“I don’t know about you, but I had lots of fun at the beach party on friday! So much to see and so much to tell, so as promised, here’s our round up of interesting sights you may have missed... as always, if you think we missed something send us a message and we’d love to include it!”
First of all we are still questioning the unlikely friendship between Scarlet Soviet and Karaoke Klutz. KK got so shitfaced, he never even made it to a microphone for his favorite pastime and had to be dragged home by the old ball and chain Sidelined Sidekick.
Next up we’ve got Nervous Nelly and Other Smythe spotted hiding by the grill looking very cozy. We wish them the best (aka we hope they bring each other out of their shells and give us something to talk about). We were expecting something far more scandalous from the newest Smythe on campus so better get to it or you’ll be Other Smythe forever!
Speaking of Smythes, many of you sent us juicy pics of French Fatale and Grumpy Cat sucking face... is this some new-fangled lax training method or are they not as gay as they say?
I think my personal favorite part of the night was Toddler Boy getting up on that table and giving us a show, Rihanna style. You go TB!
The new normal for Ginger Spice was interrupted tonight by Scarlet Soviet giving him a quick waterboarding but somehow they both walked away without injury. My question is who’s buying from who in that transaction or is it an exchange of services?
You know who didn’t walk away without injury? Draco Malfoy, he was spotted with a split lip and the beginnings of what we can only hope will be a spectacular black eye. Looks like he got on the wrong side of Delinquent Dawkins if the bloodied knuckles are any indication, and then who expected to see SS helping Delinquent Dawkins home? Wonder what that cost. What would a Joie party be without a fight, you Thunderclaps sure have some fun traditions!
“And now over to V who definitely has her claws out tonight!”
"Right on time, too, E. I just finished filing them to purrfection. Meow."
Not only did Draco Malfoy not get to pay his way out of that lovely shade of purple his eye is now... but he also got screamed at by Baby Mama Drama... who is seriously not living up to her name... she needs a new one- maybe Harlot Heartbreaker ft. Bastard Baby! Anyways, Harlot Heartbreaker tossed her Bastard Baby over to Yeehaw Yokel and spent her entire time screaming at... everyone for everything? Seems like she might have been taking out some feelings on the party people- Maybe those feelings had to do with a certain Smug Suit attending the party without her? Whatever it is- sweetie needs to chill the fuck out.Â
 Two lovebirds that were seen together though? Ginger Spice and Prying Prima Donna spent basically the entire party gushing over each other and eating grapes... out of all the food that was there. I am honestly not sure if I should “awh” or gag.
Though the grooms-to-be did end up witnessing the Lovely Lyricist (or so we think- we have yet to hear anything she's written) and her slippery introduction to Joie. L.L. ended up at the feet of Presumptuous Perfectionist and looked like she was about to pass out. If she had though, I suppose Deluded Dancer would have swept in there, right? I heard they used to be an item. My bets are on that this "song" L.L. has said she's finished is about how much she actually wants D.D. back. Honestly super curious why she would want him back though... I saw the guy literally sit in the kiddie pool full of ice and drinks... Pillsbury Dough-boy can keep him... Or can he?
“That’s all for now Folx, please bring us something to sink our teeth into soon!”
