can you read my mind, i've been watching you [code blue]
You're not sure emergency medicine is for you. Frank Langdon is out to change that, one shift at a time.
this story is part of my universe 'code blue', which also features robby and jack stories, but each one is entirely individual, and can be read standalone
warnings: 18+ blog, mdni! not a huge amount in this one, canon medical gore, paediatric patient death, panic attack, r2!reader, we're pretending the addiction didn't happen, frank was previously married in this universe, but is now divorced and has no children, reader had leukaemia as a kid and young adult, is in remission now w/c: 11.2k
NEW YEARβS EVE
6AM
Something about the Pittsburgh cold makes you nostalgic for home. Omahaβs even colder than Pennsylvania this time of year - youβre lucky to get above twenty degrees. After the relentless heat of summer, youβre glad for a little chill.
Of course, youβd rather the roads werenβt so icy that you didnβt even want to chance driving. You had been treated to a half-hour trudge through the snow at five-thirty this morning. Your mother would have a heart attack had she known you were wandering around downtown Pittsburgh, alone and in the dark, but you figure what she doesnβt know wonβt hurt her.
Youβre more concerned about the walk home at the end of the shift. New Yearβs Eve is always a disaster - even if the night shift are more likely to get the really bad shit. Youβre not sure youβll be up for it, come dayβs end.
Pushing into the ED, you shoot a nod towards Abbot. Heβs always been nice to you - patient without being passive, and informative without being condescending. He has this odd way of keeping you calm during traumas - even when heβs watching you cut a hole into someoneβs throat, you donβt feel like heβs judging you, or doing anything out with your best interests.
You wish you could say the same for Robby.
Itβs like heβs had it out for you since day one. From your very first shift, heβs seemed utterly convinced that youβre a bad fit for emergency medicine - better suited for something calmer, like psych.
Were it not for Frank, youβre pretty sure youβd have tried to get a permanent swap to nights - Abbot and Shen you could live with.
While you and Doctor Robinavitch donβt exactly see eye to eye most of the time, youβll never be able to fault him for pairing you up with Frank on day one. Youβd heard chatter from the nurses the morning youβd arrived about him - apparently, heβd dated one of the labour and delivery nurses, before ghosting her a month in. Your hopes were less than high when Robby had announced youβd be shadowing him.
Sure, Frankβs a little arrogant. But heβs also been nothing but kind to you. He walks you through procedures, voice low as he murmurs soft instructions. His proximity is more than distracting, but youβve found it to be effective in the long run.
You want to do well. Want Frank to be proud of you. Maybe if you can make him like you, he wonβt be as susceptible to Robbyβs dislike. You know they must all talk about the residents. Discuss who they think will make the cut, versus those who'll crumble under the pressure.
So far, your charm offensive seems to be working. In just a few months, youβve developed a rapport, to the point where Frank rarely works with any of the other junior residents. You've heard rumblings about favouritism from the nurses. It must be getting him into some kind of trouble.
You head for the lockers, and change out of your thermals and into your scrubs, before heading to Central for the morning brief. A few of the other doctors are milling about, and you watch Robby take Gloria across the room to talk away from you all.
He doesnβt look happy.
That doesnβt bode well for your shift today.
When Frank walks through the door, five minutes late as usual, his eyes find you immediately. Heβs already in scrubs, flashing you a smile as he deposits his bag.
βWho pissed in his cornflakes?β He asks, slipping in behind you as he watches Robbyβs scowl grow with every passing second he stands with Gloria.
βPulse has a boyfriend,β A voice cuts in from over your shoulder. You turn, coming face to face with a girl, round about your age. βHe came to pick her up after the night-shift, with a bouquet of roses. Robbyβs been in a shitty mood since. I donβt think weβve been introduced yet. Resident?β
βUh, yeah,β You reply, and offer your name.
She tells you hers, ignoring the way Frank rolls his eyes. βEveryone calls me Skipper though. EMT. The Pittβs finest.β
βNo,β Frank corrects. βAbbot calls you Skip, and youβre so desperate to get into his pants that you adopted it-β
βFuck off, Langdon-β
βDonβt you have a job to be doing?β
She sticks her tongue out, but begins to retreat anyway. βI just dropped Myrna off - told her youβd look after her today. And Iβm only going so that I donβt have to deal with Robby. Hope you and your girlfriend have a fun shift!β
As soon as sheβs gone, Frank is turning to speak directly into your ear. βIgnore her. She doesnβt know what sheβs talking about.β
βI didnβt know Robby was into Pulse,β You comment, chancing a glance at your boss. His expression doesnβt look any happier.
Pulse is the Dana of the night shift. Quite where she got her nickname, youβre not sure, but sheβs been good to you on the occasions your shifts have overlapped. On your first ever night-shift, sheβd pressed a coffee into your hand right when youβd been about to crash.
Youβve felt a little indebted to her ever since.
βHeβd never admit it, but I think heβs been into her for years. They were like that when I was a med student here.β
βHuh,β You murmur, falling silent as Robby finally makes his way over.
βAlright guys - busy day today,β He starts, clapping his hands together. βNew Yearβs is always rough for ERs - we can expect firework incidents, and more drunk and disorderly patients than we get at any point in the year. I want efficiency-β
A glance at Samira.
β-compassion-β
A glance at Trinity.
β-and assertiveness.β
His eyes land on you, and you fight the urge to shrink under his gaze. Itβs no secret that youβre not Robbyβs favourite resident. In fact, in a programme with thirteen residents at various levels, youβre not sure you even crack the top ten.
Frankβs definitely top three - potentially top one, now that Heather took an attending job in Philadelphia.
You can feel your cheeks starting to burn, embarrassment rising.
Everyone here knows youβre not cut out for emergency medicine. That youβre too weak for this specialty. Not a good enough advocate for your patients. You can almost hear his thought process.
Maybe family medicine is more your speed.
Then a hand claps down on your shoulder. You know before you even turn around that itβs Frank. βDonβt mind him,β He murmurs, as everyone disperses. Like clockwork, Frank falls into step beside you. βHe doesnβt know what heβs talking about.β
βHeβs the Chief of Emergency Medicine,β You reply, unconvinced. βI think he knows his stuff.β
βNot in this case,β Frank insists. βThis place needs empathy - which you have in spades. I bet if you asked every patient in here if theyβd rather be treated by you or me, theyβd choose you.β
βNo they wouldnβt,β You roll your eyes.
βThey would so. And who cares if youβre not assertive enough? You shouldnβt ever be alone in a scenario where thatβs an issue. You know Iβd coming running if you paged me, Page.β He finishes off with a grin, as you let out a sigh.
Page had been a recent development. After managing a whole shift without realising your pager was dead, and getting bawled out by Robby, Santos had taken to calling you the nickname. Unfortunately, it had spread like wildfire.
You wish Frank wouldnβt call you it. Wouldnβt see you like a failure.
Your brow furrows a little, and he frowns. βHey, come on - I was just kidding. But the sentiment still stands. You call, I come. Okay? What are you on today?β
βTriage. You?β
βUnfortunately not. Iβve got Santos today.β
On a normal day, youβd defend Trinity. You do like her, even if she is the root of your nickname, and has moderately abrasive tendencies. But today has already gotten off to such a terrible start, that you canβt bring yourself to manage. βI should probably go, before Robby chews me out for being slow.β
7AM
βSo,β You start, glancing nervously at Whitaker. βYou ready to get started?β
Where youβd been hoping for some assurance from Dennis, youβre met with a stressed and nervous energy, maybe even worse than your own. βUh, sure?β
βGreat!β You force a smile, and lead him out to the waiting room. Almost immediately, youβre ambushed by a crowd. βUh, Whitaker, could you take a Ms. Precious Abebe to room three? She just needs sutured - can I leave you to that?β
He nods, and stands at your back.
βIβve been here for five hours-β
βThereβs green stuff coming out of this wound-β
βI was told Iβd be next, but someone else got to go-β
βSorry,β You interject, trying to move past to the middle of the room. βWeβll be with you as soon as possible. Weβre understaffed today, thatβs why things are a little backed up.β
A lie. But people tend to be more understanding if they think that this is out of the norm. That the Pitt isnβt backed up twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
You check your iPad, glancing at the next name on the list. βBeth Garcia?β
A lady stands up across the room, away from the group that immediately approached you both. At first glance, thereβs nothing obviously wrong. Sheβs maybe a little pale, but thatβs about all youβd say. βHi,β She smiles.
You introduce yourself and lead her to one of the consultation rooms, leaving Whitaker to grab Ms. Abebe. βWhatβs brought you in today?β
βIβve had a really bad stomach-ache, for the past twelve-ish hours.β
You nod, sitting her up on the bed. βDo you mind if I have a feel?β
βGo ahead.β
You examine her abdomen, while asking some more questions.
Yes, it feels sharp and stabbing.
No, she hasnβt eaten anything.
Thereβs been some vomit, but no blood. No changes to stool or urine output.
Six out of ten pain.
βAlright, well, Iβm going to take some bloods and do a quick ultrasound, just to rule out stones, okay? But then, until we get the results back, youβll have to go back to the waiting room, Iβm sorry. We donβt have the facilities for everyone to wait back here.β
Normally, this is where patients get mad, if they havenβt already. Nobody likes being seen, before being told you need to wait again. What they donβt seem to realise is that the people who get seen immediately are the ones you very much do not want to be.
But Beth just nods again, and gets to her feet. βNo worries. I wrote the day off anyway.β
*****
βJesus Christ, can you look a little happier to see me?β Santos rolls her eyes, snapping Frank out of his haze. βI know Iβm not Page, but Iβd still like to learn something today, if thatβs alright with you.β
βYou know, you could really learn a few things from her,β He replies, unimpressed at being caught staring. βLike basic human empathy, for starts.β
βI have empathy,β She retorts. βJust not for you, or the three tonnes of hair gel you use each day.β
Frank grabs an iPad, glancing at the board. βWeβll take chest pain in four.β
If Frank was cherry-picking for himself, or for you, Trinity would be the first to call it out. But today, it benefits her, so she keeps her mouth shut, and nods.
βLook at this ECG. Tell me what you see.β
Trinity frowns, glancing across the different leads. No obvious STEMI anywhere, or hyperkalaemia. No obvious heart block that she can see, though itβs hard to tell with P waves at the best of times. Itβs not a very good tracing, but on the surface thereβs nothing wrong. βLooks alright to me. Maybe a little tachycardic?β
βLook closer.β
Letting out a huff, she examines it again, before sighing. βI donβt see anything-β
βGreat. Now your patient is dead. Itβs bundle branch block. Left or right?β
βBundle branch block doesnβt kill people, dumbass. Not like that.β With a guide, Santos refocuses on the ECG, frowning as she spots the telltale M shape on the V1 lead. βRight.β
βGood. And just because it wonβt kill them particularly acutely, doesnβt mean itβs not dangerous. Especially if you look at this guyβs past medical. But I want you to do the history, and discharge unless thereβs anything particularly worrying.β
With that, heβs gone.
Probably to try and find you. God, heβs such an annoyance.
So much for the chest pain being a good case.
8AM
When you were eleven, you were diagnosed with leukaemia for the first time. It had made for a brutal eighteen months, spent almost entirely in hospitals. You knew what the whisperings were. Neither the doctors, nor your parents, expected you to survive.
But somehow, things had started to look up, and you were in remission for your thirteenth birthday.
Everybody had told you how strong you were, how you could get through anything if you got through this. And for a while, you believed them. Believed that this was as bad as you were ever going to go through in your life.
Until your first year of undergrad when the fevers came back, the cancer following in its wake.
Youβd been certain you werenβt going to survive that one.
Except, against every single odd, you pulled through, and are still here almost a decade later. Not without consequences, though. Each day brings a new fear of relapse, at the idea that youβll never fully be out of the woods. Sure, AML is normally more common in children. But youβd been well out of the risk zone for relapse when youβd fallen ill again, so you figure the universe is just out to get you.
Where your college experience was supposed to be your first taste of freedom, of dating and living life, youβd ended up living in a house across town from campus, with your parents as your caregivers.
You love your mom and dad. You do. Truly.
Moving to Pittsburgh is the only time youβve ever had in your life to try and discover who you are. Itβs not working out too well so far, granted. But you need this, either way. Even if all the guys youβve dated are complete douchebags, and youβre not entirely sure that orgasms exist.
Someone says your name, and you snap out of your funk. Turning, you almost collide with Robby, as he repeats it. βGot a teaching case. Come on.β
He doesnβt slow down, just angles toward the workroom where the rest of the team is gathered. Itβs you, Mel and Javadi. All the younger residents and students, minus Whitaker on triage, and Trinity, who should be with Frank.
God, what youβd give to swap places with her right now.
βPatient in South Four needs an LP,β Robby says, glancing around the room. βGood teaching opportunity. I need a volunteer.β
You open your mouth.
Javadiβs voice cuts in first. βIβll do it.β
Sheβs already standing, chair scraping loudly against the floor, hand halfway raised. Robby hesitates, just a beat too long, then nods.
βAlright,β He nods. βLetβs go.β
You shut your mouth again. Swallow whatever it was you were about to say. Fall into step as everyone starts moving, telling yourself it doesnβt matter, that you donβt need to be the one who always steps forward.
The room is small, crowded with bodies and equipment and the low, nervous energy that always comes with procedures. Robby does the talking to the patient, asking you and Mel a couple of questions, while Victoria gets ready.
You can tell sheβs nervous, talking through each step like sheβs reassuring herself as much as anyone else. Robby stands opposite her, arms folded, supervising. You take the spot no one else claims, leaning back against the counter, hands tucked into your pockets.
You watch.
You watch her feel down the spinous processes, hesitate, adjust. Watch the way her shoulders tense when the patient flinches, the way she bites her lip in concentration. Nothing goes disastrously wrong. Nothing goes perfectly, either. It takes longer than it should, even though thatβs to be expected on your first try. She asks Robby questions she should already know the answers to. He answers them, clipped, professional, and detached.
Like heβd rather be anywhere else.
Maybe Frankβs right. This is potentially the worst mood youβve ever seen from him. Even over Pittfest. Maybe he is actually in love with Pulse, and this boyfriend news has thrown him for a loop.
You think about what youβd feel if Frank announced tomorrow that he had a girlfriend.
Probably pretty shitty.
The thought sends a shiver through you. At the image of you, and a heartbroken Michael Robinavitch, drowning your sorrows at the local dive bar, as the two most pathetic people in the Pitt.
When itβs over, Javadi exhales, smiling, flushed with relief. She thanks the patient, starts talking about how cool it was, how sheβs glad she got the chance, thanking Robby profusely.
He just nods, already peeling off his gloves. βNice work,β He says, neutral enough to be meaningless.
Youβre halfway out the door when you feel his hand brush your sleeve.
βHey,β He mumbles, as Mel and Javadi push past. βHang back a second.β
You stop in the hallway, the door swinging shut behind you. Robby rubs at the bridge of his nose, frustration finally breaking through.
βJavadiβs a fucking MS3,β He sighs. βShe shouldnβt have been doing a lumbar puncture. It shouldβve been you.β
βYou asked for a volunteer!β You protest.
Robbyβs expression tightens, whatever patience heβd been rationing finally running out.
βAnd you hesitated,β He says. Flat. βYou always do lately.β
βThatβs not fair,β you shoot back, heat rising fast. βSo that was whatβ¦ a test? Youβre just trying to make me look bad now?β
He doesnβt soften. Doesnβt give you the out. βI watched you open your mouth and then stop. You let a medical student jump in front of you.β
βShe volunteered,β You say. βMel and I were both going to speak, but I donβt see you criticising her.β
βYou should have fought for it,β he says, voice sharp now. βThatβs the problem.β
You stare at him. βThe LP went fine.β
βFor her,β Robby says. βBecause I was standing there ready to bail her out. Because the patient got lucky.β He exhales, irritated, and drops his voice. βYou know better than that.β
Your jaw tightens. βSo what do you want from me?β
βI want you to stop acting like youβre invisible,β He snaps. βYouβre a resident. A good one. And you keep shrinking yourself like you donβt belong here.β
donβt cry donβt cry donβt cry donβt cry donβt cry donβt cry
βMaybe I just donβt feel like fighting for every procedure,β You say quietly. βI thought fighting every step of the way to get here would be enough.β
βThatβs not how this works,β Robby says. βYou donβt get to coast because youβre tired. Everyoneβs tired. You want to do well? Then step up. Because right now, youβre making my job harder.β
The words sting, and the tears threaten to prick at your periphery. You look away, down the hallway, anywhere but at him.
βI didnβt realize I was underperforming,β You grit out.
βIf you were,β He replies, voice softening just slightly, βthis conversation would be different.β
You get the sense thatβs supposed to be some kind of praise. The smallest bone, thrown to make you feel a little better. Stop you from throwing yourself off the roof.
You nod once. Short. Controlled. βGot it.β
Robby watches you for a beat, like heβs deciding whether to say something else. Whatever he considers, he lets it go. βJustβ¦ be better about it,β he says. βI know you can be.β
You donβt trust your voice, so you donβt use it.
βI need to get back to triage,β You finally mumble, stepping away.
He doesnβt stop you.
You walk down the hall faster than necessary, pulling the list of your jobs from your pocket like itβs an excuse. Bloods to be drawn, X-rays to be checked, prescriptions to be written. Concrete things you can do right.
Patients donβt ask why you hesitate. They donβt care who speaks up first. They just want you to show up, do the work, move on.
That, at least, you can manage.
9AM
It takes half an hour for your path to cross with Frankβs again. As if sensing your discomfort at your current patient, a drunk man in his seventies, Frank starts to float across the Pitt.
Pretending heβs not paying the utmost attention to the way your back stiffens with each passing exchange.
βNeed any help, Doctor?β He finally interjects, eyes darting between you both.
βWeβre just fine, actually. Sheβs takinβ real good care of me,β The patient, Darren, grins, eyes darkening just a little at the intrusion.
You shoot Frank a look over his shoulder, one that you hope screams help me. Much to your immense relief, he catches on immediately.
Darren isnβt even sick. Heβs in for some sutures after falling on his way home. Quite where heβs been all night to only be heading home at nine, youβre not sure, but youβre not in the mood to find out.
βWhy donβt I get started on your left side? Get you out of here twice as fast.β Frank smiles down at him, but thereβs a tick in his jaw that gives away his true feelings.
βNo, itβs okay-β
βDonβt be silly!β Frank cuts Darren off, snapping the wristband of his gloves as he reaches for a suture kit.
A silence falls, tense and awkward as you both try and hurry through Darrenβs stitches, doing your best to work quickly without compromising the quality of care too much. If heβs left with a little bit of a scar, you wonβt be too worried.
βAny plans for after this?β Darren finally asks, eyes glued to yours, ignoring Frankβs presence entirely.
βHm,β You murmur, pretending to give it serious thought. βProbably heading back out to triage to get the next patient in.β
βI meant after your shift,β He sighs, frustration seeping into his tone. βLike-β
βPage?β Frank interrupts. βYou know, Iβm sure I heard that Dana was looking for you.β
βAre you sure?β You arch an eyebrow, seeing right through his tactic.
βPositive,β Frank says easily, already stripping off his gloves. βSounded urgent.β
Darren looks between the two of you, clearly clocking that something has shifted, then scoffs. βGuess Iβll see you around, Doc.β Thereβs an edge to it now, more wounded pride than anything.
βTake care,β You reply, already turning away. βDoctor Langdon is the best of the best.β
Fifteen minutes later, Frank appears again, right as youβre leaving an easy consultation. Sirens wail somewhere down the street. Hopefully nothing major. Youβre not even four hours into your shift yet, and youβre already exhausted.
Frank leans against the railing, arms folded, looking almostβ¦ jealous? βGuy wasβ¦ persistent,β he says at last, staring out across the Pitt instead of at you.
βThatβs one word for it.β You glance sideways at him. βThanks for stepping in.β
He shrugs. βPart of the job.β
Another pause. His foot taps against the ground, in a steady rhythm. βYou get that a lot?β
You frown slightly. βGet what?β
He exhales through his nose, a quiet huff. βCreeps hitting on you.β
βOh.β Understanding settles in. βSometimes.β
Frank nods, like that confirms something he already suspected. βDidnβt like the way he was looking at you.β
βI had it handled,β you say gently.
βI know.β He finally looks at you then, expression unreadable. βI just-β He stops, shakes his head. βNever mind.β
You wait. He doesnβt continue.
Moment over.
After a beat, he straightens, clearing his throat. βAnyway. Dana probably does need you. Place is chaos.β
You smile faintly. βThanks again, Frank.β
He gives you a crooked half-smile in return, slinging his stethoscope round his neck. βAnytime, Doctor.β
10AM
You hear the commotion before you see anything. On the way back from checking on Beth in the cafeteria, the noise from the waiting room bounces around the corridors, and you speed up your pace.
Inside, Whitaker is desperately trying to keep two men from attacking each other. Security is nowhere in sight. Neither is Dana.
Shit.
βHey, hey, whatβs going on?β You ask, voice raised considerably higher than your usual volume.
βThis bastard keeps talking shit about my wife-β
βYour wife is an uneducated moron!β The other guy yells, and the two make to try and get at each other again.
βWhitaker, get Ahmad,β You urge, before putting a hand out to try and keep them apart.
βDonβt you dare touch me-β
The first man escalates to yelling, and you donβt have time to react to him cocking his arm.
It takes you a second to realise whatβs happened. A sharp sting, the sound of skin-on-skin ricocheting across the waiting room, and suddenly your entire world is spinning. The impact is hard enough to send you stumbling as your head smacks into one of the pillars behind you.
You reach out for something, anything to keep you upright, but thereβs nothing, and you land awkwardly on your arm on the waiting room floor.
A warmth floods your face - a mix of embarrassment and the blood trickling from split skin on your cheekbone. You sit up, while all the patients take a few steps back, clearing out in a two metre radius.
Thereβs a single moment of shocked silence, before a voice breaks out across the ER. Dana Evans, your lord and saviour.
βWhat the hell is going on out here?β Her hands land on your shoulders, firm and steady as she helps you to your feet. βYou okay, kid?β
Arguments break out across the waiting room, while Ahmad appears in the doorway, Frank right behind him, eyes wide. He calls your name, and the tears that youβd been fighting so hard against suddenly prick at your periphery.
You donβt want him to see you like this. Weak-willed, and unable to break up a single fight.
Much to your dismay, Danaβs immediately passing you over to him, a small push in his direction while she continues to yell at the man.
βAre you alright?β Frank murmurs, eyes searching as he checks you over. When he checks your temple, thereβs a little bit of blood at the crown. βShit, sweetheart - you hit your head.β
βYeah, no shit,β You manage, letting out a low groan as you scrunch your eyes shut. The fluorescent lights make you want to curl in a ball and try to pretend the last hour didnβt happen. Maybe youβll get some trauma-induced amnesia and be able to forget the whole shift.
βMaking jokes. Thatβs a good sign.β His arm is wrapped round your waist, and he ushers you towards one of the trauma rooms. Once inside, he shuts the door, and dims the lights. βWhat happened out there?β
The lowered intensity already makes you feel a little better. βPatient demanding to be seen straight away. Didnβt appreciate being told no.β
βYou shouldβve got me,β He replies, voice low as he inspects the cut, earning a hiss from you. βSorry.β
βYou canβt fight my battles, Frank.β
βSure, but I couldβve fought that one.β Heβs razor-focused, hands gentle. βPutting antiseptic on now, then Iβll cover it, okay?β
You nod, and steel yourself for the cool sting. βIβm sure that would go down well with Robby. Punching patients on my behalf.β
βIβd do it,β He insists.
βI donβt doubt that,β You mumble, offering a small smile. βAre you done yet?β
βI was going to send you for a CT-β
βFrank. I do not need a CT.β
βYou hit your head!β
You scoff a little. βBarely!β
βItβs a CT or a full neuro exam. Take your pick.β
Rolling your eyes, you allow him to guide you backwards towards the pillows, until youβre horizontal. βNeuro exam, I suppose. I have too much work for a CT.β
βIβll cover you-β
βYeah, okay. And then Robby will hate me even more than he already does.β
Nonetheless, you comply, and allow him to flash a light into your eyes to check your pupillary responses, before checking every single reflex you have. Itβs a more thorough exam than you were doing in med school. βFrank, come on. This is ridiculous,β You finally call, when he begins his series of special tests - saved only for the most serious of cases.
βGotta cover all bases, sweetheart. Canβt have my best resident injured.β
βI am not your best resident,β You scoff, feeling heat rising to your cheeks.
He shoots you a look, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. βYou are hands down my best resident, are you kidding?β
βThereβs a difference between liking me as a person, and thinking Iβm your best resident.β
βOkay, fine,β He concedes. βYouβre my best resident, and my favourite person here. Happy?β
βFlirt,β You mumble, earning a deep laugh from the man beside you.
βOnly for you, honey-β Heβs cut off by his pager beeping, letting out a heavy sigh as he glances down. βDuty calls. Sit in here for fifteen, and only go back to work if youβre feeling a hundred percent. Anything less, and I want you to call me. Alright?β
You roll your eyes, but Frankβs expression is deadly serious. βI could still order a CT-β
βFine, fine! Iβll call you if I feel the slightest bit dizzy.β
βGood girl.β
You have to pretend that his words donβt make you feel light-headed as he leaves the room. Frank is absolutely off-limits. Heβs one of your superiors, and getting involved with him could fuck up your entire working experience.
Heβs also been married before, and you canβt imagine him going for an inexperienced resident whoβs spent a sizeable chunk of her life in hospital.
Youβll just have to get over this little crush.
11AM
You forget all about Beth until sheβs wheeled into North Seven, looking considerably worse than the last time you saw her. Frowning, youβre immediately checking the labs. Bloods are normal, other than a mildly elevated white cell count, and thereβs no fever. Itβs odd. Normally people with kidney stones are doubled over in pain.
Aside from the newly developed vomiting, she still insists sheβs fine.
Finally, you call Frank in. Heβs the only one you feel alright with admitting uncertainty to.
You donβt realize how tense you are until he shows up and quietly leans against the counter beside you, glancing down at the charts in your hands. Beth lies in the bed looking smaller than before, curled slightly on her side. Thereβs an sick bowl near her hand now. She keeps apologizing for it. You keep insisting itβs the least gross thing youβve seen all day.
You turn back to the computer, jaw tight.
βUltrasoundβs clean,β You say, more to yourself than to Frank. βNo hydronephrosis. No obvious stones.β
Frank gives a small nod. βOkay. What are you thinking?β
βThat should make me feel better,β You continue, scrolling. βBut it doesnβt.β
You flip through the vitals again. Still afebrile. Heart rate a little fast, but nothing dramatic. Labs next, mostly reassuring, except for the white cell count.
You glance back at Beth. Sheβs not restless. Not writhing. Just pale and tired, and probably sick of this hospital.
βSheβs vomiting,β You say slowly. βAnd she wasnβt yesterday.β
Frank shifts, but lets you keep going.
βAnd she looks worse. Not better.β You pull up the urinalysis again, your eyes slowing this time, forcing yourself not to skim.
Blood.
White cells.
Nitrites.
Your chest tightens.
βItβs not showing up,β you murmur. βMaybe the stone is tiny, but itβs infected. Which is why I didnβt see it on the ultrasound.β
Frank turns his head toward you.
βAn obstructed infection isnβt always obvious,β You continue, the words coming faster now as the picture sharpens. βNo obvious findings if the blockageβs intermittent or higher up. Ultrasound can miss it. We need to send her for a CT, and get urology down here now. I think she has pyelonephritis.β
Orders spill out of you. IV fluids. Broad-spectrum antibiotics. Urology, urgent. Frank follows them all diligently, a look that you canβt quite place in his eyes.
When you step into Bethβs room again, she looks at your face and immediately knows something has changed.
βIs something wrong?β she asks quietly.
βWe think you might be sicker than you look,β You murmur, gentler than you feel. βThereβs an infection in your kidney, and we need to take care of it properly. So weβre going to send you for a CT right away, and then get surgery down to have a chat, okay?β
She nods, trusting, even as they start preparing her for transfer. βThank you.β
You offer her as warm a smile as you can muster. βDonβt mention it.β
As the bed is wheeled away, Frank remains beside you, gaze trained on your form.
βYou figured it out,β He says.
You stare at the doorway long after it closes. βI almost let the ultrasound talk me out of it.β
βBut you listened to her,β He replies. βAnd to yourself. Thatβs what a good emergency physician does.β
You exhale, slow and shaky, then straighten your shoulders, heat blossoming through your chest.
βAnyway, I should get back to Santos, before she complains to Robby and I get yelled at. Again.β
*****
You're standing at Central doing paperwork when a hand lands on your waist, steering you towards the front door.
"What are you doing?" You frown, glancing up at Langdon. "You're supposed to have Santos today."
"Santos can take it up with Robby if she's got a problem. We've got a trauma coming in, and I need my best resident."
It's a battle to pretend that his words don't make your heart soar. Sure, he's a little bit older, and he's one of your direct superiors, but a harmless daydream never hurt anyone.
The patient is wheeled in, and Frank talks you through a cricothyroidotomy - brushing off Garcia's sneering comments.
"The kid's got it. She'll be fine."
Hands trembling a little, you focus desperately on the task at hand. Thankfully, everything goes to plan, and soon the patient is stabilised, and ready to head for surgery.
Frank is right at your back, almost enveloping you. "Good girl," He murmurs, directly into your ear, and just low enough that no one else can hear. "You'll be doing these in your sleep soon."
"I doubt it," You snort. "I could only do it because you talked me through everything."
"Guess I'll just have to make sure I'm around for them all then. Professional expertise, and all that." Finally moving away, he shoots you a wink over his shoulder.
Youβre desperately trying to force yourself to focus on the task at hand. Documenting the procedure, and the treatment plan for the nurses to follow. Suddenly, your phone dings, the distinct sound of your Outlook app, and you freeze.
It canβt be today.
You were told you wouldnβt hear back for at least two weeks, and youβd only interviewed on Monday.
Ever since tensions have risen with Robby, youβve been considering your place in medicine. More specifically, your place in the Pitt. Whether youβre really cut out for this life. Doctor Abbot had advised you against it, told you that you should stay the year and make up your mind later, but youβd still found yourself applying for a couple of residencies.
Nothing crazy.
One in Boston. One in Wilmington. One in San Diego, in case you felt like the West Coast.
Youβve only interviewed for Boston so far. The others are in the New Year.
Hands trembling, you check your emails, to be met with a resounding yes.
Weβd be delighted to offer you a position on our family medicine programme, starting on the first of February next calendar yearβ¦
Youβre not filled with excitement. Youβd rather not move city again - finding yourself starting over, when youβve barely managed to scratch the surface of Pittsburgh. But there is a deep rooted relief, at the idea that someone wants you, and can see value in the way you practice medicine.
βWhatβs that?β From nowhere, Samira appears at your back, glancing over at your phone.
βOh! Nothing,β You say, immediately scrambling to shove your phone back in your pockets. βJust a scam email.β
βHm.β She sounds entirely unconvinced, but doesnβt comment further. βWell, Langdon wants you in South 12. As usual.β
Her eyes gleam a little with the last sentence.
βShut up,β You grumble.
βWhat? I didnβt say anything!β
βYou implied, and thatβs enough.β
12PM
Santos storms up to Robby near the charting computers, face flushed and eyes bright with anger. βIs this a joke?β she snaps.
Robby looks up. βWhatβs going on?β
She doesnβt answer, instead opting to point. Down the hall, Frank is hovering by your side. Again. His hand is inches from your waist, grin crooked as he talks you through something on the board in front of you both.
βThat,β Santos says. βThatβs whatβs going on.β
Robby watches it happen, his mouth flattening. βHe left you?β
Itβs a question, but really he already knows the answer. Ever since you started working here, Frank has been afflicted with a severe case of tunnel vision. He can hardly function while youβre around. It would be endearing, if this didnβt happen every year. He fixated on a girl for a while, and then broke her heart.
Granted, the heartβs are normally broken by now, but still.
Since his divorce, Frank hasnβt been so great at holding down relationships.
βMid-presentation,β Trinity says sharply. βAgain. I was talking. He didnβt even pretend to listen, just told me to follow my gut, and ditched me for her.β
Robby exhales. βHow many times today?β
βDoes it matter?β Santos fires back.
She folds her arms tight. βI know Pageβs a second-year. I know sheβs more experienced. But Iβm his intern today. I keep getting stuck with all the shitty cases, because of him.β
Robby nods slowly. βDid you say something to him?β
βWhat, so I can look like a needy first-year?β Santos scoffs. βNo. Langdonβs never listened to a single word Iβve said. He certainly wonβt start today.β
βGo grab coffee or something,β Robby says gently. βIβll deal with it.β
Santos hesitates, then nods, jaw clenched as she walks away.
Langdon comes back a minute later, flipping through labs, clearly in a hurry, until he nearly runs into Robby.
βOh - hey,β Frank mumbles, obviously preoccupied. βIf this is about the admit in Three-β
βItβs about Santos,β Robby cuts in.
Langdon stiffens. βWhat about her?β
βYou keep leaving her,β Robby says flatly. βYouβre the senior. Sheβs your intern. Yet every time Page needs something, you disappear.β
βThatβs not fair,β Langdon says quickly. βPageβs cases are more complicated.β
βSheβs a second-year,β Robby replies. βShe should be able to wait. Or handle it herself. Your intern canβt. You need to be teaching. Not favouring.β
Langdon frowns. βIβm not favouring anyone.β
Robby raises an eyebrow. βThen why does Santos feel like she doesnβt exist?β
Frank opens his mouth, closes it. His eyes flick instinctively down the hall toward you, as you help an old lady into a wheelchair.
Robby catches it. βThere. That. Thatβs exactly what Iβm talking about.β
βIβm just trying to help Page,β Langdon insists. βShe doesnβt always speak up. Youβre hard on her.β
βAnd Santos does?β Robby shoots back. βSheβs brand new, and impulsive. She needs structure, not abandonment. Someone to work on her communication skills with her.β
βI didnβt abandon her.β
βCall it whatever you want, but she calls it favouritism.β
He bristles, eyes narrowing. βThatβs not what this is.β
βIntent doesnβt matter,β Robby says, already turning toward Central. βImpact does. And right now, your intern thinks you donβt give a damn.β
Frank follows, irritation simmering. βThis is being blown way out of proportion.β
βListen, I donβt know whatβs going on between the two of you-β Robby starts, and Frankβs brow furrows.
βWho? Page?β
β-but you cannot ignore your teaching duties for your girlfriend.β
βShe is not my-β
βAlright, not girlfriend. Friend with benefits, or whatever the kids call it these days. Hook-up, I donβt care-β
βPlease donβt ever say the word hook-up again,β Frank groans.
βYouβve run enough staff members out of this hospital,β Robby warns, continuing the walk to Central to inspect the admissions list.
Frank follows, trying to fight the outrage building in his chest. βThat is not true-β
βCailey in neuro?β
βShe got a fellowship at Hopkins!β
βHm, yeah. Right after you dumped her for Madeline in geriatrics. Who you then dumped for Calista in admin. Who got shafted for Valerie in respiratory. All of whom, coincidentally, no longer work at this hospital anymore.β
βThatβs not my fault!β Frank protests. βAnd besides, Page and I are not sleeping together.β
βItβs not not your fault. And even if youβre not fuckingβ¦ itβs crystal clear you want to.β
βThatβs beside the point,β He huffs, eyes darting around the Pitt to make sure youβre nowhere near. Heβd rather die than let you overhear this conversation.
βDo not hurt her,β Robby says firmly, drawing Frankβs attention back to him. βSheβs had a rough transition. Complicating things wonβt help.β
βYeah, no thanks to you! She thinks you hate her-β
βI donβt hate her. I just want her to do well. She has potential, but she-β
β-needs to be more assertive,β Frank parodies, rolling his eyes. βYeah, I know. She knows. Itβs all you ever fucking say to her. She tried that today, and she got punched. So Iβm not sure how good your advice is.β
1PM
The nurses think theyβre subtle with the gossiping. Theyβre not, but by some miracle you donβt hear it. The comments passed between Perlah and Princess every time you and Frank interact. The knowing looks that Dana throws Robby on each staff night out, when Frank never fails to gravitate towards you as the night wears on.
Theyβre half-surprised that neither of you have found the betting board, shoved in one of the lounge cupboards.
Santos. $20. Theyβre already fucking, but it ends when he breaks her heart.
Samira. $10. Theyβve been secretly dating since they met, and theyβre screwing with us all.
Skipper. $30. Havenβt met Page, but she seems too good for him - they date for a while and then she leaves him for someone better looking and more successful :)
Abbot. $50. They get together before Robby gets another girlfriend
McKay. $15. He screws things up somehow
Pulse. $5. Leave them both alone!
Dana. $50. Theyβre pining for each other - will get together before this year is out.
*****
Your pager goes off. Paeds. Unresponsive.
Youβre already moving by the time the words finish registering, feet carrying you through hallways you could navigate blind. Robby and Frank are there when you arrive, sleeves pushed up, expression solemn as Skipper reads off vitals.
They wheel her in fast, followed by an anxious father and a terrified father.
You wish you could bring them some comfort, but thereβs nothing to be done. Not when their daughterβs life is on the line.
Sheβs small. Too small. Limbs thin to the point of fragility, chest barely moving. Someone says anorexia, says cardiac arrest, says ROSC, and your brain files it all away with brutal efficiency.
Your eyes catch on the teddy bear clutched in her hands.
As they move to transfer her, her fingers loosen. The bear slips free and hits the floor, landing on its side in the chaos. No one notices. No one can.
Something twists in your chest.
Not now.
You step in without being asked. Your voice stays even as you call out vitals, as you move where youβre needed, as your hands do exactly what theyβve been trained to do. Tubes, monitors, numbers that refuse to feel abstract when the patient looks like this. When she looks like a child who should be worrying about spelling tests, not dying.
Robby looks at you once, quick and sharp. βYou with me?β
βYes,β you say, and this time itβs true enough.
You donβt look at the bear again. You donβt think you can.
But despite everything - the compressions, the meds, the desperate coordinationβ¦ she doesnβt make it.
The monitor flatlines.
Robby curses under his breath. The team goes still. An anguished cry escapes from her motherβs lips, while her father can do nothing but stare, eyes darting between the doctors, as if imploring them to do more.
Thereβs a sudden commotion. A bustle of people, as the parents rush out in a flurry of sobs, Robby and Kiara on their heels. Trying to find them a room for their grief, when itβs too much to be in the same room as their dead daughter.
When itβs over, when the room finally empties, when the chaos recedes, you bend and pick up the teddy bear from the floor. Itβs lighter than it should be. Thatβs when your hands start to shake.
Just a little.
And then the tears come.
2PM
Itβs like somebodyβs crushing your chest, as you start to gasp for breath. The bear sits discarded in the corner, itβs eyes boring deep into your soul. You think you might die if Robby sees you like this. If anybody, other than Frank, sees it.
Short, sharp breaths arenβt enough to fill your lungs, and you can see Frankβs brow furrow as he crosses, the room. βHey, youβre alright, Iβve got you.β
His voice is low, murmured just for you, and he pulls you in tightly. The embrace helps a little, but you can still feel tears start to trickle down your cheeks. A wave of shame washes over you.
This is what comes with the territory.
Death.
You donβt know what it is about this case thatβs bothered you so much. Itβs always hardβ¦ losing people, but the idea of continuing on with your shift right now makes you want to bawl.
Maybe itβs time you consider that offer from Mass General. If you switched now, you could be trained in family medicine before you hit thirty-five. A fresh start, away from a boss that hates you and a senior resident who youβre so painfully in love with that you can barely function.
Frankβs glancing outside, making sure the coast is clear, before he laces his fingers through yours, and pulls you out into the corridor, and into one of the supply closets. Face burning, youβre endlessly grateful nobodyβs around to watch you fall apart like this.
βI-I-β You begin, but your voice cuts off in another sob.
βSweetheart,β Frank mumbles, thumb catching your tears as he gives you a quick once-over. βCome on. Breathe with me. Itβs okay.β
In vain, you try and follow his breathing patterns, but youβre still too worked up. βI donβt think I-Iβm meant to be here,β You finally manage.
βWhat do you mean?β
βHere. The Pitt. Emergency medicine. I donβt know. All of the above. R-Robby was right, and I think maybe I need to think about Boston-β
βWoah,β Frank interjects. βWhat the hell does Boston have to do with any of this?β
Eventually, you pause, Frankβs hands settling on your forearms. His grip is tight, as if heβs scared youβre going to disappear from under him.
This had not been how you planned on breaking the news to him. Hell, you still arenβt even sure youβre going to take it. But itβs looking better and better as an option each day. βI applied for a family medicine residency at Massachusetts General - I got an offer through this morning.β
βWha- but, why? I thought you liked the ER? Thought you were settling in?β
βCome on, Frankie. You know Iβm not cut out for this-β
βBullshit - is this about Robby this morning? Because heβs just in a shitty mood because of Pulse. Nothing else. He hasnβt been laid in a really long time, and-β
βItβs not Robby, itβs me - I mean, god, just today Iβve been hit, yelled at, and cried over a patient Iβd known for fifteen minutes.β
βYeah, and that empathy is why youβre a hell of a doctor,β Frank argues. βThis ER needs you so badly, honey, and Iβm so sorry youβve been made to feel otherwise.β
When you donβt reply, he storms on.
βDonβt go to Boston. Stay here. Please.β
βI donβt know that thereβs anything for me here,β You whisper, eyes shining as you meet his gaze.
βIβm here.β Heβs never sounded so firm, lip between his teeth as he watches for any changes in your expression.
A silence falls between you both, chests still heaving, before he makes a sudden movement. When he kisses you, the air is sucked from your lungs for a very different reason. Hands fisting in Frankβs scrub top, itβs all you can do just to stay upright.
Initially slow, it doesnβt take long to build to tongue and teeth, your breaths coming in sharp gasps as he presses you against the counter.
βFrank,β You whimper, barely pausing as you melt into his touch. His knee slots between your thigh, anchoring you to him. His hands drop to your waist, pulling you to him as tightly as possible. Heβs everywhere, and itβs somehow not enough.
It feels like a lifetime before he finally pulls back, breathing heavily as he rests his forehead against yours. βCanβt tell you how long Iβve wanted to do that for.β
βIβd actually really like to know how long youβve wanted to do it for,β You mumble, letting out a laugh when he starts to pepper kisses across your face.
βSince about thirty minutes after you arrived on your first day.β
βWell, I think Iβve got you beat then, because Iβve wanted to do that since the second I met you.β
He kisses you once more, soft and slow as he moulds against you. βYouβre incredible.β
βShut up,β You scoff, but heβs immediately shaking his head.
βItβs true! I donβt lie.β
βYou lie all the time. To Trinity, about not eating her bagel when you did, to Robby when you said you had plans and couldnβt cover, to Whitak-β
βAlright, alright, I lie a little. But not to you. Never to you.β
Someone walks past the closet, making you jump. Turns out, itβs very easy for the world to shrink down to just you and Frank. βWe should uhβ¦ we should get back out there.β
βYeah, of course,β He nods, finally taking a step back. βShould really get back to Santos.β
He makes a face, and you have to bite back a laugh. βSheβs not that bad.β
βTo you, maybe. She hates me.β
βAnd whoβs fault is that?β You both make for Central, smiles dropping when you see everybody gathered around the phone.
Frankβs at your heel, a hand resting on your lower back. It appears that subtlety is not his strong suit. βWhatβs going on?β
Robbyβs expression is grave. βA bomb just went off at the New Yearβs celebration - weβre the closest, weβll be getting most of the casualties.β
You think you might be sick.
3PM
You get fragments of details, ricocheting round the ER from various sources. At Pittsburghβs biggest gathering for New Yearβs, which usually lasts all day, there had been a bomb. Right in the middle of the city centre.
Thereβs no telling how many casualties youβll have yet.
The police think it was a suicide bomber. Beyond that, thereβs nothing.
Just confusion, where nobody knows exactly whatβs going on.
The first wave hits like a wall.
Abbot, Shen and Ellis have all made their way in to help out. Robbyβs taken triage, while Shen runs reds with you, Cassie and Samira, while Abbot floats. Frankβs on pinks with Whitaker, while the other residents spread out across the less severe cases.
You barely have time to breathe before a stretcher is pushed into your bay, Skipperβs partner rattling off details as you fall into step beside her. Early twenties. Found near the blast radius. Breathing fast, skin clammy, pupils blown wide with shock.
You take over automatically.
βHi there,β you say, voice steady even as your heart hammers. βYouβre at Pittsburgh General. Iβm one of the doctors, and I need you to keep your eyes on me, okay? Weβre going to treat you as best we can.β
Airwayβs clear. Breathing shallow but present. Pulse fast, thready
You call for fluids. Oxygen. Get a pressure cuff on.
Eventually, she stabilises. Itβs still not wonderful - sheβs covered in burns that plastics are going to have a field day with, but you can send her to the surgeons to make that happen.
Thereβs no time to dwell on it.
The next patient is worse. Middle-aged, unresponsive, brought in with CPR already in progress. Skipperβs perched on top of his stretcher, working furiously. Jack is at her back, a hand hovering to keep her steady with each twist and turn of the gurney. Someone calls out the time down. Three minutes. Your heart constricts, but youβre already snapping gloves on, reaching for a defibrillator.
βContinue compressions,β You order, sharper than you mean to. βLetβs get pads on.β
Abbot takes over from Skipper, allowing her to get back out to the ambulance. You glance at him, in case he wants to take over, lead the case. All you get is a reassuring nod. βAll yours, kid. Iβm at your disposal.β
The room narrows to rhythm and timing. Pause for breaths, then compressions start again as you place each pad.
βCharging. Clear!β
You clear back, heart in your throat. The shock lands, the body jolting once before going still again.
For a split second, nothing happens.
Thenβ¦ βPulse.β
Itβs faint, but itβs there.
The relief is dizzying, almost painful. You steady yourself against the bed as the room surges back into motion. Airway secured, lines placed, vitals shouted aloud. Jack claps you on the back, and you snap back to work.
This patient wonβt need surgery, thankfully. Just a stay in critical care to check brain activity.
You catch Frankβs eye from across the bay; he gives you a sharp nod, pride flickering through the exhaustion while he works on an elderly man, missing a leg.
The third stretcher comes in a flurry of noise, as she crashes en route from the front door to Central.
CPR is started, with you on compressions this time.
But this feels different to the last. Something low in your gut tells you that this woman isnβt surviving.
You spend ten minutes on CPR. Longer than Robby would have liked, youβre aware. But heβs still outside directing patients, and you canβt quite bring yourself to stop.
Time of death is called, and the words sit heavy in the air. You swallow hard, forcing yourself to stay upright, to stay professional as the team disperses. Thereβs a name on the chart. Someone who came here to celebrate and didnβt get to leave.
Someone who doesnβt get to see the new year.
You step back, hands curling into fists at your sides.
Frank appears without a word. He doesnβt touch you, not here, but he doesnβt leave either. Itβs fleeting. You both have endless patients to get to. But itβs grounding. βYou okay?β He asks quietly.
You nod. Then shake your head. Then nod again. βThereβs more coming,β You say, voice tight.
βI know,β he replies. βYouβre doing great.β
You draw in a breath, square your shoulders, and turn back toward the noise.
Two saved. One lost.
4PM
The patient comes in already shouting.
Mid-thirties, male, reeking of alcohol and stinking of marijuana. Heβs bleeding, a head wound and maybe a forearm, but itβs the way his eyes track the room that sets you on edge.
Fight-or-flight tipped violently toward fight.
Somehow he lands in your bay, Skipper throwing you a guilty look as she drops him off. "Sorry. I'd give him to Frank, but he's elbow deep in some guy's guts right now. Told him to get his ass over to you as soon as he was done though."
"Don't worry about it," You reply, smile tight, as you turn to the patient.
βSir, I need you to stay on the stretcher,β You say, calm and even, hands raised just enough to be non-threatening. βWeβre here to help you.β
βI donβt need help,β He snaps, trying to sit up. βI need you to get your hands off me.β
βI havenβt touched you,β You reply gently, already signaling for Ahmad with a glance. Except, the ER is so full of noise that nobody's paying any attention.
He doesnβt like that.
He swings his legs off the bed, movements sloppy but forceful.
Blood drips onto the floor, dark and slick under the harsh lights. The smell of iron hangs in the air, mixing with the weed. It's somehow worse than the burning flesh smell.
βSir-β You start.
He shoves you.
Itβs sudden enough that you donβt have time to brace. Your heel slides in the pool of blood, traction lost, and for a split second all you can see is the floor rushing up to meet you.
A hand clamps around your waist.
Strong. Steady.
Frank.
He yanks you back against him, arm locked tight around your middle as you regain your footing. Your back hits his chest, solid and real, and you gasp.
βThatβs enough,β Frank says, voice low. βYou do not touch her.β She is trying to help you."
Ahmad rushes in after that, hands on the patient as he makes another swing at you both. He keeps yelling, but heβs already being moved, already no longer your problem.
You'd put money on him being taken to Abbot.
There's nothing he likes more than taking down obnoxious men a few pegs.
Frank doesnβt let go right away.
βYou okay?β He murmurs, pitched just for you, thumb flexing once at your side like he needs the reassurance that youβre still upright.
βYeah,β You say, though your heart is racing hard enough to make your ears ring. βYeah, Iβm okay.β
He releases you reluctantly, eyes scanning you head to toe with barely restrained panic before he steps back. Re-thinking his movement, he presses a quick kiss to your temple before moving towards the hallway. "Can't have two concussions in one day, sweetheart. You'd think we abuse you."
βLangdon,β Robbyβs voice cuts in. βYouβre needed out front - take triage for a little bit.β
Frank hesitates, looking at you.
βIβm good,β You repeat, more firmly this time, offering as much of a smile as you're able.
He nods once and goes, jaw clenched tight.
You look down.
Thereβs blood on your shoe. Not yours.
Thereβs no time to spiral.
The next patient crashes minutes later. Hypotensive. Internal bleeding suspected. Everything moves fast. Walsh is at your side, as you try and figure out how to proceed.
βWeβre losing her,β someone says.
"She needs a chest tube," You breathe, leaping into action before Walsh can talk you out of it.
*****
Robby finds you by the desk a few minutes later, when the lull finally begins. There are still patients being brought in regularly, but it's not as fraught anymore.
With most of the patients stabilised, everyone's allowing themselves to breathe a little easier.
βYou did good today - handled the pressure well,β He says.
You glance up, surprised. βI just did what needed doing.β
He studies you for a moment, then sighs. βI was hard on you earlier. With the lumbar puncture. Withβ¦ everything.β He rubs a hand over his face. βThat was unfair.β
You donβt answer right away. Youβre still coming down, still replaying everything in your head.
βYou have real potential here. And it was just... so infuriating that you weren't making the most of that,β Robby continues. βYou trusted your instincts today. That matters. And it shows that you're meant to be here.β
βThank you,β you say quietly.
5PM
βShit!β You curse, as the final patient of the night manages to spray blood directly across your face. Just your luck.
Frankβs at your side immediately, the way you can tell heβs been itching to be all night. With all the chaos of the last few hours, youβve barely been able to keep track of each other. βYou okay?β
βBloody. But fine.β
Robby emerges from Central, eyes darting between you both. βIβve got this one. Go get cleaned up. You both did good work today. Donβt want to keep you here any longer than necessary.
You flash Robby a grateful smile, hoping that this is the beginning of some kind of truce.
The exhaustion is beginning to seep into your bones, and youβre easily pliable under Frankβs arms as he guides you towards the staff lounge, currently deserted. He clicks the door shut behind you, and reaches up into the cupboards above the sink.
βLong day,β You sigh, resting against the counter, eyes fluttering closed. βAnd a shitty end to the New Year.β
βSaved a lot of people though,β Frank counters, positioning you so that he can clean you. His expression is focused, lip between his teeth as he dabs at your face with a cloth.
βDo I look like an extra from The Walking Dead?β You murmur, trying not to imagine how difficult itβs going to be to get the blood out of your hair. So much for a new start going into the new year.
βYouβre too pretty to be on The Walking Dead,β He replies, and you roll your eyes.
βLiar.β
βItβs true!β He protests. βClose your eyes for a sec-β The cloth brushes across your eyelids, as Frank lets out a small hum. βThere. Thatβs you.β
You offer him a grateful smile. βThanks.β
βYeah, no problem.β His voice is quiet, almost contemplative, his hand still hovering near your cheek.
A sudden wave of self-consciousness rushes through you. You havenβt looked in a mirror since midday- god knows what you look like right now. βWhat?β
βJust thinking,β He shrugs, discarding the cloth before his other hand pushes a stray hair from your face.
βAboutβ¦?β You trail off, arching an eyebrow.
βHow I really donβt want you to go to Boston. How I think youβre perfect in Emergency Medicine. How much Iβd like to kiss you again.β
A smile spreads across your face. Itβs been the worst shift of your life, hands down, and yet youβre not sure youβve ever been happier. βAre you just thinking about it or are you actually going to make a move?β
βSomeoneβs impatient,β Frank murmurs, before his hands drop to your waist and he pulls you in, kissing you deeply.
Itβs softer than the first kiss - less desperate. Your hands fist his scrub top, and you sigh into his movements. Thereβs none of the usual early awkwardness - trying to work out the dynamic, the push and pull. Itβs like you and Frank have been doing this for years.
Finally, he pulls back a little, resting his forehead against yours.
βPity itβs not midnight,β You breathe, and he lets out a low laugh.
βWeβll just have to do it again, then.β
βVery smooth, Langdon.β
βAnd Boston?β Thereβs an air of nerves to his tone, like heβs not quite sure where he stands. Where you both stand. Together.
βYou can decline the offer right now, if you want.β
The door to the office swings open, and you both leap apart as Dana sticks her head in. βDonβt mind me,β She starts. βJust need a pen.β
Once the door closes again, you worry that the moment is ruined. That today is just going to go down as an almost. Instead, Frank speaks. βDo you have plans tonight?β
You wish you could say you did. But in a new city, you havenβt quite managed the friends thing yet. Omaha to Pennsylvania is a long way, and your plans had involved a glass of wine, and a viewing of When Harry Met Sally. Lip between your teeth, you shake your head.
βCome out with me,β He urges.
βTo do what?β
βAnything. Iβll pick you up at eight - we can go get drinks, catch a firework show, whatever you want.β
Itβs the easiest decision of your life. βOkay, yeah,β You smile. βThat sounds fun. I uh, I donβt have my car, though. Might take me a little bit to get home.β
His jaw drops a little. βYou walked?β
βSeemed like a good idea at the time,β You shrug.
βOkay, well. Change of plans. Iβm going to drive you home, and then go get changed myself, and come back to pick you up.β
βYou donβt have to do that,β You start, but Frank is immediately shaking his head.
βDonβt bother, sweetheart. Sweeping you off your feet does not involve a two mile walk home in the dark. Iβm driving.β
6PM
Danaβs been aware of you both all day. Aside from being Charge Nurse, and her duty to keep track of the staff, sheβs been paying extra special attention to you and Frank Langdon.
Even if she hadnβt walked in on you both about to jump each other, she wouldβve noticed the shift. Normally after traumas, youβre withdrawn and quiet. A little aloof with everybody, even Frank.
Tonight, your demeanour is relaxed, and the smile hasnβt left your face as you follow Frank out of the hospital.
Frank isnβt much better. His body has been angled towards you, ever since you both emerged from the supply closet, and his fingers keep twitching, as if heβs suppressing the urge to reach out for you.
She has a feeling she might be collecting some money from Perlah tomorrow - the two of them have had an ongoing bet about whether Robby or Frank will get their act together first. Perlah had been firmly Team Robby, on the grounds that heβs been pining for the night-shift charge nurse for literal years, and surely he couldnβt drag this out much longer.
Dana, on the other hand, always knew that Frank had it in him.
Heβs afforded the luxury of being mildly less fucked up than Robby, and heβs in very close proximity to you on almost every shift.
Knowing thereβs some money coming her way from the betting pool helps too.
The eyes never lie, and the two of you have been gone for each other since day one.
She does see the irony in a very occasion for you both sprouting from a hellish shift, but she figures someone deserves to be happy tonight.
Danaβs gaze follows your figures out to Frankβs car, and she has to bite back a smile when he leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, before opening the door for you.
Maybe theyβll all get a Pitt wedding before long.
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