Batfamily Comm Lines pt. 11
Dick: You and Bruce are getting along now?
Jason: I wouldn't go that far. We haven't been at each other's throats for a week.
Dick: I noticed. What's that about?
Jason: There can't be development on my part? Maybe I'm growing up. Maturity can be sexy.
Dick: *holding back a laugh* N-No. I didn't say that! There can be, of course. *voice gets high-pitched* I'm just so proud of you.
Jason: *laughing* You're a jackass. *pauses* I had a revelation the other week. So Damian and I are hanging out and he'd been bothering me about going to that new bookstore that opened in Burnside-
Dick: *humming* Yeah, Barbara was talking to me about it.
Jason: He's wandering around and I stumble across a book called " Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents", I start reading it and it's making fucking sense.
Dick: *cackles*
Jason: *smacking sounds* No, listen. I don't fully agree with the whole " it's their first time living too" bullshit. But if my parents got nerfed in front of me at 8, I'd harbor some mixed feelings towards guns.
Dick: Oh my god, Jay. *snorting* You are so fucking awful.
Jason: And he's been emotionally stunted since then and it didn't help that Alfie- god bless his British heart- supported him by letting him create a repressed fursona and leap off buildings at the age of 19. I'd be fucked mentally too if I was dressed as a flying mammal at a critical time in my development.
Dick: * laughing* So the only reason you're getting along with B is because you pity him?
Jason: Pretty much. What? If it works, it works. We can't afford to be picky here, Dickie.
*comm pings*
Damian: Nightwing, Hood. What is the status update on the delivery truck that is rumored to be entering the Bowery tonight?
Jason: *sarcastically* Oh, were we suppose to be looking out for that?
Damian: Imbeciles. You were tasked with one simple job-
Jason: Don't get your nuts twisted. I was joking. No movement.
*comm line is silent for a brief moment*
Dick: Tim, have you heard the news? Jay picked up a groundbreaking novel from a hip new bookstore and figured out the key to getting along with B. You just have to pity him.
Damian: I was there with him. He picked up the book and lifted it up like that children's movie you love, the one about the panthers where he is crowned king-
Jason: Do you mean the Lion King? *cackles*
Damian: *ignoring him* And proclaimed quite loudly " THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE ANSWER."
Tim: *off guard* What?
Damian: I do not understand why we must pity Father. By all accounts, he is a respectable and influential individual in Gotham.
Jason: Hello? Your old man has so much trauma, it’s fucking astonishing that he’s functioning.
Damian: Your biological father beat you over the head with a baseball bat, ask me if I show you any pity.
Tim: *laughing* He has a valid point, Jason. Can you truly build a functional relationship because you have compassion over eight year old B?
Jason: I don't see you getting along with Bruce. You argue with him too.
Tim: *snorting* Occasionally and that's because of whatever your book probably said. He pushes people away, doesn’t connect emotionally, yadayadayada.
Damian: Is there a reason you do not refer to Father by a parental name such as Dad or a " pops" like most Western children do?
Dick: I have never heard a child refer to their parent as " pops" outside of a Little Rascals episode.
Tim: Robin, got eyes on your target?
Damian: *humming* On your mark, RR.
Jason: I only call B " dad" when I'm feeling like a little shit and want to get under his skin. But maybe I should try again. In a different approach.
Dick: I think I referred to him by that a few times and one of them was when I was delirious with a fever. The furniture started looking like people.
Damian: *grunting, punching noises* I did not expect that considering you are the one that argued with Father the most.
Tim: *panting* Stop kicking me, asshole. Rob, tie up this one with the rest and alert GCPD. So true. You and B had a full on brawl in the Cave when Hood died.
Dick: *sucking his teeth* People grieve in many different ways...
*comm pings*
Oracle: I accidentally called him Dad once by mistake and he teared up so quickly that I was disgusted. I had to be like “ No. NO. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.”
Tim and Dick: *bursting into laughter*
Jason: Ripped the hope and dreams right out of his furry hands.
Damian: Do you think Father replays that moment in his head over and over?
Tim: Absolutely. He has to. Had the chance to have a daughter and Barbs stepped on it.
Oracle: Speaking of which…Batman is requesting to join the line.
*comm line pings*
Bruce: Can anyone provide assistance with prison transportations to Arkham? The Commissioner is requesting the extra support.
Jason: *sultry voice* Sure daddy.
Bruce: ……..
*Bruce disconnects from main line*
Tim, Dick, Jason, and Barbara: *howling with laughter*
Damian: Depraved. YOU ARE DEPRAVED. GO FUCKING REREAD THAT BOOK.
