#catcalled

Listen up. This is the reality of all women.

This is is what I told my boyfriend when I called him yesterday after having my first panic attack in months.

Kill all men.

He agreed when I cried to him about how I had been at my cousin's open house for less than two minutes when I saw another one of my cousins' boyfriend checking me out.

I panicked and ended up sitting in the car and calling my boyfriend replaying the scenario in my head.

Maybe I'm overreacting.

Maybe I was imagining things. She and her boyfriend are having a kid in a couple months, I'm probably being crazy. There's no way I'm telling anyone because I'm not that close with her and I don't want to start drama. I mean, I'm ADD and will sometimes accidentally stare at people when I'm thinking about other things. Maybe he is too?

I saw him.

I haven't felt this kind of gaze in months. Not since I left the college. The kind that goes straight to my (admittedly rather prominent) chest and slowly works it's way up and down my body. The kind that makes me want to throw up.

Why here?

I wore my favorite shirt today, the blue one, it shows a little more chest than my mother would like but I figured I had the opportunity to wear it since I was going to a mostly family event and wouldn't have any reason to be uncomfortable. I thought I was safe.

Why did my day have to be ruined?

I tried to get permission to leave the party early but I didn't drive myself and although we took two cars my parents wanted me to stop being anti social. I fully intended to be social when I woke up that morning.

I can't tell them.

They will only reaffirm the doubts I have about myself. That it's my fault for showing off my chest. That I'm being crazy. That I'm self centered, not everyone is looking at me.

When you’re wearing shorts and a crop top looking fine as hell and

“Hey darlin-“ 😏

But you’re asexual✨