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(Apologies ahead of time to the men who implicitly understand all this and do not shame a woman who is menstruating. You are not the ones this post is directed at.)
I couldn’t stop thinking about this post last night, and why the original anon would make that comparison in the first place. My kneejerk reaction was that he was just being insensitive and oblivious, but I realized that he probably genuinely had no idea what it’s like for a woman to be on their period, because we don’t tell people about it. We’ve learned not to because of the reactions we get. So this is to help men understand.
Take a moment and imagine being kicked in the balls. Painful, right? Extremely so? Keep going and imagine the reactions you would likely get from people when you told them you were kicked in the balls. A variety of people. Think about how you would show that you were in pain and what you would do to manage that pain. Now, keep what you imagined in mind and compare that to the following scenario, in which “menstruating” is replaced with “being kicked in the balls”.
Going to school, you feel sharp pains in your gut and your head is aching because your internal organs started kicking you in the balls last night. You have a mixed group of friends, and when some of the girls ask you why you don’t look so good, you reply “I’m getting kicked in the balls.” They laugh at you and make faces, saying “Ew, gross,” and “I didn’t need to know that. TMI!” Stung, and upset that they’re making fun of your pain, you reply angrily, to which they laugh more and say “Watch out, he’s got PBKS!” (pre-kicked-in-the-balls syndrome) Any negative emotion you display is similarly dismissed as a product of being kicked in the balls, and eventually you leave with their laughter ringing in your ears.
By your fifth class, you can barely concentrate because of the pain in your balls and the exhaustion that comes with it. You ask the female teacher if you can be excused to the nurse’s office. She frowns and asks you why. You’re too embarrassed to tell her that you’ve been kicked in the balls, so you mumble “Male trouble.” The teacher looks uncomfortable and tells you you’ll just have to deal with it, so you slink back to your seat, ears burning from the whispers and giggles all around.
The girl you’re dating is feeling horny tonight and she tells you she wants you to come over later when you kiss her in the hallway. Your head is pounding and your balls have been freshly kicked, so you wince and tell her that you can’t do it tonight, you’ve been kicked in the balls. She rolls her eyes and says, “You’re just using that as an excuse. I know you got kicked in the balls two weeks ago.” You can’t make her believe that you got kicked in the balls early this month, and she dismisses you with a “Whatever.”
You go to the store after school to buy some more products to contain the effects of being kicked in the balls – products that you can’t make yourself and that you must spend money on every few months, without fail, because most aren’t reusable. You shuffle up to the girl at the counter with another few girls behind you, knowing that all of them can see what you’re buying and what it’s used for. And that every single one of them now knows you have been kicked in the balls or are going to be kicked in the balls in the near future, and they’re all picturing your crotch and slightly grossed out by it. You silently will the cashier not to say anything and flee the scene.
At home, you swallow a pill that can help you keep from having children but also makes the pain from being kicked in the balls hurt less and makes the duration of being kicked shorter. You turn on the news and find that a meeting composed entirely of female senators is railing against the pill you just took and saying that it shouldn’t be covered by insurance if your boss is against it. “Employers shouldn’t have to enable their employees to be sluts,” they say. “Taking the pill just lets men have sex without the consequences.” You think about having to pay the full price of your pills every month to reduce the pain of being kicked in the balls and your stomach knots. So you would have to tell your female employer that you needed your pills to help with this embarrassing condition you have just for being male and she could still turn you down because she thinks that men only use your pills for no-strings-attached sex? Why are all the people making decisions on this subject female? They’ve never been kicked in the balls in their life, and they never will be!
Later, at dinner, you are talking normally with your family when your mood abruptly shifts downward, and you start feeling stressed and snappish for no reason. You reply to something your sister said more sharply than you need to and your mother angrily tells you to go to your room. You snap at her as well, then collapse on your bed, your mood swinging again to unreasonable sadness that saps your energy. You hug your pillow and try not to cry, feeling the stab of pain from your balls and knowing this will go on every few weeks for several decades, unless you have a child growing inside your body, which comes with its own set of complications.
Got all that?
The next time you hear that a woman is menstruating, mentally replace “I’m on my period” with “I am currently being kicked in the balls by my internal organs, and will continue being kicked in the balls for the next few days.” Then treat her as you would want to be treated if you said the same thing.
