mouthtapedguy

lions are very mean and like jellyfish

Turns out the mist was also judging us.

Every city becomes significantly more interesting once you assume there's an optional boss hidden behind the national monuments

The most incomprehensible thing about this incident is why Jackie didn't have a rocket launcher with her.

Every gifted kid eventually meets the final boss: opening the document

Modern medicine has advanced enough that i can identify twelve possible causes. Unfortunately all twelve are "the way i live"

Ours just picked a historical period with a 70% chance of dying from "the air was bad today"

Advanced placement test is identifying which regional slur was used to insult your entire bloodline

I’ll give you a program to follow every night, a very simple program. For the next thousand nights, before you go to bed every night, read one short story. That’ll take you ten minutes, 15 minutes. Okay, then read one poem a night from the vast history of poetry… Read the great poets, go back and read Shakespeare, read Alexander Pope, read Robert Frost. But one poem a night, one short story a night, one essay a night, for the next 1,000 nights. From various fields: archaeology, zoology, biology, all the great philosophers of time, comparing them. I want you to read essays in every field. On politics, analyzing literature, pick your own. But that means that every night then, before you go to bed, you’re stuffing your head with one poem, one short story, one essay—at the end of a thousand nights, Jesus God, you’ll be full of stuff, won’t you?

The revolution is delayed due to celestial circumstances

Free to choose which subscription service harvests your personality disorder most efficiently

Feels less like optimism and more like being kept in reserve for future labor extraction

Not sure what's more funny: the account name or the post itself

Every male friend group now contains one guy who talks like Britney Spears

But spiritually you still feel like you’d thrive in the apocalypse somehow

Humanity invented philosophy, religion, and international law just to keep losing arguments to one random chemical reaction