#conceling

 CHAPTER 4

“ So when exactly did the cheating begin? “

You and Kurro were currently sitting in the counselor’s office. You two haven’t talked unless it was through Kiyoko and Kenma– that was the best option for everyone. You scheduled this meeting through both of them anyways.

Kurro looked down at his hands fiddling with his rings– he always fiddled with objects if he didn’t want to answer something, “ I got drunk one night with friends and slept with a girl, “. He came out and said it with truth. That was what happened, the only thing that was iffy about the whole story was why didn’t he just say no. The counselor noticed this too, “ You said you were drunk, Kurro, but what else could have triggered you to do so? “ she pressed him and lord was she good at it.

Kurro looked around, his eyes trailed upon all of the different types of self wellness posters eyeing many things that he was seeing circling the flat surfaces of the walls. His eyes landed on the clipboard that the woman was wearing, she was clearly noting everything that he and you were saying. Then his eyes drifted to her nametag, ‘ Mrs. Yue ‘, cute name. Focus, he wasn’t here to compliment names of the teachers he was here to fix what was left of you two guy’s relationship.

“ We had just had a fight that night, “ that was what made you turn your head. That fight? The one that made you think that things were going to be over for good? This went to the root of everything. That was the night you miscarried. You had just turned 18 and Kurro was 19. It was an accidental pregnancy; you two were willing to take on the responsibility of the child and continue on with your lives. If only you two knew the things that were about to happen.

You two started getting annoyed at each other; he was trying to understand you and everything your body was going through. He stayed up late reading books, online reading parenting forums, and doing his own research about the process; to understand how to better take care of you. You felt like you were being smothered. Especially with how your mother took the announcement. She was mad– she had wanted you to attend college like the rest of the women in your family. You were, it was just going to put on hold for a while until you understood the whole parenting thing. That one night things got tough between you and Kurro. You blew up at him about smothering you and putting too much pressure on you. He was trying to get his point across to you that the only thing he was trying to make sure is that you were taken care of. The argument got so heated that you didn’t know you had stressed yourself to the point of a misscarriage until you felt warmth take over your pants.

You looked down and it was crimson blood leaking down the fabric of your pants; Kurro didn’t wait for you to say anything. He drove you to the hospital that very minute.

The doctors ruled it as a misscarriage. Stress induced; nothing couldn’t have prevented it but if you two had stopped arguing. Kurro knew that it took a toll on you. On the ride back home you were quiet as a mouse. You didn’t look nor speak to him.

It’s been weeks since the misscarriage and you haven’t even touched him– he spent nights in his bed thinking about what went wrong; did he do anything that night that he shouldn’t have done? Was he the reason why you miscarried? That was also the night Terushima had texted him.

Terushima: Heard your stress with your lady, wanna get some drinks?

Mrs. Yue makes notes on her paper, then she looks back up this time with a softened gaze towards the both of you. She then turned towards you; her eyes narrowing at you. You weren’t used to this much intense look from someone before. You had always been the person who watched someone get accused of something it was never the other way around. You turned to Kurro to ask for help, it was almost natural for your body to do so when you feel pressed. You always looked at Kurro for him to find some way to help you out of a situation. You felt him try not to look at you. He knew right there in the moment that if he were to look at you he would defend you, and take all the blame for himself.

You knew there was no way around this; even as Mrs. Yue signaled for you to speak, “ How did the misscarriage change you Ms. L/N? “, she questioned you. You looked at her and really thought about what she was asking you. How did it change you? In many ways, you stopped seeing Kurro as someone you could confide in; to you he was just a man who didn’t understand the confusion and pain about everything that went on. You didn’t have the best pregnancy with everything that happened. You were stressed until the end; you didn’t even get the chance to bond with what would have been your child.

Everything was taken from you in an instance. You wanted to be alone, and vulnerable; that couldn’t happen. You knew that Kurro felt some type of way too, but you couldn’t even muster up to think about what he was feeling. You had just lost the child, but what you didn’t know is that Kurro had felt like he lost you in that very moment also; your smile, and the way you looked at everything with love changed that same night. He tried– left food outside of your door and sent you funny memes. Nothing brought back that empty space.

“ I felt empty, “ you started. “ I felt like no one felt the stress that was put on me at that moment “, you could feel that you were about to start tearing up. 

Kurro turned to you fully with his eyes studying every feature of your face, and every word that was coming out of your mouth. He cheated on this woman? The woman that felt vulnerable after something that couldn’t have been prevented. He felt so selfish in the moment; how could he? He had told people that he wanted to marry you and he did that to you. 

“ I cheated back on him to let him know how I felt, “ your words were now getting angry, “ Everytime he had cheated I did it back to him, “ that’s when your voice softened. “ It hurt so bad to be cheated on during that period of my time, I felt so broken that was the only thing I knew how to do. “, you ended your sentence off.

“ That’s when it became a cycle, I'm guessing? “, Mrs. Yue spoke. You and Kurro both nodded at her; she continued to write a few more notes down on her piece of paper and then nodded.

She then smiled a soft smile. “ How about I step out of the room and give you two 30 minutes of alone time to speak one on one. There’s a lot of things that need to be said. “, with that she stood up and walked out the room; shutting the door softly behind her.

This was the first time you were alone with Kurro in a few days. His hair was still the same, but he had a little stubble on his chin. He looked tired, really tired. He looked at you then broke down. 

“ I’m sorry, I'm so sorry “.