#chemoproblems

Well. Everything was negative/normal. We are still waiting on culture results but they take a lot longer. His fever is down to 99 and his headache is gone. They said they'll give him another round of antibiotics and then we can go home. It's very frustrating that he keeps getting these headaches and fever and we can't point to anything causing the fever. For now, we are exhausted and can't wait to sleep. 😴 Thanks to any of you early risers/night owls who prayed for us! -- #ERvisit #Crushcancerroundtwo #ihatethattumor #braincancer #stupidcancer #jpa #brainstemtumor #stupidbraincancer #warrior #judahfinn #judahfthacker #chemosucks #oncology #chemo #chemoproblems (at East Tennessee Children's Hospital)

#crushcancerroundtwo #chemoproblems #Ihatethattumor #braincancer #stupidcancer #jpa #brainstemtumor #stupidbraincancer #warrior #judahfinn #judahfthacker #thankfulwehomeschool #homeschool (at Knoxville, Tennessee)

🍭Coconut sugar🍭 One of the hardest things for me to give up throughout treatment was sugar. Anyone that knows me, knows how much chocolate I can eat! So whenever I needed a sugar fix, I used coconut sugar instead. Coconut sugar is less bad than normal sugar, but of course is still a sugar so should be used sparingly. Regular cane sugar doesn't contain any nutrients, whereas coconut sugar retains nutrients found in the coconut palm. Coconut sugar is made from the sap of the coconut palm that has been extracted and dehydrated. It is a light brown colour and has more of a caramel taste. The most notable nutrients found in the sugar include: iron, zinc, calcium and potassium, however you would have to eat a ton of the sugar to get these in meaningful amounts. Raw coconut sugar has a low glycemic index making it a healthier alternative, but of course it is still a sugar so is high in fructose. You can use coconut sugar in hot and cold drinks, and for cooking and baking. *coconut sugar cake recipe on my next blog* #cancersucks #fuckcancer #sweettooth #chemoproblems #coconutsugar

It's so long but noticeably more thin... I'm gonna just shave it off... heartbreaking stuff. #chemoproblems #bummervacation2k14

🌅🌆Que cenário para terminar o dia! Foi um mimo do Pai especial p/ eu me recuperar de dias com enxaqueca! Até na dor eu vejo a Tua beleza.-------------------------That scenario to end the day! It was a father's special treat I am recovered from days with intense pain in the ass! Even in pain I see your beauty. #sunset #nofiltrer #recovery #peace #faith #cancercantstopme #cancerbefore30 #chemoproblems #bestrong #ibelieve #healing #miracle #GodBeauty #JesusandMe #Godismystrong #grace -

So today was a chemo day. And so that means I can't sleep. I'm tired. I'm tired but can't fall asleep, just lay in bed. That's not a good thing. Why you ask? Because tonight on my mind is my daughters sperm donor. That's the nicest thing I can call him and yet I miss him. But things ended badly. From love to hate. How does that happen? He said I changed. I had a 6 month baby, told I had stage IV TNBC with mets to liver. That I may not make it to 5 year mark. So yes that changes person. How can it not?!? And yet you weren't there when I needed you the most. Instead you blamed me for changing, for not being in out lives. But the truth is that you're. Weak person that couldn't handle the situation so it was easier to leave. How could you abandon your daughter? That I will never understand and never forgive. Yet here I am missing you. I cry and remember the good times. Then I want to hurt you like you hurt me for what you did to us, my daughter doesn't deserve that. She deserves better. She is loved and has everything she needs no thanks to you. So why do I still miss you? Why does part me of me still love you? Why can't I just let it all go?!? To make peace with what happened? I blame chemo for my breakdown tonight.

So I'm hooked up for my 6th chemo infusion. Labs look good and my tumor markers are going down so taking that as a good sign that Earl is dying. And that dramatic SOB is making a big production about it also. But I will take the pain as long as it means that the chemo is killing you. I will be back at MD Anderson next week to get my ct scans and other tests. Then I will meet my drs and see what's going on. Earl is not the only issue. At 33 I have to start thinking about getting my ovaries removed, possible hysterectomy. So not looking forward to that discussion but if it will prolong my life I will do it. And the first person to tell me that I can adopt kids or something along those lines will get punched in the throat! Seriously I don't need to hear about all that. Or that I should be happy that I have my daughter. Quick karate chop to the throat will stop all the shit I don't want to hear. What you shouldn't say to someone who will not be able to have kids.

So okay I shouldn't complain about the acne and heartburn this chemo is giving me bc things can be worse. But damn it I can't even look at the mirror bc of how horrible my chin and nose area look. I've tried the gel dr gave me, my regular acne stuff, and aloe but nothing seems to work! Not Inly that but it itches and bleeds a lil. Sigh I just have to suck it up, put on my big girl panties and deal with it. So other than that I'm doing good. The acupuncture has helped with the fatigue but I've noticed that I get sleepy during the day. I know it sounds weird but those are ago very different feelings. Either way trying to get more sleep but working 9 and then my baby girl I don't get enough. Even now I feel guilty about laying in bed writing this post while she's with my mom watching tv in their room. I worry about that I'm not spending enough time with her. This past weekend I was off so I got to spend it all with her. I miss those days when it was just her and me at our old apt. Back when her father loved us. Before BC (breast cancer) so bc I'm a single mom I try to give her everything I can. My sister and mom have taken then responsibility of Caring for her when I'm sick or at work. Should anything happen to me my sister will get full custody and raise her. Since the spineless coward wanted nothing to so with my baby girl not even pay child support I asked him to terminate his parental rights. He did so willingly. It hurt but if he can't be a responsible MAN then my daughter doesn't need him in her life. We both need strong ppl who love us and will be there for is. He proved he wasn't that man. So I am thankful for all the family and friends who stayed in my life an offer their love and support. Some ppl don't have that and I'm blessed that I do. Wen thankful for the damn acne!!! :-)