#calluna

One mistake during a mock conversation, and she would keep him in his study for hours until he learned not only how to recover from a social faux pas but also how to avoid it altogether. 

Since his coronation was on the horizon, he had no choice but to brush up on the fundamentals.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t spent his childhood working toward that goal, but the more his Mother taunted him, the less confident Ray felt about the path going forward. Because of his curse, he couldn’t do what would’ve otherwise been expected of him, and that put a mark on the kingdom that couldn’t be erased.

Even though Ericaceae truly prided itself on the neutrality clause, warring kingdoms could easily swallow them up if they didn’t put up enough of a front to show that they could hold their own if need be. His Mother wasn’t one to mince words when it came to reality, unfortunately.

She knew what could befall their kingdom on a rainy day, and no matter how much he put forth scrolls and penmanship to show otherwise, he knew it was a fight that he would never win.

He wanted to bolster the kingdom, benefit the average man far more than any King before him, and look after the vulnerable who had no one to care for them.

But to achieve his dream, he had to prove that he could hold his own on the off-chance that his Mother was right. He held hope in his heart that it would never be the case, but so long as she was alive, he wanted to give her peace of mind. She deserved it, after all.

For as difficult as his mother could be, no part of him felt confused about why she chose to be strict about his instruction.

It was impossible to remember what he thought of it before his accident, but as frustrated as he had been to be torn away from his playtime, he knew that her worry must have been born of grief.  

A kingdom without a proper ruler was always predisposed to chaos, or so his storybooks warned him. 

After all, King Jihyun the Gentle, his father, had left their world well before his promised years. His Mother had no choice but to set aside her grief and sorrow to tend to their people and to the young Prince.

If working himself hard before his coronation could give her the final edge she needed to let go and enjoy her remaining years in peace, then so be it, he told himself.

Their kingdom would be prosperous and safe as long as he believed in himself, at the very least, that was what his dearest friends told him. 

He wanted to take their words at face value because they would never lie to him, but the knot that sat in his stomach mocked him every step of the way. What he knew about himself always seemed to be thrown to the wayside the minute that ugly voice cracked into the back of his head. 

What if he forgot something important in the middle of a conversation with a foreign dignitary?

What if he insulted a Lord or Lady because he forgot the conventional order of social hierarchy? What if he spoke last instead of first? What if he made a fool of himself because he couldn’t remember the proper export of a country with which they shared a treaty? 

Question after question rattled around in his brain, no better than the rocks he used to skip across the pond in the Royal garden. He knew the answer to every last question his brain proposed, but until he could ensure that he was correct, there was no way he could fall asleep peacefully.

This often led to his evening stroll around the ground, pacing back and forth until he could recall the answer, or his legs carried him to the library to locate the source. Tonight led him to the library, where his Father set aside countless books on the warm kingdom located to their south, Cerasifera. 

Their relations with Cerasifera were more than satisfactory. Given that they were a kingdom by the sea, they could receive information far faster than any castle surrounded by land. They knew the comings and goings of every land in the surrounding territories, and those that were not yet known to Prince Ray.

While he could never hope to reach the heights that King Jumin had in his long reign, he knew that so long as he maintained the bond between their kingdoms, their people would never suffer. They would always have a chance to access resourceful information and produce, thanks to his Father’s dearest friend. 

He knew that even if he stumbled or made a fool of himself on the throne, King Jumin would be far more likely to forgive him than his Mother would.

Given the letters they had shared back and forth since his childhood, he had faith that their first meeting in person would be alright, but he knew that he couldn’t let himself off the hook.

If he became complacent, he would pay for it in time. That was why his fears were getting the better of him, he figured. It didn’t matter how much he learned if he couldn’t prove himself on the grand stage. 

After all, King Jumin wasn’t the only member of the neighboring kingdoms’ royal families primed for attendance at his coronation.

He was the only one he knew firsthand, however, and without any experience speaking to foreign rulers and dignitaries due to the curse that bound him to his castle, he was at a disadvantage.

Many young princes would visit their neighboring kingdoms to build relations from the bottom up, and their experiences afforded them a chest of knowledge in return. Attendance was a necessary beast.

It was during one of those trips that his Father encountered his best friend, after all. If they had never met, their kingdoms might not have agreed to reach the same pact.

Relationships were built with time, and that was not something Ray had at his disposal. 

Ray wasn’t the same as his Father, and while he wanted to rule in his own right, he couldn’t say he didn’t dream of reaching the same bond with the neighboring kingdoms that his Father once possessed.

He hoped to build from where his Father left off as soon as he took the crown, but everything Ray aspired to would come down to his performance at his coronation.

If they weren’t impressed by his ability to carry himself or the plans that he intended to share for their benefit, the treaties wouldn’t remain the same.

Anyone could change their mind, but with the mourning time coming to a close and his rule at its beginning, change could be both a kind angel and a bitter beast. 

They knew him by name, but they knew nothing of who he was. 

That was why his hard work mattered as much as it did.

Ray drew in a breath and turned his attention back to Lila. She had been a precious friend to him for as long as he could remember, but it wasn’t like her to be awake at such a late hour.

It wasn’t uncommon to find her lost in the library in the middle of the day, given that she had taught herself to read after Ray guided her through the basics, but she always stressed to him that he needed rest above all else. 

“Forgive me, the time got the better of me, and I didn’t realize the hour until dewdrops had begun to form on my plants, ” she bowed her head playfully. 

“All is forgiven,” he said. 

She once told him she read a tome that suggested that the palace doctors were wrong about their approach to rest. They followed the Queen’s orders to the letter, but they responded differently under her thumb than they ever did at his Father’s behest.

Unlike the commoners who lived outside the castle and slept in shifts throughout their day, they recommended that the royal family sleep through the night instead. 

It was completely unheard of in the scrolls Lila parsed through for anyone to suggest such a thing! To lie still throughout the night was a luxury, but in her mind, it sounded like a slow slog into exhaustion. 

Without a break in between, the mind had no time to recuperate and recover the information it gathered thus far, and for a Prince who found himself at a loss for words by sunset, it was no wonder he struggled to trust his memory!

How could he remember when the doctors told him there was nothing odd about their advice? For a woman of her standing to suggest such a thing was blasphemy in their eyes, but to Ray, it was a blessing. Knowledge was a gift he wished to bestow upon his subjects, regardless of their gender, but men such as that stood in the way. 

Although he was in no position to heed her advice under his Mother’s reign, he knew he would take it to heart as soon as he bore the crown. 

Just as he hoped to change the law to allow her tender hands to become more than the castle gardener-to-be. He knew she aspired for more, for a chance to heal the sick and wounded back to health, but for now, all Ray could do was try his best and mind her concerns with care. 

“May I accompany you for the rest of your walk?” 

“Until we have to part at the castle doors,” he cupped her cheek. It was rosy and warm compared to the chill he’d gained from forgetting his coat at the door. “I wish I could see you to bed, but I’m afraid the guards would report back to my Mother about it and get you into trouble.” 

She frowned. “I wish Her Majesty would lighten up… you’re prepared to take the crown tomorrow if need be. It’s been a few days since we saw you last. It’s lonely at our supper table without you there, Ray. Can you promise me that you’ve eaten at the very least?”

He missed his friends. 

Oh, how he missed them in the time he spent focused on his duties. His eyes would often stray from his desk to the window in the hopes that he might be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them in the garden.

His Lady and his dear Lila would be beyond his reach, laughing and sharing secrets meant for none to hear but them, praying that the dandelions would carry their words to him before nightfall. They never excluded him from their afternoon meeting that took place as soon as their chores were done, only prayed to the clouds above that he could see them and remember his freedom would come the moment he bore the crown. 

“Mother would lose her head if we didn’t rehearse table manners,” he said, shaking his head at the thought of her shattering a plate to prove a point. “I can’t promise that I’ve smiled with my meal, but I’ve finished my meals with the behavior expected of me.” 

“I’ll ask Our Lady to help me pluck berries from the corner garden, then. I’ll spread the warm jam on toast like when we were young children, and mash it into your face until you turn purple,” she said. 

It was a memory from a time before his accident. He asked his friends never to lie to him about the time they shared before the carriage accident injured his head and took a great deal of his memories.

Even if he couldn’t remember the times they shared, that didn’t mean he couldn’t experience them through their words. If he couldn’t put an image to a thought, he knew it existed well before his mind could comprehend the thought. But his friends never let him feel worse for it. 

He learned something new each day about himself, and he liked what they shared because it made him feel like a person again, rather than a Prince who most walked on eggshells to avoid out of fear of hurting him or cursing him with the sickness that so often took the lives of the people in their land.

Ray offered Lila his other hand and gestured at the castle behind them. 

“If my cheeks turned purple because of the mash, may I assume you used the berries growing in the secret garden to make this treat?” 

She laughed. “Why, of course! That’s the only place they grow in the castle, but I have to scale the gate to find the freshest berries. For some reason, the ones on the other side of the wall grow larger than the ones inside. It’s worth the trouble every time to get my dress muddy to see your smile, my Prince.” 

“I see,” she took his arm as they made their way away from the fresh air and toward their beds. “How did you climb the wall when we were young? My curse won’t allow me to leave the castle grounds, so I can’t imagine I would be much help… did Our Lady help you?”

“Mhm,” she said. 

“Did you climb atop her shoulders?”

“You helped with that part, Ray. You would dirty your coat by lying on the ground to give her a boost, and then I would scale her shoulders to grab the top of the wall. So long as I could reach the vines on the other side, I had no trouble getting our supplies. Your Mother was never happy with us, but if I remember right, His Majesty would accompany us on occasion since he was no stranger to dirt and mud.” 

He made a face. “Oh, I can’t begin to imagine what Mother would’ve done had he returned covered in mud.” 

“He made sure to change into old rags and wash himself in the pond before we returned home to avoid complications. It was quite the clever idea if you ask me. Her Majesty was never sour-faced, and His Majesty got to enjoy a day out with his son,” she explained. 

He hoped that he could be a King just like that. One that wasn’t afraid to get dirty when need be, and who knew how to have fun once in a while.

He was to be a King, and while his duty was to his people and their happiness, there was no denying that understanding fun was a crucial aspect of the task.

The treaties were important, as was understanding the importance of agriculture and trade. Giving proper time to the commoners’ squabbles and needs was gravely important, too. But how could the kingdom enjoy festivals if its King didn’t know how to make fun and be merry? There was a time for play and a time for order. 

His Mother seemed to believe only the latter mattered to the kingdom, while his Father balanced the two on his head.

Although Ray had not left his castle once, he knew enough from the castle staff he spoke to that certain things in their kingdom had been better when he had been a child. The people missed the days of jubilation and comfort just as much as they missed his Father. He wanted to return that blessing to the people. 

They could live in a kingdom that valued their joy and their physical needs. Ray knew they could; he just had to fight for it. 

As they came to a rest at the large doors that would separate them, he asked, “Do you think… We’ll be able to return to those days? That is to say, do you think I’ll be able to ensure children get to share those happy moments with their friends and family without worrying about illness or wealth? I know… that we can never return to the past, but I dearly want the future to be like those days we spent in the sun.” 

“Oh, Ray,” Lila cupped his cheek this time, leaning on the tips of her toes to reach him. “I have faith in you, my King. If anyone can bring prosperity and peace to our land, then it would be you. I know you won’t let a single child go without a place to call home so long as you wear the crown. Were I still a babe wandering the streets in the days to come, I would fear nothing as my King would bear the name Ray the Generous.” 

His cheeks felt hot. “Now, now… I won’t gain a title until much later in my reign. Who’s to say that will be my name?”  

“My heart knows it to be true,” she said. 

“You know my mind could never doubt you when you call upon your heart of all things to speak to your confidence,” he whispered under his breath. He knew the butterflies dancing on his tongue would win if he didn’t turn tail to leave as soon as he could. “I dare say that you’re trying to sweep my heart into a spiral before I have a chance to get some rest.” 

“Who’s to say I’m not?” she teased. 

“Goodbye, dear Lila,” he said, mustering all the strength he had to send those words her way before he stumbled inside to escape the onslaught on her love.

He could hear her giggle and coo from behind the door, but he focused more on the sound of his heart sitting in the back of his throat.

How much longer could he last with these tender feelings in his heart? He loved his friends with all his heart, but the more time he spent away on his studies, the more he realized he would never be able to let them go when he was their King. 

His heart was greedy, that was for certain, but the most dangerous thing about his greed was the understanding that his friends would surely glue themselves to his side before he voiced the thought.

He had to maintain his composure for just a while longer, at least until his coronation, to ensure his Mother wouldn’t try to marry him to someone from a neighboring kingdom. 

As soon as the crown sat atop his brow, he would be able to act upon his feelings without shame, and with as much greed as he could muster. The thought of sweet lips on his tongue sounded wonderful, but he had to stay strong until the time was right. 

His friends understood. 

Lila understood.

It would just be a little longer… just as soon as the marigolds bloomed.