#callen

***

Drinking Buddies

“You should get another fish,” Callen commented unexpectedly. He squinted as if he was visualizing it.

He’d wandered downstairs while Deeks was closing up for the night. After Callen helped him clean up, Deeks brought out a new beer they were trialing, and now they were both feeling significantly more relaxed.

“It’s one of a kind,” Deeks told him. “Besides, I think we should balance the books a little more before I invest in more decor.”

“Mm. Maybe it’ll be my birthday present to you.”

“Wow, you really know me.” Standing up, Deeks gestured to Callen’s empty bottle. “You want another one?”

“I don’t have to drive, so why not?”

“I’ll help you up the stairs,” Deeks teased. When he came back from the kitchen with two fresh bottles, Callen was examining the fish from afar with a tilted head.

Deeks had noticed he’d seemed quieter than usual, which was saying something. After handing Callen the bottle, he waited a few seconds, then asked,

“Everything ok?”

“Your dad was a piece of crap, right?”

Deeks made a sound something like a snort and wiped a few drips of beer off his bottom lip. “Unexpected segue. But yeah, he was.”

Callen nodded, gesturing with his beer towards the general location of the stairs. “I was going through some old stuff and found those pictures again.”

He didn’t specify which pictures, but Deeks had already connected the dots. Callen was revisiting his years in foster care.

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Callen took a very long swig, his expression unreadable. “Did you ever say why he did the things he did?”

“Uh, his favorite thing to say was ‘I hate you’ followed by ‘this is your fault’,” Deeks responded casually. “On good days, I was just the worst mistake of his life.”

Callen smiled briefly at that. “The guy I hit with a bat was fond of that one too. One lady told me I was the devil. So I tore up all her petunias before I left.”

“Nice.”

Callen heaved a sigh and leaned back in his chair, tilting chin towards the ceiling. “I’ve spent most of my life avoiding thinking about my childhood, but when I do, I can’t help but wonder if any of those adults were right about me.”

“They weren’t,” Deeks told him firmly. “I know cause I feel the same way about my dad. But if I hadn’t shot him, mom and I would probably be dead. Or he’d still be terrorizing whoever he could. My dad and those foster parents are miserable, broken, awful people who take their misfortune out on whoever can’t fight back.”

“Yeah.”

“Fortunately, we both figure out how to defend yourselves before it was too late.”

“You’re very proud of the whole bat thing, aren’t you?” Callen asked, narrowing his eyes at Deeks. The effect was ruined by his slightly unfocused gaze.

“I am. From the sound of it, that guy was a first-rate ass and he deserved it,” Deeks said firmly.

Chuckling, Callen shook his head. “You’re a bad influence.”

“Mm-hmm. Next I’m going to con you out of your lunch money playing pool.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Callen said with a groan. “First I need another beer.”

“I really am gonna have to carry you upstairs,” Deeks sighed.

“I’ll buy you a new fish for your troubles.” He turned serious again for a second. “Thanks for the chat. And the beer.”

“Anytime.”

***

Callen, swearing loudly: Kensi, Deeks, what do you know about first aid for babies? *he walks in with a wriggling Rebecca*

Deeks, immediately standing up: I’m fully certified. What happened?

Kensi begins examining her: She doesn’t look distressed. Did she hit her head.

*Deeks checks her eyes and carefully combs through her hair, looking for bumps*

Callen: She didn’t fall down. She ate dog food.

*both Kensi and Deeks relax*

Kensi: Oh, that’s all?

Callen, not amused: I’m pretty sure dog food is not meant for humans. What if she gets sick?

Deeks, calmly: Ok, how much did she eat?

Callen: I don’t know. She had a few pieces in her hand. It didn’t look like much was missing from the bowl.

Deeks: Then I think she’ll be fine. Give it a few hours to pass.

Callen, shaking his head: How are you so calm about this?

Kensi, kindly: We have twins, remember? I’m pretty sure they’ve put everything from rocks to bees in their mouths.

Deeks, nodding: Yeah, they’ve eaten so many fruit snacks off the floor. And went through a paper eating stage for about a month.

Callen, relaxing slightly: I guess that makes me feel slightly better. And worse thinking about what I have to look forward to.

Deeks, patting his shoulder: It’s ok. We freaked out a few times too before realizing what we should actually panic about. As long as it’s not toxic and doesn’t require surgery, she should be fine.

***

*Kensi, Deeks, Callen, and Anna are out for lunch*

Deeks: What took you so long? Kensi was about to stage a retrieval mission.

Kensi, handing Callen a menu: What, I’m hungry. You didn’t run into any trouble, did you?

Callen, taking the remaining seat: I got stopped by that table by the bar. Very interesting couple.

Anna, groaning: Please tell me you did not agree to go golfing or something with them.

Callen, calmly: No, I did not. They did ask if we were looking for a third couple to add to the relationship.

Kensi, choking slightly: Excuse me? They think we’re in a—

Callen: Relationship? Pretty much. The woman assured me they’re very tidy, flexible, and enjoy outdoor events.

Deeks, pursing his lips: When you say flexible—

Kensi, nudging his shoulder: Baby, please don’t.

Callen, unbothered: I didn’t think to ask. He’s a former gymnast, so it could go either way.

Anna: Please tell me you didn’t let them believe we’re interested.

Callen: I said we’re not looking right now, but we would accept an application.

***

Callen: Hey, you guys want to come over for dinner tomorrow? We’re making homemade pizza and this salad that sounds awful but is surprisingly good.

Deeks, wryly: Well, who could turn down a sales pitch like that? What do you think, Kens?

Kensi, catching his eye: I’d love to, but we already have something else. Remember, Deeks?

Deeks, quickly: Oh, right. Yeah, we’ve had that planned for weeks. Sorry, Grisha.

Callen, squinting: Who is with?

Kensi, slowly: Um, my friend Mindy.

Callen: No, you’re not.

Kensi, forcing a laugh: What?

Callen: Kensi, I know you’re lying face. What are you really doing.

Deeks, under his breath: You do have a terrible poker face.

Callen, suspiciously: You guys are planning one of your “special” days, aren’t you?

Kensi, sighing: Yes, but only because Rosa will be staying with a friend and Roberta is taking the twins for the day. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Deeks: And it’s really nice to have sex without worrying about two year olds bursting in the whole time.

***

Callen, squinting at Deeks: Why do you look all bright eyed and bushy tailed? We went to bed four hours ago.

Deeks, cheerfully: Grisha, you’re forgetting I have twins two year olds. Four hours counts as a decent night of sleep these days.

Callen, glaring now: Don’t remind me.

Deeks: I take it baby Callen-Kolcheck is experiencing a sleep regression?

Callen: I don’t think she sleeps for more than an hour at a time. Unless it’s five in the evening. Then she’s an amazing sleeper.

Deeks, nodding: Yeah, they tend to do it.

Callen, accepting the cup of coffee Deeks hands him: How do you do it?

Deeks: After a year or so, you kind of get used to it. You’re perpetually exhausted, and cries haunt your dream, but eventually your body adapts.

Callen: I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

***

Grounded

“What’s Anna up to today?” Deeks wondered, handing Callen a beer and taking a seat across from him on the patio. In the last few months, impromptu visits from Callen had become increasingly more common. Especially when Anna was otherwise occupied.

“Yoga,” Callen answered. “It’s supposed to be a double session, so she won’t be back for a while.””

Deeks nodded, tracking the twins while they toddled around, “kicking” a ball and playing some version of what looked like tag.

“Easy, kiddo!” he called out as Caleb ran toward the edge of the patio. Ignoring Deeks’ warning, Caleb tumbled right over, catching his head on the side of the railing. Deeks was up and halfway to him before Caleb had time to register the pain and start crying.

“Woah, that was a good one.” Scooping Caleb up, Deeks brushed his hair back, checking for obvious injuries. Sophia ran over too, expressing her concern in a series of sounds and occasional words.

“Is he ok?” Callen asked, standing a few feet back.

Patting Caleb’s hair back into place, Deeks tucked him against his shoulder. “Yeah. He’s going to have a good bruise, but it doesn’t look bad.”

Callen didn’t say anything else, but Deeks could sense he had something on his mind.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just I think you and Kensi are two of the few people I’ve seen become more grounded after having kids.”

“What do you mean?” Deeks asked, looking up at Callen as he methodically rubbed Caleb’s back.

“A few years ago, something like this would have completely freaked you out. Hell, you and Kensi were a mess when you found out you were having these guys.” Callen explained, gesturing between Caleb and Sophia. “I seem to remember something about three extra pregnancy tests just to be sure.”

“I object to the word mess,” Deeks said mildly. “Also, you heard about that after the fact.”

“You got me there. My point still stands; it seems like this is what you were made to do.” With a shrug, Callen added, “You’re calmer and happier.”

“Well, thanks. I think,” Deeks said.

***

*Kensi and Deeks are having an animated conversation in Spanish in the bullpen*

Callen, holding up a hand: Wait a second. Deeks, I thought you weren’t fluent in Spanish.

Deeks, shrugging: I’m conversational. I don’t know all the fancy stuff Kensi does, but I can hold my own.

Kensi, modestly: Well, I have been speaking it all my life.

Callen, vaguely outraged: What about all those times you acted like you could barely string a few words together?

Deeks: It made sense at the time. It helps if people don’t think you can understand what they’re saying. Like when you speak in Russian.

Callen: What? You’re joking. I spent two weeks painstakingly trying to teach you rudimentary Russian.

Deeks, happily: And I enjoyed every second of your frustration.

***

Deeks, receiving a call from Callen: Hey brother, what’s up?

Callen: Anna and I just got back from our trip. *then conversationally* By the way, would you know anything about the three enormous zucchini on my doorstep?

Deeks, cheerfully: It’s a present. You don’t have to thank me.

Callen: I don’t believe I asked for any produce.

Deeks: Yeah, well, Rosa’s garden was particularly bountiful this year and we’ve got a surplus. Sam took all the extra tomatoes and cucumbers, so you’ll have to fight it out with him. Fatima has the hot peppers.

Callen, wryly: I think I’ll pass. What the hell am I going to do with a bunch of zucchini?

Deeks, helpfully: I can send you our zucchini bread recipe. Be prepared to share with five to twenty friends and family. Maybe you can set up a little stand.