When the woman I love is asleep 300 kilometers away from me.
Warm in her own bed. In her own thoughts. In her own dreamscape probably cuddling her dog. How am I to sleep tonight when I was there with her just the night before.
How am I to sleep when all I keep thinking about is printing out CVs and applying to 'The Savonnier'. The thought of making my own soaps dancing in my head like 'Yes,I've always loved science. Cooking is like science, making soap is kind of like science. Hire me you won't regret it."
How am I to sleep when I keep thinking of applying to the hardware store. Learning about all the bolts and screws and paint colours and types of wood and becoming your best friend during renovations. Like 'Yes, I am a friendly face. I like to know the purpose of everything and how to answer all the questions'.
How am I to sleep when all I can think about is how much I don't want to keep working in kitchens. I don't want to keep working in stress and yelling and steam burns and time limits. Times are changing. Kitchens are not as simple as they used to be. These days every fridge needs a temperature sheet. As if I need to write that shit down every day. If it's warmer than it's supposed to be I think we'll notice.
How am I supposed to sleep when all I keep thinking about is money. How I need a certain amount. How I need to work a certain amount to have that certain amount. How I might not actually be able to go back to school until that certain amount is all sorted out. How I might disappoint you if I don't go back to school within the next 5 years. How I'm scared I might lose you because I might not amount to what you expected within 5 years. How I don't want to lose you.
How am I supposed to sleep when I'm supposed to be enjoying the last few pages of this story before starting another book when really all I keep thinking about is throwing this fucking book out the goddamn window after setting it on fire in hopes of a cleanse. This book, I'm so sick of reading this book. It's the last of the series and the author has finally lost it and is creating all of this end of story drama and cliff hangers and 'what ifs' and you're reading it shaking your head thinking, this doesn't make any fucking sense what the fuck and you know it's because that motherfucker ran out of ideas. Which is why the saying "Quit while you're ahead" exists. I was ahead. Let me quit. Let me quit this for everyone's sake. Let's all put down the book. Let's pick up a new series. Start fresh. New author.
