I, unfortunately, can't just sit down to write a story about that without first having had an idea to base it on. It's not as easy as you think! Being struck by the muse at the right place and the right time is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I can definitely imagine plenty of scenarios for SE Saeran, but having them isn't the same as having the energy to sit down and flesh them out. I can spend hours trying to figure out the dynamic and how the characters got to that point, you know!

I like to joke with my friends that if it doesn't end up being 10,000 words (because I fixate on the emotion rather than writing out the action), it's not my type of story, LOL. It's why I have an easier time writing stories for my MC, my friends' MCs, or when the urge arises, centered around an xReader AU! I can spit those stories out in a couple of hours without too much trouble because I can see and feel the bond between the lovers.

I fear there are no quickies. If there's intimacy between the characters that includes the horizontal tango, it's because it made sense to me as soon as I realized the characters might share a moment like that. That's actually why I eventually returned to Iris (SE Saeran/Reader) to write a fic for their dynamic with Unknown because I thought about a scenario that made sense for them to wind up doing it.

I find it difficult to wrap my head around how people make themselves vulnerable on day one. It's never made sense to me. Casual dating and hook-up culture floors me. I'm mystified, awed, and amazed at how so many people experience love. It's all beautiful, but man, that's not my lived experience. People experience love and desire in their own way, after all. But the way people love one another and how they explore that desire comes down to what makes them feel good. What feels good to you isn't gonna be what feels good to the next person.

That probably has more to do with the fact that it took me a long time to realize I'm under the ace umbrella, though. I really thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time because I didn't connect with what society says is "normal". I'm not sure if it was obvious given how many characters I also perceive as being Demi or Ace in MM. But I see a lot of my experiences in them, too.

I'm happy to write these types of stories in my spare time; it's just that if it's intimacy without plot, I'm not going to enjoy writing it that much.

My bread and butter is being able to explore the transformative aspect of characters, twisting them here and there to see how they react in different environments and how the smallest change can deviate from their usual perspective. Do you still fall in love despite the challenges in front of you? Does the way you fall in love differ? Is the core of your soul still involved in the journey? Does the change in personality impact how the relationship in canon is?

That's why I have so many Alternate Universe stories, and I occasionally dabble in more risque scenarios for them because I'm interested to see how Ray, Suit Saeran, GE Saeran, VAE Ray, VAE Suit Saeran, Unknown, or SE Saeran will describe what love feels like to them. That's really the main reason why I explore these types of stories. I love love. What's nice and shiny to me is the desire people feel for one another; the act itself is nice to explore, but what about everything else around it?

That's what I love writing!

I'll be honest, though, I would be way more motivated to pursue my xReaders in that way if people actually left comments or engaged with the story. A good chunk of my audience never says anything, and while I remain grateful and passionate regardless of reviews because I'm just happy knowing someone had a good time reading it, I can't say it's not tough putting my heart into something and not hearing anything once I share it into the void.

Whether or not you've had a talk with him about racism, he's not going to stand there and let someone treat you like dirt. He might not be the type to jump in and save you like Zen does, but he has his own way of doing things. He'll scoff, he'll look that person up and down, and he will tell them, "A person with an ugly heart shouldn't tell others what to do. If you want to insult someone for being themself, go home and look in a mirror. The only person who doesn't belong here is you."

He understands that you may not want him to fight all of your battles for you. But if you're in a situation where you're dealing with somebody who won't leave you alone and he's right there, he's not going to wait around until you ask him to back you up. You shouldn't have to be the only person to stand up for yourself. Even if Saeran doesn't know what to do, or how to do it, he's going to do something.

You did that for him, and he would be a fool not to take your courage to heart and stand up for what's right.

He may not be a "defender of justice" or whatever it is that Saeyoung says about himself, but he's your partner, and he'll be sure to speak up when someone talks down to you. He doesn't do that for himself, mind you, but he's getting better about that, too. Being with you helps bring out the side of himself he thought he lost to apathy. The courage to be honest without doubting his every move. He can believe that there are people in this world who are cruel for no reason, but they're not going to ruin your day or his.

GE Saeran is a bit more clued in on the world because he's had more time and an inherent desire to learn that's allowed him to learn more about this and that. His thirst for knowledge allowed him to experience wonderful things at first, but with the good also comes the bad and the cruel. He hates to admit that he isn't shocked that there are people out there who hate others for no reason but biases built upon corrupt ideas and bigoted power structures.

That's largely because he wishes the world could be kind to all. But it would be foolish to disregard the ugly truth and turn a blind eye to the suffering people go through on the daily. That's why, at the first sign of racism, he doesn't stand for it. He speaks his mind right away, pointing out how unfair, vile, and repugnant they are for spewing hatred. He gets that saying something won't stop that person from doing it again, but it will show them that they won't get away with it.

"You must be a miserable person if you spend all day spewing hatred about people to make yourself feel better about your shortcomings. Rather than projecting your hate onto others, you should look inward and realize you are the problem. If you are miserable, it's because you spend all day hating innocent people for no reason."

He would've asked you about your experience early in your relationship, though. After all, Saeran's face is spread far and wide because of what everyone decided to do at the end of his route. That likely means you've encountered people talking about you in public, or even online. While it is likely that the team does their best to scrub negativity, I've no doubt that Saeran has seen people say things that made his stomach churn.

He wouldn't try to figure it out on his own, though. He would ask, ask, and then ask some more to figure out how to best protect you and how to be a partner who doesn't stand for bullshit. It stops the very second he sees it and not a moment later. The only difference between him and SE Saeran is that GE Saeran sees the discrimination right off the bat because he's a public-facing figure until Saejoong is taken care of and he's freed from scrutiny. SE Saeran might not realize it at first because he's a creature of habit, and he doesn't engage with the world until it's in his face.

The language you've used to talk about yourself isn't kind to you, nor what you've been going through. Saeran would tell you that right off the bat.

You are having a hard time, and the last thing you need to do is beat yourself up about it. You can acknowledge that you've got a problem AND be considerate to yourself at the same time. Nobody is going to get better because they were made to feel like a monster for struggling with something as overwhelming as an eating disorder. Saeran would want to be there for you. He wouldn't want you to go through things on your own.

Just because he's dealing with his brother's kidnapping doesn't mean you can't be going through something difficult, too. Hell, Saeran is also dealing with a lot himself because, and this is logically speaking, he's dealing with withdrawal from the elixir and trying to get his health in order thanks to the doctors working for Jumin! More than one thing can be happening at once.

There is no such thing as a scale of importance when it comes to trauma. Yeah, people might prioritize different things in a crisis, but in no way does that imply that one trauma matters more than another. If someone lost an arm and another person got a paper cut, yeah, doctors might jump to help the former rather than the latter, but you can't apply that logic to every situation.

Sometimes someone is drowning in a foot of mud, and another person is drowning in a six-foot pit. You don't have to pick and choose who you lend a hand to.

You can care about more than one person in a crisis. You can be there for different people when they need you. Saeran would want to be there for you just as much as he would for Saeyoung. Vice versa. People can only be sure that something is wrong if you're willing to open the door. It may not be easy. Hell, it might just be the most difficult conversation you've ever had. But you can't always wait for someone to save you. You have to take matters into your own hands and ask for help.

Saeran would notice your quiet discomfort and talk to you right away, though. He pays attention to the smallest detail because he loves you and wants to be sure that you're as taken care of as you've made him feel. You've been there for him since day one, advocating for his peace, and he wants to do the same for you. He's not going to be upset if you can't share a meal with him right away.

Baby steps. You can't change your relationship with food overnight. Neither can he.

He can't jump into eating big meals, either! Food was used as a tool to control him! He doesn't have a healthy relationship with food. They put elixir in most of his food. If he didn't make it himself, he wouldn't know if it would be safe. He has to start really small and work his way up to a healthy meal... he has to learn how to trust others. He has to learn how to trust himself.

He wants to share that experience with you, you know? You can figure out how to work past shame, doubt, and fear together!

He wants the two of you to learn how to feel good and know that what you're eating is safe. I imagine prepackaged food is safer for him at first because he knows it isn't poisoned, for example. But maybe that's not a comfortable doorway for you. Maybe you need to sit with him and work out how to make your meals together to understand the fundamentals of nutrition and trust the process. Maybe you need to trust him to make your plate. Maybe he needs you to tell him step by step how you put his plate together.

It might not be pretty at first, but who said healing was? The beautiful part about recovery is learning how to trust yourself again.

She's fast to let your doctors know that she'll be with you, so if there's anything you need to know about keeping your surgery site clear, she's ready to handle it. She'll make sure that the process is as seamless as possible, but sitting with you in a hospital room does take its toll. While she'll discuss the matter with you later in detail, your experience brings her back to how helpless she felt when she lost her parents. She knows she couldn't have done anything back then, but she can do something now.

"It's important you get your rest tonight, dear. We'll be able to speak more about everything that's happened to us once you have the proper energy. I just... want you to know that you won't be alone tonight. I will stay so you won't have to face the quiet alone... I know it all too well. It isn't the peace you deserve... if I may be so bold, I hope I can be what you deserve."

Zen is a total stranger to hospitals because his health has seemingly always returned to normal in half the time it takes most people to feel up to sitting up, much less getting out of bed. However, just because it hasn't happened to him doesn't mean he's incapable of understanding how distressing it is to feel powerless. He remembers a time when he'd been asked to put his trust in others, and they let him down. He doesn't want you to feel that dread in the hospital of all places. These doctors... they know what they're doing, and they're going to set things right. You won't be in pain forever!

He's charming, you know, so while he may not be an expert in how to care for wounds, he's been listening to nurses ever since you went back for your surgery. They eased his anxiety enough to help him realize that your worries would be larger than his own. You need him to be your rock this time! He can get comfort for his woes later, but you'll need a hug, a wall of muscle, and someone to wipe your tears away. While you need a lot of rest to recover, fear not; he's here to lull you to sleep by putting on a performance that'll remind you that you're not alone.

"And that's the story so far, babe. I've been trying to workshop this script ever since you pushed me to test myself and bring it to life. I wanted to talk about this earlier, but... well, you know... we're here... but that doesn't mean we can't make the best of it. Even if you fall asleep, I feel better knowing I can give you sweet dreams after everything you've been through."

Yoosung understands the terror you must feel before and after surgery. He didn't know what would become of him after his accident, but your kindness saw him through the worst of it. He was able to handle what happened to him because you were there to hold his hand, and while it wasn't easy to find his footing, it would've been harder without you. As if he's going to be anywhere but right by your side! You were his hero at that crucial moment, and he's going to be yours once again.

He knows that he can't make you a home-cooked meal to make things better, but he can apply all the skills he's learned from his clubs to put together a wonderful dream to help you through recovery. He picks out flowers for your room so they'll be waiting for you when you wake up to his shining face. It's not much, but who said someone needed to have a party right after surgery? He'll hold your hand and tell you how proud he is to be Your Person. Being together like this is medicine, maybe not the cure, but a nice Band-Aid to keep your stitches together.

"I asked a few of our friends for advice at first, but then I realized that I was overthinking it. You don't need streamers to feel like this isn't just a hospital room, just some pretty yellow flowers and company to make it feel like our home. I've got you, alright? I'll talk your ear off just like you did mine after the party... It's the best way to heal, you know."

Jumin has been more open and honest about his concerns ever since the day you came into his life. He doesn't have to mask his feelings for the company's benefit, even if he tends to keep his vulnerable emotions limited to his partner and his chosen family. He has everything around your health under control. You will want for nothing in terms of getting the perfect team of doctors to see you through the operation. But... it's the recovery process that gets to him the most.

While you can prepare for a storm, you can't always be ready to fight off the aftershocks. His calm under pressure attitude is definitely put to the test when you need things he didn't think about. For example, he might have assumed you would prefer to sleep through the night, but when a hand grasps his sleeve and you stare at him with knowing eyes, he sits down. He intended to stay, but you end up doing all the talking before the medication lulls you back to sleep. Sometimes, it's not about what someone can do for you; it's their presence that takes your mind off the pain.

"I don't enjoy this feeling of powerlessness, my heart... I haven't felt something this strong since V spent some time in the hospital after his household burned down. I worried for my friend, but he wouldn't allow me to stay the night. I am grateful you don't mind my company tonight, and that it isn't a bother, but all I wish... is that I can be to you what you have been to me all this time."

Saeyoung has never been known to calm in a crisis. Sure, he looks like he has everything under control, but that's his mask. Not a day goes by that he doesn't feel helpless under the pressure of the world that he has no control over. He can't stop someone's suffering, and that's one of the things that haunts him the most. He can't fix it; he has to live with it. He doesn't know how to do that when his favorite person is suffering. Your heart is what gives him peace, so when you're in danger and he can't do what he always does, he finds himself at a standstill.

He can react like Jumin when he needs to, but deep down, he's actually clenching his teeth so hard that they're about to crack. He's been trying to work on that with you, but old habits die hard. He can't follow you to surgery, but he can work on his robot cat in the meantime. He can look at what he DOES have under his control to calm down. He'll be waiting for you in your room, and when you get there, he'll do whatever you ask him to, so long as it doesn't put your injuries at risk of tearing. The new features on your robot are definitely going to come in handy, though! It can touch you when he can't.

"Haaaaa... I can't lie and say I'm not a bundle of nerves. All I want to do is be your mother hen, even though that wouldn't solve anything. It's... hard to watch you suffer and know I can't make it better. Don't make that face... I know being with you makes a difference... I just don't want to see that pretty face of yours stained with tears. Alright, alright, you can squeeze my hand as much as you want. It'll give us both peace of mind."

SE Saeran is... anxious around hospitals, doctors, and nurses. His last experience wasn't a healthy one, and... most of the medical staff made him out to be a problem rather than a person in need. Even though he wasn't an easy patient, he can remember nurses dehumanizing him as plain as day. He knows hospitals are the only place where you can get the help you need when something can't be treated at home, but he's undoubtedly afraid for you the entire time you're there. He puts on his brave face for your sake, but it's obvious that his skin is crawling with anxiety the entire time.

He doesn't make that your problem. But I have no doubt that even at your lowest moment, you can sense his discomfort. You ask him to let the bars on your bed down so he can join you. Even if it's against their rules, you don't want him to sleep on the couch. He's your peace too, after all. You both may be powerless in the face of disease and doctors, but you have each other above all else.

I deal with more than one health condition (I almost wanted to say, "I've got a laundry list of comorbidities I've been discovering for a while now that nobody thought to get me help for as a child that I have to sort out now as an adult." /silly /lh). But it's rare that anyone asks me about what they could do for me. I usually have to lead with that on my own.

I really only get in-depth about my specific needs with my close friends since they're the ones who would need to know that stuff, given that I'd end up hanging out with them in person!

In terms of what people can do for me online, there's not much you can do! So don't worry too hard about that. For example, if we were walking from one place to another, I would hope you would understand that we aren't in a marathon race. The amount of migraine, joint, and stomach pain I have to deal with on a daily basis is no joke. I don't like to be put in a mad dash and waste my spoons that could be better spent having fun when I actually feel like I can go outside!

I can't remember a time when I didn't have a perpetual migraine, when my spine knew how to do its job, and frankly, I can't remember what it felt like to be hungry. I had to learn how to navigate nausea to relearn my own hunger cues. (Who knew that a nerve in your body could stop working for no real reason!) There are definitely other things going on, but I'm doubtful I'll ever get answers because I live in the US.

You know, where you don't get any health insurance for free, and the process of getting any help is the most demoralizing and dehumanizing experience of your life (by design, of course; you know they hate that we don't "contribute" to society the way they want and will do anything to see us suffer because they expect us to either be inspiration porn or out of sight and out of mind). I digress.

But, as far as my other disabilities go, I really can't think of anything off the top of my head that might benefit me on my Tumblr. Yeah, there are things people can do, but they're not really relevant to my blog. It's just nice to be able to spout off fun facts about my special interests without being openly dismissed. So, like, just being an active listener is good enough for my Autism.

I generally only use tone tags when I'm chatting on Discord because real-time conversations can be so fast, and I worry that I come across as super dry or pushy when I don't mean to be. I don't have to do that over here all the time because I have time to draft my answers and think about how I come across.