#coronacoaster

The first half of my 32nd year saw me the happiest I’ve been in my adult life. After moving to Melbourne in 2016 and starting over from scratch, years of hard work finally paid off and I felt as though all the pieces of my life were in place. My career, relationships, home and finances were all where I wanted them to be. For the first time in my life, I had a strong sense of purpose and confidence in myself, and the part I play in this world. On top of that, I had two amazing holidays: first to Bali on one of the most relaxing, indulgent and rejuvenating trips I’ve ever been on, then home to Canada for the first time in two years to spend Christmas with family and childhood friends. I entered 2020 feeling balanced and optimistic for the year ahead, oozing with gratitude for the life I was living.

Then in a flash, life as we knew it was thrown upside down when COVID-19 hit.

It’s now been a blurry five months of constantly living and working from home, while trying to adjust to this restrictive way of existing. After successfully flattening the curve during Melbourne's first lockdown, we were given a brief taste of freedom before going back into a second, harsher lockdown last month. We are again bound to our homes and cut off from our friends and loved ones until September, at least.

My husband often tries to put a positive spin on all of this, saying “at least we’re not living through a world war!” - and I agree, the sacrifice of staying home seems pale in comparison to what other generations had to endure.

But I believe what makes ongoing lockdown so difficult - so emotionally taxing - is that we are deprived of the human connections which make us uniquely “human”. The moments and memories we create together give us purpose and feed our souls. Take this away from us, throw in a curfew, mandatory face masks and add in the stress of a global pandemic, it’s no wonder people are struggling.

As an extrovert, I know these in-person connections are what fuel me. They energize me so I can thrive and be my best productive self, enabling me to go back out into the world and pass on energy and light to others. I’m not sure I have a lot of tangible skills to brag about, but I’ve always considered myself a “people person” and truly believe this has not only helped me grow my career into a leadership role, it has also led me to curate a really fulfilling life with deep and meaningful relationships.

So...what does an extroverted, people-person do in lockdown? How do I accept the fact that it’s impossible to know when I’ll be able to see my family and friends across the globe? How do I energize myself without the social connections that I was sure to keep up on weekends to refuel myself for the work week ahead? How do I reignite my passion for life when so much of what brought me joy is out of reach?

Lockdown has been hard on everyone for different reasons, devastating people’s livelihoods, incomes, and even personal safety. Mental health is at an all time low, and as I sit here with my privilege of never having experienced debilitation due to my mental state, the past month since going back into lockdown has challenged me like never before. I’m grappling with constant mood swings, a victim of the “coronacoaster” of emotions that so many of us are trapped on. Some days, I feel great and productive and energized; others, I feel so far from my “normal” self - or, at least what I had grown to recognize as “normal”. My glass has become more empty than full, while uninvited negative thoughts creep their way into my typically cheerful mind. 

I am still learning to be OK with not being OK, while also still mourning the loss of my life that once was. At least a silver lining of all this is that these circumstances have forced us to really talk about our mental health, normalizing anxiety and depression and ultimately providing space for others to feel less alone in their struggles. The conversations I’ve been having with close friends have been more open and honest than ever, as we find solidarity in experiencing the same challenging emotions which this wild year has forced to the surface.