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Top 5 ways the Joker should die
(commission info // tip jar!)
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This is how I think Cass would communicate if she was introduced when these kind of memes were popular.
Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)
Wonder Woman: this feelsā¦ unethical.
Red Hood: donāt care, weāre settling this debate once and for all!
Batman: get me out of this thing!
Spoiler: not until you tell us who your favorite kid is.
Nightwing: the lasso only works if you ask it like a question.
Robin: father, please tell the others that I am your favorite child so we can put this ridiculous debate to rest.
Nightwing: once again, question.
Batman: Diana! Get me out! Now!
Wonder Woman: Iām also curious, and they paid me.
Batman: I can promise you, I can give you more than what they offered.
Batgirl (Cass): now, Batman, out of all of us, who is your favorite child?
Batman: *all but bitting his tongue off*
Red Robin: you know youāll have to say it. Just say it. Just say āTim.ā
Batman: itās Ace!
Everyone: ā¦
Batgirl: the dog?!
Signal: yeah, that tracks.
Robin: you mean you love the dog more than your own blood?!
Red Hood: this hurts less than if you said Damian, so Iāll take it.
Spoiler: I knew you wouldnāt say me, but wow.
*Later*
Batman: *paying Diana* thank you for not using your real lasso.
Wonder Woman: I donāt believe it should be used for petty purposesā¦ however, I have to ask, do you have a favorite child?
Batman: of course I do. Itās-
*a loud train passes by*
Oracle: *listening over comms* Dammit. Donāt worry, Cass. Heāll admit itās you one day.
HC based on me and my siblings: Jason being so quick at wordplay, or like just belting songs out at random. Mixed emotions from his family follow.
---------
Batman, mid-briefing: Your team needs to get to the bottom of this.
Red Hood: Oh yeah, I have a lot of experience being a bottom
Batman: Excuse me?
Red Hood:
Red Hood, raising his voice: I SAID I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE BEING A BOTTOM-
---------
Random JL member: You need to stop trusting Batman.
Nightwing: Batman? You mean our father?
Red Hood: Who art in heaven?
Random JL member: ????
Nightwing, trying not to smile: ...Hood... Not right now...
Red Hood: HALLOW BE THY NAME??
---------
[Duke and Jason lounging in the living room when Damian comes in carrying Alfred the Cat, panicked]
Duke: What's wrong, lil buddy?
Damian, distraught: I accidentally tripped on Alfred's tail!!
Jason: Tail?
Duke: Oh no.
Jason, starts singing: Tail as old as time~ š¶
Alfred TC and Damian: [start tearing up]
Jason: Right. Sorry. Vet, now.
---------
Cass: Oh say, can youā
Jason, starts singing: SEEEEEEE
Cass:
Jason: BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT
Cass: [chucks a batarang at him]
Jason, as he catches it: WHAT SO PROUUUUDDDLYYY WE HAIIIIILEDDDD-
---------
Red Hood: [points to a jar] That's so me.
Red Robin: ??
Red Hood: Get it? The jar is a mason jar? I'm a-
Red Robin: Jason, there's a dead body next to that jar. If you don't want to join it, I suggest shutting up.
---------
Jason, passing out take-out coffee to Barbara: Do you know why they say too much coffee is bad for you?
Jason: Because you'll start caffiene
Barbara:
Jason: Get it? Caffiene. Coughing?
Barbara:
Barbara: Jason, here's ten dollars. I will pay you to say that to Stephanie next.
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Tim: Okay, Final argument time. Bruce Your arguments thus far against killing have been heart warming, but subjective. Jason your arguments for killing has been thought provoking, but again, subjective. For this final portion of this debate, that Steph has coined āRed Robin: Kill or No Killā I will only be considering objective argument, with bonus points for empirical evidence. My fate is in your hands. Would Red Robin make a better impact on Gotham if he was open to killing unrepentant villains? Go!
Bruce, rubbing his temples: Tim are you really choosing your morals based on a debate?
Dick: He didnāt have morals pre-installed, this is how he gets them.
Steph: I lost the debate on why stalking is wrong years ago, so you guys can blame me for that one.
Damian: Enough chatter, begin the debate
Bruce: *sighs* Morallyā
Tim: *pressed red button that makes a boo sound* Subjective
Bruce: Okay, We are not judge, jury and executioner. We are citizens. We have no right to take the lives of others. Doing so makes us no better than the criminals we fight every night. Killing is killing, intentions do not matter.
Duke: Idk that was pretty subjective.
Tim: Iāll allow it. Half a point for Bruce. Jason, rebuttal?
Jason, pulls out folder filled to the brim with annotated research papers, text books, and a personally written essay that contained a work cited: Intentions may not matter, but impact does. For example, Black Mask caused the death of 52 Gothamites this year. 46 last year, and 68 the year before, spanning back the last 10 years. If i killed black masked, I would be saving the lives of about 50 people a year. By killing one person, I would be preventing the deaths of hundreds of people, depending on whatever his natural lifespan would be.
Barbara: Is this the research paper you were working on in the Library? I thought that was for finals?
Jason: I finished up my finals last week, got a head start.
Tim: Wow, 3 points for the argument, 3 points for the data backing it up, and 3 extra points for doing research and citing your sources. Great Job Jason.
Dick: Bruce, as funny as I think this is, please donāt lose this debate. I think weād be unleashing hell upon gotham if he gives himself the green light to murder.
Damian: *Taking notes with a very serious look on his face*
Dick: ā¦ And we need to set a good example
Bruce: *sighing* I didnāt want to say this but Jason brings up points for why Red Hood should kill. But not why Red Robin should kill. We have evidence that you should never go down that path in multiple different universes and futures where you become . . . gun batman.
Everyone: *silence*
Dick: He has a good point
Steph: Hate to say this but yea B won
Cass: Red Robin: No Kill
Barbara: Thatās at least 10 points.
Jason: I have so many more points to make.. but you know what, I cede your argument
Tim:.. I thought we agreed never to talk about Gun Batman ever again
Listen... All I know is that the kids I babysit were singing that one Gummy Bear song and next thing I knew my brain made a parody
The biggest reason Cass is the only natural option as heir to The Batman comes from the fact that every other characterās growth relies on them at some point either removing themselves somewhat or completely leaving the Bat symbol behind. Cassandra is the outlier whose found a reason to live on as that same symbol.
We can argue day and night who the best vigilante, detective, fighter, hero, strategist, or whatever is but none of that changes who can survive being the symbol without losing themselves in the process of following Batmanās footsteps.
