Some obits from the casualties of the Breck Mall Battle (see yesterdayโs article).
Private Skully Deadnuts - a valiant soldier, he fought to the very end as he did in life; testicular cancer took him the the first life, and in the second he was also taken down by a dick (Dickie Johnson was the fuckboy to deliver the final blow).
Private Smithy Bone Bone - named for the skeleton king, Smithy was just as brave; his second life ended when he used his last rib to take down a fuckboy through the eye.
General Ryan Coccyx - an outstanding member of the Skeleton Army, this commander went down in covering the retreat of several skeleton civilians. While all the civilians made it out, he did not, earning eternal glory in his second death by protecting innocents.
General Rhonda Goode - General Goode quickly rose through the ranks, still retaining her first lifeโs name; and she was quite Goode at slaughtering fuckboys, having over 153 confirmed kills in the Breck Mall Battle alone. She was finally taken out when a baseball bat was thrown at her, shattering her skull and displacing most of her abdomen. Despite this, she managed to release one final shot to kill the fuckboy, a classic case of DNR - Deals Necrotic Revenge.