Corporate hell

Sleep and Money Are Free Therapy

You don’t need a therapist; you need eight hours of sleep and a paycheck that doesn’t feel like Monopoly money. But instead of addressing that, society wants you to journal about your “gratitude” while eating instant noodles and dodging eviction notices. Cool. Thanks.

Look, therapy is great. It’s life-saving for many people. But not every existential crisis needs a deep dive into your inner child. Sometimes, you’re just tired because your boss thinks PTO stands for “Prepare To Overwork.”

Let’s talk about the real problem: We’re burnt out, broke, and blaming ourselves for feeling like crap.

1. The Real Villain: Capitalism in a Yoga Pose

Burnout isn’t a personal failure; it’s a feature of the system.

76% of workers feel burned out (because Karen in HR keeps calling your 9 PM Slack messages “team building”).

Meanwhile, your company hands out “mindfulness workshops” instead of paying you enough to survive.

What they don’t tell you: Burnout isn’t cured by a breathing exercise—it’s cured by not needing to work two jobs to afford eggs.

2. Your Body’s Screaming ‘Nap,’ and You’re Screaming Back

That meltdown you had over accidentally sending the “k” text? That wasn’t unresolved trauma; that was your brain asking for a timeout.

Sleep deprivation = instant chaos: It’s scientifically proven that your sleep-deprived brain is 100% more dramatic.

Missed deadlines, spilled coffee, accidentally liking your ex’s Instagram post—are you emotionally unstable or just operating on 3 hours of sleep and spite?

Pro Tip: Before booking that $200 therapy session, try closing your eyes for longer than a sneeze. Revolutionary.

3. Your Wallet is the Real Trigger

Raise your hand if financial stress is your “love language.”

40% of Americans can’t handle a $400 emergency, but your landlord wants $400 extra a month for “market rates.”

Inflation is basically a giant joke where you’re the punchline.

Therapy can help you process feelings, sure. But it won’t make your car payment or lower the cost of groceries. Sometimes, you don’t need coping strategies—you need someone to admit you’re being scammed.

4. Self-Care? More Like Self-Scam

Self-care isn’t sipping wine in a bubble bath while your to-do list stares at you from across the room. It’s not buying a $50 scented candle that smells like “relaxation” and regret. And it’s definitely not downloading your company’s wellness app.

You want to fix burnout? Stop glamorizing exhaustion. Stop normalizing broke. Start demanding naps and raises.

Rest and Money Are Revolutionary Acts

Let’s get real. You don’t need another journaling prompt about gratitude. You need sleep, money, and the courage to tell your boss that “wellness week” is insulting.

"If You Check 3 or More, Your Employees Probably Have a Group Chat About How Much They Hate You."

☑️ Do You Override or Embarrass Employees in Front of Others to ‘Show You’re the Boss’?

Nothing says “power trip” like correcting someone who’s been at the job longer than you, just to flex. Bonus points if you’ve done this in front of clients, making them cringe so hard they reconsider doing business with your team.

☑️ Do You Scrutinize Hours Like a Hall Monitor on Steroids?

"Didn’t you leave 5 minutes early last Tuesday? Fix that."

"I noticed you spent an extra 5 minutes in the bathroom last week. Is everything okay down there?"

"Why did you come in 20 minutes late today? Never mind that I was here 15 minutes early just to keep tabs on you."

If you’re tracking every minute like a parole officer, don’t be shocked when your employees start daydreaming about keying your car.

☑️ Do You Refuse to Empower Employees While Making Them Chase Your Signature Like a Headless Chicken?

You’ve got people who’ve been doing the same job for years—probably better than you ever could—but no, they can’t sign their own forms because you need to feel important.

Extra hate points if you disappear for days without notifying anyone, leaving them to hunt you down like you’re Bigfoot.

☑️ Do You Waste Everyone’s Time on Pointless Power Moves?

Standing in the doorway chatting about absolutely nothing while your employee is clearly on a deadline.

Making them wait for five minutes because you’re typing some pointless email to another equally useless boss.

Walking in like “we’re friends” for a dumb conversation, then leaving like “you’re wasting my time.”

Nothing screams bad leadership like being a living contradiction.

☑️ Do You Gossip About Your Employees Like a Petty Parrot?

You think badmouthing your team to peers or upper management makes you look good. Guess what? It doesn’t.

Extra shame points if the employee overheard you and is now doing Indeed applications mid-shift because they’ve mentally checked out.

☑️ Do You Ignore Your Team’s Timeline but Blame Them for Not Meeting It?

The organization sets a hard deadline, but you’re too busy micromanaging, holding them up at every turn. Then you act surprised when things are behind schedule. Hint: It’s you. You’re the problem.

☑️ Do You Ask ‘Are You OK?’ When It’s Obvious YOU Are the Problem?

They don’t want to talk to you, and their fake smile is practically screaming “Please leave me alone, you’re ruining my life.” But there you are, oblivious, thinking you’re being “caring.”

☑️ Do You Overload Remaining Employees When Someone Quits?

Instead of hiring a replacement, you slap the workload onto the already-burnt-out team because “we’ll figure it out.”

And of course, you’re too clueless to even understand the scope of work your exiting employee handled, leaving the team in chaos while you pretend it’s all under control.

☑️ Do You Disappear When the Team Actually Needs You?

Oh, you’re on a “few days’ vacation” or “sick” (again) while they’re drowning in work. Bonus hate points if the team functions better without you there.

☑️ Do You Make Employees Pretend to Care About Your Problems?

No one’s actually concerned about your hemorrhoid surgery. They’re secretly hoping you never come back because the workplace is significantly less painful without your presence.

☑️ Do You Even Realize They’re Applying to Other Jobs During Work Hours?

They’re spending more time on Indeed than on actual tasks, just waiting for the moment they can leave your sorry ass in the dust—keys on the desk, no notice, goodbye forever.

☑️ Do You Think Fear = Respect?

Employees fake-smile at you out of fear, not respect. And that’s on you.

Results:

0-2 Checks: You’re annoying, but manageable.

3-5 Checks: You’re officially the reason your employees dread Mondays.

6-8 Checks: HR knows about you, dummy, and they’re watching closely.

9+ Checks: Congrats! Your employees probably have a countdown to the day you get “restructured” out of the company.

I hate my job because the management tries to add more and more responsibilities for me which I'm not really qualified to do

But the 8-hour workday is too profitable for big business, not because of the amount of work people get done in eight hours (the average office worker gets less than three hours of actual work done in 8 hours) but because it makes for such a purchase-happy public. Keeping free time scarce means people pay a lot more for convenience, gratification, and any other relief they can buy. It keeps them watching television, and its commercials. It keeps them unambitious outside of work. We’ve been led into a culture that has been engineered to leave us tired, hungry for indulgence, willing to pay a lot for convenience and entertainment, and most importantly, vaguely dissatisfied with our lives so that we continue wanting things we don’t have. We buy so much because it always seems like something is still missing.