In the last time I struggle with my identity
Due to the new antidepressants I have less meltdowns but this symptom improvement also causes issues. I'm scared of changes especially in the area of my disability. My disability is basically my whole identity. People say to disableds "you are more than your disability" but due to restricted thinking my identity only consists of my gender identity (transboy) and my disability most of the time. I only can focus on one part of my identity at once. Mostly it's my disability because it has many positive effects when I do it like that I don't try to force my to be independent or that I accept my disability without issues but it also causes issues like that I'm scared that I will not be MSN at some point in my life or that my official care needs categorization will get changed at some point in my life and especially these summer. Lower support needs autistics and people without or with a lower care needs categorization than mine are definitely valid. They deserve help and all the other stuff but a change would be really hard for me because I see that categorization as part of my identity. My care needs categorization already got set down when I was 15 and I struggled 2 years with it. I'm also scared to try to focus on other things than my disability for long term because it would cause me to don't like 90% of the things I like now anymore like my social media accounts , my discord servers or a lot of friends I have. That scaredness of change in that area even caused 4 Meltdowns this week. My support needs didn't get lower due to the medication they even get a bit higher I think because a side effect of this antidepressant is more executive dysfunction but all symptomimprovements cause fear. My plan how to deal with that issue is to focus this weekend on learning self acceptance and that I'm also the same person / a valid MSN autistic person with less Meltdowns.
