe I’ve become infatuated.  I’m not sure what this is.  I’m not sure how it got this way, but let’s just say It’s not something I planned.  It’s so strange, I never thought I would have thought of this , in this way.  I never would have expected me to feel this way at first glance, first words, first connection.

But I caught myself.  

Things have to change.  Regardless of this current emotion, I know what I want.  At least I think.  What do you think?  Maybe I approached things the wrong way.  But now all I feel is a missed opportunity for what could have been something big.

"Hello there, the angel from my nightmare."

There are some things we can’t forget.  There was a time when things, felt right.  Ostensibly blissful.  The way they look at you.  The way it feels just to be there with them.  You don’t have to be doing much.  But looking back, maybe it’s all that you wanted?  All that you needed.  

"And in the night we’ll wish this never ends."

There she was.  Maybe I was supposed to help her with something.  It couldn’t be done.  The way she was.  The way her hair falls perfectly into place. The way she was dressed, how it accentuated her physique, her curves, her beautiful imperfections.  Her stance.  The things she said.  I was captivated.  Unproductive.  And taking in the opportunity to witness this perfection.  Any male with reasonable physiology would be in a position where it would be impossible to work.  And in the end, work we did not do. For better or worse.  

"I need somebody and always."

And here we go again.  Another time.  Different circumstances.  Something so simple, and I’m drawn in.  You effortlessly pull me in.  Probably unknowingly.  Hopefully unknowingly.  It’s so easy for you.  And now I’m back.  My attention captured, even though it’s only for a brief moment.  And then it’s gone.  

"This sick, strange darkness.  Comes creeping on so haunting every time."

I can’t do this.  But I do anyway.  For you, I will.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

So, I really wanted this post to be on 9/11.  But I just got home, busy, productive day.  I did want to remember 9/11.  For all the lives lost.  What they fought for.  What America stands for.  I think a lot of it continues to be forgotten.  So I'll take this time to appreciate and remember what others sacrificed for us today.

"Think about the love inside the strength of heart."

Had great conversations recently.  Reminds me that you won't always have the best conversations, but if you keep having them, you'll have some pretty meaningful experiences.  I don't always share, but when you're truly connecting with people sometimes you can't help it.  And you just dive in.  And enter a whole new world that someone is sharing with you.  It's exciting.  And you can get lost, in something you would probably never expect.  I believe we get lost in other things and forget what really gets us excited.  The little things we appreciate.  What makes us unique.  I underestimate my desire to share because I get caught up in wanting to listen to the world that someone else sees.  The crazy things in their beautiful minds.  I get caught up.  I get lost.  In a world that's not my own.  It's an unbelievable experience.  And I realize why I should share more:  Because someone wants to get lost in the world behind these eyes.

  "Think about the heroes saving life in the dark."

I think, there's another thing I want to start writing about.  There's so many things that I absorb, no matter what media, but things I enjoy so much.  And I feel it's good to log it.  To remember what each piece of art has shown me or influenced me.  It's crazy.  We definitely are what we consume, and I want to share the thoughts on some of the things I experience everyday.  Writing has never been a strength of mine, but it has definitely also been a pleasure to be able to communicate what goes on in this head.  It's kind of crazy what kind of compliment I received today.  Someone told me they appreciate the calm I had.  I found it really surprising.  I don't think I'm calm at all sometimes, I'm pretty outgoing with what I'm feeling.  Easy to read.  And as I kept working I kept thinking about it, and realized how much goes on in my head.  All the chaos and stress I deal with are kept inside, and maybe outwardly I appear calm.  It's strange to think about, but it makes sense.  I fight all my struggles in this place called "the brain."  And once the battle is won I begin to show it.  It's crazy looking back.  But I appreciate the little things people say to uplift others.  No matter how close or distant you might feel in the relationship with someone, I feel any thoughts on what they feel about you resonates with the soul.  I'm glad I take the time to talk to anyone I can.  It's been really rewarding so far.

"Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive.  But you still came back for me."

Stepping outside of my comfort zone has been crazy intense, frightening, but extremely satisfying.  The experiences make that extra step so worth it.  Not only in the new conversations I have, but also in my dance group, Boomkaz.  I'm learning so much.  Recently we had our first casting, and I didn't get it.  I was actually super bummed because I really liked the piece.  So I'm just taking the time to learn and grow as a dancer, and it's been a memorable experience so far.  It's still hard though, to be surrounded by so many others with much more experience and talent.  But I guess it continues to push me to improve.  I love creative and performing arts.  Sometimes you just have to go for it and honestly dance like no one is watching.  Let's go. 

"Wanna live a life like you somehow.  Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile."

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Until then.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

Hope things are well.  As always time feels like it passes by way too quickly.  And I should definitely log more stuff down more often so I don't ruin your day with a wall of text you don't want to read, for that matter, one that I don't want to look back on either.

Jk.

I'll remember what I want to remember.  Here we go.

So I was at work.  And I drove a Filipino family to their car.  They were asking me questions like what's my age and stuff.  And then they gave me someone's number -_-' It was the man's sister.  He wanted me to text her lololol.  Life is strange sometimes.  Always new, sometimes exciting I guess, things coming up.  You never know unless you try.

"You only get a chance, it's now or never.  Once the moments gone, it's gone forever.  I, I've gotta try.  So why don't we try?

As always I'm learning new things.  I guess something I've been thinking about is what kind of life have I been living?  If I were to sum up my life in one sentence what could I say about myself?  What would others say about me?  What do I even want to be remembered by?  As?  For?  I think I may have found an answer to it.  Or at least the beginning phases of what that sentence could be.  What would your life sentence look like?

"And if you're feeling me now, then let me know from the start, we don't have to come down 'till the world falls apart.  I've waited on a second chance..."

Waiting.

I had a conversation with a close friend on waiting.  I feel like I'm waiting for something, but I couldn't tell her what I was waiting for.  Then she brought up the idea that maybe I was waiting for the wrong thing.  She's probably right.  What am I waiting for?  It's time to move.  Maybe I'm starting to connect better. 

"I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight and I answer them the way I guess you do..."

Friends.  We share the good and bad with them.  We share secrets we've locked deep in the depths of our hearts with them.  Why?  Because that's what friends do.  they share in the painful experiences as well as the joyous occasions.  But what do we really reveal?  How can we really prove that the person we are when we're with our friends is who we really are?  Not just an ideal version of yourself for the people you're with at the time?  How do we really know that we've actually connected?  No walls, no barriers.  Just who you are.  With who they are.  Just some thoughts.  Life is good though.  sometimes you have to live the life you want.  Then true connections fall into place. 

Anyway.  I guess this is it for now.  Until then. 

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

Dear your name here,

I need to get better at this "consistency" thing. 

But I realize I do want to log the things that happen in my life, the things I think about, and the people involved.  It's nice looking back, a careful reminder of what was.  A little more accurate than memory alone.  Once in a while it's good to reminisce, right?

I guess I'm writing this to remember you.

"Oh you'll be lighter without me girl, feeling alright somehow."

I'm not sure how to begin this.  I just know it's been a while now.  I wrote you a letter, but I was told it was dumb and there was no point lol.  So I never sent it.  What can I say now?  Things are good.  It's different, but still good.  Nonetheless, I guess I can still say I miss you.  Maybe I lost a lot more than I anticipated.  It's strange.  The type of relationship we had.  I know, I'm definitely underestimating lol.

"Two become one, it could be lethal."

Still, even now I can say no regrets.  But I still wonder if or when we'll ever even talk again.  I wonder how it's gonna be.  I know tons of things will have changed by the time that happens.  But I'm excited.  Excited to see where we're both at in life when that time does come.  

"Said I'm okay, but I know how to lie."

Will we ever be as close we were?  How close were we actually?  Pretty interesting to think about I guess.  It was weird, even though I'd say we did get closer, I felt more comfortable before.  At least with things I say.  We were caught in a weird place, and I guess I was trying to be careful in a situation that guaranteed to safety.  I wanted to say more.  I really did.  I guess I was trying not to hurt you.  It was hard to gauge because as much as I want to assume, I'm not entirely sure how much you were actually invested.   Maybe I was also trying to protect myself.  Trying not to invest more than what was necessary for what we had.  But I guess here I am now.  Being honest, while actually saying something.  Something I didn't really do.

"The last time we talked, I could hear the pain inside your voice."

It's strange the things I remember.  About the memories we've shared.  It's weird to say, but I'm pretty curious as to what you remember.  What's weird to me is the type of details I remember.  And what I don't.  I miss you.  Just because of who you are.  Honestly you have this effortless cuteness.  I guess that's the best way I can explain why I like the little things about you.  I like how you're planning ahead.  To prepare for what comes next in life.  We can't always stay where we are.  Then we can't grow.  I was speaking the truth when I said I liked how you are with people.  I admire the type of influence you have.  That's why I believe you're going to do amazing things.  Honestly I hope I guess to hear the crazy good stuff that has happened.  You're gonna impact people in ways you didn't even know you could.  I truly believe that.  And I always loved listening to you.  That's part of the reason I try to listen rather than say.  And it was an abrupt change when you decided to say less.  I was pretty sad, yup.  It's definitely something I miss.  I was always intrigued with what you were interested in and what you like.  I could go on, but I guess I just wanted to remind myself of a couple of things about you.  Things were pretty good.  I was happy.

"I never learned to fake it so I never could fool you with the honest truth."

That's all for now.  More memories will come.  But I guess I'll keep it like this.  Hope things are amazing.  Not gonna lie, maybe I have a lot of things I want to tell you.  Who knows.  Until then.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dang, so much going on these days.  But I guess I wouldn't have it any other way.  There's so much to do.  I'm so behind.  I have a lot of work to catch up on.  

But things are really good.  I'm pretty happy!  Today I bought a book haha.  It's by John Green.  Looking for Alaska.  I don't know, I loved the dynamic between the two characters in The Fault in Our Stars.  But I can't start it yet, I have 3 books to finish before I can start this one.  Man.  But I'm excited.  I never thought I'd be this excited about reading. Things definitely change. 

Man I've never been so excited Lord.  I've become a lot more passionate for dancing.  I want to get better.  I started taking classes at UTC.  Today's piece was so fun.  It was a fem piece, but people are so talented.  The choreographer was Jeff Calluag.  I think lol.  I hope and dream to even be a fraction of the dancer these wonderful people are.  They're so good.  It makes me so happy.  I love watching people perform.  People in their element.  Just doing the things that make me happy.  Gah.  

Another huge reason I want to improve is because I want to choreograph my own piece.  I wanted to wait a bit, until I got better.  But now I want to see how  my choreo improves.  I'm pretty beginner right now.  So seeing that improvement will be rewarding for me.  I have a song I want to do and everything.  I just connect with it really well right now.  So well that I also want to create an acoustic cover for it.  I think that'll be done first.

Dang, so much I want to do.  So little time.  But I'll make time for what's important.  I have to keep moving.  I think this is it for now.  I'll create a short checklist to focus on what I really want to do right now.

- Choreo a piece - Another guitar cover - Improve as a leader - Improve my communication skills - Get closer to you That's all!

Thank you God, for everything...

"You give and take away..."

Dear your name here, 

Quite a weekend.  It was just full of everything.  I don't even know where to begin.  Well, I guess I should acknowledge the things that weren't apart of what made this weekend so amazing.  Just accept it and put it behind, you know?  The "bad stuff."  

I guess I was a bit disappointed during certain parts here and there.  I guess most of came from preview night.  There were people I wanted to see there, but it was just unfortunate that some couldn't make it.  I mean I usually don't have expectations for this kind of stuff since I've gotten used to not seeing anyone I invite.  There were just a few people that I really wish could have been there, that's all.  

But I didn't let this take away from the people that did come.  They definitely don't understand how much it means to me, especially since I don't really show it.  Just knowing they were there made me want to perform to the best of my ability.  I wanted it to be worthwhile for them to come see me.  Man, it was good.  Things are good.  Gosh, especially for the people that came for me.  It's an honor to be able to perform for you.  Thank you.

I guess that last bit of negative I need to let out, is who else I saw at preview night.  It was a wake up call.  Just coming back to reality, and realizing that I was right all along.  The things I wanted to avoid, just came back, it was right there.  Gosh it's a little irritating.  You try for something you know you shouldn't do, and my next move was just to step back a little.  Understand what's really going on.  So, things changed a bit.  It may have been a bit sudden.  But things weren't going the way I'd want them to.  This is not how I want the start of something beautiful to be.  So I dialed myself back a bit.  To recollect some thoughts and see the image of what I truly wanted.  Because what we were doing, was definitely not what I'd hoped we could be.  

Good riddance in a sense.  But there's still something.  I'm true to my word.  I'm honest with the things I say.  So what I've said, I still mean.  It's just going to be a lot harder for me to focus on the things I've wanted to do before this whole situation escalated into a reality that I didn't want to expect, but did.  We'll see where it goes.  The past is in the past.  Keep moving forward.

Sigh.  

Glad that's over with.  Because despite of the little things that bothered me, this weekend was just full of blessings.  Starting from preview and seeing that type of crowd just for us, it was amazing.  So thankful.  Our performance, man.  I'm proud of us.  Sexy piece in the rain though.  Mhm.

Oh man, I've definitely got lucky with how things have been going lately.  Just met some amazing people, and people who I will strive to be like.  I was given a care package to help me get through the weekend.  So thankful.  So thankful.   

And then day of?  Gosh, I love the feeling of competition day.  Just getting there.  Setting up practice, watching tech, seeing the other chapters.  Man.  It's just good times.  Especially being with the amazing people I met.  My team.  Gosh I was dying though, those energy drinks kept me alive.  

We took over a room!  It was pretty funny since we were supposed to share last year lol.  But this year it was just us.  Kind cool.  Everyone getting ready.  Performance ready.  All dolled up.  Coming together to finally show off what we've been working on.  Just being up there.  In the spot light.  And just leaving it all behind.  Everything in our hearts.  It's just one of those things.  One of those moments.  Congrats Rho Gen.

There are things I want to say to Rho Gen, but I don't think many people read my tumblr so I'll repost it directly to them.  I also want to post up an instagram pic of some sort, but I can't find good pictures =(, but here it goes:

What up Rho Gen!  Excuse this wall of text, but if you want, continue reading lol.  Just a little bit of my thoughts for all of you kids.  =)

Disclaimer:  I call everyone kids.  Heh heh heh.  Even if they're much older than me. 

Initially I wasn't going to do dance comp, because I was so busy and didn't think I'd have the time.  However during one of the very first meetings, I was interested in attending to see how things were going to go, you know?  Like the initial planning stages and everything.  Let me tell you, this meeting got me pumped up and pretty much convinced me to do dance comp again.  That, and also I wanted to see the difference between two years you know?  I'm a returner, it's a different team, I wanted a new experience!

A new experience, is just the start of what I got out of Rho Gen.  I remember the very first practices, meeting my family, being a parent to amazing kids =') Dang I'm proud of you guys.  I didn't know most of you, but somehow we were able to come up with the team name "Squirtle Squad!  Squirt Squirt!"  LOL.  Are you kidding me.  These kids are so down, were my thoughts lol.  I mean, I wanted hashtag sex everywhere.  But squirt squirt will do.  

Who knew what would come out of all the time spent together.  These times have been very different from last year's dance comp.  I think that's the best way to describe it.  Different.  But in the end, still frickin' amazing. I Won't forget all the little things that went on during all those late nights.  It's crazy.  Different sides of people definitely come out during those hours of the night lol.  I'd walk up to someone stare at them for a bit, and do a body roll pretty close to them, then walk away.  And it was okay.  I mean, I think it was okay.  But who really knows.  I just do those things sometimes, you know?  Those rough practices where the speakers couldn't even make it, and we all sang along.  

"My turn. And once I get there I ain't gonna stop."

I just wanted to thank you guys.  For being part of this team with me, for sticking it through.  Through all resets and critiques.  Through the tiring nights, where we really had to dig deep to go on.  My experience wouldn't have been the same without you guys.  It was amazing watching you guys grow.  It was a pleasure being on that same stage with you guys.  

It makes me super sad that I had to miss out on retreat.  It's one my favorite parts about dance comp, but I couldn't make it this year.  Luckily I was able to get to know some of you kids.  I'm still not friends with some of you guys on fb, but that's okay!  We don't need that haha.  Just hit me up, I know I have tons to learn about you guys.  I'd love to know your story, and what dance comp means to you =)

"If it's not too late for coffee, I'll be at your place in ten.  We'll hit that all night diner and then we'll see..."

I'm an old man now so I don't come out to most aphio stuff.  But dance comp gave me a chance.  A chance to see the kids part of our amazing chapter.  I'm so happy I was able to meet you guys.  And saying goodbye to my second and final dance comp is so sad to me ='( I hope, for you guys still around, that you guys continue to take advantage of this opportunity.  Make the most of every opportunity, every moment.  We made it.  We left our mark.  Now it's up to us to remember these moments, so we can share this love and passion to everyone else =) Be the returners for the new kids out there and help them have an amazing experience like you guys did for me.  Thanks guys.  I mean it. 

Thank you for enjoy this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Father God,

Happy Easter.  Today is a day of celebration!  I think it’s very fitting, how everything is slowly coming together in my life.  The things I didn’t really think about too.  They kind of snuck up on me.  Time continues to pass, regardless if we’re ready or not.  

The beginning is nearing.  A new era in my life where I’ll actually have focus.  I finally understand a little more about myself.  But that won’t stop me.  I’ll continue to grow and learn, not only about me, but about everything that happens around me.  I think the most important of these things are the people.  

I found a treasure, Lord.  The thing is I don’t know what people will think about it.  It’s different.  It’s not normal.  Normal people don’t do this type of stuff with their life.  But I guess I’m not normal.  I’m an atypical person trying to get out of this typical society.  The thing is, I was able to meet people who were just as weird if not weirder than I am.  

The task now, is sharing this treasure.  I always say “savor and spread,” but this tasks seems harder now than ever.  I love the people in my life, I mean, I hate people lol, but I love the people here.  With me.  The people I know.  It’s easy to then decide who I want to share this with.  This opportunity with.  I can finally show people something I’m passionate about, something I want to do.  I just want to help.  Now I have the opportunity to sow into people, in ways that I never thought I’d be able to.  I always just tried to be the best friend I could be.  But most of the time, I’ve been too tired.  Or life got in the way.  There’s no excuse anymore.  

This is what I want to do.  The hardest part is getting people to see what I see.  But that’s always been hard for me anyway, so.  I can do this.  I’m going to do this for the people who were, are, and will be in my life.  I care about the people I know now, so I want to share this with them first.  But I don’t want to mess anything up.  To inform them incorrectly on what it is I’m really doing with my life.  I’ve been given this chance.  A chance to really impact people in positive ways.  The problem is will people see what I’m really trying to accomplish?   

It’ll be hard, but I won’t give up.  I care about the people in my life currently, but I know that through this I’ll meet new people and learn to care about them.  Learn to love them.  That’s just how this works you know?  I’ve never been so set, so ready for my future.  

This will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  But I need you with me.  I need you to guide me, and help approach this all very carefully and sincerely.  Most of all, as I’m going through this, I want to be Jedd through it all.  Just a better version of him.  Teach my Father, I’m here.  Ready to listen.  Ready for what comes next.  

Thank you Lord for everything…

"In the secret, in a quite place…"

Dear your name here, 

I guess this post is indeed for someone specific:  my lovely friend Katrina Tomas =)

I helped her make a mix CD, which is always a good time for me lol.  But it was a mix we made together, for someone else, which was pretty neat because half the CD was out of my control.  Which, when I think about it, is a pretty dang cool idea.  I usually plan my CDs out very carefully, or try my best.  But this time I felt a little more free.  It wasn’t just me.  But it’s still, me.  You know?  

Anyway, Katrina asked for reasons why I chose each song.  Daunting task, but here we go lol.

Mae - The House That Fire Built

What can I say, I had to include one of my favorite bands of all time.  If I wanted to get technical, the meaning of this song is actually literal.  Mae’s intention was to create an album and everything would go to a cause, a charity.  In this case it went to Habitat for Humanity.  All the proceeds from the sales of (M)orning, (A)fternoon, and (E)vening went to building a home for a family.  

In short, the song is about starting a fire and passing it on.  Creating something, a message, a goal, anything, and igniting the passion for the goal to others.  For Mae, they were able to build a home through their passion for music. 

For Katrina, I believe she can start great fires.  =) There’s just something about her.  I can’t describe it.  All I know is that, when she speaks, I listen.  And it seems as though this true for many others as well.  If Katrina has a goal, as long as she shares it, it will be done haha.  She’s just that kind of person, at least to me.  Hence the placement of this song in our Halo Halo CD lololol.  Mix mix baby.

"But you’ve still got something more to say.  For this world today I know that we can change.  So let’s make a pact, to never hold it back…"

Secondhand Serenade - Take Me With You

Speaking of goals, one of the things I don’t think I’ve talked about with her are her hopes and dreams.  Maybe one day when we catch up, I’ll have something new to understand about her =) I know I’d be comfortable telling her these things about her.  I’m not gonna lie, I loved how we were before.  We talked a lot.  Like, a lot lol.  It was definitely something I took for granted.  I loved all the things we could talk about, serious or not, and just go back to having a good time.  All in the same conversation.  She’s someone I still tell things I don’t tell anyone.  Or show anyone.  She’s just that person to me.  And hopefully will continue to be =) I hope she doesn’t mind.  Because with her…

"I don’t have anything to hide…"

Sara Bareilles - Uncharted

So these dreams.  They might be a little more complicated than we think.  If asked right now, I’m not sure what I could say.  I do have a few concrete things that I want to do no matter what.  But the world’s vast.  New ideas are appearing in every aspect of our lives.  In other words, even dreams change.  So then, if it’s always changing, where do we go?  What road do we take?  Sometimes we don’t figure that out right away, but we must still be on our way.  Just go.  Move.  I’m indecisive, I think that’s something Katrina could relate to haha.  At least a little =) But we move anyway.  There are few things we lose sight of despite all the things left to see.  ”Keep moving forward.”   The quote she told me during our interview lol =)

"Compare where you are to where you want to be, and you’ll get nowhere…"

Relient K.  Up and Up (Acoustic)

Keep moving forward.  Things definitely don’t always go our way.  We have our bad days, but we can’t let them bring us down!  Everyday is a new day.  Yes new struggles, but also new opportunities.  Relient K, a band we both thoroughly enjoy.  I think there are two songs from Relient K on our mix haha.  They always have amazing messages, and his word play continues to amaze me.  For the most part -_-’ Anyway, to be honest, sometimes it’s hard to continue.  Hard to fight the good fight with so many things on our minds.  Things that we can’t always share.  But Katrina helps me get through.  She’s there when I need her, and I know I can always talk to her.  Because of her, I’m always trying to improve and grow.  I’m on the up and up.  =)

"I’m just trying to be a better version of me for you…"

Mae - Night/Day

Ah this song.  When we were first getting to know each other, I think we related in a lot of different ways.  One way is something I think a lot of people feel.  Sometimes we just don’t want do anything.  Sometimes we’re just so tired and we want to just lay in bed.  I don’ think that’s bad at all haha.  I have my moments.  But sometimes we let this feeling get to us.  We fall into long periods of unproductivity instead making the most of every moment.  When time is so limited, sometimes we just need to continue to move.  Sometimes we say “no” and make excuses.  When this is the moment.  This is our time.  No day but today.  Be a better you =)

"I’m gonna wake up, wake up every morning and make it mine.  Rain or shine…"

Owl City - Tidal Wave

Maybe I just needed to throw a feel good song in there lol.  I definitely have a lot of influences.  A lot of favorites.  This song, along with others from the album Ocean Eyes, was co-written with the singer from Relient K!  With Owl City though, he paints some very vivid imagery with his lyrics.  Or used to -_-’ Anyway, individually, they write amazing lyrics.  But when you combine their styles, you get a song like Tidal Wave.  The message is simple, but powerful.  I wanted to put Terminals, but that song was under the name Relient K, which would have made 3 songs from them lol.  So we chose this one, even though they were both written by both artists lol.  Check it out as well.  Amazing.  

"But I don’t need a telescope to see that there’s hope and that makes me feel brave…"

There were other songs I wanted to add, but I guess I didn’t have them on my pc =( Anyway, I definitely wanted a Macklemore and Ryan Lewis song, and she chose Same Love.  Random memories with that CD with our friend Gilbert lol.

Here are the rest of the songs I wanted to add: 

Jason Mraz - You and I Both Echosmith - Talking Dreams Zedd - Find You

I’m sure you can figure out the meanings from what I’ve written and from who Katrina is.  So let’s run, not walk through this beautiful life.  Katrina makes me move.  She always makes me go.  Well I’m almost finally, finally out of words…

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

It’s been a crazy weekend and it’s not even over. A lot of things have been going on, and the next couple of weeks will be even more intense.

I’m focused right now. But I know once this ends a whole new world’s going to begin. Here we go. A long, difficult, but rewarding journey is going to begin. I will fail, many times. But I won’t give up. I will succeed. I will win.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve. Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here,

Another week has gone by, and there have been far too many things to notice and enjoy. 

Rather than bore you with all the minute details that catch my eye, maybe I'll try to focus on the moments that just really shined, because there a lot of stars out there, but even if you point them out, not everyone will want to see.  

I guess I had time for some introspective analysis, not because I wanted to, but because it was shown to me.  The things that leave marks on our lives will be heard regardless if we're listening or not.  Recently, beautiful harmonies found their way to reach my selective hearing, with a resolution so powerful it'll always resonate with me: appreciation.

I am no stranger to such an idea, I mean I try to remind people all the time to savor and spread =) 

I guess there's something about the things you don't notice, that are right in front of you.  But it's usually things that we don't think about.  Who would have known what kind if impact these people can make in our lives.  Whether they're childhood friends, our best friends, an inner circle, or barely an acquaintance, when people reconnect, or even just take the time to say hello again, it rekindles the fading flames in your heart.  

At least that's what happens for me.  I'm definitely introverted, but there's always more to it than that right?  Always situations where these stereotypes, terms, and demographics mean nothing more than just words people attempt to use to navigate the vast world of personality; the world of you. 

But because of this, I really do appreciate the different relationships I have.  I tend to avoid getting into conversations, just because I'm not fond of idle conversation that goes nowhere.  Instead I observe and notice the things people say to each other.  Sometimes all this really distracts from what people are saying to or about me.

I don't know, I guess it was strange to hear what someone else said about what someone thinks of me.  Something not ever directly said, but is felt through actions you know?

honestly I can't really explain, in the end I guess I did end up rambling.  Let's just say I haven't really felt filled emotionally, but certain events definitely reminded me that I can still feel.  In positive ways too.  For me I guess, it's hard to give credit to people in my life through words.  Most of the time I just end up thanking them.  But for me personally, that's not all I want to do for them.  Sometimes I just want to say it.  How important it really is to me.  How much it can affect me.  These acquaintances in my life.  But I realize, they don't stay that distant.

Other events may have occurred, especially over the weekend.  Crazy weird things, and in the end I'm not sure what think of them.  I don't know the reasoning or anything, I just did. 

However, who knows what all these things that happen lead to.  I have more questions and haunting thoughts, but that's just how it is.  i still appreciate it.  I'll enjoy the little things that happen, whether I understand them or not.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

~jEdD~

Dear your name here, 

There's a lot of things I want to start up again.  A lot of things I want to do for myself.  Writing is one of them.  I guess I was late to reading it, but was definitely inspired by The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  Definitely related to how Charlie went through life, what he felt, and what he learned.  I want to look back.  I want to see what I went through.  I want to remember what I observe.  

To move on.  To move towards the future.  I rarely think about the future, but I feel I should also keep some thoughts ahead.  I tend to retread the past for far too long, and way too often.  Hopefully writing it down helps me keep me looking to what lies ahead.  The roads ahead.  The days ahead.  

Things have been pretty interesting recently.  I had a pretty eventful day yesterday.  Went from having no real plans to, not having enough time for myself.  Definitely a pleasant surprise.  

It's amazing how many things we learn everyday.  I happened to be in a situation where I can really connect with someone.  You always think you know, even if it's just a little.  But behind that knowledge is a world of unknown waiting to be discovered.  Problem is, will you take the chance to seek that knowledge?  Will you have the courage to let your world be known?  Yesterday, err, early this morning (probably), I felt someone take that chance.  A chance to let me see into some of their thoughts.  What lies in their heart.  In turn, it was knowledge I wished to receive.  It was a good conversation, unconventional, but definitely rewarding.  

Speaking of which, though I take the chance to seek, I feel like I haven't mustered up the courage to show others my world.  I do feel like they're reaching, but I stay just out of reach.  I'm not sure why anymore.  I've forgotten how it feels to have someone who just, knows.  Maybe I'll take the chance.  But probably wait to see if it's worth it.  In the end, who really knows until you try?  Why don't we try?

Sometimes I don't understand why I start to feel.  Why I'm drawn.  Why I feel some sort of regret.  There are opportunities, but instead of being there, living in the moment, I take a step back and just take a look from the outside.  Hoping to be noticed.  But, how can a wallflower be noticed?  I need to move.  And hopefully that'll make you move as well.  Motivated.  It starts with one person.

I think that's all for now.  Hopefully I'll be able to update more often than I have in the past months.  It's something I want for myself.  And It's something I want for you.  It's a look inside the simple thoughts of who I am.  It's not everything.  But it's a start.  And maybe since it's hard to take that first step, I'll take it with you.  Here we go.

Thank you for enjoying this time of eve.  Savor and spread.

Love, 

~jEdD~