#chebon

He's not even mad at me and he still thinks I'm wonderful. He knows when I get the way I do with my anger and the snapping at people that it's the bipolar, not me. So he never takes anything I say when I'm having an episode to heart because he just waits until I calm down and tell me that everything's gonna be just fine and that he's never gonna stop loving me no matter what.

And I just on the phone sobbing about how I hate myself for who I am at times and how I hate my bipolar because it makes me such a goddamn mental freak.

And you know what he tells me?

"You're not mental and you're not crazy. You're just so stressed from all the bad things that you've been going through. And I love you no matter what."

I have the most amazing guy any girl could have and I feel like I don't deserve him because I'm a fucked up fuck up.

I want to marry this boy. 

For better or worse, in sickness [that's me obviously lol] and in health.

For forever more.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Chebon. 

His scent, his warmth, that way he pulls me in closer to him so we can cuddle. 

It's 10 minutes to 5:00am and I honestly won't bother going back to sleep.

I'll just get ready in about 20 minutes so that way I have more time to do makeup that's a bit more time consuming and not have to worry about being late. 

So excited.

So nervous.

So much trembling and shaking.

That's how I can tell I've missed him so much, even though I never have any doubt about that kind of thing anyway.