#changedforlife

Had an absolute blast front row at @allelitewrestling ! & if we're being honest, I dont think I want a view wrestling live any other way now! #changedforlife Thanks @aewontnt for an amazing night!!! #aew #allelitewrestling #aewboston #bryandanielson #cmpunk #theelite #sting #shida #codyrhodes #innercircle #Jericho #chrisjericho #orangecassidy #krisstatlander #moxley #jonmoxley #allelite (at Agganis Arena) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVlOSwivHw6/?utm_medium=tumblr

The walking tour of #valparaíso blew my mind!! It made me realize that I need to keep traveling in my lifetime for as long as I can, as soon as I can so I can live in a beautiful place like this for longer than two days! #changedforlife #livethedream #reelwicked #chile #valparaíso #southamerica #dowhatyoulove #lifeisshort #beautifulsights

Everyone always raves about drugs and how unbelievably exciting or amazing they are. Trust me, I used to be the same always wanting a dose to kill off not only the brain cells but the pain that I never really wanted to exactly cope with, my demons. Drugs made me actually get along with all of these fucking demons that would consume my thoughts and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit. I always beat myself up for the way things were and why they were that way. I could of stopped the shit in the past, you know? Why didn't I? Anyways, several years later from the day I started I have consumed over hundreds of pills, smoked a shit ton of weed, all the cigarettes I have poisoned my lungs with and the alcohol that has slowly been killing my system or my liver in that case. I honestly look back to the day where I started and compare myself before to now. I would say it's been a good 5 years of doing all of this shit. Recently, I have been feeling so fucking lost. I mean after getting bored with the things I was doing, I wanted to up it. I thought I would be okay. So, I did acid for the first time. Let me tell you, if you are not ready or comfortable with your surrounding or yourself, do NOT drop that acid. I was put in the hospital because of my stupid selfish decision and lost tons of friends because I embarrassed myself. I had suicidal thoughts that night, wasn't able to sleep or eat because of the guilt and the thoughts that were in my head. People thought I would have came back mentally challenged, a fried brain. A vegetable. Although I didn't (luckily), but...I came back different. It has been over fucking five months since I was in the hospital from dropping acid and till this VERY day I have had suicidal thoughts, thinking I have no one, thinking that everyone hates me, all the things that were running in my head that night, is still with me. It makes me feel like I'm lost, I can't even look at weed the same anymore, I get so depressed at times, something has changed within in me and I don't even know who that girl is when I look in the mirror but yet she follows my exact movement. No expression, no joy. What was once light is now dark.