#circumlocution

If you're used to "saving" or "conquering" the challenges in the connections that you have with others, it will be extremely easy to fall into this dynamic.

You don't realize it at first, but you lose yourself in the relationship because you constantly try to "fix" the other person. You see what they are doing and because you understand the inner workings of it all, you feel as if you have the power to change it.

This mindset pulls you into a black hole that you don't even see coming. The more you pour into this connection, the more you find youself becoming lost in the confusion. Lost in the deluge of word salads, ever-changing emotions and feelings, and eventually, not really knowing what to expect as you try to navigate the relationship in a way that you know is normal.

An emotionally immature person will try to convince you that how they are showing up in the relationship is completely normal. That you have to tiptoe around their "triggers" and their landmine filled mental and emotional landscape.

The thing is, this isn't your responsibility in the least bit. You deserve to feel free and comfortable in the relationship. No, this does not mean that you will intentionally disrespect or hurt another person in a connection that you have. But it does mean that you will be accepted for who you are, how you show up, and for what you bring to the table.

You deserve to be in connections where you are able to be approached if an issue arises without the circumlocution from the other person. This looks like them approaching you with an issue, you giving them the reassurance, explanation, or reasoning, only for them to continue coming back with analyses of every little word or phrase that you give them. "But you said, and that made me feel..." "But you did and that meant, which made me feel or do..."

The list goes on and on. This is indicative on a wound within them that can't just allow things to be calm and stable. They have to create chaos, conflict, and confusion just to feel normal.

My friend Sir Walter posed an interesting question the other day. (Yes, I have a friend called “Sir Walter.” Doesn’t everyone?) He said, “I know that a statement that must be logically true is a tautology. However, what about a sentence that is logically always a lie?” Is there a word for that? 

A common example of a tautology would be the overused and often infuriating, “It is what it is.” So, is there a word for “It is what it isn’t?” 

Well, there’s a word for most everything, and the first answer that sprang to my mind was, “The word for a sentence that is always a lie is, of course, Trumpspeak.” 

But I figured Wally would want more than just a glib answer, however brilliant it might be. So I suggested “circumambages.” That’s the Word of the Day. 

“Circumambages” means, according to Merriam-Webster, “instances of indirectness or deviousness in speaking or writing; circumlocutions.” And for the record, “circumlocution” might work just as well as an answer to Wally’s question. It’s a great word, and it contains exactly what it says on the box: speech (locution, a particular form of expression or phrasing) that goes around and around (that’s the “circum” part, the same way that a “circumference” is the boundary that goes around a circle) without ever getting to the point. Just like a good deal of my writing. 

“Circumambages,” however, is what I like to call a real two-dollar word. It’s almost always seen in the plural form. (That is, one does not often see a single circumambage running around in nature). The “circum” part still means “around,” and the “ambages” means “to drive.” It also means “bluntly” in modern French. If you plug a single French “ambage” into the Bing translator app, the English translation is “paltering.” I wrote about paltering a couple of years ago. It basically means “lying by telling the truth,” or using truthful facts to deceive someone. 

So, Sir Walter, here’s the bottom line, if I may paraphrase the old saying, “Circumambages can travel around the world while the truth is still putting its boots on.”

Todays Word Of The Day is: Circumlocution