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iโm tired of the narrative that rhysand is the perfect mate when he literally is no better than tamlin.
iโm tired of people thinking itโs okay that Cassian never, NEVER, truly sticks up for Nesta at any point in the story.
iโm tired of Azriel getting a pass for feeling entitled to Elain but Lucien is a walking devil all for accidentally blurting out sheโs his mate during a bad time and trying to respect Elainโs space while still showing her kindness.
iโm tired of Rhysand and the IC getting a pass for their shady behavior, especially when it comes to the pregnancy plot line. they shouldโve told her when they knew, no they werenโt keeping it from her โfor her health!!!โ they were stripping feyre of her autonomy, the same with nesta.
iโm tired of Elain being seen as a child.
iโm tired of everyone vilifying Nesta.
iโm tired of Rhysand and the IC being extended empathy for their past and even current actions but that same forgiveness isnโt given to anyone else. people seem to forget rhysand is supposed to be morally gray, heโs done bad things for the sake of doing bad, he is not the perfect goody-goody in a dark color palette.
iโm tired of people forgetting Feyre (and any other pov characters) is an unreliable narrator.
iโm tired of people acting like Nesta and Feyre arenโt the different sides of the same coin.
iโm tired of people pretending the IC wouldnt have reacted differently had it been feyre to give โxโ away in CC3.
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Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
โYou remind me of the wind. โHe tried to explain. โPowerful and able to cool or freeze with half a thought, shaping the world itself though no one can see you. Only your impact on things. ๐ฅ
Summary: Spending time with your mother unsurprisingly leaves your heart bleeding once more. But at the end of the day, your boyfriend's arms are here to hold you and put your heart back together.
Word count: 1.3k words
Warnings: Unedited, angst with comfort, abusive relationship with a parent, mental abuse, description of a panic attack (Ruhn guiding you through it like the prince charming he is ๐ฅฐ)
Dividers made by @tsunami-of-tears โค๏ธ
Have fun! <3
You stared at your boyfriend's text message for long minutes, your fingers still too shaky to do anything more than hold your phone.
It had been almost two hours since he'd last sent this message. You had spent the night with your mom, again, because your heart cannot seem to understand how much damage these encounters with her causes to your brain.
Spending time with your mother could go many different ways. Maybe that's why your emotions took over every time she offered to spend time with you. Stupid hope made you accept every time she asked, even though she ended up breaking your heart and mentally destroying you most of the time.
Sometimes, when she was in a good mood, the two of you could have the best of times together. You two would talk, laugh, share snacks while watching a showโฆ What mothers and daughters do together, you know. But Urd help you when she was in a bad mood.
Your mother had never lifted a finger on you, ever. But sometimes, when she threw at you her most heinous remarks or/and insults, you wished you would've felt the pain of a slap instead of this mental violence.
You had left the house tonight. She had crossed the line. You told her you would be leaving if she continued to scream and call you the most imaginative hurtful names someone could imagine, and yet she didn't stop. Called you an ungrateful bitch as you closed the door behind you.
You didn't feel well enough to go back to your apartment, alone with your thoughts and emotions. You considered calling Ruhn to ask him to pick you up, you knew your boyfriend would gladly do so, but you couldn't find it in yourself to press the dial button. You knew your voice would probably betray you anyway when he would pick up the phone, but you really needed him at the moment.
You tucked your phone back into your jean jacket and walked, making your way to his apartment. Your feet were probably the last functional part of your body at the moment.
Your mind stayed black the whole way there. You easily could've gotten yourself attacked or kidnapped and wouldn't have seen anything coming. All you could feel was the agonizing pain of being disappointed by your mother again, and a frigid sensation crawling onto your skin giving you goosebumps.
Your thoughts had started to clear by the time you reached the familiar doormat in front of your boyfriend's door. The doormat was plain, all torn and worn out by all of the people that had stepped and rubbed their feet on it, but to you, it looked like home.
The door opened before you could even knock on the door, Ruhn's face appearing in the lit doorway. His smile faded as he noticed the haggard look that haunted your beautiful face.
โWhat happened? Who made you cry, baby?โ
The raw emotions in Ruhnโs dark blue eyes made the final thread keeping yourself together snapped.
Your knees buckled and you swayed as the powerful wave of emotions contained within your heart slammed into you. It was too much to feel at the same time. You had endured too much for far too long.
His strong tattooed arms held you up against him before your body could hit the ground and Gods you needed that.
Your cheek was pressed against his chest and you could already feel the fabric of his shirt dampening because of your tears, but that was the least of your worries. In this moment, all you could focus on is the steady beat of his heart, the warmth of his hands stroking your hair out of your tear-streaked face and the love emmating from your boyfriend's soft, reassuring voice. His soothing words were like a salve to your bruised heart, easing the ache the vile words your mother said caused you.
โThat's it, Y/N,โ You heard distantly as your body moved of its own accord. โYou're okay now. I've got you.โ
The door closed behind the two of you, the warmth and smoky scent of Ruhn's flat immediately wrapped around you like a comforting fuzzy blanket on a cold night.
You felt yourself slowly sink to the floor, your body still safe in Ruhn's embrace. โThere we go baby, now breathe,โ He inhaled deeply, placing your hand on his chest to guide you through this breathing exercise. โTry to match my beat, yeah?โ
You tried your best to match his breathing. It took you a few tries to get it, and even though your breath was still slightly shaky, you had made progress.
โYes, just like that. You're doing so great Y/N,โ He murmured against your ear, rocking your bodies from side to side.
As reality set in, you lifted your face from his chest and looked around. Embarrassment settled in when you started to wonder if Ruhn's friends had witnessed your epic breakdown.
You looked up at him to ask, but your mouth closed shut at the deep lines of worry carved in his face. โHi, baby,โ He said, his hand coming up to cradle your cheek. His thumb gently stroked your cheek, wiping the tears away.
โHi,โ You sniffled, attempting to force a reassuring smile on your face. โI'm sorry forโฆ well, all of that.โ
โHey, hey. No,โ He said sternly, shifting you on his lap so you straddle him and sit face to face. โI don't want you to apologize for having emotions. Never. Okay?โ
You nodded, this time a genuine smile lifting up the side of your mouth.
โWho hurt you, baby?โ He whispered, his eyes searching your face for answers. โI've never seen you in such a state.โ
It is true that in the short time you had been with Ruhn, only dating for three months now, he had never seen you in such a vulnerable state. You had only vaguely approached the topic of your mother when he'd brought her up in your discussions. You had avoided the subject of making him meet your mom, because just the thought of it made you sick with worry. You were always picturing the worst scenarios of what would happen when heโd meet your mom, all the vile lies she could tell him that would make him hate you.
โHey, where did you go there?โ
Your eyes snapped back up to his and you bit your lip to stop them from wobbling.
โJust my mom.โ
โJust your mom? Baby, I- what did she do? Did she hurt you?โ
His eyes searched your body for any sign of physical injury, you shook your head. โSheโฆ She didn't hurt me.โ
Darkness clouded his gaze then as he looked back up. โClearly she did,โ Je said, his voice low. His forefinger tapping the side of your head gently. โIn there?โ
You nodded slowly, tears rolling down your face once again. He didn't wipe them away, allowed you to cry, to let the emotions leave your body freely. His arms tightened around you once more when your face found refuge in the crook of his neck.
โI can't talk about this now I-โ You choked on your sobs, feeling panic rise once more. โHurts too much.โ
โIt's okay, we don't have to,โ He whispered against your hairline, leaving kisses there. โWe'll talk when you're ready. We have a lifetime ahead of us, Y/N.โ
The pressure that had weighed on your soul from years of mental abuse started to lift a little every day spent by Ruhn's side. He made you learn bit by bit how it feels to be loved, cared for, and respected.
โI love you,โ He murmured it like a sacred vow made to you.
โI do, too.โ So much more than words could express.
