—You remind me of the wind. —He tried to explain. —Powerful and able to cool or freeze with half a thought, shaping the world itself though no one can see you. Only your impact on things. 🔥
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One of the greatest hallmarks of the Maasverse is the existence of Mating Bonds. They’re at the heart of all SJM’s works (except Catwoman, but we don’t talk about Catwoman here) and most of her protagonists have the privilege of finding their mate, this deep connection that most words we have fail to properly describe.
Yet for all their importance, the truth is that the lore around mating bonds is sparse, and I’d very much say deliberately vague. Why deliberately vague?  Because going into too much detail about how they work and establishing hard rules could drive Sarah into a corner and as she’s very much a pantser, better keep her options open.
For all we don’t know, however, there have been things that have remained constant throughout Throne of Glass, Crescent City, and A Court of Thorns and Roses. For this meta, I’ll be focusing more on the last two, as they’re still ongoing and really, let’s be real, it's where most of this debate around mates comes from. This contains spoilers for all SJMs series.
• They’re bestowed by a higher power.
How this higher power is named varies from series to series, be it the Mother, Wyrd, Urd. What is made abundantly clear is that this isn’t a choice. In Crescent City, for all the engineering surrounding Hunt’s birth, when he questions whether his mating bond to Bryce is also artificial, he gets immediately shot down by Aidas.
Hunt gripped Bryce’s hand atop his knee. “Is it in my DNA that Bryce and I are mates? Was that engineered, too?”
“No,” Aidas said quickly, “that was never intended. I think that was left to higher powers. Whatever they may be.”
Granted, the way Aidas answers this opens the question whether they could have engineered a Mating Bond, had they wanted. We do know it’s possible to create something that resembles a mating bond to trick one of the parties, as happens with Rowan, courtesy of Maeve — but that’s not a true bond. Aelin comes along, Rowan’s fated mate, and the difference is stark. Lyria is literally described as a Fake Mate, someone who, like Rowan, was duped by Maeve’s sorcery.
Overall, I think it’s clear that no, you cannot create a Mating Bond. That is the purveyor of the Higher Powers that govern the universe. All other beings can only hope to accomplish are imitations of the true thing, some more successful and real than others. In the excerpt above, I’d wager the reason Aidas refutes it so fast is because he, as a Prince of Hel, knows that there are forces out there you do not mess or interfere with.
Also, Sarah has no problem creating circumstances where her characters can have something that is adjacent to a mating bond, but not really one, like Chaol and Yrene’s bond by the end of Tower of Dawn and it's still framed positively.
• They exist from birth, across species and worlds.
Let’s tackle this one by one. Another constant we have about the mating bonds in SJM’s worlds is that it very much can exist across species, with the caveat that one of these parts is always Fae or Part-Fae. In Crescent City, we have Bryce (Demifae) and Hunt (Malakim), Danika (Shifter Fae) and Baxian (Malakim) and my favourite one I think, Theia (Fae) and Aidas (Demon Prince).
Theia and Aidas are particularly fun one because not only are they from completely different species, but they are also from completely different planets. Chances are that had Theia never crossed into Midgard, she’d never have met Aidas. This does imply that whoever or whatever is responsible for the Mating Bonds operates on a cosmic scale. It’s not some weak force ruling over one world, but rather something that spans the universe, and this level of foreknowledge points at it being an all-knowing, all-seeing force/power/being.
Which we then circle back the first listed topic, last to be broached: mates are from birth. This is pretty much what we see and learn in ACOTAR, when it’s established that Feyre was always Rhysand’s mate, even when she was still human, and that inspired her to paint the stars on her drawer. By that point, they had never interacted, but the bond was already there, and it was only made stronger when she became Fae, eventually snapping into place.
Why was it made stronger? This is speculation and a murky area because Sarah hasn’t given many details on it, my working theory is that the Fae are more tied to the “Powers of the Universe” (Read: they’re the Creator’s Favourites) than humans are, so they feel it more keenly. I do think that what we get in Crescent City with the Parasite dulling the Vanir’s primal abilities and instincts, things that are intrinsic to their beings also dulled the signs of a mating bond, though it’s unable to erase them.
 • Multiple types of mating bonds confirmed in Crescent City?
One of the major discourse points in the fandom after Crescent City released was the existence of multiple types of mates, as some people argue that in HOSAB, there’s explicit confirmation that the Malakim can have mates and they can choose them. I could never accept them because most of the arguments I’ve seen are eager to ignore two important points: 1) The context of how it comes up. 2) The general context of the series.
When it comes up in HOSAB, it’s when Ithan and Bryce are talking about Connor. Ithan tells her that Connor thought she was his mate, and this is when first she thinks about the various definitions of the term. To our two kinds of Fae, mates are something deeper than marriage, chosen by Urd, beyond an individual’s control. This is verbatim what the description says:
There were several definitions of the term mate—though Bryce supposed that to Ithan, to a shifter, only one mattered: one’s true lover, predestined by Urd.
The Fae had a similar concept—a mate was a bond deeper than marriage, and beyond an individual’s control.
This is contrasted by how the Malakim use the term “Mate” as specified right after. It’s not nearly as serious:
The angels, she knew, used the term far more lightly: for the malakim, it was akin to a marriage, and matings could be arranged. Like breeding animals in a zoo.
There's nothing romantic about “Like breeding animals in a zoo”. The definition of Mate to the malakim has nothing to do with the soul bond level of the Fae. When Celestina says she’s going to be mated to Ephraim to produce children, she’s not talking about them being bound body and soul by something deeper. She’s talking about “Yeah, they have selected us to mate and breed like cattle to bring forth new Malakim offspring”.
It doesn’t have to be as bleak! As Bryce herself acknowledges, it’s akin to a marriage. Mate, in this sense, has the same meaning as spouse, lover, significant other, companion. But True Mates, mates in the way the Fae are, have a much deeper bond that defies these simple labels.
Later, when talking to Hunt, Bryce also says that it can be a biological thing, as some mates can feel an invisible link between them, a scent or soul bond. The fact that it can be but not necessarily is does seem to imply you can have a mating bond without these other biological aspects showing up, but that doesn’t take from the main point of this meta and the main conclusion.
• Mates within the context of SJMs works
With this, we go back to point number 2 I stated above: context of this series. It’s clear as day that Sarah adores the fated mates trope, the existence of a predestined love and a bond that surpasses all others. Aelin and Rowan, Bryce and Hunt, Ruhn and Lidia, Feyre and Rhysand, Nesta and Cassian, hinted with Elide and Lorcan — they’re all mates. It’s supposed to be rare, mind, but even side-characters get mates because she loves them so much.
However, being mates with someone doesn’t mean insta-love. Theses couples didn’t meet and were all stars and rainbows from the get go! There might have been attraction, but there wasn’t really insta love. They had to go through things together, to build their relationship, and some just found out/had confirmation about their bond later, when they had a solid foundation.
As far as romantic relationships go, Sarah’s work has never been about defying what fate established. Rather, they’re journeys about finding their way together, to where you’re supposed to be, and making it work despite being fated for each other. Some people have said it before, but choosing to embrace a mating bond has weight insofar as you have the possibility (or the illusion) to reject it.
This isn’t meant to be a shipping post and more one about Mates in general, but I will speak about Elucien and Elriel (Gwynriel isn’t here because Elain is the one with a confirmed mating bond) because Elain’s mating bond is at the heart of these discussions.
Unlike most Sarah’s couple, Elain and Lucien know from the start they’re mated. The tension exists because of it, as Elain didn’t want to be turned Fae and at the time was in love and engaged to someone else. The Mating Bond foisted upon them is the very source of tension, as it comes not as a confirmation they’re meant to be, but as an indication. Their story would be about knowing they’re meant to be, in a way resisting it, but falling in love and choosing each other anyway.
What of Elain and Azriel? I know there are a lot of theories about how they’re “Mates by Choice”, but I digress. They won’t be mates of choice, nor they’ll have something mate adjacent. Elain and Azriel’s story would be about them being True Mates and them finding their way to each other and staying together despite whatever external forces are keeping them apart. If Azriel and Elain are endgame, her mating bond with Lucien will be (for some reason) revealed to be some kind of spell or lie. Az will always have been the real one.
For more details of how these two ships would come about and the details, there are great theories and meta for both around which goes in depth about my points here.
• The Conclusion:
The word “Mate” can be used to describe multiple types of relationships, but there’s only one type of true (soul)mates, and they’re chosen by a higher power beyond and individuals’ control. Calling someone your mate does not equal them being your soulmate.
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I understand what everyone has said now. I LOVED Crescent City but DAMN.. ACOTAR series has a much better flow with writing & is way more thought out & emotional. I get it now. (Nearly finished ACOMAF)
I'm already working on a Bryce cosplay but now I want to do a Feyre one too. At least I don't need contacts for her
