#copingmechanisms

TRIGGER WARNING: listing audio and visual triggers of misophonia (will be indicated with ❗)

Hi!

I was diagnosed with misophonia the summer before I began high school. This led to a lot of emotions that I'm still trying to deal with.

It was a relief, first of all - I think that this problem had been slowly developing for years. When I hit puberty, I got moody - angry at everyone like a typical teenager. So my parents assumed that my symptoms were just that (I don't blame them at all. I would have done the same thing). But deep down, I knew something was wrong:

❗The sound of eating shouldn't fill me with rage.

❗Silverware on a plate shouldn't make me cry.

❗And every time my teacher smacks their lips as they lecture should not make me want to run far, far away.

As I got older, all my mood swings and volatile temperament passed - but my sensitivities remained. Everything felt excruciatingly loud. I kept my headphones on whenever I could, trying my best to drown out sound. I couldn't eat dinner with my family anymore - I couldn't be near anyone that was eating.

I would be in a relatively quiet classroom, and yet my senses would be overwhelmed.

❗My teacher's lips smacking every time she opens her mouth to speak.

❗Calculator cases scraping against laminated desks.

❗Tired students yawning every other minute - with their mouths wide open, of course.

❗Kids chomping on gum and shaking their legs.

It was a horrible way to live. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I felt isolated, scared, and exhausted.

So I did some research. I typed in my symptoms and spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong. At first, I thought I had auditory processing disorder, but my symptoms were too specific.

So I went deeper.

I realized that I had hyperacusis: a disorder in loudness perception.

But that wasn't all. I also had misophonia. The dictionary definition is "a condition in which... common sounds... cause an atypical emotional response (such as disgust, distress, panic, or anger) in the affected person hearing the sound." While this definition is accurate, I feel that there is no way to truly make others understand how difficult and painful this is to live with. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

As I've learned about my condition, I've found ways to cope - from earplugs, headphones, brown noise, and meetings with teachers about accommodations. Even if I have to live with this for the rest of my life, this does not define me. It does not make me any less of a person, and most importantly, it is not my fault.

As I venture on, learning more about myself and my condition along the way, I'll record it on this blog. My hope is that people struggling with this condition (or others) will find comfort in knowing that they are not alone, and can use some of my own coping mechanisms.

-Keep on feeling the love,

🧸𝑀𝒾𝓈𝑜🧸

Things I Have To Do To Manage My Bipolar Disorder

Good Evening, I hope this blog post finds everyone who reads it well. I just wanted to briefly discuss things I have to do to manage my Bipolar Disorder 1. First and foremost, I keep my appointments with my therapist as well as my psychiatrist. Telehealth has made it so easy to do this; I’ve only been diagnosed for two years; so having to take medications is fairly new to me. I wake up every…

I don’t know how to make decisions for myself. no really. I cannot think of any big life decision I’ve made without the permission, approval or just straight up being told what to do from others.  I’ve wanted it this way. this way, having others control my decisions, feels safe to me.  it feels safe because if everything goes bad, I have someone to blame. &that someone is not me. 

today I made a big life decision by myself, on my own.  &I’m at peace with my choice but also terrified about the outcome //which I won't know until march btw//. what if everything goes wrong? I don’t know how to cope with making a big mistake.  what if I hate myself for my decision? I don’t know how to deal with that either.  &then what if all that self-hatred never goes away? what if i’ve ruined the rest of my life with this one bad choice? 

alright, I’m spiraling.